Pressure or Encourage?...

@aseretdd (13709)
Philippines
February 19, 2008 9:19pm CST
Parents... do you pressure or encourage your child to excel in school... whether it be in academics or sports... take the case of this situation... Parent: Hello, would you like to tutor my daughter? Teacher: Why, i don't think she needs a tutor. She is already top 3 in her class. Parent: But she is not yet top 1... What is the thin line between pressuring our children from just encouraging them to excel... we all want what is best for them... but is it really what they want?...
2 people like this
11 responses
@SViswan (12072)
• India
24 Apr 08
My parents never put any pressure ...but I wish they did...because I know my potential is much higher than what it was. They did encourage me..and give me the freedom...but now I know that's not what I wanted. But I know what to do with my son now because of it. But I don't pressurise for marks or top place. My son was the topper last year...this year he was second place...I was fine with it...because he got good grades (infact, better than last year). He just lost the place by 2 marks....and I don't think it's that important.
1 person likes this
@aseretdd (13709)
• Philippines
25 Apr 08
Well, i think your parents know you enough to just give encouragement... and they are happy to whatever achievements you make in life... i was rarely encouraged nor pressured by my parents... they are happy as long as i passed all my subjects... and i made the most out of that situation... I am glad thay your son is not competing with other students when it comes to school achievements... it is best when students compete with themselves than with others... thanks for the response...
@SViswan (12072)
• India
25 Apr 08
Yes, my son does know that the competition is with himself rather than with others. But like a 7 year old kid he does admit that it would be nice if he would have been the topper (though no hard feelings towards the child who did). I'm glad of that...and though he's always been the topper, I had it drilled into his head that what was more important is that he did the best he could and not try to just top. As far as my parents go, we come from a state where there is too much pressure on academics. Our state has the distinction of being the first state in India to gain 100% literacy. My parents gave me the freedom because they knew I was good in studies on my own...but I did have the potential to do better. I was always one of the top 5 in my class...so my parents didn't bother too much. But that helped me tell my son that....he should explore his total percentage and not be content with just an 89% or even a 95%. Why should a child who is capable of 99% be lax and content with getting 95%? That was the case with me.
1 person likes this
@aseretdd (13709)
• Philippines
28 Apr 08
That is a good thing... but in my case... since my daughter is still young... and i know that she is very intelligent... i will start instilling the value of trying one's best in order to succeed... i am happy for your state... 100% literary is something to be proud of... thanks for sharing this...
@suehan1 (4356)
• Australia
28 Apr 08
i know that encouragment is great to give your children,but to pressure them is wrong,if they want to excell at school they will,without pressure.i find encouragment is the greatest tool you can have and if you tell them they are good at something they will want to try harder as they love the praise you give them.cheers sue
1 person likes this
@aseretdd (13709)
• Philippines
29 Apr 08
I agree... encouragement can do a lot of wonders for children... this is the stage when they want to get praises... and to prove their love for their parents in their own little way... i always encourage my child eventhough she is just 2 years old... thanks for the response...
@gr8life (6253)
• Malaysia
25 Feb 08
Hello aseretdd, I don't find a good reason why I need to pressure my kid to excel in school. Even if he is the 10th among the top 10 in his class, I will be happy for him. I won't scold him for not being able to be the first in his class. I was a good student myself and always came up top in class but that won't promise anything in future. I came to know that my schoolmate who was just an average student in my class, is the Senior Manager with a multi national oil and gas company here. I definitely sure that he earns more than me. One of my friends loved to sing when we were just a small kids and we always teased her that she won't be able to earn anything in future (and we, the bright students will definitely hold a good job later). Now, she is a famous vocal teacher here and I always watch her face in local programs. Looking at her life style, I know that she is enjoying her life. So, I won't pressure my kid to excel. He can do whatever he is interested to do as long as the choice is right and will make him happy in future.
1 person likes this
@aseretdd (13709)
• Philippines
25 Feb 08
Wow... your classmates must be having the time of their life right now... i was a good student but not the best... since there were so many to compete with... but i had my own share of achievements... but i do agree that most of those who did not excel were doing far more better than those who graduated in the top 20 out of a class of 1,000... so no one really knows what the future will bring... thanks for the response...
@Swaana (1208)
• India
23 Feb 08
I always encourage my kids, but never pressure them. But being a child counsellor I am seeing many parents pressuring kids and it makes the kids hate school, lessons and parents too after sometime. It is always better to encourage than pressuring
1 person likes this
@aseretdd (13709)
• Philippines
25 Feb 08
When i was still a teacher... i also saw the same situation... some parents not content with the achievement of their kids... and pressuring them to achieve more... and this indeed had a negative effect of how the child perceive school... and would more often than not... resent their parents for this kind of treatment... i am glad that you...like the other parents... encourage your kids... and not pressure them... thanks for the response...
