Confession

@myRose57 (153)
Philippines
February 23, 2008 7:58am CST
I tried to hide the fact that I,m married and marriage is a sham. My husband has a mistress and they have a son whom they named after him. I know this for 10 years now. But I have no clear evidence to prove that he goes home to his mistress and son because he works in another country where he and the woman works as well. Today I saw his passport and he came back 9 Feb but he arrive our house 20 Feb. I have his passport now and his flight schedule. Confirming this departure and arrival. I'm numb and I can't think clearly... please help me...
3 people like this
15 responses
• United States
24 Feb 08
You sound like a good person and you don't need this torture and anguish. It's easy for us to write LEAVE HIM!! But we aren't in your shoes. All I can say is- it looks like he has another family.. it looks like he is putting the effort into that family. I would make the break now. For YOUR family. I wish you all the luck in the world, and if you ever need anyone tot talk to, you can message me!
2 people like this
@myRose57 (153)
• Philippines
25 Feb 08
I feel the same way too. and you have understood my situation even before my second discussion PartII. Kindly see it and tell me what you think and advise for me. Hope to hear from you again. Thank you
@diillu (5128)
23 Feb 08
You already know it so it is enough for you on beleving. Apart from that you have siad that he has arrived earlier than the date he reach the house. So, I think it is alot better to talk to him then take all of the mental torture by yourself. Just have a talk cause you have taking this from 10 years already and I must say that it is enough for you and it's time for you to speak back. So, I would just say that the best thing for you to do right now is have a talk. And if the situation is what you really think then just leave him.
1 person likes this
@myRose57 (153)
• Philippines
23 Feb 08
Thank you for being there answering my confession. This is something I am most ashamed of. That's how I feel. I wish I could bury my head and hide forever. I have managed to talk to him just minutes ago. He's in his father's house because my father in law is sick. I have told him what I've found out and he admitted he went to the house of his mistress during those times. He said only for his son who is sick with inborn anemia. I have told him I cannot agree with his decision, that his main problem is my presence in his life. I told him he must give me a decent exit. I will go and no longer be his wife and while he is in the country I will let him with the kids. It seems he will consider this, though it hurts I must go and start a new life. It's sad for me because I Love him and must start learning to let go of this love. I need your prayers so badly. Please help me have the strength not to be lonely and sad. I know you can feel how devastating this is. Loving someone who never really loved you back. Now how do I start unloving someone I love the most in my lifetime. Thank you everyone.
@Amberina (1541)
• United States
23 Feb 08
Well first off who ever said you have to stop loving him? My ex husband is a total jerk to be married to so I divorced him, we have a son together and so I must see him alot we have become good friends we are closer now then we have ever been in our 19 years of marriage and we actually get along. I have even told him that I love him but I am not in love with him and he said he feels the same for me. Your husband will always have a place in your heart and thats ok just move on and do something for yourself pamper yourself for awhile and get in touch with your own feelings your a strong woman and you will make it thru this. All the best to you -Amberina
1 person likes this
@myRose57 (153)
• Philippines
23 Feb 08
Thank you Amberina, I'm feeling very sad right now. I cried and feel sorry for myself. I feel so alone and unloved. I feel I'm the most undesirable creature on earth right now. I don't know how I can go on with me feeling so sad and lousy and pitiful. I feel so rejected so disappointed despite everything I've done and loved him, he turned his back on me. I'm so so lonely. Sorry for this behavior but i can't help it right now. sorry.
• United States
24 Feb 08
It sounds like you need to break up with him. His actions show me that he loves the other woman more than he loves you. do you have kids with him? Is he a good father? If so, then set up a good visitation with the kids. Just because he is a bad husband doesn't automatically make him a bad father. If you don't have kids, then it can be a clean break. You deserve to have a man in you life that wants you first. It will be hard but it will free you to find that person who will treat you so much better.
1 person likes this
@myRose57 (153)
• Philippines
25 Feb 08
Just thinking that he loves another woman more than me is unbearable. Like I said despite these the feeling is till there and it makes me feel worse because it's so insane.
1 person likes this
• United States
25 Feb 08
I am so sorry. I hope my post wasn't too harsh. It is hard but it is better to know?Take care.
