March 8, 2008 8:30am CST
Has one of your grown children ever said something to you that hurt your feelings so bad that you just got up and left, knowing that if you responded to their remarks war would start. Recently at my daughter's she made some remarks that cut me about as deep as she could. I just walked out. It has been over 2 weeks now and I have answered the phone once when she ask a question, I answered and then said I have to go. A lot went on when I was trying to get away from their father with his drugs and beating me.they was small children, they did not have any idea what I was going through, I was trying to get them out of the situation they was having to live in. Now it seems that I am the one who is wrong. My other son called last night and he wanted to know why I was mad at my daughter, I said I refuse to go to her house for Easter dinner as per what she said. He said they all have resentment against me for leaving their father. He was a horrible person that did not work, never paid child support, so why is it that I am the bad one now. Before it was over with then him and I was into it, we are from Louisiana and we was begged by them not to go back, now it seems all we do is get in their way. All of us except one lives with in a couple blocks of each other. We have a very laid back lifestyle in Louisiana and it appears that I am not refinded enough for my daughter. What would you have done in this situation, would you have responded or just left, I told my son that since we don't come up to their standards in life we would just go back to Louisiana and get out of their lives. I think it the best thing since we are not the prime and proper people they think we should be, but I don't think I can discuss this with her with out more insults being said and more trouble, so they can have Easter dinner without us. What do you think?
2 people like this
• United States
9 Mar 08
I am sorry you are going thru this. I have 4 daughters. The mom/daughter relationship is so intense. I think you were right to leave rather than get in a heated argument with her at that moment. My girls have all at one time or another said some very hurtful things to me. I, too, have said things in a heated moment that I later regret. We are human. Obviously your kids don't remember their father as you did and that is good. Maybe it is time to have a heart to heart with them and explain to them just why you left their dad. My girl's dad was also abusive and a drunk. I have raised them on my own. They do have a good relationship with him but now also understand why I had to leave him. Your children are your family. I think it is worth everything for you all to talk this out. Why not invite them over for dinner? I am sure your children love you and did not mean to hurt you.
• United States
14 Mar 08
My personal opinion of what is now going on with her life is, she has lived for years way beyond her means and now the money that she was getting is slowly dwindling and she is grasping for any thing that she can do to get what she needs to survive in her same life style. She took it out on me because this is me, I dont' try to be something I'm not, and I guess she took it the wrong way when I made the remark about the dishes, it was a joke and sorry that you can dish it but can't take it. Her bf said one time that if we ever needed ANYTHING, to let him know and not sit here and do without, and she let me know right quick not to ever ask him for anything even if we was going to give it back in a few days when we got paid. It is like someone will get a nickle she won't get. And I think that is very sad.
1 person likes this
• United States
14 Mar 08
Your daughter should be more appreciative of you. We never know how long people are going to be here and with your poor health it is really sad that she isn't taking the time with you in a loving way. I hate to say it but she is setting a poor example for her own daughter as well and the day may come that this will all come back to bite her. yes, it is sad.
• United States
8 Mar 08
There were years when my daughter was angry with me about my divorce from her father. She blamed me for her not having enough money to have and do what the other kids did/had. Her father didn't pay his child support and we lived in poverty after the divorce. I think it was partially my fault that she blamed me. I tried to protect the children from the hurt that went on in our marriage. I tried not to talk negatively about their father when they were around and I didn't let them see me crying and upset. There was a time when I had to be sedated because if my distress, but I hid it from them. So later I learned that my daughter thought I was not upset about the divorce and that I didn't even ever care about her father. So, from her perspective he was the victim in the situation. She didn't know about his series of affairs with other women and his spending our money on them and leaving me to pay the bills with what little he gave me from his paycheck. Years later my daughter understood what had happened and no longer blamed me. And we have a good relationship now. But for a time it was very painful. I'd say that it may be a good idea to keep your distance until you feel less hurt and she matures. There is no point in putting yourself in a situation where you will be verbally assaulted and treated disrespectfully. Just let her know that you love her but that you don't intend to be disrespected. So until she can treat you with respect you will protect yourself with some distance. I don't know that I'd go as far as to actually move away to another state. I'd not want to give her that much power - to control where you life. But you certainly don't have to spend time with her if it is going to keep the strive going.
9 Mar 08
when ur heart burned caused by ungrateful children don't punish him, with your remark too. even ur heart was sore, and blamed. ur mind must be stay cool. don't prized him to understand what u thinking ! caused they have considertion too. if they not smae way with u, just undestand they .. . if u still loving him. talk with affectionately . . maybe at this time they wouldn't understand but one day they'd understood. how care their parent to him. i ever mad to my parent too as son. but my parent didn,t give me chance , , at that time i thouhgt i've had a bad parent ! and when i alone i try to understand . what is the biggest prize in the world ? of course my family and i go back to comunicate with my parent what i want to do for my life...and then they give me good advice and said it with lovingly . however i'll be parent too in the future, so i try to understand how difficult be a parent. in family the important thing to understand one each others. have a good family like in heaven a world and evething is easier to face.
9 Mar 08
well hon, I am a trained therapist, and if you want to hear me out this is what I say, you have your side of the story and I believe you, your kids have what they understand, but remember they were kids at the time, so if they never knew the real story the only way for them to understand is to get to know it. you must do two things, one apologize to the for hurting them, though you did your best and you believe with all your heart you did the right thing, the other thing is to tell them what really happened, and ask them to look at it as an adult, would they seriously want to put their children through that. there is no guarantees that they will understand, but what is the alternative, if you don't say anything it is a sure bet that they will never understand and you will not have a loving happy family life. it is hard to get out but you have to do it, and you never know it could make things a lot better too. right now you think your right and the kids think they are right and nobody is right because none of you are happy