Why don't women like good men?

@shamsta19 (3225)
United States
March 4, 2008 2:13am CST
Why is it these women out here have all these crazy stories about crazy exes, fights, stabbings, etc. and when they find a good one they treat them like crap? I've gone out of the way for my women and I never find that "good woman." Instead I usually get treated like crap. Im not bitter or anything. I hear women say they want a "good man." What is that? One that treats you respectfully? One who breaks his back to make you happy even if it means sacrificing his own happiness? One who raises your kids (even if they're not his)? One who would walk a hundred miles to bring you a rose? One who cooks (well) for you? One who writes you love notes and calls you in the middle of the day just to say "I love you?" One who washes your clothes and cleans your house as well as help financially, and would gladly have you sit home and do nothing if he could afford it? One who will cut off any of his friends for you if they interfered with what you had? What is it that makes that "good man?" And when you get it why do you dog him out? What is it you want? Please help me overstand this. Are all women dogs?
3 people like this
13 responses
@dtroas (481)
• United States
4 Mar 08
If a woman stays in a relationship with a guy that is abusing her. And she keeps doing it well then that is her problem. I would not stand and let any man put there hands on me. (like that) As to what you explained above, I agree that men can help around the house, with the kids. But not to do it all. I am a stay at home but I make money out of my house. (Childcare) my husband works. But yet he still helps out. But if he did all the above that you mentioned I would go insane. These days I do not think that woman really know what they want. And alot of them like the men that are going to treat them like crap..
2 people like this
@shamsta19 (3225)
• United States
4 Mar 08
Thats great! That means you'd help out. my thing is I work at home and run my own business. Leaving me with a lot of free time most people don't have the luxury of having. I am home more. I dont overstand why they would want to be treated badly. What is up with that? Help me I cant be abusive...
@dtroas (481)
• United States
4 Mar 08
Well that part I do not understand. If you are a great guy and do not believe in abuse, and you work and still are able to be home helping out. Single ladies are crazy not to want a man like that.
1 person likes this
@shamsta19 (3225)
• United States
4 Mar 08
Thank you.... You see what Im saying?
@Gesusdid (1681)
• United States
4 Mar 08
i think some women like that really dont know at the end of the day what they want they claim they do , and even have like a sort of chart or description of their ideal man , but they always go for the opposite , for one thing i dont care about any woman that gets beats up by a man and stil sits there "loving " him claiming that she still "loves " him thats a bunch of bull , all women arent dogs , some of them really dont have guideance they follow their friends or look at a couple and think thats what they want or some women just experiment and date any type of guy and some of em actually get a kick out of the bad boy relationship ..weird i know but oh well cant save em all , but there are good women out there i know a few , with degrees and staying single with no kids so a women out there like that i highly respect.....
2 people like this
@shamsta19 (3225)
• United States
4 Mar 08
It's just so childish though! Then when they find a "good man" they don't know how to be in that kind of relationship. I'm no saint or anything. I KNOW I AM BETTER THAN MOST! I do treat em like they should be treated, as long as Im getting that same respect back.
@Gesusdid (1681)
• United States
4 Mar 08
yeah it is a bit childish on their part but some of us men do mess up a good relationship , bu since this is about the women ill stick to the subjec tat hand , like i said some think they know what they want , when they have a great thing going but go for the opposite attraction, say if a married women was married to a great guy , Millionare treats her right , High School sweeat herats . but then things get rocky , he pays more attention to work than her and she goes out and dates some bum guy who in and out of jail with 5 kids he never pays for , ..for some bogus reason thats attrative to her ...yeah weird and dumb but hey they're are some just like that ..its a formula ill never understand
1 person likes this
@sizzle3000 (3040)
• United States
4 Mar 08
I think that there are lots of women out there who want nothing more than to be loves and respected. However, most women do not like a door mat. They do not want a man that they can boss around and tell what to do. I can only talk for myself and a few of my girlfriends. I am 43 and I have dated the good the bad and the ugly. I am married to a man who is much older than I am. He brings me flowers for no reason. He has worked very hard so that I did not have to. He also lets me be myself. He doesn't try and change me in any way. However, when he needs to he can say no to me. He can take charge and be the man of the family when time calls for him to be hard. When I was young I wanted the bad boys. However, I was very mean myself in my youth and did well holding my own. When you grow up and mature you find that all that fighting and abuse is just that abuse. My cousin is my best friend and we grew up together. She too wanted the so called bad boy when she was younger. Now that she is older she just wants a man to be a man. She wants him to be a good man. She doesn't want a man that she can control or bush around. She would not mind having a man that called her once a day to make sure she was ok or to tell her he loves her, however, calling six or seven times a day is obsesive. I know that what women want from a man can be confusing. We want you to be strong but we want you to be gentle as well. We want you to take control of some situations but not be controling. It is hard for a guy to know what to do. However, when you find someone that you feel something for you can learn. Do not call a woman six or more times a day. With younger women you need to be patient with because they need to grow up before they can commit to anyone. If you are doing all these things for a woman that you care about just be patient the right woman will come along for you. Dating is just trial and error. One day the person you are ment to be with will be there and you may not even know it right away. I will give you the same advise my grandmother gave me. She told me I had to kiss a lot of frogs before my prince charming would come. So keep kissing because not all women want that immiture, abusive man in there life, you just have to take the time to find them.
