Is mylot too cliquish?

United States
March 6, 2008 11:22am CST
I suppose its human nature to make friends and stay within that circle of friends to a certain degree, but have you noticed it happening here on mylot? I apparently made someone angry and they no longer post in my discussions and neither do several of their friends. I think thats too bad, because I don't feel I've done anything to offend any of them, but I suppose they have that right to not be a part of what I post. Have you had that happen to you and even though they may not contribute to your posts, do you contribute to theirs?
15 people like this
27 responses
@Chey1970 (1193)
• United States
6 Mar 08
Hmmmm. I haven't really noticed this, but I haven't really been looking for it either. When I go to a discussion I do see a lot of familiar names from posts of other discussions. Not sure if it's all friends who get together, or it's the topic itself. I myself appreciate the responses I get, no matter who they come from. And I don't hold anything against those who do not respond to my discussion. If they have a topic that catches my interest I will respond. My husband always tells me "not to sweat the small stuff". So I tend not to let such things bother me.
• United States
6 Mar 08
Well, I'd like to say it doesn't bother me, but it does. I genuinely liked these people and feel bad that I may have done something to offend someone.
@Chey1970 (1193)
• United States
6 Mar 08
I truly understand. Maybe you can be evidently the bigger person in this, and message them asking if you offended them in some way, and let them know it wasn't your intent.
1 person likes this
@madlees (1381)
• India
7 Mar 08
Yes I also feel the same way. You can just pm them and aks them what went wrong and where. If you had unintentionally hurt their feelings you can say sorry and apologise. If you feel they are doing it just like that and you were not in anyway wrong , just keep out of the way and forget. That has been the only thing happening, Chey, don't worry over these small things. If you can't set things right, just forget them..
1 person likes this
• United States
7 Mar 08
I have noticed that there seem to be certain groups of people here that tend to stick together and be quite chummy with each other. I don't mind it, I get a kick out of reading their exchanges amongst one another within some of their discussions from time to time. They give the impression that they have gotten to know each other quite well, possibly outside of and beyond mylot, I think it's great when people can do that. I don't know if anyone stopped responding to my discussions because I peed someone off and they in turn had all their friends stop responding to me as well. I guess I wouldn't notice if that happened or not since I usually don't get very many responses anyway, lol. The thing I notice the most is if you post in a controversial discussion, your star rating often goes down. Which I think is not right because if you are involved in a controversial issue, it's a given that everyone will not agree. I think the negative rating should be reserved for people who flame or are otherwise extremely and or unneccesarily rude in some way, not that people should give them just because they disagree with you...
2 people like this
• United States
7 Mar 08
I didn't know that your star rating went down if you get involved in a controversy. You are right that should be reserved for those who are blatantly rude and disrespectful.
• United States
7 Mar 08
Yeah, I had a 10 untill I recently responded to a discussion about abortion and then started one of my own, which no one has responded to, but someone did add a tag to it that indicates they didn't like it. Well, you can see where my rating is now, lol...no big deal in itself, except it didn't go down until then, even though all I did was state my position on it and why...But it's not just me, I have noticed that a lot of people here who have low star ratings also participate in a lot of controversial discussions. I haven't seen anything out of line posted by some of these people...some I have, but most, I haven't, yet there stars are low.
1 person likes this
@cortjo73 (6503)
• United States
6 Mar 08
There are cliques everywhere but, just speaking for myself, I don't do that. I respond to anyone who poses a discussion that interests me. In fact, I got a little raked over the coals about a response that I made on a touchy subject by 2 posters and, now...I don't remember who left the responses and have probably responded to something else they discussed elsewhere. So, they may have hurt my feeling a little bit but, it didn't impact me enough to even remember their names. I can't say that I have noticed that there are certain people who don't respond to my discussions. I do notice that more of my friends respond but, I don't really think that it is a slight from other posters. I probably just don't have anything interesting to say that they would want to respond to.
2 people like this
• United States
6 Mar 08
Well, I'm sure thats a good possibility. I am not here to say that my discussions are so brilliant that everyone stands in queque to answer them. LOL.
1 person likes this
@cortjo73 (6503)
• United States
6 Mar 08
LOL! Same here! I like to pretend that I am brilliant but, the reality is much harsher! LOL!
2 people like this
@razcal2267 (15577)
• United States
6 Mar 08
At times I have seen "cliques" but not much in the manner you are talking about. It is so childish when people stop posting in someones discussions just because a friend of theirs has. I contribute to whatever discussions I feel I have something to add. It does not matter to me if it happens to be a discussion of someone that does not respond to any of my discussions.
