Off the skyscraper, but hey you prepared them with pillows, before you shoved!

United States
February 29, 2008 1:01pm CST
I think that a majority of relationship problems start because we hold a common fallacy: Hurt thyself before hurting your partner. Right on man! Righteous dude! Hey girl, you really know how to be the martyr, here! The sad fact is, that we've been taught for so long that we need to self-sacrifice and even take it as far as physical or mental pain, sometimes when it comes to relationships. Why is that? I don't know. What I do know is: They won't last with that mindset. That's a paradigm that's doomed to fail every time; and I mean EVERY time. How can you love someone that you resent for not letting you healthily explore your emotions? You can't. When you fail to communicate that something that's bothering you, with the hope that in the end, it will just go away, and that's the compromise that you'll just have to make in order to make things work out, you set up a long chain of small, perceived slights, and a tally system gets put into place. You start weighing the importance of their wellfare against your own need for retaliation, or at least, recognition and understanding. But how can they understand if you don't let them know in the first place? We're not mind readers. So, again, I propose that as soon as you can, when something that is of importance to you comes up, you need to speak your mind. Be pleasant, but communicate your needs. All we really need is more education, I think.
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