@sid556 (31006)
• United States
22 Feb 08
I always encouraged my girls to do the best that they could and I always let them know when I knew they were not living up to their potential. I guess there was some pushing as well as encouragement but also a lot of love.
1 person likes this
@aseretdd (13709)
• Philippines
22 Feb 08
As long as we are not crossing the boundaries of pressuring our children too much... then that is okay... we need to know when to stop... and we need to accept the fact that our children can only do as much... i admire for accepting that there was some pushing... as long as there is a lot of love and the kids are aware of that... then everything will be A okay... thanks for the response...
@yannycui (377)
• China
22 Feb 08
My daughter is at her last year in the kindgarten. She will go to school this summer. As a mother, I never pressure my daughter to be the best. In any competent, there is only one ranks top first. She is too young to know the meaning of Top First. Happiness means most to her now and all her life.
1 person likes this
@aseretdd (13709)
• Philippines
22 Feb 08
Your daughter is indeed to young to understand the meaning of Top First... but i know some parents who start pressuring their children to excel at that age... and i think that is very sad... happiness and enjoyment should be that main concern when they are at that age... thanks for the response...
• Singapore
22 Feb 08
For the child to excel in school, it requires the child to put in lots of effort and heart to study else parents will have no means and ways to put their child to study. To me, getting to top 3 in class is a great achievement because I am not the person who likes to study so everytime after getting results, I hope for a B or pass however, I made a great leap in my science score. Therefore, my position in the class was from 38 to 8, that was a great jump which I can't believe in myself without any pressure from my parents.
1 person likes this
@aseretdd (13709)
• Philippines
22 Feb 08
Wow... from 38 to 8 in science... that is indeed a great leap... and something to be proud of and to brag about... i am not crazy about science... so i envy those who excel in it... unlike you... i love to study... but once i am pressured to do... i easily lose interest... thanks for the response...
22 Feb 08
I believe to encourage them to excel in anything is a better way for a parent to tell a child. Whatever it is that they are good at, parents should encourage them to pursue it but not pressure them for such things that they do not want to do. You are hurting them, they may not say it loud enough for the parent to hear because they do not let them live the life they wanted. As a child you are to guide them in the right path but i believe that when you have done your part, the child will choose what they think is best for them and they knew becuase you have thought them to do it.
1 person likes this
@aseretdd (13709)
• Philippines
22 Feb 08
I agree with you... encouraging the child to excel is the best for a child... pressuring them might do more harm than good... aside for that pressuring the child is a way of saying that i will only love you if you are this good... i have seen children drift away from their parents because of this... thanks for the response...
• Argentina
21 Feb 08
I think a little bit of both is good, encouraging them so that they may feel motivated i think is a good option but also you must sometimes pressure them if they are not doing well in school or are slacking off or stuff like that. If maybe not pressuring them per se, being more strict or more serious...i think it depends on the kid and the situation tho.
1 person likes this
@aseretdd (13709)
• Philippines
22 Feb 08
Sometimes... putting too much pressure on children to excel or to do good in their studies might create more harm than good... so parents need to understand the line between pressure and encouragement... if the child is not doing that well... then the teacher and parent should work together in finding out the reasons why... thanks for the response...
@subha12 (18453)
• India
21 Feb 08
my parents encouraged me to do well in academivcs. they knew my potential very well. They encouraged and i started understanding taht i should excel. it was for my good future and career only. I support what they did to me.
1 person likes this
@aseretdd (13709)
• Philippines
22 Feb 08
I am glad to know that your parents supported you in excelling in your academics... this is needed in order for a student to do well... and thus succeed in the future... thanks for the response...
@manya_pearl (1905)
• Singapore
21 Feb 08
My parents never pressure me to excel in school. They love me, the way i am. I am studying and encourage myself because i am "struggle" for my dignity, do not want to look "stupid" or being "stupid" in school. I like to be the 1st for positive reason, and i am proud of my hard works. If i can't be the 1st,i am still happy and proud, that i already give my effort and my parents keep support me. I think parent should show how they become "great" person among their friends, how could they say to their children to be number one, while they were not "number one" also? ehehe... Don'the t give pressure to children, but bring them to the "feeling of happiness" being the 1st and how to reach the 1st. That all i wanna say...
1 person likes this
@aseretdd (13709)
• Philippines
22 Feb 08
Thank you for being the first to respond to this discussion... i thought no one will... It is nice to know that you have that drive to excel in your studies... and that your parents encourage you rather than put pressure... some student i thought were not as lucky as you... they had to endure a daily routine and parents strict supervision... so that they will get in the honor roll... so i think you are very lucky... and keep up that drive...