2 people like this
• United States
6 Mar 08
I suppose I am only assuming this is what has happened. I, of course, don't know for sure, but I just wondered if anyone else had experienced the same.
2 people like this
@razcal2267 (15577)
• United States
7 Mar 08
I am not saying you are wrong just that for the most part I have not noticed what you have.
2 people like this
@tonyllenium (6267)
• Italy
7 Mar 08
mmh normally i don't think so much about this when i answer to different posts!!so normally i tend to answer much often to that one are in my friend list but not only in fact i can answer ot a question o discussion open just considering the topic,what they are talking about my opinions!! so never happed to me to be hngry towards another users onmylot so....i think i will answer to discussion depending about others things...may be i tend to answer for example towards people i knwo they are new and need a bit support to know how it works here sometimes...just that..for example i think it is my second or third post today on your discussion today if i remember well..but in reality i didn't mind about it..just answer when discussion and topics need my response hhehe:)
• United States
7 Mar 08
I think I owe you a thank you for responding to my posts. I appreciate it and always look forward to seeing familiar faces.
@Lindalinda (4116)
• Canada
6 Mar 08
I think you are reading too much into this. Maybe those people feel that they have nothing to contribute to your discussions. Many people here post responses to discussions that genuinely interest them, many only post to their friends discussions. There are so many discussions each day to choose from. Frankly I don't pay much attention if it is a friend or not. I like to post to discussions that interest me and to those where I feel I can contribute something. It does not matter to me at all if people do not contribute to mine. In any case I do mostly responses and rarely post a discussion. Just enjoy yourself on Mylot.
• United States
6 Mar 08
Oh don't worry. I'm not losing any sleep or developing stomach ulcers. I just wondered if it happened to other people and what their take on it was. Thanks Linda.
1 person likes this
@p1kef1sh (45647)
6 Mar 08
I don't think that I've ever been cut out just because of something that I have written. I have had lots of differences of opinion, but we usually make up by the end. I do wonder that I go OTT sometimes (as you know) but I actually like the people that I correspond with, to the point that I even "see" some of them off myLot. But to not reply to your posts is very small minded. You don't need them, myLot doesn't need them actually. I shall continue responding to you until you stop posting which will be soon once your potential is seen by Dillards and you become their General Manager. Sound like a stalker. Don't mean to.
2 people like this
• United States
6 Mar 08
You don't sound the least bit like a stalker. I'm just glad that you take interest in what I write.
1 person likes this
@charms88 (7546)
• Philippines
7 Mar 08
I can only recall one mylotter who is also on my friend's list. I posted a discussion many months ago voicing out my feelings about helping a dear friend here. You can say that this friend was offended with my post and since then, she stopped responding to my discussion. I commented and told her there's no hard feeling. I don't hold grudges with anyone here since this is a forum where we get to share anything and everything. I still continue to respond to her discussions. To this day, she is still on my list of friends. =)
• United States
7 Mar 08
Thats really nice that you were able to work things out. I'm glad you are still friends.
• United States
7 Mar 08
I think I misunderstood what you said, so I had to come back and ask does she respond to your posts now?
@charms88 (7546)
• Philippines
8 Mar 08
Never. To be honest, I thought she was going to delete me after the incident. There wasn't really any word bashing involved.
@coolseeds (3925)
• United States
6 Mar 08
LMAO I wouldn't really notice. There are a few people who usually post to my discussions but I am far from the clique. Also most of my discussions and responses are in the gardening category which isn't very controversial. But I do tend to stick with discussions on my friends list. I used to have a 10 star until I answered a question that someone asked. I am not the one to ask if you want the truth. I am not going to suck up to someone just because everyone else does. That is the price to pay for being honest.
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Mar 08
I don't expect anyone to suck up to me and I don't believe anyone does. If they answer my posts its because they have a genuine interest not out of a sense of obligation.
@coolseeds (3925)
• United States
6 Mar 08
You didn't understand what I said in my response. I never said nor implied that you expect people to suck up to you. BUT SOME DO. Here is an example. Someone asked "Why do people think it is disgusting to see 2 guys kissing in public?" This was a direct question. EVERYONE who responded took up for homosexuals. The question wasn't even answered. I said because it isn't accepted socially. Then I get hit with a bunch of negatives. LOL I didn't say anything negative at all. The only difference was I didn't show sympathy for the person who started the discussion. If they wanted sympathy they should have asked a different question.
