How do you tell someone you love them then ask for a pre-nuptiual agreement

@ellie333 (21029)
February 21, 2008 6:15pm CST
This question was asked in response to another of my discussions. If you are about to get married and you completely love and trust that person, how do you protect yourself and your wealth if it all goes horribly wrong in the future wihtout upsetting your partner whom you are about to vow 'til death do us part' ?
4 people like this
11 responses
@anniepa (26634)
• United States
22 Feb 08
For many years I said I'd never ask for a pre-nup nor agree to one; after all, how romantic is THAT??? That was quite easy for me to say since when I got married I was 17 and my husband was 18 so obviously we both came into the marriage with nothing - zero, zilch, NADA! However, as the years went by and I lost a bit of my romantic idealism I came to realize it makes no sense to NOT protect one's assets before marrying someone if one or both parties have even a small amount to protect! So I guess I'd have to say if my partner was "upset" at being requested to sign a pre-nuptial agreement I would be the one with reason to be even MORE upset! If I were to be in this situation at this point in my life I'd have not problem with signing this kind of agreement. That would surely require trust but how can you plan on marrying someone you don't trust? Annie
2 people like this
@ellie333 (21029)
23 Feb 08
Hi Annie, What a wonderful response, yes I would sign too now but wouldn't have considered something like that when I was younger. Thank you so much for your response. Ellie :D
@polachicago (19143)
• United States
23 Feb 08
The only reason I may want to do it is to make sure my kids are going to have their part if anything happen with me. There are better ways to protect the estate than such agreement. I would probably think about and go around without asking anyone for such agreement.
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@ellie333 (21029)
23 Feb 08
Of course in any event when children are involved they have to be considered first and foremost and you would try to go around it without asking for one but would you sign if someone asked you to? Ellie :D
@polachicago (19143)
• United States
23 Feb 08
I wouldn't sign and will cancel wedding.... This is what I am thinking, if someone wants to sign an agreement, separation is already in his/her head.
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@anonymili (3140)
22 Feb 08
I don't think pre-nups are very romantic but I bet someone like Paul McCartney sure as hell wished he'd done one before marrying whatsherface...! I bought my flat 14 years ago and got remarried 4 years ago. I've made mortgage payments on my property all of these years but didn't think I should get a pre-nup for my husband and me as I just don't think like that. Last year my husband spent £25,000 on refurbishing the flat with very little contribution from me. I didn't ask him to and he hasn't asked me to change the flat to both of our names. I don't even want to consider what would happen if we ever split because I can't imagine not being with him, but I do know people who were married for a short time and expected a lot when they split. I think it's ridiculous that people expect to take half of someone's money when they split up under any circumstances. When you hear of courts awarding millions in compensation to the wife of a rich man who was rich before he met her, you wonder would she ever have earnt those millions had she never met him? I think it's disgusting that women (or men in some cases) expect to get so much money for basically doing nothing!
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@anonymili (3140)
22 Feb 08
Erm I just realised that I didn't really answer your question after all that waffling LOL! Not that I've ever been in that situation but if a guy I was about to marry asked me to sign a pre-nup, I wouldn't be too worried about it, as I'm quite independent and would honestly respect a guy who wanted to protect his previously gained wealth and interests. Imagine you have a historic family house that has been passed down from generation to generation in your family. Would you want to get married and possibly divorced, only for your ex to try to take it away from you? This applies whether you're male or female as far as I'm concerned! xx
@ellie333 (21029)
22 Feb 08
In fact it was in a discussion re the Beatles and Paul McCartney that this subject came up because he struggled initally and was paid a pittance when the Beatles first became succesful and deserves the wealth he has attained. The thing is loving people like ourselves wouldn't consider a pre-nup. I don't think anyone would be able to replace Linda his first wife and he was caught when lonely and vunerable and is now having to pay a very high price, bless. I would sign one if I was asked but any relationship I have entered into has been from the heart not because of what someone has. Thank you so much for your input into this discussion and I think it is refreshing to know that loving trusting relationships like yours and your husbands exsist. Ellie :D
1 person likes this
@marketing07 (6266)
• South Korea
22 Feb 08
when i get married with my husband,,i already have my own savings,,he said his money is mine and we have to share our money..but we dont have agreement..its a matter of love,respect, and trust.