@shamsta19 (3225)
• United States
4 Mar 08
I am definently not a doormat. I wont let a woman run me over now! Im not offended or anything Im jus saying. I have to agree with you a little cuz when you mature you don't want to have a childish relationship either. I honestly just want someone who is on my level of maturation. And the younger women are not that. My current girlfriend is six years my younger. Dating is a term I've never used tho. dont think Ive ever been on a "date." Thx
@angieang (262)
• United States
4 Mar 08
I think people are creatures of habits. We find something we are "comfortable" with and think it's all we have. I wouldn't say women don't know what they want, but sometimes confuse what they have with what they want. People become very weary when looking for someone that they can communicate with and have that loving passion in the bed, so they settle for what they have found. Kind of like hand in hand with jobs...people become comfortable with a job they complain about but are too scared/timid to make that move for something of interest! And for your comment to someone else about how women change when they become the wife, I think it's because they feel they have won the fight to get you off the market...so they feel they have no need to impress. Which is screwed up thinking to me, cause I would fight harder to keep a man then!
1 person likes this
@shamsta19 (3225)
• United States
4 Mar 08
Oh man and you touched on another issue. I'll give her that besides for a few flucuating pounds, she's sexy and maintains her sexy. This one does anyway, not saying I havent had a slacker before tho. If I truly loved them I wouldnt care that much as long as they were decent respectfully dressed.
@shamsta19 (3225)
• United States
4 Mar 08
I do fall into that category cuz I get comfortable and wont make a move. Over the years though I have grown to tolerate less and less. Been in three bad relationships in a row. This one is the best but Im not happy. 1st one was about 4-5 yrs. Second one was three. My current hasnt made a year (March 13th)
@shamsta19 (3225)
• United States
4 Mar 08
And got a daughter with the, first the only good thing to come out of these relationships.
@catjane (1036)
• United States
4 Mar 08
To classify women in to one category is wrong as it is to classify men in to one category. We are all unique and different. If you are picking women who abuse you, then you have self-esteem issues. Always remember, you should only pick the best for yourself. If you can't find the best, do without!
@shamsta19 (3225)
• United States
4 Mar 08
If you cant find the best do without! I like that.
@catjane (1036)
• United States
5 Mar 08
You want to give me a bad rating for being honest! I didn't mean "you" yourself had self-esteem issues, I was talking to the general public meaning you as everyone. Sorry if you took it the wrong way. Yes, you are really fly!
1 person likes this
@shamsta19 (3225)
• United States
5 Mar 08
Im not mad. Just joking, but thx for the honesty. And yes I am fly aint I? Lol
@asgtswife04 (2482)
• United States
4 Mar 08
well, actually, that question could be totally turned around on you. why don't men like good women? My husband and I are both one of the good ones and we had to be crapped on a lot by many people before we found each other. It's not all women and it is not all men. There are just some people out there, unfortunately, that would rather crap on the good people and get the bad ones that crap on them. Why? couldn't tell you, i've never been in that position where i treated someone like crap that was really good to me. so, it's not all women that do it. men have a part in this game they like to play to. God bless
@shamsta19 (3225)
• United States
4 Mar 08
Of course this can be said for men! that's why I posed the question like I did. My thing is there are good men in the world (not many). There are probably more good women than men . So when you find a good man, being they are so rare, a smart woman might think to change her ways to keep him instead of constantly dumping on his face.... You sound like a good person though. Thanks....