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Mar 08
I didn't think that you were implying that people were sucking up to me. I knew you meant it in general terms, but thanks for coming back to clarify. I truly appreciate that.
@catjane (1036)
• United States
7 Mar 08
I respond to posts that I can relate to, not becuase they are people I know, lime or dislike, that's it!
1 person likes this
• United States
7 Mar 08
You have a very generous and kind attitude. I admire that.
@catjane (1036)
• United States
7 Mar 08
Thanks, I try to get along with everyone. :)
1 person likes this
• Singapore
7 Mar 08
Don't mind me asking, but why are you assuming those people are avoiding your discussions? There are more than a hundred thousands myLotters here. Granted that not all are active but surely you do not expect everyone to be posting to your discussions? It might just be that your topic was not seen by those people you are talking about or just that they have nothing to add. I just find it strange - not for you asking this question which is perfectly legitimate but the reason behind it. Just imagine: I can ask, kbourgerie, I posted 872 discussions. Why did you only answer 1 and skip the rest? I demand an answer. Are you avoiding me? If I asked you that, you are gonna kick me and ask me to get the hell away right? I would think asking such a question is nothing less than ridiculous. :P Disclaimer: I have nothing against your person. I am just looking at the topic objectively. If you get offended, that is gonna put you in the very same group you are upset right? Cheer up, be happy! :)
1 person likes this
• United States
7 Mar 08
Actually, I have a really good reason for believing that I am being avoided by a few people, but they aren't reasons I wanted to post publicly. It wouldn't benefit you, I or them to do that, just cause more harm than good, but it doesn't stop me from asking a general question as to whether or not other people have experienced the same. In fact I believe I said "but I suppose they have that right to not be a part of what I post". I don't expect anyone to stand in line to answer to my posts. I don't think that I'm that fantastic that the whole world should stand in front of me, join hands and sing my praises. That couldn't be further from the truth. I'm not unhappy about it, I've lost no sleep whatsoever, but because it has been a personal experience of mine on this site, it made for a good discussion. Or should I stick to subjects to which no one has an interest? I'm not upset with you. You are entitled to your opinion, but you may want to keep in mind that sometimes I am not pointing a finger, or pouting, I'm just using my experience to further discussions on this site. Isn't that what its all about, posting on subjects we can relate to?
2 people like this
• Singapore
9 Mar 08
That's cool then. Cheers!:)
@lynnchua (3416)
• Singapore
7 Mar 08
I've not notice it and it have not happan to me. I don't think mylot is too cliquish about this. You are feel to contribute to any posts.
1 person likes this
• United States
7 Mar 08
I know you are able to contribute to all posts, but thats not what I am asking. I just wondered if you felt that at anytime anyone avoided your discussions.
1 person likes this
@lynnchua (3416)
• Singapore
9 Mar 08
Ok, I'm sorry about it. My english is not so good, never been to college and I'm trying hard here to post with a dictionary in front of me. I thought you are upset about it and try to give you some support.
@bfarrier1 (2083)
• United States
7 Mar 08
I do my best to post on a couple of discussion's of each friend on my list but I have noticed that alot of them don't comment on anything I have started so that makes me wonder why they ask me to be their friend to begin with but I enjoy getting on here so it don't bother me to much.Have a great day!
• United States
7 Mar 08
I guess I've noticed alot of that too. I think when people first join they ask people to be their friends, but perhaps go on to discussions they find meet their interests better than mine.
1 person likes this
@bfarrier1 (2083)
• United States
7 Mar 08
Yeah I guess if your friends or not posting something that you want to respond to go see what else is going on I have even post on the news lol WHATEVER! Have a fun day!
1 person likes this
@maddysmommy (16243)
• United States
6 Mar 08
I really haven't noticed it kbourgerie and as far as I am aware, it hasn't happened to me. If you feel you haven't done anything to offend them, then leave it. If they have an issue with you it really is their problem. It's sad that they can't come and talk to you about it but what can you do? Keep posting, I like your discussions :)
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Mar 08
Oh, don't worry nothing except the closure of mylot (heaven forbid) will stop me from posting. LOL.
@maddysmommy (16243)
• United States
6 Mar 08
LOL I hear you!!!
