never say no to your child

Dr Spock was supposed to know it all. My 4 kids were born when he was starting to become the know it all about child raising. I thought he was wrong then and i think he is wrong now. I never gave my kids every thing that they ever wanted. For one thing i didn't have the money to give them a lot of things that other kids were getting. I figured that if they had too much what was there to look forward to. No was used a lot in my house. They also got spanked when I thought it was necessary. I just read some of his advice and as far as I'm concerned he is a nut job. All parents have a better adviser in their own parents or grandparents. Use some common sense and your own instinct when it comes to raising your kids.

Even though you can say “no” directly, you can turn down your child. I tell my son all the time that he can not have everything and not to expect to have everything that he wants. I don’t see anything wrong with that. Out of my personal experience, saying yes to your child for everything is worse. My parents pretty much did that until I was a teenager and it backfired. I am a stronger person now because of it, but it was not fun living through the experience.

Not saying no to your children doesn't spoil them as long as your doing it properly. This all stems from the fact that you should try not to be negative all the time. Rather than saying to a small child Don't touch the TV you need to get your childs attention and tell them to play with something else. Small children cannot grasp the concept of doing something else. Rather than telling your child "Don't stand on the chair" you tell them Sit on your bum they need to be told what to do next rather than just what they are not supposed to do. When teaching my children not to do something I do not tell them no. And guess what they are very well behaved children. You can ask anyone I know. Yes of course they can get out of hand at times but what kids don't do that right? LOL All i am saying is if you are always saying negative things your children will learn to be negative and if you try to say positive things your child will pick up on it and thats how they will be in their life. Oh and my kids are 5 and 19months

My children are grown up and when they were little I never did give them everything they wanted. I do wish it was to where I could have given them more things but not everything they wanted. We have grandchildren now and even though we are better off with finances now than when raising our own children we still do not give in to the grandkids when they want everything they see.

I never gave my children everything they wanted...Somethings they had to work for...I didn't want them to get use to getting everything then there may be a day I couldn't do it...I feel I did pretty good raising my children...So I would not change anything...They have turned out good...

I definitely do not give my child everything she wants, She still throws a fit though and acts like she is spoiled. I don't because I have seen some of my friends kids, most of them get what they want so they will be quiet, because of that we can't even go out to eat without their children completely embarrassing them by throwing a fit when they want candy before a dinner and are told no. I definitely don't want my child embarrassing me by throwing herself on the floor of the restaurant and screaming because I told her no! My child is not grown up yet so I couldn't answer number two.

My children are all grown. We did not give them everything they wanted. Sometimes because we didn't have the money to get it, sometimes because what they ask for was not realistic. I would raise them the same way. This is why. My middle son age 27 now has a problem with his girlfriend and her mother allways wanting what they don't have and they envy people who do have. What he said to me was all they need is a job, a place to live and sleep and food to eat. They don't need all of the other things to be happy. I told him I was glad to hear that growing up as he did didn't hurt him any. I'm proud of him.

My son is only 1 month and a half old, but i will not raise him to get everything he wants, when he wants it, or how he wants it. I will raise him to learn that for somethings, you need to deserve them, or work hard for them, or compromise for them. I will teach him that nothing in life is free, except for the love i have for him, which is unconditional.

Wow Rose, what clinical and precise approach to a discussion. Well here goes: For No 1 – No I do not give everything my child demands everytime. Main reason for this is my middle-class background. I have been taught to value money and I want to teach my son the same. I want him to know that nothing comes free, his parents have to work really hard to buy things for him and so he has to be very aware and firm about what he wants. Otherwise it would be difficult for him to provide for his own family. If he grows up unnecessarily indulged, he is likely to do so to his own children and in the process, he would probably be bankrupt most of the time. I carry no credit card or mobile as I don’t believe in living in palaces while being in perpetual debt to banks and I want him to know the same. It is something which is fundamental to my life’s teachings to him. Secondly, giving everything everytime decreases the value of the gift. If I buy him a chocolate every evening, very soon he will take it for granted and will not appreciate my gesture when I buy a slab for him whenever he gets good grades in school. Thirdly, my motherly instinct tells me not to take the future for granted and to prepare him both for good things and bad. He must experience the pain of denial and learn to live with it and appreciate what he already has and make the best of it. That’s all. By now, you must have understood that since he is just a kid, I cant respond to no. 2

My son is only 2. He knows what no means. We use it in our house, but I do always redirect as well. I tell him, "No, we can't finger paint right now, but we can put together this puzzle." or something like that. I don't give my son everything he wants. He has plenty of stuff, but he doesn't get something new every time we go out or anything like that. He already knows that if he wants a toy, he has to earn it. He has sticker charts up that are about doing little things around the house. He gets a sticker for picking up his toys, putting his dirty clothes in the hamper, helping feed the dogs, and putting his night time diapers in the trash. He knows that when he gets enough stickers, he can pick out a small toy, and sometimes when he's just been especially good and helped a lot, or been especially nice somewhere else, he can also pick out a toy. He knows that if he chooses to act up before we are done shopping, the toy gets put back, too!

1 - No, we should not give them everything they want. this is because they will grow up taking things for granted and will forever depend on you to hand things out to them. they'll become spoiled if they are refused and its a hard world for them to survive out there. 2. if they are already grown up, it would be next to impossible to change how they think and how they behave. they have their own mindsets which is hard to change.

Maybe that's why so many people with such a sense of entitlement! I for one think that it's good for kids to understand reasonable expectations and appreciate delayed gratification! Some days I think I say no more than anything else! My oldest is only 11 so we're not to stage 2 yet. We'll see how it goes wnen we get there.

Admittedly, I have not read Dr.Spock's work, but I think it might make for a good laugh to do so. I too, have heard nothing but negative remarks about the children raised under his guidelines. Do I give my children everything they want? Most certainly NOT! My sons are 7, 7, and 8 1/2 yrs old now, and although they are in want of nothing, they are certainly not spoiled either. I have taught them some basic fundamentals in life; primarily that they have some basic rights, and that everything else is a privilege. I will not deny them their rights, but I WILL take away privileges should their actions persuade me to do so. The basic rights I tell them they have is to 3 meals a day, a roof over their heads, clean clothes, bedding and bodies, and to go to school. EVERYTHING else is a privilege, and can be taken away at any time. At one time I used to have to ask them if they needed a spanking if they were acting out... but now, all I need to say is, "Do you need to lose some privileges?", and from that, they usually comply. Even when I take the boys out shopping with me, without fail, they will ask me if they can buy a toy or a special treat, and my answer is the same every time. "Certainly you may! What money did you bring with you to buy it with?". I refuse to cater to their whims when out shopping, but have no problem with them bringing their own money and spending it on anything they choose. They have to learn sometime, why not start now? My job as a parent is not to be their best buddy, or to enable poor behaviours for fear of hurting their feelings. Oh please! The real world doesn't allow for coddling, why should I? They are part of this household and family, and therefore need to take on responsibilities that are appropriate for them. My job as a parent is to teach them how to be responsible members of society, and to look after themselves. Those are 2 key issues that I have a feeling Dr. Spock forgot to take into account.

Normally I give my two sons everything they need, provided it does affect their characters as I love them and its my duty to provide them. Secondly as a parent we have to change the way of parenting and attitude towards our children as they grew up.

Well its a very sensitive topic and sometimes I think such topics are very subjective...