family members and death
By wisconsin26
@wisconsin26 (3859)
United States
February 24, 2008 2:17am CST
Hi everyone it's been awhile sense I've been on here and actually posted something... There is a reason for my subject and I want to know what others think... Is it normal to feel the way I do or not.. So here it goes..
When my father passed away a year and half ago it hit me like a rock and i was extreamly depressed... My husbands mother has just passed away someone I knew her but not very well a very nice lady indeed.. But there is a difference... It didn't hit me as hard as when my father passed.. Yes i did cry when i was told she passed but not nearly as much as when my father passed... What I am trying to ask is, is it normal for me not to cry as much being though she was part of my family? I also didn't let myself get close to her for number of reasons as well.. I think though if I did it would of really gotten me or am I wrong? What is your oppion on this...
9 people like this
9 responses
@SassyKittyKat (2135)
• Australia
24 Feb 08
I think it's completely normal. She was extended family and you didn't spend your whole life getting to know her and so there was not much there to miss. Don't feel bad about it. In fact, I would think it a little more wierd if you had said that you were a wreck over it. Have you never heard the song "Mother in law" lol...In any case, I really am sorry for the loss. It's still a loss and an adjustment, so I'm really sorry....
@wisconsin26 (3859)
• United States
24 Feb 08
Thank you for your reply... I agree it is an adjustment but nothing to major as I've stated in an above comment that I've only really meet her one time, however we have talked Via phone, internet... Not really ever seen much of each other...
1 person likes this
@SassyKittyKat (2135)
• Australia
24 Feb 08
You're welcome! Yeah, you have every right then, not to cry. You didn't really know her that well...
@stephcjh (38473)
• United States
24 Feb 08
Hi. I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my dad when I was 12 years old and I still cry and miss him to this day. My husbands mom passed away last August and I did cry but not like I did when I lost my dad. I also did not get very close to her for a number of reasons too. I think we start to protect our feelings when it comes to something like this let alone the other reasons we did not get close to them and cry in that way.
@wisconsin26 (3859)
• United States
24 Feb 08
That's exactly how I am right now... I want too but don't feel as if I really have a cause to do so... I am very sorry for your loss of your father too at such a young age... God Bless you and yours...
@stephcjh (38473)
• United States
25 Feb 08
Thank you. I am very sorry for your loss too but I totally understand where you are coming from. sometimes the tears just have no reason to try to flow even though we do hurt and we do care.
@lucky_witch (2707)
• Philippines
24 Feb 08
I believe that is just normal. You can say that your mother in law is a part of your life and already is a family member...because of your husband... surely you will be sad when she passed away.
But your dad... has been with you since childhood. He is your root, the first man in your life... the reason why you are here.He knows you very well. Of course you will feel the loss more.
Dont feel bad I believe it is just normal.
@wisconsin26 (3859)
• United States
24 Feb 08
Thank you lucky for your reply... He was with me for 27 years of my life all the time not to mention we were neighbors too...lol My husbands mom I only met one time in my life sense he and I have been married... Thank you dearly for your reply!
@emrald1 (48)
• India
25 Feb 08
hey wisconsin, Sorry to hear about your dad! as everyone thinks even i think, that you are absolutely normal. The kind of attachment you had with your father you cant have the same intensity of feelin for your inlaw right, so the way you have reacted is normal. Ofcourse the quality time of 27years with you father and meetin once with your inlaw has a huge difference though definately you lost a family memeber but i still think it was a normal reaction from you end.. You take good care and god bless you!
@wisconsin26 (3859)
• United States
29 Feb 08
Thank you emrald, I really do appreciate you taking the time to reply to my question... I do agree with you as well... That also leaves me with another question though i might just go ahead and ask... Again thank you so much...
@MAHESH2008 (844)
• India
29 Feb 08
Yes wiscinsin26, it is very much normal as you are very close to you father, you have lot of interactions with your father, he has given you confidence and always back you to standup tall, with out any return from you. Because him only you are confident and sucessful in life so when he is their you are always have an option to get support from him, offcourse you may not need but he is big support and back up for you. On the othe end when you think about your husbands mother , she is your mother too, but your interaction with her are very littile and may be full of expectations from you or her end. So this is the relation which is very much their but just because she is your husbands mother and so not so much close to heart as your father. If you wolud have spent long time as you spent withyour father and then may be your reaction is same for both the incidents.
@keeperofthetruth1 (77)
• United States
24 Feb 08
It is more common for you to be more emotional when your father passed away than your mother in law. You have known you father your entire life and are understandably close to him. I don't think it it is wrong to show more grief for you dad than you m.i.l. If you would of been as close to her, you would of had the same reaction as with your fathers. I m sorry for your lose.
@sunshine4 (8703)
• United States
24 Feb 08
I think that everyone handles losses differently. I can see why having your father pass would definitely hit you harder than having your mother in law pass. After all, your closeness to your father is much different than your relationship with your mil~ even though she is a family member.
I don't think that is anything wrong with you handling and reacting to these differently.
sorry for your losses.
@barehugs (8973)
• Canada
25 Feb 08
Yes its normal and natural to cry more for your own Flesh and Blood. Its important to be honest with yourself as much as with anyone else. Honesty is always the best Policy. A girl is always closer to her Dad anyway.
@goldic (26)
• Indonesia
25 Feb 08
Nothing wrong with the attitude, don't blame anything about this. Someone ever feel like that even on his/her own father or mother.
Maybe because you not to close with her, so you have not that feeling. But it's OK, your heart is free to feel, it's not something we must.
Be strong...nothing wrong with you...be cheers
