What would be your first thought? - Part 2
February 21, 2008 5:13pm CST
Ok, so I told my story. And you gave me your answers.So let's lift the veil :) Please note that I am writing this story as "You" but it certainly does not have anything to do with you. It's just the way I'm writing. I am not implying anything:) So you went back to your apartment. You are curious about that almost closed door, but you don't want to ask about it. You start thinking and drawing your own conclusions. You become a bit different with you brother/sister in law. Maybe he/she is hiding things from you. THat hurts/bothers/ you or makes you curious/mad/distrustful. You comment to some other family members about this. There's something different between you and your brother/sister in law now. YOu're thinking so much about it you hardly notice your Anniversary is getting closer. YOur partner = as usual - arranges a huge party with all your friends and family - including your brother/sister in law. It's gift unwrapping time. Nice gifts too. Your partner comes in with this huge present and a big smile on his/her face: The grandfather clock/30 gallon thank/huge painting/ 848 piece china set/ new barbeque/etc.etc etc.- just remember it's big - that you wanted for quite some time. You love the gift. Later you hear your brother/sister in law talking to a friend about the day that you almost saw your gift. Apparently your partner had asked to hide it in there until the day of the party and your brother/sister in law had it out in the living room wondering how he/she would be able to wrap it when you rung the doorbell. He/she had no choice but to keep the door partially close hoping you wouldn't see it. Ok, so now that you know, and keeping in mind your previous response, would you still think the same way? Why? As I said I am really interested in people's reactions, thus this story. It didn't happen to me, but I was present when it happened. Because I wouldn't think anything special about it, I was interested in why it was making the person so curious and even suspicious. Her first comment to me when we left her sister in law's apartment was : "Wow, he's only gone for 3 days and she's already fooling around with someone else!" Now, I know why she thought that first.SHe has a bit of problem with self esteem and is often fearful that her own partner might cheat on her. She is also a bit curious by nature and when she doesn't know the whole story she always imagines something negative. This is her,though, it doesn't mean that people that had the same first reaction have the same reasons to do so. We are all different. Me... nothing came to mind but when she made her comment I remember saying that the house could be messy. I did say that we tend to see things according to our own experiences :) - and yes , I confess that sometimes my house is not as tidy as I would like it to be. SO now that you know.. would your first reaction be the same?
• United States
22 Feb 08
Without knowing what I know now, it would probably be the same. There are still so many unknowns, though. A lot would depend on what I really knew about that person that might confirm/deny my first suspicion. I mean, if I knew that 'no way would she be doing that', then I'd be less likely to think something along the lines of infidelity. OTOH, if I knew that person to be a flirt or dissatisfied with their relationship, then that would probably justify the original suspicion. Either way, knowing now changes what I think NOW; it can't change what I would have thought then.
22 Feb 08
YOU bring some very good points. Knowing the person can give us some insight of what the person is able or not to do and we could then make a different assumption according to what we know from the person. Valid point without a doubt. THe first reaction can not be changed just because we learn the rest of the story after. Not only a good point, but a fact.
22 Feb 08
Yes, I knew your reaction wouldn't change. It was non judgmental and respectful of other people's privacy,that why I felt like hugging you :):) Yes, it was a true story.As I mentioned it didn't happen to me, but I was present when it happened both at the door and at the party. I was also one of the people to whom she commented about her sister in law being with someone else other while the husband was away. Being impulse can be complicated:)
21 Feb 08
Yes, it would be exactly the same! I'm a senior who has been around the block a few times. I have a wonderful Family, and we Never have any distrust between us. I've been married 52 years to the same woman. I study Yoga and Meditation.
22 Feb 08
Yoga and Meditation are some of the most positive activities I can think of. It is good that you find them good as well. THey have a calm and relaxing effect and can be great to help self discipline. We use meditation sometimes with kids that have trouble controlling their temper. SO great choice.