Raising daughters

Canada
February 28, 2008 12:16pm CST
A girlfriend of mine is frustrated right now because her boyfriend hasn't changed her flat tire yet and she needs it done before tonight. So I asked her, why don't you do it yourself? I'm going over shortly to help her out. How many of you raise your daughters to be dependant upon other people? I mean in this day and age, women should be self-sufficient. Our grandmothers fought for our 'liberty' yet we don't take full advantage of it! Shouldn't every woman know how to change a tire? check the air pressure? add air to the tire? I don't know how to change my own oil but I would love to learn if someone took the time to show me! But I do make my own appointments and bring my car in. The other day, I taught my almost 13 year old daughter how to confidently shake hands because let's face it, if your handshake is sloppy, no one takes you seriously. Your posture, the way you walk, your confidence... those are all very important part of being a woman. My daughter can also set up a tent, start a fire, and knows all about outdoor safety. She can also cook, bake and do laundry. What other things do you believe is important to teach our daughters today?
8 people like this
13 responses
• United States
28 Feb 08
I have a baby that is five months old, So this is honestly something that I need to work on. I dont depend on men for money, but I do when it comes to putting things together and changing tires etc. I'm trying to do all these things for myself, so I can show my daughter how to do these things. I want her to be a go getter know how to cook and be more confident about herself than what I was. I think when my daughter gets to be about 13 she is going to have to be required to cook a meal once a week, of course I'll help her with this, but I dont want her to be like myself and had to teach myself. Good discussioN!
2 people like this
• Canada
28 Feb 08
Congrats on the new baby! You have quite a while before you can start showing her to change a tire :) but you can start really early with cooking and baking. Children love to help in the kitchen! My daughter does cook one meal a week. We'll never forget the first time she attempted to make pancakes! It took her four hours LOL it seemed like nothing could go right that day, but she did learn a lot! Now she's a pro :)
@terri0824 (4991)
• United States
28 Feb 08
You never appeared to have the desire to learn to cook, though I should have pushed you a little harder to try. Though being a single parent and working the hours that I did and do, I didn't have the energy to show you things like I should have. Though I do believe you learned from me that I didn't depend on too many people to get things done, that I would always at least try to do something before saying I can't. Strangely enough,I've never had to change a tire. Though I have changed spark plugs on my old car as well as the oil. I am proud of you for putting Sophia's jumparoo together by yourself.
• United States
28 Feb 08
Well, I am a total tomboy and I raised my son to be a real live redneck and my daughter to be a ballerina. Now, with that said, my daughter can change her own tire, fix a leaky faucet, build small projects, cook like a gourmet chef, make her own clothing and keep a clean house. She has very good posture and shakes hands very firmly. My son is a cowboy by trade, can build just about anything, can practically build a car, cook like a gourmet chef, make his own clothing and keep a clean house. He also stands tall like a real man should and gives a very firm handshake and the biggest bear hugs. I just hope that the current son's that I am raising and my future daughter can have at least some of the same traits.
• Canada
28 Feb 08
You are such a wonderful person, I don't see why your boys and future daughter wouldn't turn out the same way! How did the home study go?
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Feb 08
The home study went well considering I'm terrified of those people. LOL We have a ton of little things that need to be accomplished before final approval but, all is rolling along pretty fast now. Thank you so much for asking.
1 person likes this
• Canada
28 Feb 08
I've been thinking of you and your family!
1 person likes this
@bellaofchaos (11550)
• United States
28 Feb 08
I think it's important for our daughters to know that they can be whatever they want and that this is no longer a man dominated world that they don't have to be a wife and have kids and clean the house they can be a CEO of a fortune 500 company or that they don't need to be in a relationship with a man to accomplish these things. That they need to know the business world and all it's inner workings, and how important net working is. Have a nice day. By the way how are things going in your house hold.
1 person likes this
• Canada
28 Feb 08
Things are going pretty good here. We had an issue about going to school this morning, she was 4 hours late, but she did go! LOL We've had a few ups and downs as usual, I've had to rescue the teacher a few times this month but I can already see an improvement. I have a prescription here I'm suppose to fill but I'm very hesitant to do so. It's been recommended that I start it this saturday... still not sure if I will or not.
• United States
3 Mar 08
what was the diagnoses if you don't mind me asking and what prescription did they give her? I'm telling you now do what you feel comfortable with.
1 person likes this
• Canada
5 Mar 08
Diagnosis: ADHD with ODD Perscription: Because I refused to give her Ritalin until they test her heart again, they have given her an anti-psychotic medication called risperdol (sp?) I was very hesitant on giving her this med however we had a very bad episode here on Sunday. She continues to tell people I was drunk during my accident in November however when I went out with hubby on Sunday, she ran out of the house without telling her sister, went to a neighboors and claimed that I left her home alone without any food. Then she proceeded to lie more by telling the neighboor stuff against her I never said. It's Tuesday and I still have not received an apology nor has she shown any remorse. I don't think she understand that it is wrong although in the car tonight, we did discuss that the more she lies, the more people are not going to trust her and they will not like her either. That seem to hit home for her. She is to apologize to the neighboor, yet refuses to. Today she said she doesn't want anyone to be mad at her so she's not going to say sorry... which makes no sense unless she views it that if she avoids facing the problem, it really doesn't exist! I don't know anymore... but I want to scream at the psych THIS IS NOT ADHD YOU MORON... We started the meds on Monday! :(
@carmelanirel (20979)
• United States
28 Feb 08
I think a daughter should know how to do things as simple as changing a tire..Unfortunately since my Dad didn't teach me and my husband didn't either,it is on him to teach her..And of course he teaches the way my Mom taught how to cook, not at all..:(
• Canada
28 Feb 08
Oh I understand you all too well. My parents didn't teach me much of anything which is probably why I'm so determine to have my daughter grow up independantly. You know, it's not too late to learn how to change a tire ;-) If hubby can't show you, I'm sure a friend could!
