How do you teach a grandma not to spoil her grand children?

Philippines
March 2, 2008 9:40am CST
I've been up to my nerves trying to tell my mom not to give in to the slightest whims of my nephews. Its so disappointing to teach someone whose mind is always close. I know they feel like they're just showing love or something but really its detrimental to the child's emotional well-being. They would end up like they can always get away with things. I try to stop my mom from giving in but she ends up being mad at me. Grandparents, do you have any advice how I can convince my mom that sticking with rules is the best way for the child?
1 person likes this
4 responses
@asgtswife04 (2482)
• United States
14 Mar 08
the thing is that grandparents think it's their right to spoil the children and then send them home. i don't really understand why that is nor do they understand what it does to the children once they come home to us. it's very aggravating, but unless you wanna get into a three hour or three week argument over it you just let it go and move on from it and understand that that is what they think they are supposed to do. my grandparents and my parents all do it to my kids. i have to overlook it and just explain to my children that things are different when they are at home and that they should feel priveleged to have grandparents that wanna do things for them and just say thank you, but realize that once they are home it's not the same and they shouldn't expect the same while home. God bless
• Philippines
19 Mar 08
That's a good advice. It would be quite confusing for the kids but I guess that's the only choice we have. I just hope the kids would understand. God bless you too!
@elemental69 (1562)
• Ireland
2 Mar 08
I am not a grandmother, but I have seen it in my own parents and inlaws, I can tell you though that they will never change.... They will always spoil them no matter what anyone tells them!!! I hate to say it but maybe you are better to let it be. She will only do it behind your back anyway. I think thats just the way grandmothers are.. :-)
• Philippines
19 Mar 08
You are absolutely right. I know that whenever I'm not around with them, things are done differently. This is a sad realization though because things will forever be like this. And the following generations will all be brats. I just wish there was some solution to this problem.
• United States
18 Mar 08
i really do not think that it is possible. You will probably do it when you are a grandparent too. it just happens.
@SViswan (12072)
• India
2 Mar 08
Gosh! I know exactly what you mean. My mom spoils my kids with material things and my mother in law spoils them by doing things for them (even if it means double work). I've never been able to tell my mother-in-law because the first time I tried explaining, she took offence....and I've given up telling my mom because she just doesn't listen. But it isn't such a bad thing for me...because my kids get to meet their grandparents only once or twice a year for a few days. The worst time was when I was at my mother's for more than a month for my second delivery...my older son was spoilt rotten and I had a hard time getting him back on track after returning home. Have you tried talking to your mother about how she's not making her grandchild a better person by 'loving' them...in fact she's just making them dependant on her and taking everything for granted.