11 year olds!

Canada
February 29, 2008 10:08pm CST
I have an 11 yr old boy, and he is starting to get out of control with things. Not picking up after himself, brushing teeth, etc. And when I punish him, (nothing physical) by taking toys, or vid games away, he freaks out more which makes me more frusterated with him. I talk rational, and explain things in kid terms but it doesn't seem to be helping. And even school and daycare are becomming a problem too as well. I got him in counselling and so forth. And the problem doesn't seem to go away. Is there anyone that can help me with some opinions or options so I don't loose my mind more than what I have.
1 person likes this
8 responses
@Pose123 (21671)
• Canada
1 Mar 08
Hi kwitchurbytchn, Welcome to myLot, I hope you will enjoy the site and make some good frinds here. Now, on to your discussion, your boy is approaching an age that is often very difficult, especially in todays world. You may not have been expecting it for another couple of years, but all children are not the same. You do seem be be doing all the right thing, but you may have to relax a little with him. Usually Children respond to love and trust, so just see where things go. I wish you well. Blessings.
• Canada
1 Mar 08
Thank you for the comment.
@dtroas (481)
• United States
1 Mar 08
Young children want to be in control these days. I am not sure when you say that you have him in counseling has there been something in his life that could of made him react to you and others this way? As it been something that has just came about? Or has be been this way for awhile? Being an 11 years old they understand right from wrong. My daughter is that age. I do wish you the best and if you would like to reply with more information I would really like to help you with this if possible.
• Canada
1 Mar 08
This has been happening on and off for awhile, more so when I had to go in for surgery. I do know that he knows right from wrong, and I have caught him in many lies and then when confronted he makes excuses for his actions. I am not sure how to handle this. The counselling is from school and I set that up with the principal before the surgery as I knew it was going to be hard on him. And since then its been extremely hard, with the rebelious nature. I just want him happy, and to understand that life is never easy, and I do praise him on good, and I take away things when he is bad. But this isn't even working.
• United States
1 Mar 08
I do not know a lot about parenting since I do not have any kids yet. However, I can share what my parents did to my siblings and I. If we misbehaved, our parents would usually start by ceasing certain privileges or things that we enjoyed such as video games and television time. That alone usually worked on us except my younger brother. He was so bad he made Reese on the television show Malcolm in the Middle look like a saint. Fortunately, my parents were able to control him through negotiation and building an incentive system. He got rewarded to do his chores and in exchange, he would get a new video game or movie each month. It was not really a losing situation for my parents because they were constantly buying him new stuff each month. So whenever he misbehaved, my parents would stop buying him special things like movies, games, etc... until he did what he was supposed to. -Feel Free to Disagree!
• Canada
1 Mar 08
I agree with you totally, my father was the same way with me and my brother. It did work for sometime, and then again not with both of us. I do negotiate with him, but then it works and then sometimes not. I know it isn't easy, but everything is worth a shot! Thank you!
• United States
1 Mar 08
There is always the option of a boys home. I know that sounds crazy. I was in one for two and a half years. I can assure you that I am not the same person! I was out of control, ran away all the time, miss attitude. I can remember plotting to do stuff to my family because I hated them. I didn't really I just wanted MY way. Check this out though www.victoriousvalleyhomes.com It is the prettiest and best place on earth.
@Amagnimo (637)
• India
1 Mar 08
A really global issue this is...I can't share the exact thing what to do with this kind of children. But I can very well share how is my younger sibling behaved with (yes, he is the same copy of your child, the same way he acts and shouts and stuff!) Well, it happened so, we came accross a small camp where people showed us how to control anger and frustration. I and my family used to get frustrated with him so very often! Even now...but lesser these days. He doesn't seem to want to improve. He wishes to have everything his own way, or shout or jump around!! When this happens it becomes too noisy to handle anything in hand! What I am trying to do these days is, allow whatever he wants to do, by just informing him once whats the correct option he should go for in anything. I then let him fail in what he does, or if luckily when he seems to move ahead with that wrong option, then I just enocurage him! I feel this is a way to treat a child who is just going to step into the teenage. What will happen if we act the other way round is that the boy will develop a negative thinking about the parents that parents do not want to fulfil my wishes, and they think about the thing they want, and not from their view point....getting me? When we are very sort of...generous to them in whatever they want to do or whatever they are doing they will believe in parents and thus, they are bound to find only you (if this is done in the right way, than I am sure that the person will share everything with the parents rather than his friends, since I share my deepest secrets only with my Parents and I know how they treated me!) to share the secrets! I am still working on not to get angry on the child's going to the extremes...He does go to limits, I must say, and my mother is the one who can calm that one down, I easily get enraged!! So the first thing necessary is to control the frustration!! My mother and I canstantly talk together about our behaviour with him and try to improve everytime! This is working till what I have seen.... I don't mind any disagreement to any statements stated above, but disagree only if you have tried and not got the results! Do comment on this if you are trying this... By the way, I missed this out in between, since even the small 11 year old boy is a human, he will show emotions at one stage...This requires a lot of patience, a patience that you must have even if you are going to die! My mother knows about this very well, I keep telling her this is not gonna work, but everytime I tell, it turns out the other way round!!
@youless (86615)
• Guangzhou, China
1 Mar 08
Well, I am worried to hear that. My son is 3 years and 8 months old now. In this age he already has his own minds. So I can imagine it will be harder when he grows up. I always think that a soft way may work for children. I learn a sentence from a book: Never beat your child, even with flowers. Try to praise him when he does something right and encourage him to do so. We all like listen to nice words.
• Singapore
1 Mar 08
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@LouRhi (1502)
• Australia
1 Mar 08
Children are sent to try us aren't they? I have found that explaining causes and consequences works well. At 11 they are old enough to know about taking responsibility for their actions. Reward the child for making the right choices and let them live with the consequences when they make the wrong choice. Communication is the key to happy parent child relationships. Make sure the communication door is wide open. Also some times poor behaviour can be linked to a cry for attention