How do you respond to "What do you not like about me?"

@ahgong (10064)
Singapore
February 26, 2008 5:53am CST
I was watching TV the other day when I heard this from one of the characters. "Go up to her, and ask her, what do you not like about me?" I was thinking, do we actually do that in real life? I know one thing for sure, people do not handle criticism very well. Some can cope with it. Most cannot. So, if someone you know, it can be your boss, your spouse, your children or even your buddies, comes up to you and ask you, "What do you not like about me?", how are you going to answer them? Are you going to be totally honest and tell them the truth? Or are you going to just patronize the poor fella and try to wiggle out of the situation? Share your views.
1 person likes this
9 responses
@applefreak (3131)
• Singapore
26 Feb 08
this will really depend a lot on who i am dealing with. i'd most prob tell the truth to people i care about. if my parents, sister or partner were to ask me this question, i'd just speak the truth. though i won't be brutally frank with them as i don't want to hurt them. maybe i'd put my point across in a less antagonising way. however, if it's acquaintances or colleagues or my boss, i won't be truthful. in fact, i'd just say it's nothing. i don't not like them coz i see no point in being frank with them. whether they continue the 'disliked' behaviour or not has not much impact on me.
@ahgong (10064)
• Singapore
27 Feb 08
I guess most of us will react the way you do. When approached with such a situation, tact is the way to do. And depending on who you are dealing with, different tacts have to be used in order not to offend anyone. What an irony isn't it? One one hand this fella is asking you what you do not like about him. On the other hand, he is not willing to be offended by your truthful comments about what you do not like about him. Heh heh heh... paradox in life eh?
• Singapore
27 Feb 08
guess as an adult we are expected to be diplomatic in our behaviour. though we are asked what we didn't like about the other person, that doesn't mean we can be 'rude' ourselves right? i learnt my lessons in my past relationship tat what was uttered does not end it's damage at the point of time. the person hearing the words will ponder and think about them long after. meaning is in people so even when we didn't mean it that way, when they ponder they'll just keep adding meaning that's not even there to begin with. as a result, i've lost a few 'friends' due to such misunderstandings. so now, i try to coach my words in such a way that i get my meaning across but yet doesn't give much room for misinterpretation. it's a skill and i'm still learning it by the day.
@ahgong (10064)
• Singapore
27 Feb 08
You are not alone in mastering such skills applefreak. I am also trying to master such a skill as well. It is never easy to do so. Most of the time, the mouth is always uttering what the mind is thinking. By the time it leaves the mouth, it is too late already. Now, I am always trying to make a conscious effort to let the thought flow through my head first before opening my mouth. Not an easy task I tell you!
• Canada
27 Feb 08
hi there... i'm new here in mylot. so do you just participate in discussions? :P for your question: uhmm... i think it depends on who the person is. if i'm close to that person, i'll be honest with him/her. if not, i'll probably think twice about saying certain things. they might get hurt or something. hehhehe..
@ahgong (10064)
• Singapore
27 Feb 08
Hi blueskater, First of all, I would like to welcome you to this wonderful forum. You will have a whale of a time here once you get the hang of it. The people here are friendly and will engage in meaningful discussion with you when ever you initiate it. Second of all, I am honored that you picked my thread to post your second posting. Thank you very much blueskater. Now to answer your question... you can choose to participate in discussion first to get an idea of what the crowd in this forum is like. This will also give you a chance to explore the various functionalities and features MyLot has to offer. Then once you are comfortable, you can start to start your own threads to generate discussions. That was what I did. Lest we deviate from the original intend from this thread, I would recommend you to search around and look around for a while before you decide what you want to do here at MyLot... Post replies or Post topics to generate discussions as your main strategy. Now, back to the topic, you are also the tactful kind. I guess, as I mentioned before, we were all brought up to avoid conflicts. And whenever we can, we will so that life would be a little more peaceful. Thanks again for sharing your thoughts.
• Canada
28 Feb 08
hi ahgong, thanks so much for your advice! i really appreciate it!!
@aseretdd (13736)
• Philippines
27 Feb 08
Oh my... that is a very difficult question to ask and answer... but if i am asked... then i would say..."let us not concentrate on your flaws... but dwell on your strenghts"... so i gues...i would wiggle my way out of the situation... I am the type of person who can be very tactless... and i tend to hurt others with my comments... because they can oftentimes be true... so i try to just keep my mouth shut... or just say positive things...
