If a Friend and Coworker from work
By KrauseHome
@KrauseHome (36448)
United States
March 5, 2008 8:33pm CST
became homeless would you let them stay with you? Even if you disagreed with the choices they might have made with things that caused them to get this way?
Personally I feel this is not the way to go ever, and could end up causing some major issues to where it eould become almost impossible to be able to face them at work if you ever had some major disagreements. It could even eventually place both jobs in jeapordy and that would not be good either.
But the reason I brought this up, is we have someone where I work who I am good friends with who has Filed for Divorce.
The main issue on my mind, and many others who are also friends with her at work, is does she really know what she is getting herself into, and where will her and her two boys live when the Divorce is final. They have become like close family to me, and I want the best for them all, but her and I do have some differences and I feel if she is going to do what she wants, she needs to be able to face and pay the consequences for it on her own.
Personally, I could not be like her, as it would never be Morally right to be in her shoes, and I just would not want to jeapordize everything I am, etc, like she is as well. I also know for me, I will not be able to have her stay with us when the Divorce is final, etc. due to her and I's friendship and also because we work together, and I would not want to have either on of these in jeopardy as well. But there is a lot of reasons she is getting a Divorce, and even though I don't like all she is doing I have to br there for support. (As for the things she does I do not condone, it would take a couple more discussions to share it all. But that I feel is for another time, if more interest is shown in this one.
So if it was you, would you? Or do you feel I am making the best choice is being there as a Friend, but also making sure she gets back on her feet again without jeapordizing or allowing your friendship and job to suffer from this as well.
5 people like this
13 responses
@snowmouse1 (209)
• United States
6 Mar 08
My husband has had 2 people down on their luck one stay in our camping trailer and the other one at another time live in his van in our back yard. Both cases were not for more then a month. For a single man it might have worked out but for a family it just isn't co habitable. I don't know how it is where you live but here there are houses for rent that the landlord has rooms for rent. The whole house is rented out by the room and none of the owners live there. She could rent a couple rooms and it might be cheaper then renting a whole apartment.
@atramesil (685)
• United States
6 Mar 08
I have provided shelter to friends many times over the years. But, never to anyone that I work with. Most of the time it has worked out well for us. However, I will pass on this bit of advice.
They need to have a game plan in place with a definite pay you rent or exit the premises clause. Now this can be adapted if necessary, but I find it helps if there is a goal set for them. Otherwise as you said hard feelings can crop up.
Also set firm limits on things like this food cabinet is off limits, these cleaning, grooming ect. are off limits. Or anything else along those lines, like no calls after 9.00, No overnight guests (at least without approval).
Try to set these things up in advance as much as you can, and do a reassestment within a few weeks so things don't get out of hand.
The only iffy thing I see is that you work with this person. OTherwise, I believe in helping when you can. God knows that I's never be where I am in this world if it weren't for the graciousness of my friends and family.
Good luck to you
1 person likes this
@ssh123 (31073)
• India
6 Mar 08
Our family did provide accommodation to very many people, as we have couple of extra rooms with attached bath. In fact the priest who performed the prayers at the time of house warming informed us that this house will always have guests. It turned out to be true, my parents were lovely hosts and they did this with great interest and devotion.
Times have changed, people's way of looking at things changed. I cannot perform what my parents did. Though we have extra space in our place, we do not want to be disturbed. Therefore I can only help a coworker to find a place and help him with some money to pay rent, but it is simply not possible to accommodate in our place.
May be a night or two is alright.
@KrauseHome (36448)
• United States
9 Mar 08
Good thoughts here. Yes, I agree with you in a lot of ways here for sure. When you have someone you have live with you very long, you sometimes can have a lot of different views and interests. Some of these you will agree with while many you will wonder why you chose them. Personally I feel it should always be up to you, and not what others and your house might dictate. And when you do have to take in borders, people do need to be selective, and set down rules to protect themselves in the end as well.
1 person likes this
@ssh123 (31073)
• India
9 Mar 08
Very true. It is only the personal experience with such things that give a decision making power to decide to be not to be as far entertaining people at home for temorary or long term.
A uncle of mine is a hotelier, havng lodging and boarding facility with 24 rooms. His children were young and studying and he needed lot of inner hands (people of inner circle who do not cheat him) -- it is another story that it is inner people who pilfer more than an outsider!!. So he entertained a lot of youngsters from among relatives who were staying in village, brought them to city, gave them education, in the meantime provided with food, shelter, clothing and education expenses till the stage they could stand on their own and in the meantime, they ahve to assist my uncle with some job during leisure time. In fact, during my uncle's prime earning age, close to some 20 persons were provided with shleter and today because of their training with my uncle have become engineers, doctors and still remember my uncle for his great samaritan role.
