Tough Situation!!

United States
March 2, 2008 7:00pm CST
I had met a friend and she and I had gotten pretty close. I also talked to her husband and got to know him as well. My husband had done the same, getting to know her and her husband One day I was texting my friends hubby back and forth (nothing out of the ordinary) and he came on to me, saying he was attracted to me and wamted to get me into bed. I told him absolutely no way, that I loved my hubby and was 100% faithful to him. This made him really mad. He was even more furious when he found out I told my hubby! To make a long story short I told my friend about it, and now she won't talk to me. I have tried to call her numerous times and left her many messages on the internet. I don't know what he told her what happened...if he said I came on to him and I was mad cause he rejected me and now I am causing problems for them, or what. I wouldn't've told my hubby if that were the case! I am a very loyal friend and I thought I had proved that to her. This happened a couple months ago, but I can't stop thinking about it. I've never been put in that position before and I'm really wondering if I did the right thing. I don't think I could have ever lived with myself if I had not told her though.I never could have looked her in the eye again. She was my best friend. She knew my deepest darkest secrets. Have you ever been put in that situation before? Did I do the right thing? I have lost my best friend over this. Would you have done the same time even if you saw into the future and saw that you were going to lose your best friend?
5 people like this
15 responses
@sissy67 (225)
• United States
3 Mar 08
Im not sure if I woulda told or not...I may have just kinda separated from them slowly. But then, my husband wouldnt have been too happy and things woulda been bad cause he is pretty jealous and over protective. Friends dont do friends that way so he wasnt much of a friend anyways.
• United States
6 Mar 08
yeah, my hubby is pretty protective of me too. He hit the roof when I told him about it! I thought he was going to hurt someone! lol
@sissy67 (225)
• United States
6 Mar 08
so, how did things turn out? What does his wife have to say about things now? Has anyting changed?
• United States
3 Mar 08
Dear, you did do the right thing and you should not feel bad at all. He came onto you and you responded as any married person should (although many don't). You were even smart enough and honest enough to let your husband know, which to me says alot about your commitment to your marriage and your husband. As for your friend, it is sad that she is not mature enough to see her husband for who he really is. She should have been grateful to you for telling her the truth, who knows if he has come onto other women, maybe even been successful in getting them into bed and then coming home to have relations with her. Not a good thing. You shouldn't worry, I wish I had more friends like you and I'm sure a lot of people agree with me.
• United States
3 Mar 08
thank you so much for that! I really appreciate it!
@clowdine (1402)
• Philippines
3 Mar 08
Based on how you described your situation, what a nasty guy that was. He really gets to my nerve. You're friend does not know you that well and good luck to her she is likely to be deceived by her husband most of the time and he gets away with it without problems. But since you're not the one at fault and I admire you for being faithful to your husband, you have all the rights to walk head up high. Let's just hope your friend will realize that she doubted you. Just do what you usually do, show love to your husband more and they will notice they don't get your point. It's just sad that you've been faithful to your friend and your husband but your friend, for whatever weird reason, even trusted you less. If anyone is wronged or framed, Someone sees everything. And all human thoughts and deeds will be revealed in the future during the Great White Throne Judgment in Revelation 20:12. Every action or every word said by people will be judged. The truth will be known. So, don't worry about it that much. Get busy finding new friends instead. Since you told the mylot community about it, many might be interested in your friends. I am one of them.
• United States
3 Mar 08
Thanks somuch for the compliment! i really needed to hear positive things cause before I posted this I was really starting to wonder if i had done the right thing but now I am convinced that I did. And I would love to be your friend. thanks so much!
@avonrep1 (1862)
• United States
3 Mar 08
You did the right thing, and sooner or later, she will figure that out, and if not to embarrassed from her behavoir she will come around when this dude is thrown to the curb. But then that is if she isn't one of those girls who lets their man do anything and everything to degrade them and their relastionship. If it is that latter, then you just need to let it go and move on. People like that hardly if ever find anyone they can be friends with, because they don't even respect themselves. Just try to be there if she needs you and try to move on with your life.
• United States
3 Mar 08
true. you have to respect yourself before others can respect you. thanks!
@jpso138 (7868)
• Philippines
3 Mar 08
Well, it seems that you did the right thing. Somehow, the story that have reached her must be a different story. I'm sure that her husband have a different version of the story. Though, its sad that it ended your friendship that way, I'm sure in due time, she will find it out for herself. The thing you do right now is just leave it as is and wait for that time comes. It would create more trouble if you try to talk to her and explain. Besides, there is no explanation needed from your end. If you make extra effort to talk to her or make amends, she might be led into thinking that you are guilty of something.
• United States
3 Mar 08
i didn't think about it that way. I just thought that if i kept trying she would see that i really did want to be her friend. Thanks for that insight. I will definately back off!
