Sibling jealousy?

@jillhill (37384)
United States
February 24, 2008 7:12am CST
Friday night my little granddaughter stayed with me. She does this about once a month. Her mommy wanted to spend some time with her best friend scrap booking and her daddy works nights. We have a ball when she is here and usually she doesn't want to go home. Today when I talk to my daughters I probably won't tell them that the little one stayed. Whenever she stays with me they have a fit. They say I take care of her too much. I don't think I do. They both live many miles away from here and she lives close. This is the first grandchild I have had around to watch grow up! Do you have that between family members? WHen you do something for one the other ones don't like it? What do you say in response to thier comments?
6 people like this
15 responses
• United States
24 Feb 08
This is your first grandchild. You are supposed to spoil her.I guess you other daughters feel that they are less in your eyes because they haven't had any children and somehow they are not the favorite.
@jillhill (37384)
• United States
24 Feb 08
Actually I have four grandkids...two live in Arizona and one will soon be in New York..now living in Nebraska...when I see the other kids I do spoil them too! Take them shopping...play games with them but I don't understand why my daughters get jealous....they are the ones who moved so far away!
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Feb 08
Maybe it is that they feel that the daughter that lives the closest Is your favorite daughter. I know that if I felt that I wasn't the favorite daughter, I would move away. I am not saying you have a favorite but that they feel you do.I am just guessing, I could be wrong.
@jillhill (37384)
• United States
25 Feb 08
It's my son's little girl....but his wife and I get along so good and we do many things together and I think that is part of the problem!
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@carolbee (16241)
• United States
24 Feb 08
I know how you feel. It's so hard to satisfy all our kids at once whether they be adults or not. Our only grandkids live out of state so there aren't any issues with babysitting. I do find, however, our oldest daughter is jealous if my husband or myself spends more time with our other daughter who lives in our area. Our girls have such different work schedules and it's very difficult for all of us to get together for dinner or to go out. I try to share my time with them but it doesn't always work.
@jillhill (37384)
• United States
24 Feb 08
I know....its hare to make everyone happy. If the other grandkids lived here I would spend time with them too! It wasn't my choice that they move so far away!
@carolbee (16241)
• United States
25 Feb 08
I sure know how you feel since our grandkids are quite a distance from us also. I miss them and am getting ready to book a flight to go visit. Haven't seen them since November.
• Guam
24 Feb 08
I guess my eldest sister is jealous of my brother, sister and I. She got pregnant when she was 16 and chose to live in Guam while the rest of us moved to Philippines. You sometimes notice that she's jealous, cause whenever my parents allow me to join in an activity or go out with friends, she somehow looks for reasons for me not to be permitted. Maybe because, whatever I'm experiencing now was something she was deprived of. Anyways my other sister also got pregnant, but she chose to live with us, and my eldest sister thinks that my parents are tolerating my other sister since she still wives with us along with her family, while the eldest has to make a living while she was along in Guam.. They had a big fight last month and all the issues blew up in my dad's face...
@jillhill (37384)
• United States
24 Feb 08
Isn't it sad when grown up do that? When you get to be older you should be able to control something like that!
• Guam
24 Feb 08
its true. my parents were so depressed. Something about they did not teach us to be like that. I understand them completely, its so funny how immature and childish grown ups can be.
@secretbear (19466)
• Philippines
24 Feb 08
there would always be sibling jealousy in a family. in our family, the case is unlike yours. when my youngest sister gave birth to her second child, it was evident that his first child, my little nephew Xyron got jealous because of the attention given to his little sister. he would always make a trouble just so he can steal the attention away from his little sister and he wouldn't even notice his little sis. but after awhile he got over it although i think he got more hyper active than before. he now plays with his little sister too. ^__^ me and my youngest sister also had sibling jealousy before when we were both teenagers. we always fought then. and then its just sad that we weren't able to grow closer because i was always from away from home. i have also observed the same jealousy between my oldest sister's children. i always get pissed at them because they would always fight and they are so noisy when that happens! in the end its always the youngest that would cry and their mother would either make sermons or deliver a dramatic speech. ^__^;;
@jillhill (37384)
• United States
24 Feb 08
I guess it does happen in every family! My kids are grown. That is why I think it's not right of them to be jealous of their brothers' child. They seriously need to get over it!
1 person likes this
@secretbear (19466)
• Philippines
24 Feb 08
even grown up siblings still get jealous of one another. i do sometimes. ^__^;;
@mflower2053 (3227)
• United States
25 Feb 08
My aunt use to get upset with my mom when my moms first grandson was born. My mom would buy him all kinds of stuff and my aunt would get mad b/c she wasn't buying the samething for her kids but they were just her nephew and niece not a grandchild. I thought it was kind of funny but she would get a bit crazy about it sometimes. Thats good that you spend time with your grandchild and they shouldn't get mad since they live so far away.
@jillhill (37384)
• United States
25 Feb 08
Yes....If I had my way all the grandkids would live close! And then there wouldn't be anything for anyone to be jealous of! Thanks for posting!