@ahgong (10064)
• Singapore
27 Feb 08
That is a reaction I would expect most people to be doing. I was brought up to be tactful when ever I can. So I guess your reaction is not that much of a different from most of us. I guess this stems mainly from our need to avoid conflicts. If we say something that would potentially offend the other party, it would be better not to say it. Rite?
1 person likes this
@aseretdd (13736)
• Philippines
27 Feb 08
I agree... i hate confrontations like that...
@squaretile (3833)
• Singapore
27 Feb 08
I guess a large part depends on who this person asking is. Cos if it's someone i don't know very well, or someone at work whom i cannot afford to offend, then of course I'd be less than candid. however, if it's someone whom i know well and whom i have known for a long time or both, then all hell breaks loose! haha. who ask them to ask me this question. and when the conversation has a strong relationship backing it, it will definitely survive the criticism. because the person knows you do not mean to deliberately hurt.
@ahgong (10064)
• Singapore
27 Feb 08
Hey squaretile! Long time no see! How have you been? Well, in the situations you described above, you are using tact to handle the situation. And I agree with you that that should be the way things ought to be done. So, how conservative will you be if your boss comes up to you and ask you "what do you not like about me?".
@janejaa (412)
• Pakistan
27 Feb 08
If the fellow really wants to know it and has the power to face the criticism then I'd definitely tell him/her the reality. Otherwise, it's of no use telling him/her the negatives.
@ahgong (10064)
• Singapore
27 Feb 08
Hi janejaa, Thank you for responding and sharing your thoughts. In the situation you mentioned, it would really require some level of knowledge of the person who is asking you that question.
• China
27 Feb 08
Very interesting question.in my life,i will ask some people"what do you like about me"never ask them"what do you not like about me"hehe but i think if my best friends ask me this question.i will tell them the truth. For expample, their disadvantage that i can not accept. i will say anything what i think. but if he is my boss/normal friends, i will do not express my thought directly.:)
@ahgong (10064)
• Singapore
27 Feb 08
Hmm... Interesting. Welcome to MyLot helentongtong! I am honored that you chose my thread to post your very first maiden post! Well, back to the topic. In the event that your boss or your colleague comes up to you and ask you this question, how would you handle it then? How would you try to answer and at the same time not share your truthful thoughts?
• China
27 Feb 08
Sometimes, I will tell the truth but in another perspective, from which i will change the negtive part to the active one . But when I think that some truth should unavoidablely be given to my friends which is useful for his future life, I will absolutely deal with this questions honestly.
@ahgong (10064)
• Singapore
27 Feb 08
That is an interesting approach. A good one in fact. But not everyone will be able to be as forthcoming as you do when it comes to dispensing negative comments. I guess with a little tact, we can always make a negative comment become a constructive one. It all depends on how the receiver perceive the comments. Thanks for sharing your thoughts colourless.
@ayou82 (3460)
• Philippines
26 Feb 08
Well i evaluate what kind of person he or she really are.. so I can tell her exactly what she is like
@ahgong (10064)
• Singapore
27 Feb 08
So you will be totally truthful and blunt to telling the fella what you dislike about him or her? Regardless of who that person is? What if that person is your best friend? Or your working colleague for that matter? Or even your own boss? Would you have reacted the same way for all of them?
@ellie333 (21029)
26 Feb 08
I love my job and get on and like everyone there including one particular girl that for some reason doesn't like me. She reported me for being lazy, where I am not and all the managers know this and it is in fact her that is, so I asked her what her problem was. She said she was just in a bad mood and took it out on me because I work so hard it shows her up and makes her have to do more ok, fair comment. If someone asks me I am honest because people have to respect that whether they like what I am going to say or not. If it is someone in my life that I am close too and they ask I will soften it with all the great things that I love about them. I can take constructive critism but know there are many that can't so I suppose I am diplomatic in these cicumstances. Ellie :D
@ahgong (10064)
• Singapore
26 Feb 08
Wow... not every one can be as diplomatic like you in situations like that. I have witness so many back stabbing incidents that I lost count. Rather than confront the person who back stabbed you, most people would rather find another job to move on to instead of suffering in the current position. So, you have it good ellie. Thanks for sharing that little snippet of your life with me.