Many old people still believe in doing some service to the needy, be it providing food, providing shelter etc. They are great philonthropists.
Even today, in New Zealand, cities like Wellington, Auckland and Hamiltan etc. there are newspapers classifieds inviting foreigners to stay in some good families for free of cost with breakfast too. Slowly these values are disappearing and that is sad.
@tholmes (100)
• Canada
6 Mar 08
I think you are on the right track for not letting her stay with you, as for would I allow her to stay with me if I was in your situation, no I don't think I would either, mainly because as you said the work situation, it could cause problems there, and also for the friendship part, once you have a friend move in with you, then you are opening your door to a lot of problems..Not a good situation to be in...
@GardenGerty (157494)
• United States
7 Mar 08
I have made the mistake of letting people move in when I should not have. I think you are pretty right on target to preserve the friendship and the work relationship. I hope things go well for her. I know that you will be a good friend to her.
@CherBear04 (483)
• United States
6 Mar 08
For me it would depend on the situation whether or not I would allow a friend or coworker to stay with me and my family. In this situation, I honestly have to say I would agree with you, that you are doing the best you can and that it could potentially cause a lot of problems.
If I disagreed with someone's lifestyle or choice that made it so that they needed a place to stay I dont think it would be wise of me to let them stay with me, as it would seem I condone the behavior and could cause a lot of arguements between us.
@Lindalinda (4111)
• Canada
6 Mar 08
Step back a few steps unless you are a trained family counselor. You are close to your friend and you also work with her. You can be a shoulder to cry on but don't offer detailed advice. If you want to help your friend offer to do some research as to what services are available for her, how she could find accommodation, how much it would cost, where she could get assistance and counseling since divorce is a very traumatic experience. Please do not offer your home to her, even as a temporary solution. It may destroy your friendship and make life at work unbearable.
@chiyosan (30184)
• Philippines
6 Mar 08
we make decisions and sometimes these decisions changed our lives... if we did something that ended up in jeopardy.. we have nothing to blame but ourselves... they can be homeless and all, and even if she/he is my co worker.. i would probably help him/her find a place to stay but can't let them stay at my p[lace as i am living with my parents hehe
@spiralbutterfly (215)
• United States
6 Mar 08
I have learned many lessons on this over the years and I can tell you from experience that no matter how good of a friend they are to you, never let them come to live with you! I have lost a lot of friends this way because they have come to live in my house and taken advantage of my good nature. If I had never allowed them to live with me, it never would have happened. My advice is to help your friend find another place to live.
@CoffeeAnyone (3210)
• Canada
6 Mar 08
I probably would help in the way that I would be encouraging her to look for a place to live while she on her lunch hour or other free time. There is always some place to rent. There is no need now a days for anyone to have to move in with another family. Of course support her by listening to her and encouraging her to get things done that she needs to do. That is the most you can do really.
@SassyKittyKat (2135)
• Australia
6 Mar 08
To me it sounds like you are judging her and that is only suppose to be left up to the creator. Who are we as imperfect people to judge other imperfect people?
Maybe living with her ex is unbearable and he is mean to her and her sons and she feels this would be best for them, mentally. However, I think that she should not file until she has a place to stay and can put food on the table. As a mother, she probably should think of what would be best for her children's health and safety.
On another note, I think that if I saw someone who I considered even somewhat a friend, in need, and I have the means to help them get on their feet and make a new start, I would definitely help them. If not for the woman, than definitely for the kids involved.
I would perhaps, make it known however, that if she moved in with me she would have to work toward getting her own place and providing for her family on her own. I would let her know that it would only be a temporary situation. I would make her sign a homemade contract perhaps stating the above.
In any case, it would be a nice christian thing to do for a friend and it would definitely show love of your neighbor. Who are we to condemn? I'm sure we are not perfect and we have made many mistakes and wished that there had been someone there to not pass judgements and to just help us out....
@idaantipolo (472)
• Philippines
6 Mar 08
If I am in your shoes, I would rather not let her stay in my house, since as you said there differences between you. Nevertheless, I would still remain friends with her.
There are certain boundaries in terms of helping friends. And it is not always given that if they would need our help we are obligated to do just that.
