Which relationship is more important. mother-son OR husband-wife?

relationship - It takes a mother some 30 years to make her son wise and it takes 30 mintues for a wife to make a fool out of him.
@samrat16 (2442)
India
March 5, 2008 3:18am CST
Though both the realationships are very important as a guy can't think of chossing any one of them. but I think husband and wife is more important because when you get married you make a commitment to that one person. when you are a child you depend on you parents but when you get older and marry the only person you have to depend on is your spouse and vise versa. waise there is a joke also on this particular relationship. It takes a mother some 30 years to make her son wise and it takes 30 mintues for a wife to make a fool out of him.
6 people like this
33 responses
@anonymili (3141)
5 Mar 08
Both relationships are important in their own right but as long as one doesn't intefere with the other it should work out fine. What most men forget when they get married is that they married a different person, not their mum! They often compare their wives to their mothers and this is a real no-no if you want your marriage to actually work! I've seen too many marital relationships break down because of husbands taking their mother's sides in arguments over their wife's side! It's all very well to love your mother but once you're married, remember you're supposed to be spending the rest of your life with your wife, so try to make her feel special and important and don't spend your whole life comparing her to someone else!
1 person likes this
• India
28 Aug 08
I do agree with u and i wish all the husbands of this world start thinking like you.
@deepti15 (1190)
• India
5 Mar 08
I dont think you can compare one relationship with another at all. Each relationship is different and they have their own place in your mental/emotional/spiritual growth. Each one assumes more importance at different times in your life, but nothing can be discounted. Mother spends her life raising kids and giving them the right kind of education and taking care of their needs. So, we have to be grateful to them thru' our lives and look after them when they need us in their old age. On the other hand, husband-wife take a oath to be with each other thru' good times and bad. They need to take care of each other too, always. But this does not mean that you have to put the mother-son relationship down or give it less importance. I cannot give a parallel but try to look at it this way. If you have two kids, you wont favor one kid and give him all goodies and look down upon the other. You will look after both of them well. You might love one more, but you wont hate the other or not care for his/her needs. Husband-wife and Mother-Son relationship can be looked at that way too.
• India
28 Aug 08
Dear deepti i do agree with u but what u would do when mother creates problem between husband-wife relationship because when a son got married then it is very tough for a mother to see any other woman beside her son and thats why she starts creating problem and try to keep far his son from his wife.
@jeanniemay (1803)
• Philippines
6 Mar 08
I believe there can be no comparison or weighing for each. Our relationships to anyone matter, we sometimes makes choices and we put them some level but what matters is that we are putting our relationships on the right track. Stay loving!
@MissOrlz (51)
• Ireland
6 Mar 08
I think its quite obvious... Husband and Wife is more important... Now I'm not saying that a relationship with your mother isn't important.... But.... If I was married to a guy who chose his mother over me, I would feel so let down... Your spouse is someone that you devote your life too.... If a guy always choses his mother then thats the person that he'll be left with...
1 person likes this
@danzer (2732)
• Philippines
5 Mar 08
Yes you have a point. A husband and wife relationship is above mother and son. It is not a joke but it is truth when someone said that it takes a mother 20 years to teach her son wisdom, but takes only 20 minutes to ruin him!
1 person likes this
@nengs10 (3190)
• Philippines
5 Mar 08
I think that the husband-wife relationship is better although the mother-son relationship is also great. Even though you get married, you still ask some advices from your parents especially your mom, if you're close to her. However, your wife completes you and compliments you. They are different and but they are both important to your life.
1 person likes this
@sacmom (14361)
• United States
7 Mar 08
I think both relationships are important, but the husband and wife one should be just a bit more important as the man and woman are in a committed relationship that is supposed to last a lifetime. However I know of a man who had picked his wife over his mother. And guess what? He and his wife are now divorced even after this fact. So I guess it really depends on the couple's situation.
• United States
18 Jan 09
Its a very tough question right? It is important that both wife and mother realize that they are both extremely important to the man. Who is "#one" and who is "#two"? Both are "#one". Depending on the situation things are different. The problem arises only when either wife or mother "wants" to be "#one". Then there is a problem since there is a choice to be made. The man has to deal with it. (Perhaps by making them both "#two". :-) ). No jokes apart. These are both extremely important relations. If a choice has to be made, and that choice should never be made, but if it has to, then one must remember that the husband-wife relation is a contract and the mother-son relation is not a contract. Whether the choice needs to be made or not depends on the maturity of the three people.
• India
12 Sep 11
Very good question you have my dear friend as both the relation are important from its own point because as a girl becomes wife this relation is like this is more important then any other. But as wife becomes mother its feeling is something different she is top of the world her all responsibly is towards son. But it don't not means she is avoiding to be a wife, because after son becomes bigger he live his own life so husband and wife is important they are together till end of life.
