trying not to let this bug me, but....

ha ha ha ha ha ha... I was just typing in the other thread. http://www.mylot.com/w/discussions/1416695.aspx Only be a lender if you can afford to lose the item or money you lend out to the borrower. Otherwise, you will always be feeling sore that they never return the item or money to you. This is especially so with it comes to money. And if that same borrower borrows onces too many times, then the loans will stop till trust can be established again that he is a person who is able to keep up with his debts.

gosh this is one of life's dilemma. although all of us are mentally prepared when we gave the loan. it doesn't mean that we really don't want our money back. if we can't get it back no matter how we try, then fair enough. but how can we just write it off without even trying? i'm in a similar situation but slightly different. a friend owe me some money as well and is making regular repayment. but the amount is so small that we figured it'll take him 30yrs to finish paying. how do i open my mouth to tell him to pay more every month? especially when he is always complaining he is earning just enough to pay all the bills. sigh...

I lent money to my brother in law thrice and it was a big amount and there was never a mention of their ever returnong it as we thought that was what families are for. Years later the matter came up and I had mentioned it to someone that we had lent them the money when they neededit. The words got twisted and matter rerached my sis in law's ears too. Now I am being blamed for being the highty mighty type and having no respect towards elders and so on and so forth and that it was not a favor I had done. Still there is no scene of their shoving that amount to our faces(may e to shame us) but I am being accused of being rude for mentioning it. But I guess thats what families are supposedly like.

I guess it depends on how close the relation is. If its quite close and you can actually verify the situation, you can expect the money to be returned sometime, as you have chance of bumping into the person every now and then. The relative may also reciprocate your help in some other way at some other time or maybe return the money too sometime later according to convenience. . However, if it’s a distant relation, somebody you come across once in a blue moon, its prudent to refuse them loan in the first place, and if you have actually done the blunder, you can as well forget about it.

It's always hard to turn away relatives for loan de.. Since loaned out, always expect the unexpected of not getting back the money.. For me, it happened on me twice.. BUt there are ple who do return, so i always make it a point now, not to lend too much to ple.. So thst it's easier for them to pay, if not, i will only make a small loss instead..

Homestly, I think it all depends on your financial situation and how much the loan was for. I mean, if the loan was a major amount, it's not something you should take lightly. I wouldn't take back a loan from my family if it were a small amount, after all, they're family. However, if it's a substantial amount, well then that's not a small thing. It sounds like he is taking advantages of the fact that you're family and because of that he feels he doesn't have to pay you back. If he was for real, he would have told you when you first started making your calls to him, that he may not be able to pay it back. First of all, if I were to borrow money from my family, out of respect and appreciation for them, I would at least offer to make payments, even if it was only a small amount that I could afford to give. Anything else is just taking advantage of your relationship in my opinion.

its not that easy to earn money specially now a days that everything is expensive. i cant just cant take that the money as gone, that would be very bitter for me. i too loan money but thats the first thing i do as soon as i get money is to pay the loans first. pay the loans and the bills. so i wont have problems like that. and my reason too is if ever i have money problems i can loan again for the people knows i am a good payer. if this person is your friend then dont get tired of reminding that he needs to pay his loan. that is his obligation. now 3 months delay is a long time already you need to tell him that he needs to pay on a specific date. sometimes people dont pay their loan if they know the person they have debt is softy. i am happy that you understand that he just got his car into an accident but just like you said if he paid you last december then he wouldnt have this problems.

The same thing happened to me, I have tried to get the money $500.00 back for the past 4 years and there has been fighting over it ever since. I even told him to pay $25.00 per month (yes per month) interest free, and he wouldn't agree to that saying he prefers to pay it all back at one time. If he had done it my way, it would nave been paid off already. I consider it "lost money" and he is so stupid because now I will never help him again if he ever needs it.

Aargh I know the feeling. I lent out small amounts of money to friends and family when living in Samoa and to be honest I never expected any of it back. They were small amounts though. When it came to others asking for bigger amounts I would refer them to my husband because he would easily just say no.

LOL. So you have fell into the loan trap :p Hope it is not a big sum. Helping one in need is indeed a good deed and I believe it made you feel good over it. True, it is better late than never. What I have learnt in this "money-lending" business is that before you lend money to anyone, you must first be prepared to donate the money. If you are not prepared, then it is wise not to lend the money.

I wouldn't forget it. How about making a payment program for him....have him just pay you so much a month or week until it's paid off. I really know how you are feeling. I hate asking people to return money so the only ones I borrow to are my kids. They always pay me back as soon as they can.

Usually when I lend money and especially to close family & friends, I am prepared to handle it if they do not pay me back. For one thing, they are the very worst in paybacks and I would not want $ to come between an otherwise very valuable relationship. If they don't pay me back, I remember it and probably will not loan out again. If I were you, I'd continue with the once a month reminders or maybe step it up a bit and tell him that you really could use that money...even in payments. HE should be at least attempting. Maybe he really did run into some trouble but enough is enough...you've been very patient.

Since he promised to return, there's no need for he to waive off the debt. It's your money so you have the right to have it back. Give him more time and I'm sure he will return. If he does not intend to return, he would not even reply you. He might just MIA. Since he still replies, I guess he will return. Of course, there's a chance he may be lying. Perhaps you want to verify what he says. I've heard of people borrowing and living luxuriously with the money.

depends on the relation, brother, cousin, etc. to me. First it is bad policy to lend family money unless there is a 'family pool' that is everyone helps each other and rarely are there time the money doesn't come back either as cash, or deed. I too am horrible with asking for my loans from people. I usually at first use the business approach, like bell south a friendly reminder..'did you forget like i do sometimes' then i use humor...there once was a big bad wolf who visited gammas house and borrowed her cash and never let her know when it was going to be paid back. then I use straight from the hip.. 'you know, i lend this in good faith because I trust it's safe return. A time frame was set, and broken. We need to re negotiate the term of this loan, so that you can have time and i can be sure to get the money I need as well back. Lets talk and come up with a plan that will work for both of us' If this is ignored or there is any excuse other than "okay lets re negotiate". Then it is time to use a threat, like court or a subtle hint like " because you ignored my request to work out a better pay plan, i have sought legal counsel." They usual borrow from someone else to pay you, but you get paid. I am interested in how that turns out. There have been some that i have just had to let go of an learn that they are not a safe choice to lending too. And i too have been on the side of not being able to pay, but i always tried to do something, and never avoid them and it always worked out.

I hate to say this but I'm gonna anyways. I NEVER under any circumstance lend money if i expect to get it back. I will tell a person its a gift and just forget it. I do not want bad feelings betwen me and that person so if i dont have the money to give I dont give it.

Hi there! That actually happened to me a lot of times already. Before, I would just let them go easy and just forget about it but when I had my own family, and had to save for more important things for us, I started to refuse lending money to others especially if I know that they don't need it that much. And I make sure that I ask them for the payment when it's time to pay.

If I were you, I would have never borrowed, no mate\ter how tight I am, because it is the loans which defeats the friendships. Any way, you need to pay the amount as soon as possible. As he is your friend, he also will be feeling it difficult to ask for the money, as you are feeling for not paying him back. As friends, you need to talk to each other and find some solution to this.