1 person likes this
@Gesusdid (1681)
• United States
23 Feb 08
damn i feel bad for you , well seems to me that your only evidence is that passport , probaly run over to Kinkos to get it photo copied or if you have a scanner at home make one ..thats just mighty dirty of your husband of doing that, even naming his own son ...but why didnt you react when you knew of this 10years ago? you cant lie to yourself anymore , get this over with to live a happy new life , so it will do yourself some good
1 person likes this
@myRose57 (153)
• Philippines
23 Feb 08
I still have his passport and I don't know what legal actions to take. I don't even know what I should do... I can't think and I don't know where to begin. Any advise, something concrete that i could do, will be appreciated. thanks for taking time to comment.
@Gesusdid (1681)
• United States
23 Feb 08
well legally i dont think you have nothing solid to prove just yet , id say more like photos of him and his mistress with the son is more better to prove to the courts that you want to get away from this guy , and dont stress yourself out youve done that for 10years already you cant do that anymore , but you should stop by a local attorney an ask some question eventhough they might charge you for their time , but hey its another step closer to get out of that situation
1 person likes this
@Deea48 (1168)
• United States
24 Feb 08
Well you have done the hard part now,and it is ok to let yourself cry, there is lots to cry about. I am so sorry this has happened to you, but now that it is out after ten years, well now you can live again. Think about it. You are free to do as you wish, he will be in the childrens life I am sure, and he will have to take responsibilty. Some of the hardest things I ever had to do in life , where in the end the best things for me. So cry, grieve your loss, cuz it is a biggey, and then pick yourself up, hold you head high. You did a good job, for far to long. He is the one who should be so a shamed. ((Big Hugs)) to you.
@myRose57 (153)
• Philippines
25 Feb 08
Your ((Big Hugs)) is most welcome respite from all the pain and tears I have shed. Thank you, Deea48.
@skysuccess (8882)
• Singapore
24 Feb 08
I am sorry to hear your plight and just don't know to feel sorry or angry for your indifferent attitude for that 10 long suffering years. I mean you could and should have done something the moment you found out about his affair. Keeping quiet just cannot bring him around and certainly not back by your side. You see there are a lot of ways and things you could have done to make the situation turn around. Anyway, since you have decided to leave him I think you will need to think about your future ahead for yourself. It would be good if you could get some evidence of his extra marital affair, his current family and the love child. You might want to hire a PI if you are not resourceful and capable enough. After you have the evidence, you may want to file your divorce on extra marital grounds. In most countries, women who divorce on such grounds would be able to obtain at least half of their partner's assets including maintainence and compensation. I know you may say that money isn't everything, but please remember that you will be by yourself from your divorce henceforth. It would be good if you could have some footing 1st before you commence your lonesome trip and 1 of them will be a roof over your head and some money in your pocket. I hope you will not go soft on this now as this will be your life and make up for the 10years that you had lost.
@myRose57 (153)
• Philippines
25 Feb 08
I appreciate so much the responses I have received from people like you. Thank you for warming my heart. I am making may second confession and i hope you will find time to comment or advise me on it. Thank you for reaching out to me.
• United States
23 Feb 08
I feel very sad for you. But you have to be strong. Do not let him walk all over you like this. You need to confront him with the passport. You know for a fact that he's been back. Do not let him get away with this. You deserve an explanation. If you do not confront him he is just gone to keep doing it, knowing that you are not gone to say something. You have to stay true to yourself. Do not let this eat away at you inside. And thats exactly whats gone to happen if you do not confront him. He'll keep doing what he's doing and it will eat away at you for biting your tongue. We all deserve better than that. Do not let him get away with this.
1 person likes this
@myRose57 (153)
• Philippines
25 Feb 08
Thank you for the advise you have helped me ease the pain with your presence even thru myLot. Thank you once more.
• United States
23 Feb 08
I read you second comment and I think you did the right thing. It really sound like you are on the bottom of his list of people and as his wife you should be number one. I am glad that you stood up for your self. I know it is going to be hard for you to get over this part of your life, but each day will get a little easier.