• United States
4 Mar 08
The key word being smart! A stupid woman will continue in her ways and crap on the guy, but a smart woman wouldn't do that because she would realize that she finally got someone worth something. and thank you, i definitely try my best to be a nice person and i respect all other people. i'm sorry that you have someone that is so selfish and inconsiderate to even think about you. i really think that maybe you should just let her go. i am assuming that this whole post was from experience right? good luck and God bless
1 person likes this
@shamsta19 (3225)
• United States
5 Mar 08
Yes it is. I've been thru it. Thx!
• United States
5 Mar 08
There are good women who appreciate good men and quite frankly, I'm insulted that you think there aren't. The problem that most "good men" have is that the women who will appreciate you are not the barfly hotties that men are attracted to. It's not the ones you meet as women, it's the ones you meet as just people. The woman behind you in line at the store who comments on a tabloid, the woman you strike up an off-hand conversation with at the book store. Not the one you go, "hey she's hot, let me get at her". I have no crazy stories, I have no crazy exes, hell I don't have any exes at all. I haven't been hit, abused, stabbed, set on fire or humiliated. I avoided bullsh!t and chose carefully. I don't "dog" him, I don't (intentionally) sh!t on him (I do have a temper, I won't deny that). He's an intellectual scholar on his way to becoming a professor, we're moving overseas for his studies next year and he would and does anything for me. I can't work due to health reasons and he take care of me and supports me both physically, emotionally and financially.
1 person likes this
@shamsta19 (3225)
• United States
5 Mar 08
It is unfortunate that society has taught us to identify "beauty" as outward perception. What we see on the outside attracts us to people. That doesnt always mean you have found a truly "beautiful person" though I do agree. And I promise you more women are not thinking like you and if they are Im moving to that country babe! Always thought that girl in the laundry was cute with curlers and sweatpants. Thats the kind of person I am and I have NEVER MET A GUY who thinks like me. Not my friends, my father, no one! Thats something to think about when questioning the quality of a man.
• United States
5 Mar 08
I agree. Not many people do think like us, which is where a lot of the complaining comes from. Not many people are able to take a step back from themselves and actually analyze what the best course of action really is. And it is a shame that more guys don't think like you and it really is very telling. At least you're a step in the right direction. Are you shy, though? Will you talk to the girl in curlers and break the ice and eventually ask her out?
1 person likes this
@shamsta19 (3225)
• United States
5 Mar 08
I would. Nowadays Ive grown more confident. I might not ask her out but I'd strike a convo. See if she's interested, then she's mine. Ha
@msfreeze (89)
• United States
5 Mar 08
we are not dogs it just comes with a lack of maturity. when we are younger you get the image that bad boys are hot. when we grow up and mature we realize that bad boys dont make good husbands! who wants to bail their husbands out of jail in the middle of the night, not i. Just stay who you are and one day you will find a woman who is worth your hard work
1 person likes this
@shamsta19 (3225)
• United States
5 Mar 08
That maturity is a big issue. I constantly feel we get into juvenile arguements because she assumes I am like one of those crazy exes and I am behaving like a high school junior. I am a GROWN MAN! Matured far beyond my years when I was young! I was that immature in high school cause I had adult responsibilities at a young age. Yeah I love playstation but I love money more and I get it. I just dont feel I should be accused of trying to F**k every girl I see when I've NEVER BEEN LIKE THAT TO BEGIN WITH! She doesnt know me and the assumptions are killing our relationship. I mean when am I doing this cheating? While I was putting footwork in on my job? While I was cooking for her and washing her clothes? When She slept in my bed next to me? The S**t gets old real quick. And I KNOW I could be doing these things cause Im hot like that but she's paranoid. Thats dangerous. She's also got this double standard thats not working for me. I had to cut off a good friend of mine because she was female and Mine felt threatened by her, unjustly. I say that because she was my very good friends sister and in my book thats off limits. I would never be with my friends sister, his mom, or his girl or ex. Just a code I've lived by for ever. Anyway I cut her off while my girl continues to associate with her best friend, who is a guy. There's a guy on her job she's getting real friendly with too. She comes home from work and talks to him on the phone for hours! Another guy! I know theres nothing going on but let me try that! My TV is broken right now because of some stupidty like that now. My business has me dealing with people all day, male and female. It is hard to maintain a professional demeanor with kidworld crap going on in the background...............MATURITY People!