@st3ph_17 (146)
• Philippines
3 Mar 08
I believe you did the right thing. There was also a situation where I didn't speak up and my best friend got mad at me. She said that I should have told her. Our friendship is not that close anymore because of the incident. I believe that if you lost your friend because you did the right thing, then she wasn't much of a friend at all. Especially when she didn't even try to get your end of the story. The situation will ultimately have an impact in your relationship with her, either you said something or didn't say anything, either way, there will be a strain in your relationship. You just hope for the best and wish your friendship will endure that difficulty.
• United States
3 Mar 08
I'm sorry you had to experience this too. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Thank you so much for your input!
@barehugs (8986)
• Canada
3 Mar 08
Yes, you were ok in texting your friends hubby, and its just natural that he came onto you. Men will do this because they need to know what a woman's thinking. Your problem was.... you couldn't keep it to yourself. First you told your husband and then (to make it worse) your told your best friend. There's an old saying- "What they don't know won't hurt them!" This is very true! Its very romantic to share everything with your spouse, but its not practical. I know because I've been married 52 years to the same woman
• United States
3 Mar 08
uhh...thanks for this insight. This was the only negative one I have heard. I do appreciate your honesty tho. thanks
@rsa101 (16139)
• Quezon City, Philippines
3 Mar 08
You just did your best to be a good friend and somehow you just pissed her husband who may have told his own version of your story that made you friend to believe him. Well I think you cannot do anything right now but to accept he situation and just hope that you friend would finally know the truth about it or would make an attempt to know the truth. Trying to convince her right now may not be a good advice. If only you could have save the text message proving that it was the hubby who first made the move then I think that is just enough evidence to prove you point.
• United States
3 Mar 08
I wish I would have saved the text messages. I could have shown her and proved it. It's not that I want to cause problems between them, it was just that she was dear to me and I didn't want her to get hurt anymore than this was.
@Carmetaf (309)
• United States
3 Mar 08
Aww...so sorry you were in this situation. Just know that if it is worth her giving up your friendship, then you probably didn't lose much of a friend. I have lost friends who knew my deep secrets too. I'm going to be more careful about who I share my life with from now on. I am so happy that I have at least 1 4-ever friend who won't put me in that type of situation. God bless you!
• United States
3 Mar 08
yes, i have definately learned the hard way to be more particular who I tell my secrets to. I'm a pretty private person and some of the stuff I have told her I don't want everyone to know. thanks!
• Australia
3 Mar 08
Sorry about your situation, I can see that you were only trying to do what you think is the best, but apparantly your best friend didnt think so. One thing that I have learnt is that usually it is best not to be involved in between a couple. What I meant is that, you have done the right thing in rejecting your best friend's hubby and telling your own husband about this. But usually it is also best to not tell your best friend about this, because as you have known it yourself, telling her didnt mean she will believe you more than she believe her own husband. It is a sorry situation that you have to lose your best friend over this, but trust me, if you have stayed friends with her, if she stayed married to the guy, your relationship still couldnt be the same ever again. Something has happened that lessened the trust between all of you guys. Im also sure your husband wouldnt be comfortable being friends with that guy again after knowing that guy is after you.
@sid556 (31003)
• United States
3 Mar 08
I have never been in that exact spot. I don't think you have lost your friend permanently. I think he probably did turn things around and maybe she wants to believe him because the alternative would be to face the fact that she is married to a dirtbag. Your friendship is an awkward spot right now. If I were you I'd send her a little note and tell her that you miss her friendship and let her know that you will always be available if she ever needs to talk. I'm willing to bet that sooner or later she will realize the truth in this matter and your friendship will resume. Until then, I'd just let things quiet down. As for telling her or not saying anything....I think I would have let it slide if it was a one time thing and never happened again. I think I would have assumed that maybe he'd had a few drinks or something?? Is there any chance that all 4 of you can sit down together and talk openly about the incident?
@Gesusdid (1681)
• United States
3 Mar 08
well shes not much of a friend , i feel bad for her cause she has a devious husband , who knows if that was his first time saying that to a married woman , i wonder what else he'll do to a single woman, id say your in the clear , they're not much of friends if they're over reacting not talking to you like you did something wrong , she should have brought both of you and the 3 of you should of had a sit down , i would have shown her the text , and see what he has to say ..overalll friends come and go so dont sweat it
@subha12 (18453)
• India
3 Mar 08
it is really a complex situation i must say. may be you should have have gone that further in texting her hubby. I have seen men take advantages of these activities. you have done your part by letting her know. in most of the cases like this, she will feel that you are the reason for all this when you are actually not. If she is not willing to continue, leave it.
• United States
3 Mar 08
Alright, that is a pretty tough situation but if you have tried to tell her what really happened and she wont budge then forget about her until she decides to contact you. You did nothing wrong so why should you have to suffer by trying to contact her so many times.
@magikrose (5423)
• United States
3 Mar 08
In my opnion you did do the right thing. you are a devoted wife to your husband and he had a right to know what was going on and so did your friend. Who knows how many affairs he really has going on that your friend dosnt know about. To be honest I understand where you are coming from but it is out of your hands now. There is nothing more you can do but move on with your life and find other friends.