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@ellie333 (21029)
22 Feb 08
Absolutely, but if he had asked would you have signed one? Ellie :D
• South Korea
22 Feb 08
no, i wont thanks is was a good question
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@littleowl (7157)
22 Feb 08
to be honest ellie if it was me our love of course would have to be a two way thing for each other-when you love someone enough and they do you they should agree to a pre-nuptial agreement,afterall love isn't what you can gain from someone its about being with them and comitting your life to them-littleowl
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@ellie333 (21029)
22 Feb 08
Yes Littleowl, I agree, but if you had been asked to sign one or are asked to sign one, would you have done :D
@littleowl (7157)
22 Feb 08
hi ellie yes if i was asked to sign one i would because of the fact i wouldnt be marrying the person for their wealth or whatever i would be marrying them because i love them and repect them that is all you need to marry someone not what they have your friend littleowl
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• Guam
22 Feb 08
in my experience, when my grandfather was about to marry a girl only 2 years older than me, we asked her to sign a pre-nup... stating that she has no privilege of handling any of our family's businesses and that whatever she gets after the marriage is hers... so its a fair share... guess what she had a fit!!! she cried and started to curse everyone in my family... and she told my grandpa to put their money in her bank account before they get married... so... what does that tell us... my grandpa almost had a heart attack, but then they went through with their wedding, without us of course...
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@ellie333 (21029)
22 Feb 08
I know someone in this situation who has lost a lot of money in the past through failed marriage but the girl he with now, only four years older than his daughter everyone can see is out for what she can get except for him, bless and like in your situation this time I think he will lose more than money. Ellie :D
@talisman (1308)
• United States
23 Feb 08
Great topic ellie333! I have pretty much the exact opposite view of pretty much everyone that's responded so far. I would never ask the person I'm planning on marrying for a pre-nuptial agreement and I would be upset if they asked me for one. It would have nothing to do with money, either. I really could care less about that. For me, it would be a love and trust issue. If you truly love and trust someone, as well as mean and believe in the vows you'll be making on your wedding day, there is no need for a pre-nuptial agreement. While that may seem like an idealistic view, it really isn't. If people actually took the time to really get to know the person they're with and understand what a huge committment getting married is, there would be less divorce in this world. You shouldn't enter a marriage already planning for the divorce, which is exactly what a signing a pre-nuptial agreement is doing.
@ellie333 (21029)
23 Feb 08
No it is not an idelistic view, it is the correct view, but these days people do not stay married and we are talking about protecting people from a gold-digger really. When I was little I grew up believing I would get married have children and live happily ever after now as an adult and a failed marriage behind me reality has kicked in LOL. I do think most people did have your view but when asked the question said they would sign if asked whereas you wouldn't nor would Marketing07. Scoop_Dogg made a good point when he said a pre-nup should be automatically included in the legal document. Thanks for liking the topic but the credit due to Scoop_Dogg really who gave me the idea in one of his responses in another discussion re Paul McCartney. Thanks so much for your input, really appreciated. Ellie:D
@devilsangel (1821)
• United States
22 Feb 08
I suppose I'm a different type person so it would have been something that had been talked about long before we got engaged. I tend to put things right there on the line from the start, because I'm not about games or secrets. I'll let them know that I care for/love them and want this to progress into something more. However, being a realistic person I know that sometimes things don't always work out and something may happen down the road where we don't work out. In the event of something like that I want to have my butt covered and so although I want forever with them just in case it doesn't happen I want this signed so that there are no compliations as we go our seperate ways. If they can't handle that then I guess we don't need to be together.
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@ellie333 (21029)
23 Feb 08
Hi, Very realistic, practical and honest! Why do some people play games in relationships, beats me. I am upfront and honest right from the start too and like you say if they can't handle it it obviously is someone you shouldn't be with anyway. Refreshing comment, thank you. Ellie :D
@schummi (925)
• India
22 Feb 08
yeah....thats something hard to say but if the other person is practical enough then i dont think he/she will mind as it is not something against him/her...your thoughts are yours...so if he/she really loves or cares about you then should not mind...wassay
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@ellie333 (21029)
22 Feb 08
I think if they minded perhaps that is because they are after more than love from the relationship in the first place, does take the romance out, but if I was asked I would sign. Thanks for sharing. Ellie :D
@Rhamah (42)
• United States
22 Feb 08
That is really a tough question !! I would probably just tell Them I loved them and intended on being with this person for the rest of my life. I would mention the fact things don't always work out , so what's mine is mine and what's yours is yours. Then I would quickly explain to them that You never divorce the person you marry. If that was so, nobody would get divorced !! That is the best way I could, anyways....
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@ellie333 (21029)
22 Feb 08
Wouldn't the world be a wonderful place if more people worked at marriage than divorce. Thanks for sharing. Ellie :D
@jillhill (37354)
• United States
22 Feb 08
If you love someone....that should say it all. That means that you respect the other persons feelings, fears, and everything else that goes with love..asking for a prenuptiual agreement shouldn't be a problem. Not where I am concerned. I don't think it means distrust or anything else. I think it's smart and if I found someone who said they loved me and wanted a pre nuptiual agreement...it wouldn't be a problem as long as I retained what I had too before the marriage.
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@ellie333 (21029)
22 Feb 08
Hi, Jill I think because we are kind loving people who would respect others wishes we would sign. I bet the ones that are in it not for love but for the money would be the ones ones to say, no way. Thanks gks for sharing. Ellie :D