• United Arab Emirates
9 Mar 10
You know I wanted an answer to this question and here I am. My Mother in law always demands money from her son who is my husbdand. My MIL has two sons and one daughter. My husband and his brother build their own houses with their own sweat and blood . Similarly they got married with their own money slogging it out. My Mother In Law whenever she has expenses like for example there is a surgery she just hypes the amounts - does not show any bills and divides the amount between her two sons. She has her One BHK and that will go to her daughter. My husband and I will get nothing absolutely nothing from her. Whenever we give her money she does not even say THANK YOU. Which is all that we expect. Even when we pay her a visit she does not offer to even tell us to stay for lunch or dinner even though she has good food cooking on the gas. My husband is not so well off. Due to this I sacrifice a lot of things and do not even go out much shopping. And then suddenly MIL calls and demands money like a surgery which will cost 15K she will say it costed 30K and take half the money from both her sons. I am really fed up of this . Can someone give a sensible recommendation on what I should do? OR Does the mother still have a right to demand such money from her son just becoz she gave birth to him? I am not against my husband helping his family financially. But the way she keeps asking and telling lies and the fact that she does not even say THANK YOU hurts me. Please advise.
• United Arab Emirates
9 Mar 10
You know I wanted an answer to this question and here I am. My Mother in law always demands money from her son who is my husbdand. My MIL has two sons and one daughter. My husband and his brother build their own houses with their own sweat and blood . Similarly they got married with their own money slogging it out. My Mother In Law whenever she has expenses like for example there is a surgery she just hypes the amounts - does not show any bills and divides the amount between her two sons. She has her One BHK and that will go to her daughter. My husband and I will get nothing absolutely nothing from her. Whenever we give her money she does not even say THANK YOU. Which is all that we expect. Even when we pay her a visit she does not offer to even tell us to stay for lunch or dinner even though she has good food cooking on the gas. My husband is not so well off. Due to this I sacrifice a lot of things and do not even go out much shopping. And then suddenly MIL calls and demands money like a surgery which will cost 15K she will say it costed 30K and take half the money from both her sons. I am really fed up of this . Can someone give a sensible recommendation on what I should do? OR Does the mother still have a right to demand such money from her son just becoz she gave birth to him? I am not against my husband helping his family financially. But the way she keeps asking and telling lies and the fact that she does not even say THANK YOU hurts me. Please advise.
@Debs_place (10551)
• United States
19 Jan 09
These 2 relationships are mutually exclusive and they both must continue, although they will change on evolve. I often suggest to my husband that we bring his mother to various places with us that she will enjoy. He appreciates it and so does she. There must be a certain respect for each relationship and each person and for normal people there is no reason why everyone can not enjoy each other's company. An in-law is just a part of the family.
@dio123 (1790)
• India
8 Dec 08
it is not like this all relationship are important in life we could not say that this relationship is better than this, we need everyone in our life to live a beautiful life, we need mother, wife, father, siblings and friends in equal though relationship of a mother and son is the purest of all and is more attached one
@SachseMom (450)
• United States
29 Sep 08
I would have to say husband and wife! The family is as strong as the relationship of their parents. Of course my relationship with my son and daughter is very important but I have to spend the "empty nest" years with my hubby and he's my best friend and I don't care. My kids will always be my kids and I love them and have a special relationship with each of them.
@Gesusdid (1684)
• United States
31 Mar 08
yeah , i think married relationships are better than the mother son ones , tho they cross paths depending on how the mother-in-law, but do;nt they say once you maryy you marry the whole family ?
@I_LUV_U (2506)
• India
30 Mar 08
I think it is the mother-wife one, the remaining unmentioned combination..lol If the m-in-law and d-in-law relationship can be fine, then I think there is no need to choose one between the other two, i.e mother-son and hubby-wifey.
@slickcut (8141)
• United States
15 Mar 08
When a man takes a wife that relationship should be the most important one,however a mother-son relationship is also very important as well,and a man should not have a wife that would cause a problem with the mother-son relationship....If a wife tries to stand in the way of her husbands mother -son relationship then she just may not be the right wife for that man.....EVEN IF THE WIFE AND MOTHER do not see eye to eye ,she should not interfer in her husbands relationship with his mom.....
• Canada
9 Mar 08
This is a tough decision because although you commit your life to your wife, your mother is the one that raised you and helped you become who you are. I also don't think these two both relationships can be compared because the type of love you have for your wife is very different to the love you have for you mother. You can't remember the time when you never loved your mother, but you have the choice of who your wife is. I think both are equally important in any man's life.
• United States
9 Mar 08
I'm going to say husband and wife because my husband's mother is nothing but an evil Harpie who has never been anything but mean, manipulative, rude, insulting and just plain toxic to him. He's gotten more love, support and nurturing from me in only 4 years than ever got out of her in all his 23 years of life.
• Philippines
9 Mar 08
LOL samrat16 hello. I do believe that joke is truly correct. It does happen, a lot. When one gets married it is more important to give focus on the current situation which is marriage. Our relationship with mom will always have a special place. I believe one should not have to choose which relationship is more important since it will just create conflict. Each relationship has its own importance and impact in shaping the kind of person that you are today. To choose one over the other will not help either of them. One needs to be able to balance both. Easy to say but I guess it is hard to do when one is caught in a situation like this. Have a good day :)
• India
7 Mar 08
Hi Samrat, I think you are back after a long time and nice joke that was. I agree with you though for two reasons mainly. One reason has already been mentioned by you that is only a spouse can be our best friend and not our child. We can share everything with our spouse and can demand any help but we cannot take the same liberty with our children. Second reason is that I would not really like to think that my husband has a deeper relation with his mother than with me lol! Same way, I am absolutely OK with the fact that my son will have a stronger relation with his wife than with me.