1 person likes this
@myRose57 (153)
• Philippines
23 Feb 08
You are correct that I should be his priority. But he said his son needs him and he is choosing this child over me. If I could go somewhere very very far away I would do so now. This sounds childish but it hurts so much and i'm so broken hearted. why did he do this to me? I'm hurting so bad. I'm so sad and I can't stop crying. i'm a wreck and i don't want to be.
@kymommy72 (588)
• United States
23 Feb 08
The question is..can you live with this? You say you have known for ten years, so why is it bothering you so much now? Have you confronted him? Talked to him? Asked why he arrived home 11 days later than what his passport said? These are all questions that need to be answered. For me, I could not live with a man who not only cheats, but has a whole other family somewhere else. It's a too big a lie. You are only getting pieces of him and that is not how marriage works. You give yourself completely to your spouse, mind, and body. You are not getting that from this man. Don't you think you deserve that from a spouse? I am not telling you to leave your husband, I don't know your situation except for several lines written on a website. You must really examine all that you are feeling. What you think you deserve out of life. And try talking to your husband, maybe things arent as they seem, although I am a firm believer that a woman can always tell when her man is cheating on her. Good Luck to you.
1 person likes this
@myRose57 (153)
• Philippines
23 Feb 08
Thank you so much for encouraging words. Please kindly read my comment to Dillu because I cannot rewrite them again for you. Thank you
@ruthinian (2311)
• United States
23 Feb 08
I feel sad for you. I can feel your bitterness too. Betrayal is something really hard to accept and deal with. Honestly, I dont' really know what will I do if I were in your shoes. Before I married my husband I told him... that there are only 2 things that will make me leave you... one, if you will have an affair with another woman, and two, if you hit me. We are married for only 8 months and I can't say much about it. But my only advice to you is to talk it out. I know it is not easy but being honest with your feeling will help you to release whatever pain you have inside. If he denies it or not... at least he knows that you know something. Pray. That's where I get my strength in times of trials. I will pray for you too. Take care.
@myRose57 (153)
• Philippines
23 Feb 08
Thank you, it's so nice to have someone near (sic)like you to comfort me. I have made statement for you and everyone else who answered me right away. Please read my reply to diillu, its my raw emotion speaking and i hope i am able to express what i want to say. I'm just so sad now and I'm sorry for crying like a baby. thanks for being there. I means so much to me because I feel so all alone now.
@stella1989 (2274)
• India
24 Feb 08
This very sad to hear!! I hate ditchers..!! Its like stabbing you from back.. why can't people stab from front... huh!! And myRose first tell me why are staying numb?? DO think the relationships will work and things will get back to normal staying numb like that. WOmen this about 10 years now..!! You need to speak up and ask him the truth. YOu should stand up and think about you. Fight for it.
@kiran1978 (4137)
• Australia
24 Feb 08
Please don't bottle all these feelings up, it is only going to brew inside you and make you ill. You need to confront your husband and discuss what you suspect and tell him how you feel. Then I personally think you deserve alot better, I think it would be too hard to repair the damage that he has done.
@myRose57 (153)
• Philippines
25 Feb 08
Thank you kiran1978, the damage done is too deep and I agree it will be hard to repair.
• India
24 Feb 08
Do you have children? How long your husband is working in other country? and what is his visting schedule to your home? Has he given a satisfactory life all along in your married life. you ponder all these aspects. After 10 years of married life,it is better to ignore his life in other country, if he continues to be a responsible father to your children and a good husband to you, leaving this offence.
@myRose57 (153)
• Philippines
25 Feb 08
I have made another discussion regarding my Confession. I shall appreciate your comment as much I appreciate you kindness to me now. Thank you.
@Swaana (1208)
• India
25 Feb 08
It is really hard to digest these facts. But it is high time you talk to your DH as to what is really happening and that you know all the facts. He might deny it but if you have enough proofs collected talk with him with an elderly person of the family. Dont make it a fuss but all at the same time dont show off your emotions too. Keep your cool and be calm which discussing this issue with him.
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
24 Feb 08
You have lived with this hurt and been in denial for 10 years. Now you have some proof. I think it is time to confront him. You deserve so much better than this. I'm so sorry that you are having to deal with this.