1 person likes this
@ellie333 (21029)
6 Mar 08
I personally haven't noticed this, but I did have a stiuation where I hadn't responded to someones discussion for a couple of days and they sent me a PM saying they had deleted me as a friend for this Urrrgh, I can't answer all discussions as sometimes feel I have nothing rewarding to input and it wasn't intentional, but it takes all sorts I suppose. If I saw a discussion this person had posted and it was something I felt strongly about yes I would respond, but I wouldn't actively seek them out too. I was so shocked as the postings they had put were about people and places I really did not know anything about, but I suppose because I had previously responded on many they thought it strange. It takes all sorts. I wouldn't let it worry you, just keep posting and responding to those that do still respond. You get it everywhere in life so why not here. I personally don't like the cliques at the schools playground, I don't participate in pettiness, never have. Ellie :D
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Mar 08
Thanks Ellie. Thats a good way of looking at it. I just feel bad that I have obviously offended someone. I don't like the way it makes me feel.
1 person likes this
@ellie333 (21029)
6 Mar 08
Hey nobody like to offend anyone even if it is unintentional. If you it bothering you that much why not drop them an apology if you have offended type note in a PM and see what feeback you get. Hugs. Ellie :D
1 person likes this
@anonymili (3140)
7 Mar 08
I think it's silly to have cliques on sites like this or even in real life. What are people? 12? LOL! It's so not necessary to make your participation fruitful! I respond to discussions that interest me and where I feel I can make a valid contribution. It's only human nature to check out what your friends are doing, i.e. look at their discussions but to tell your friends to avoid someone else because someone said something you didn't agree with is downright children and really not in the spirit of a community like this! If my friends are not contributing to my discussions I don't take it personally, they might not have logged in for some time and/or those particular discussions might not be of interest to them... Life is too short to be so petty. I hope this doesn't bother you too much and that you can enjoy your time here with the people who do bother with your discussions rather than worry about those that don't :) You seem like a lovely person just from the way you've worded your discussion! x
1 person likes this
• United States
7 Mar 08
No, it doesn't bother me at all. As I just said to someone else, I am not letting the issue consume my life, but at the same time, because it has been a personal experience here on this site, I thought perhaps others may be able to relate to it. Thats what makes a discussion. Thanks for the compliment by the way.
• United States
7 Mar 08
You are so funny..cliquish? well you always amaze me on your posts as they are so fresh and new..:_) but I don't know why you have not gotten a response from some people but I have had a problem with mylot and they don't respond which is OK with me. I got an e-mail from a gentleman from India and he said he was given a violation or a warning that someone complained to mylot about his conduct. He sent me a copy of our e-mail and the complaint from the lady in his own country. The long and short of is I told him via messenger that I did not know what the problem was but I would contact mylot to see why he was cut off from submitting post (but he got MYLOT but could not post or get e-mail) I can't get e-mail but can post ..but I did try to change my e-mail address and also I changed avitars a few times... Well, if you can't send a message if you want..better yet I will try sending you one..I am winging this as its way past my bedtime..lol..so maybe you have some people in the same boat as I..? ..well thanks for making sense of this gibberish.
1 person likes this
• United States
7 Mar 08
I wonder why they would allow him to get mylot, but not let him post? Thats almost mean. Kind of along the lines of "you can't touch this". Or "you can look, but you can't touch".
@icon_001 (586)
• India
7 Mar 08
Yes, I have contributed to many people's post . But they rarely respond to mine . Yet,your feeling that they are not responding to your discussions just because they are feeling offended by some response of yours might just be your feeling and not the reality .
• United States
7 Mar 08
I understand that. Thank you. I'm probably just being to sensitive.
@linghan (147)
• China
7 Mar 08
yes,But I always think they are so busy in doing sth that have no time to respond my posts.HeHe~Maybe just opitmitic to it.
1 person likes this
• United States
7 Mar 08
Its better to be postive than negative. Smile.
@raijin (10380)
• Philippines
7 Mar 08
I don't like being with those of people, you preferred to as cliques. For sure I'd be glad if lots of people would respond to my own discussion, but I want it because people liked my topic and not because it's their habit of posting that for some very reason they want to reach their goals here. You see, I'd rather have a single reply on my own discussion, knowing that the responder read it and not because someone referred it to them or that they are stalking a friend's activity here. Also, I seldom post my own discussions here so I don't worry that much if ALL of my friends or the one's I respond to won't respond to my discussion. We already have lots of members here, 122,xxx and still counting..
• United States
7 Mar 08
Excellent answer. Thank you so much for making some very valid points.