@subha12 (18453)
• India
5 Mar 08
i do not really know why you find all women not good at all. i think women can also have similar idea about you. don't take it otherwise, but i think you have been hurt badly by them just don't categorize all in the same coin. all things differs.
1 person likes this
@shamsta19 (3225)
• United States
5 Mar 08
I know. All people arent bad. And the things you go thru in life make you the person you are today. All women can't be bad just like all men cant be. See my point? Im not "hurt" because I am very intelligent and have an extremely high self esteem (believe me). Im just fed up with putting effort into relationships and not getting respect for what I do. Its just been like that for me. A nice guy, who eventually is learning to stop being so nice because nice guys get crapped on. Thx
• India
5 Mar 08
well, to me your dilemma seems a bit amusing but on the other hand when you are at the recieving end, it might not be all that funny. Women are instinctively attracted to "alpha males"- the ones who reek of testosterone overdose and fight for practically everything. these men are dominating, possessive and protective which attracts a female towards them in the first place as females are conditioned to seek protection and security. however, this is not the guy they would like to spend their lives with. I mean, who wants to be overpowered by a hul when there are so many nicer guys around. now, coming to your description of a "nice guy". a nice guy is not a slave or a doormat. he is a person who treats women as his equal and respects her freedom. he satisfies the long term needs of a woman which go much beyond physicality. he is gentle, soft and kind and makes any woman comfortable around him because he is gentle and caring. however, if you find women treating you badly just because you are "nice", it means you are probably not standing up for yourself. you need to be firm and clear about what hurts you and if the woman really cares enough, she will certainly understand.Good Luck!
1 person likes this
@shamsta19 (3225)
• United States
5 Mar 08
We go thru our times. I dont think I the type that doesnt stand up for myself but that starts more arguements. She is the type who wants to fight all the time. Her answer to any problem is beat up someone. Im more peaceful. Im Muslim so its in my nature to be so. I've always been a peaceful person who, if crossed, will right cross your jaw. Always been told I have a bad temper and a lot of patience. So when Im mad its on. In recent years Ive calmed down a lot and she is still on that high school crap.....
• Malaysia
5 Mar 08
I am of the male species! You cannot say all women are dogs. In fact I look at women as beautiful creatures and you need them to be around. Today, we all live in a cruel world and I do not think there are angels or saints living among us. In other words, nobody is really good. Even you. Girls are not looking for goody goody type of men. They could be boring in life. Even men would like girls with action, not the ones that are praying all the time. What is a good guy. One who is stable financially I presume, one who knows how to treat a woman like a woman, one who is exciting, makes women laugh and treats them like a lady at the same time.
@shamsta19 (3225)
• United States
5 Mar 08
So whats your point? If thats a good man why do they always throw it away?
@MrNiceGuy (4147)
• United States
4 Mar 08
Wow, I can totally relate with this. I feel like I'm always the best friend and when things move on to romantic levels its different. I totally invest myself in friends and even more so in a girl I love, but after a fallout and realizing that I expose myself to be trampled on and ignored by investing that much when it seems no one can possibly invest that much in me, I have to reevaluate my relationships.
1 person likes this
@shamsta19 (3225)
• United States
4 Mar 08
EXACTLY!!!!! You're feeling my pain man!!! I find females make excellent "friends", bed buddies or whatever. It's when they become girlfriends and wives then they start with the problems. You know man is the only mammal in the animal kingdom who tries to set rules for relationship[s and being with one partner. Every other creature bangs everything it can. Why are we going against the laws of nature? Stay Single Stay Happy!!!!
@trinihd (996)
• United States
4 Mar 08
Of course that is not true! All women are not dogs! And some women are normal enough to appreciate good men! Really! You just happen to have the unusual circumstance where you haven't met one that is available to you who isn't one! You see it works both ways you know, just as most of the good men are either g@y or taken and therefore unavailable to single "looking" women, most of the good women are also unavailable so it's not easy to find such good women, but like 'sizzle' says, you will find one, eventually, so try to be patient and don't be afraid to show all your loving colors upfront, so that if a good woman happens to be looking, she will see you right away!:) I hope you find someone who can appreciate all your goodness!:)
@shamsta19 (3225)
• United States
4 Mar 08
Patient I have been.......Thanks.