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Feb 08
Thanks Momma, maybe I will find someone who will help me..:)
28 Feb 08
I am a daughter of a single mother and in our house we didn't have man jobs or girl jobs, we just had jobs that needed to be done. I am proud to say that I can do many things that would be considered what a husband should do. I remember when I was 17 and moved in to an apartment with my best friend I was appauled to learn that she couldn't change a light bulb, wire a plug or even know how to turn off the mains electricity. These were all things that we learned from an early age cos if we didn't know how to do it then it never got done. Recently though I went up to a friends house, 3 guys and they could not work out their heating system, it never occured to them to check that the boiler was in fact on and they were amazed that within two minutes I had their hot water flowing and heat about to start filling their radiators. I must say though I am proud of what I can do and I know my mother is proud too and one day I will teach all my children these things. I do hate it though when people take the attitude that females don't know how to these sort of things cos I know that I can do them better than most men.
• Canada
28 Feb 08
This is exactly what I'm talking about! Thank you for answering, you should be the poster child for my discussion :) Your mother did an awesome job teaching you to be self-sufficient. I wouldn't say it's because she was a single mom because she could have asked a male from outside the home to fix things or help her out. She was obviously bound and determined to learn to do these things and teach her children the same. I applaud both you and your mother.
1 person likes this
28 Feb 08
Ha ha ha. I don't think my Mum would agree that she did it cos she was bored. We were pretty poor but also why would she wanna pay a man to come in and do it if we can do it ourselves.
1 person likes this
@tinkerick (1256)
• United States
28 Feb 08
I agree that daughters today should be taught to be self-sufficient so that they do not REQUIRE a man other than for companionship. I admittedly have not taught my daughters much as of yet, but they definitely see that I do most of the things around the house. They come to me when something needs fixing (but thankfully go to daddy when a big bug needs squashing). Plus I do talk to them alot about how things work. I've changed tires on our car at least twice now. However if my hubby is with me, he'll do it. -Tink
1 person likes this
• Canada
28 Feb 08
It would be awesome if next time you have a flat, whether hubby is there or not, to make it a family event to change it.
@gemini_rose (16193)
29 Feb 08
Wow I wish you had been my mum I might have chosen a different path to go down! I was not taught half the things you have taught your daughter and I wish I had been taught to be more independant than I was. But I have a daughter and I will try to raise her to be as independant as I possibly can, simply because I dont want her to be like me.
@SViswan (12072)
• India
29 Feb 08
I already responded to your discussion about raising sons (which you posted after this one). But anyways, I don't have any daughters...but we are two sisters...and I know that our parents raised us to be self-sufficient. If you read the other response of mine...you will know that I am the one who does odd jobs around the house (not my husband) and I don't wait for him to help me...I only ask him to help when I cannot physically do it myself. But one thing that I didn't really learn when I was younger (and not because my mother never tried...I just wasn't interested) is how to cook. And boy! was it tough when I was married! So, I decided right then....I don't care what gender my child is, I'll make sure that they are independant and learn to do everything they need to....and if they don't atleast be open to the idea of learning without any gender biases.
@sid556 (31006)
• United States
29 Feb 08
I so agree with you! I have raised 4 girls all on my own and over the years learned not to rely on anyone but to very much appreciate any help given along the way...and not to ask for anything that I can't do my self. In other words...No one owes you anything in this world! My girls are as strong and independent as I am. If I have a man in my life, it is for love and that only. I do not need a man to "take care of me". If I have a problem that I can't handle myself, I will find help and pay for it. If I had sons, it would be the same.
• Atlantic City, New Jersey
28 Feb 08
This subject is a double edge sword for me. I was raised by my mother alone- a single parent who ALWAYS told me "depend on no one, you need somthing, go get it, you need something done, go do it" Now being self sufficient has it's perks- I can change my own tire- check my air- and just recently my cousin taught me how to change my own oil- which I never have to do because he always takes care of it- but I wanted to learn just in case- cuz you never know. I can also paint with a paint sprayer, work the fuse box in my house, hook up any electronic (yes that is right guys- Im not one to look at the DVD player like it came from mars- I can actually figure it out...lol), use a sander, I know what most tools are and what they are used for and so much more!!!! On another hand- every long term relationship (about 4) I have had has ended because I tend not to "lean" on my partner as much as he thinks I should- or so I been told. Because I don't go running asking for help- even when moving my own furniture-they always said they didn't feel needed enough- I guess that explains why im in my 30's and never been married huh....LOL
@terri0824 (4991)
• United States
28 Feb 08
I am a single parent, though my daughters are now 18 and 21. I did a lot of things for myself. For one, I grew up with my father doing all the handy work, never called in a handy man. So I at least have tried to do things on my own before saying I can't. I think in the 12 years that I have lived in my own home, I have only had to call in a plumber one time. I wish I would have taught my daughters things, but hopefully they learned that nothing is impossible by watching me.
@deebomb (15323)
• United States
28 Feb 08
You might be surprised to find that a lot of men don't know how to do many of the things that have been listed in the discussions here because they are so focused on video games or don't have a father to teach them.
@dfinster (3535)
• United States
28 Feb 08
When I first got my drivers license, which was like a million years ago, LOL my dad didn't let me take out the car until I knew how to change a tire or the oil, have the right air pressure in the tires, use jumpercables and change a tire in case I ever broke down. To this day I refuse to spend the 25$ for an oil change. I do it myself. As for thing we should teach our daughters, I really think we should teach how to love themselves just the way they are. With all the celebrities and models that seem to be perfect it makes it hard on anybody to like themselves because they always seem to compare to other people.~D