long distance relationships vs. military relationships?

United States
October 30, 2006 4:35pm CST
As the daughter of a former marine and future fiancee of a Army soldier I see a huge difference between civilian relationships and military relationships. When I first met my boyfriend he was deployed in Afghanistan and stationed in Italy. It was two months before we were able to see each other. Now he is deployed in Iraq. Honestly I am so sick of hearing people including my own friends complain about not seeing their boyfriend or girlfriend for a few days or even a few hours when i go months on end without seeing mine and never know when I will get to talk to him. Also I have to worry every single day about whether or not hes going to come home to me or die defending other people's right to be completly horrible to people like him. Long distance relationships may be all the same to some people but I know what its like to be concerned for his life every single day.
4 responses
@lisado (1230)
• United States
22 Jan 07
I understand where you are coming from. Military relationships aren't the same. Our significant others (can't say husbands since many women are active duty) out their lives on the line daily and most people don't even think about it. Sure, maybe now that we're at war, but they're out there even when we AREN'T at war and are always in harms way. My husband was in Florida for a couple of months before I could move down to be with him, this was before we were married, and I thought that not seeing him for a week was hard! We at least got to talk on the phone every night, which we don't get when he is deployed. A lot of people just don't think. Since they aren't in the situation, they really have no idea just how hard it is. I had no idea how hard it was really going to be. Having to move all over God's country, moving away from friends and family every few years, not to mention my husband missing out on so much of our children's younger years. We'd go several months without even a phone call! We didn't have a choice! That's the way it is. Now that we have email it's better, but still not to be taken for granted. Sometimes they shut their email down for days and we have no warning. It's a hard life that many just don't understand. :*( We do it because we love our men. It's not a life than many would chose. It's best for the ones that are strong enough to stand beside their spouse and support them, especially since so many others don't.
• United States
23 Jan 07
i think its wrong of them to say that we knew what we were getting ourselves into from the beginning because while we may have known and understood that doesnt make it hurt anyless. people claim its a life we chose and we should accept the consequences and I believe this is because they do not understand all that we do go through. maybe they should try that before judging us or our men and women for that matter
• United States
22 Jan 07
Military relationships take good strong people. They have to be truly committed to each other and the military as well. Military lifestyles are completely different. It's like they are in there own world. Civilians don't realize how hard it is. They think the goverment pays for everything and makes it better because of medical insurance and things like that. I feel for you and hope you will not let what others think or say upset so that you lose your friends over this. Just remember they are thinking of themselves at those times and not thinking of how others are without there loved one. When are you getting married? When will he come back or you be able to join him? Best of luck to you both.
• United States
23 Jan 07
Thats exactly how I feel. You read my mind! lol. I'm getting married in october. he'll be home for R&R in march for two weeks and then he has to go back until august. i'm kinda glad hes getting out of the army when his time is up. thanks for the well wishes!
• United States
22 Jan 07
I would have to say military relationships are harder. I am married to a army soldier who will soon be leaving for his 2nd tour to Iraq. And i know how you feel i hated it when i would hear someone talk about missing there gf/bf because it was a week or something sense they seen them last. No one truely knows how it feels for us who are left behind. but i think the thing that bugged me the most was when someone would tell me "i know how you feel" and then tell me that they were away from there bf/gf for a few weeks....
• United States
23 Jan 07
ooo 2nd time! thats horrible. I do send my thanks for his service and dedication. The worst part is when its your own friends doing the complaining. you have to try not to take it as them being inconsiderate. and i get so upset hearing " i know how you feel" when their bf/gf isnt even military. They have no idea!
• United States
30 Jan 07
I COMPLETELY know what you're talking about. My fiance is a US Marine and currently stationed at Quantico. I'm in the midwest. We've survived two deployments to Iraq and we're still going strong. It's hard, but so worth it. And I get frustrated when I hear people complaining about not seeing their significant other for a few days too. And for those who say that "we knew what we were getting into" that's b.s. I mean, yes we knew it would be hard. And no its not too much to deal with. But it's like saying that if you become a doctor, you are automatically prepared to see your husband rushed in because he got hit by a car. It doesn'[t prepare you. And yes we knew that it wouldn't be easy, but civilian families don't always understand. We are strong women and we can handle it. But sometimes we want to scream and pull our hair out because it is hard. Just like civilian wives want to scream sometimes because they have to deal with whatever issue they have. There's nothing wrong with it. I think you are a very strong woman and thank your fiance for all he does. Congrats on your upcoming wedding!