Should I stay?

United States
February 21, 2008 11:44pm CST
I have been in a relationship for 4 yrs, with a wonderful man. I love him alot but he has a really bad snoring problem that causes me to worry about his health. I constantly tell him to go to the doctor. But he refuses to see a physician because he thinks i'm overreacting. On top of that he smokes and it bothers me so much because I am not a smoker. All of these habits develop after we met, so I feel like I was cheated. He doesn't care about his health at all, and I am afraid something is going to happen to him on account of his own negligence. What should I do?
2 people like this
5 responses
@RebeccaLynn (2256)
• United States
22 Feb 08
Tell him exactly what you just said here. He needs to know that you are concerned for his health but he also needs to understand that you didn't sign on for this. If he loves you as much as you love him he'll do something about his health.
• United States
22 Feb 08
I have stressed it to him so many times, and I know he loves me. But I feel like i'm being ignored, which could be interpreted as if he doesn't care. I just don't want to marry and have to deal with the heartache of losing someone at such a young age.
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Feb 08
If you want to spend your life with him then you have to sit him down, turn off the TV and tell him to listen to what you have to say. Then just say something along the lines of..." I love you and I want to spend my life with you but right now I'm wondering if that's going to happen because I NEED to know that you are healthy enough to keep me from being a young widow. Your' snoring is a problem and we need to know what is causing it and the smoking seriously bothers me." Something like that. Put it in your' own words but DO let him know that you are concerned out of love and that you have to think of your own future too. Your future is just as important as his and if he wants to spend his life with you then obviously some changes have to be made. I wish you all the luck in the world sweetie. Just go talk to him.
• United States
22 Feb 08
Thank you so much for giving me the advice. I am going to be persistent with him and just give him an ultimatum.
1 person likes this
@carmelanirel (21108)
• United States
23 Feb 08
My husband is like that too, very stubborn..He goes to the doctor for everything else, but for some reason, can't seem to bring up that he may have sleep apnea, (sp?) He even does the snoring and then nothing, which means he stops breathing for a while and then, BOOM.
• United States
28 Feb 08
I'm not sure if they are in denial, or maybe they are just afraid of finding out that something is truly wrong. I am pretty sure alot of women have the same complaints.
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Feb 08
I think it is more of he is afraid they will suggest surgery, but I think they have this machine people can hook up to now that helps and so he wouldn't have to have surgery..
@aminion (130)
• Canada
25 Feb 08
For the snoring I know that ear plugs worked for my mother, my dad was a horrible snorer. So invest in a pair of ear plugs. Second does he smoke in the house? If he does then he is hurting you by putting you at risk, you might want to ask yourself which is more important.Your health or your relationdhip. If he doesn't smoke in the house then I would say that you may just have to live with it, it may smell but it is his body he is hurting. I am a smoker myself and I know how hard it is to quit. When the time is right for him he will quit.
• United States
28 Feb 08
Thank You so much for the suggestion. I tried the ear plugs before and they just can't seem to block it out. I think i'm going to have him try a few over the counter reliefs before I take the next step.
• United States
23 Feb 08
First of all, don't hinder or badger. If he started smoking after ya'll met, find out why. When it comes to smokers and getting them to quit, always encourage, and never criticze. Smoking will cause snoring...been there, done that! I do agree with him that you may be overreacting a little, but at the same time I do agree with you concerning his health. If you really love him, stay! Let him know your concerns about his health and do your best to encourage him to quit smoking. Help him quit in any way you can!!! Being a smoker doesn't mean he doesn't care at all about his health or that he is negligent. We all have imperfections when it comes to taking care of our bodies and our health.
@RebeccaLynn (2256)
• United States
22 Feb 08
Tell him exactly what you just said here. He needs to know that you are concerned for his health but he also needs to understand that you didn't sign on for this. If he loves you as much as you love him he'll do something about his health.