Relationships without fights??? Foget Abou It!

United States
February 29, 2008 12:13pm CST
So you hate him. She's wasting your time with her stupid rants. He tells the same stories, over, and over, and OVER again. No matter what you do, she won't stop trying to control, and he won't slow down enough to TALK. So you fight. That, my friends is a good sign. Have you ever heard of a relationship that didn't have ups and downs? Seriously now, you'd have to really convince me on that one. I thought I had, a while back. Let me take you into the past for a moment. I was still in 6th grade. My dad had sent me over to the other side of the world, well not really, but it just as well might have been. I flew, at the tender age of 9, leaving all my friends behind, from Chesterfield Virginia, all the way across the United States, to California. Now, let me share something with you, here. I've never trusted organized, traditional religion. So I already knew something was going to be outta wack when I met up with Aunt Linda and Uncle Duane. They were of the fanatic religious variety, and liked to keep up appearances. Now, it was very important that they put up a unified front, so that they could convert as many people into their faith as humanly possible. The bible was very strict about that. And to not do so, would be to admitt to others and themselves that their marriage WASN'T perfect. It's no good to show a marriage that's not. Not in their idealistic world, anyhow. So they faked it. But, I got the chance to see the real quarrels going on, and let me tell you, some of the stuff I heard could have put trailer park gutter trash talk, to shame. Name calling, threats, wheedling, shouting, banging, blaming, complaining, denials of trust, denials of love as a bargaining tool. What does this teach us? What did it teach me. Well, if God fearing folk can't get through there lives without squabbles, then what makes me think that those WITHOUT Gods help would stand a chance, hmmm? Now, in no way shape or form, am I lifting Christianity into some holier than thou context, here. I'm only trying to show, that those who supposedly, at least try to live by marginal rules have marital problems, then that might go for the rest of us, as well. Another take on the whole issue is, you don't want to go your whole relationship without fighting. Why? Because it's dead, that's why. There's no spark left, with people being so afraid to let loose. And if it ever does come loose, there will have been so much bottled up garbage, that the issue argued about won't be the only one raised that night. And at the end of it, you might as well kiss that relationship goodbye. I once read that relationships are like an emotional bank account. Trying going into your bank and withdrawing funds without having a dime in there, and see how friendly they'll be. Guaranteed, you won't get any more than what you put in, especially when you're that low on funds. Now, take that example and apply it to relationships. Give me a kiss. That's a dollar. Take out the trash; another dollar. Take time out to say how much you really care; dollar. Buy her a small, meaningful gift; dollar. Get my point. Well, it can go both ways. Slap her; dollar deducted. Tell him you could never trust him; dollar deducted. Imply that the effort she put into making dinner means diddly squat; dollar deducted. You may get to a point when you've used up what you had amassed, early on in the relationship. Now comes miscommunication, mistrust, blame, complaining. To fight brings the small stuff to light before it can ever become that monster that we all fear. Remember that procrastination is the silent, slow killer in all things. So, have it out!!! Really bash each other good. Because you know what? Either of two things can happen as a result: One, you split up...oh well, I guess the relationship wasn't worth it if you're going to break over these simple perceived transgressions, or Two, you become stronger, because communication becomes deeper as a result of a better understanding of the other's needs. There you have it: Fights in. Holding out bad.
3 responses
• India
29 Feb 08
Hi, I feel every relationship will be having some fights. and u get better understanding when u fight and talk with each other. In all the realtionship some or other misunderstanding will arise. when u dont clear may be u will lose that person. when when u fight to know the reason. u may get good understanding
1 person likes this
• United States
29 Feb 08
Good points. I think we should take a page from the bible, where it says, seek and ye shall find, knock and it shall be opened to you. Or something like that. If you don't talk about things, how will you ever learn that when you clear your throat like a million times, it's killing her not to say anything because she doesn't want to hurt your feelings.
• United States
1 Mar 08
At least you realized it. Do you know how many people out there have no clue that they might have taken things a little too far, or that they may be wrong? Perish the thought!
• Philippines
29 Feb 08
Relationship without fights must be very boring. I think most people would say that relationship won't grow tough if you don't have ups and downs. Regarding that religion thing, there are really people that really are like that. I just understand why some of them didn't see things the way we do.
1 person likes this
• United States
1 Mar 08
It sure does take all kinds of people to make this world go around. Anytime I'm in doubt of that, I just pick up our local newspaper, and it says it all.
@jhl930 (3605)
• United States
29 Feb 08
I think that in every relationship that you are going to have fights no matter how well your relationship is going...because that is just part of any relationship...fighting..and no you don't always mean what you say when you are in a fight because you get caught up in the heat of the moment...and you really do say things that you don't mean but then again that is what flowers and im sorry is for lol
• United States
29 Feb 08
Could you give our listeners, out there, a female perspective on some male transgressions that would deplete the funds in that emotional bank account?