@ayou82 (3460)
• Philippines
25 Feb 08
I experience that from my kids. And they fight over the affection and the attention and thats not good.
@jillhill (37384)
• United States
25 Feb 08
It's not....and to me not understandable...after all they are grown ups!
@mamasan34 (6521)
• United States
25 Feb 08
That happens in all families. Some family members get all blustery about who watches who's kids more often and why do you treat that one better than this one. You do what you want. You have earned the right to do that. Grandkids are special and they only grow up once. If this is the only grandchild you have been able to have the pleasure of watching grow up enjoy it! You don't have to tell anyone else that you have been watching her. In fact it is none of their business really what you do. I have been in situations like that. My brother and I have suffered from sibling rivaly syndrome for many years. As of the last few years we have gotten over it. I found out that way we get along better!
@jillhill (37384)
• United States
25 Feb 08
Good for you and your brother!! And you are right....if I wanted to have her here more it's no one's business but mine! Thanks for posting!
@subha12 (18453)
• India
25 Feb 08
It just sibling rivalry that I guess. I ahve heard of similar things when my elder brother was young. My mom has faced this. Whenever my grand mother used to take care of him, my uncles and aunts were jealous of it. i really do not like this attitude of people.
@jillhill (37384)
• United States
25 Feb 08
I don't like it either! THanks for posting!
• Kenya
25 Feb 08
Don't worry, Grandparents are supposed to spoil their grandchildren and its all in order!
@jillhill (37384)
• United States
25 Feb 08
Thanks you! For the positive reinforcement!
• India
25 Feb 08
Well, yeah, usually Moms feel they can do the perfect mothering and don't want others to spoil their way of mothering. And it is quite common for daughters and daughters-in-law to feel that their mothers or mothers-in-law 'know nothing', 'might spoil the kid', 'fuss too much', 'take too much care' and so and so forth. Its all a load of rubbish! I feel a person who has already been a mother for several years can be a much better mother than a novice! :) All this is human nature. There is nothing like 'perfect' mothering!
@jillhill (37384)
• United States
25 Feb 08
That is true....
@gandatwo (602)
• Australia
24 Feb 08
Not that we are aware of jillhill....Our Children live in different States and one lives Overseas.We try to share our time evenly with them,unfortunatley our visits are limited.When we have a family gathering,and there is more then one Grandchild we do try to give each the same amount of attention.However I have noticed at times one usually tries to gain more.I think it is very natural for children,however adults should be over it,silly of them.
@jillhill (37384)
• United States
24 Feb 08
That's for sure!
@belle538 (33)
• United States
24 Feb 08
I honestly think that in any family there will be sibling jealousy. There's always been jealousy and small rivalries between me and my sister, and I can't picture that changing any time soon. It's just natural and I honestly think that jealousy is somewhat like a human instinct. I think that especially in younger children it'll be harder to control the jealousy because they don't realize that their jealousy is pointless since you don't love them any less, but I would just try to treat them all equally.
@jillhill (37384)
• United States
24 Feb 08
I try to. They live far away so it's hard but when I visit I take the others shopping and spend time playing games etc with them.
@Modestah (11192)
• United States
24 Feb 08
I think it is best not to mention it too, it is such a sensitive topic. it seems that many adult children (daughter's especially) get jealous over the attention lavished on their sibling's child/ren. even if logically they know that the same attention can not be given to their own - at least not in the same way, perhaps they worry that the closer child will be loved more than their own precious one.
@jillhill (37384)
• United States
24 Feb 08
It's funny....she is 1 1/2...the next in age is going to be nine and the other two are 13 and 15.....I do seperate things with all of them when I am with them...all different activities! It's sad to think they are jealous of such a little girl.
@CAMILLERI (373)
• Australia
24 Feb 08
In response these are my comments:- Being envious of your love to them is acceptable, but being jealous is NOT. Teach them that jealousy is a curse and they should never entertain it in their hearts.
@jillhill (37384)
• United States
24 Feb 08
That is sooooo true~!
@ellie333 (21029)
24 Feb 08
Think this happens in every family and obviously because one lives closer you will see that one more often. My nan payed more attention to me as she had six boys and I was the first born grandchild and a girl, so my mum payed more attention to my little brother to compensate that but I saw it as him getting more attention if that makes sense. Even now I get it as my little son, (4 last week) and my older daughters play a game of my mummy and he says no my mummy, they wind him up delibrately, but ofcourse he is so much younger he does get most of mummy's attention. I would say just spend the time you choose to spend with your grandaughter and enjoy, as you know they don't stay little long. Once a month is not excessive anyway. One of my friends has her grandchildren most weekends and during the week sometimes also. By the way I have heard a lot of people say scrap booking on here and I do not know what it is. Would you explain please. Ellie :D
@jillhill (37384)
• United States
24 Feb 08
Scrapbooking is when you take your family pictures etc. and put them in a book. You put embelishments around them and make themes from the different occasions. You may also journal to make sure you remember what happened at the occasion. Then when you are done you have all your pictures in a book with cute little stickers adorning them. It's very much fun and big here in the US. Thanks for posting Ellie!
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