Before you fell in love.... did you considered these points?

@subha12 (18453)
India
March 10, 2008 4:41am CST
One day one of my friend. who was experiencing some problem with his love life told me, look when you fall in love, you never think about these points beforehand. i asked him what are those points? he told 1. My Gf is pure veg and i take Non Veg 2. she is from different caste as me( In their community it is considered strictly) 3. we have differences in financial positions 4. she is older than me.... I am not asking how many of you look at these, but is there any other points that you think can be of problem later in life, you consider at time of falling in love? I guess no. love does not see all these. what was your case or view?
6 people like this
25 responses
@queenofarms (1665)
• United States
10 Mar 08
Some other points you may not think about: 1.Do you both want children and how many? 2.How do you discipline? 3.If this is going to be 2 income family 4.Do you feel the same on how the house is kept? 5.Religion backgrounds. 6.Do you get along with the inlaws? 7. How so will you have children? There is probably alot more..These are ones I have dealt with myself and had my friends found out after getting married.
@subha12 (18453)
• India
11 Mar 08
thi sare all you consider when you are already in relation. but before you feell in love?
• China
11 Mar 08
that will be only in the story.
@ciades (1624)
• Philippines
10 Mar 08
Yeah, i did. Because for me to fell inlove is an unconditional thing to shared with to a one person that you chosen to be with your life. Problem is a part on loving someone. Through that you can measure how much you love the person. Its just a matter of acceptance, understand and adjustments. IF you love that person unconditionally then those things that u enumerated is just a nonsense need not to worried with.
@subha12 (18453)
• India
11 Mar 08
true love does not consider these.
@ssh123 (31104)
• India
10 Mar 08
In India, the boy's side also look for 1. Whether the girl's parents have many daughters, or she is only the daughter, 2. How good is the economic situation 3. Are there too many brothers - proprerty will be shared among the boys and there won't be any thing for the girl (would be wife). Similarly, the girl's side would like to think how good or how bad is the in-laws How soon their daughter can make an independent house, so that boy's parents can be shunted to some place How strong is the finances of boys or his parents for how many people in boys family, she has to cook. There are many such wonderful calculations which have to be donemeticulously to prevent area of misunderstanding
@subha12 (18453)
• India
11 Mar 08
its true. but in love, before falling for a peron few consider these.
@williamjisir (22904)
• China
10 Mar 08
Hello dear subha12. Before getting married, I did not think about those points at all. I am glad that we have the same eating habit and I did not have to think too much about what would bring us inconvenience, including financial status. We do not have any problems after marriage.
@subha12 (18453)
• India
11 Mar 08
thanks for reply.
• China
10 Mar 08
well.in my opinion.I think if we love each other very much.there will be no problems in our life. but I can't find that girl friend. in the real world.the 3rd point is so important.money can cause a lot of problems.
@subha12 (18453)
• India
11 Mar 08
in true love nothing matters.
@yellows (245)
• Malaysia
10 Mar 08
Are you talking about race? As I know some race will considered that points that you stated before fell in love. For me, all of what you stated is not considered before fall in love because Im not racer and I did not judges my lover's financial, caste, food habit, age etc. In this modern age, that points should be avoided. We are in multicultural area. Anyway for race sensitiveness this points might be exception.
@subha12 (18453)
• India
11 Mar 08
in some cases peopel think about this.
• Philippines
10 Mar 08
yes you have a point...1. if my GF is pure veg thats fine with me...she is healthy living ^_^ no problem i like it!!! 2. if she is different caste, i think it would be a problem for me also 3. same as different caste financial position will also be a big problem. 4. if she is older than your mother it would be a big problem? hehe
@subha12 (18453)
• India
11 Mar 08
few people still think these
• Philippines
15 Mar 08
my only case was the family of my boyfriend making me feel welcomed.It insults me because his mother is showing me in a subtle way that I'm not welcomed and she's so mean and rude to me.She treats me as if I don't exist.
@rmuxagirl (7568)
• United States
13 Mar 08
The vegetarian thing I don't mind. It encourages me to eat healthier. As far as caste and finances they dont play a part in who and why you love someone. And my b/f is older than I am and I don't have a problem with that. When you fall in love, there is nothing that should be able to change that. I still believe in the "love conquers all " idea.
• India
13 Mar 08
Yes i do look for certain points ..well in ur list i consider 2 n 4 as if u dont consider thm in the begginning they mite have adverse effects later...so its better late than never....
@Janjie (30)
13 Mar 08
No, I didn't. Actually, before, I really set points and standards as to whom I should fall in love with, but eventually, it turned out that I was all blinded. It was as if, everything about him is what I've been looking for. I forgot all about the standards that I set. I guess, that is just about falling in love. You forget to consider some points.
@secretbear (19466)
• Philippines
12 Mar 08
hi subha! the number one funny seemed ridiculous for me. who would ever think of that before he or she dates anybody? i wouldn't even care what kind of food a guy i'm dating would like. maybe if we are dating for a long time and if he is already my boyfriend, i would care about the food he eats especially if he likes eating raw onions! ew. but i wouldn't really think about food before i date a guy. but for the last two items, that i might think about before i date a guy (although the caste system doesn't exist here in our society). the caste system, or whatever system there is in the society, like a religious system, might bring problems in a relationship. the financial situation on the other hand, i usually prefer guys with stable jobs. because it reflects being responsible. and i think i would be scared to date a very rich guy because we are not rich and his family might be against poor people. .
@llldj51 (39)
12 Mar 08
With my experience I didn't think of any of those factors mine was a case of we saw eachother got to know eachother for about a week and we both knew that we where ment to be. Money can be a very big issue in a relationship and so can race with some cultures but so can be religion for some people, but I also don't think that any of this should make a huge difference in todays society or for true love.
@anonymili (3138)
11 Mar 08
Hi dear Subha, I don't know that I specifically thought about those things consciously when I met my 2nd husband (I was only 18 when I met my first husband although we didn't marry till I was 25 and didn't think about things so sensibly back then). The things I did consider were things like: a) does he respect me and my family (religion or caste does not come into it but my parents are religious and he would need to respect their beliefs). b) do we have the same or similar level of maturity (this rarely happens with a guy younger than you, as we all know that women generally are more mature than men of their own age). c) I don't mind if he is veg as long as he doesn't expect me to change my eating habits and if I was veg, I wouldn't expect him to expect me to start eating meat either. d) I wouldn't want to fall for a guy who has no prospects or ambition. I want a partner who will be equal to me, I didn't work my backside off for years to buy a place only for a guy with no financial status to come and move in with me and possibly expect to take half of it away from me if we ever split up (you have to think with your brain not your heart here) - I need him to be as financially secure as I am... e) I would also look at how much a guy is into his family as it was a huge problem with my first marriage and I want to know that I come first with my life partner, not 2nd, 3rd, 4th or 5th after his parents, siblings, dog, car, cat, etc! So I guess I have answered your questions in a roundabout way but I think I have covered them all :)
@tess1960 (2386)
• United States
11 Mar 08
If you look for a mate with all of these conditions invlved you will overlook the right one for you. Love just happens and I don;'t think we purposely look for a certain quality or if we do, it is harder to find the right one and sadly we may end up overlooking the right one until it is too late.
@SViswan (12072)
• India
11 Mar 08
Yes, love is blind and most people in love do not consider such 'practical' issues and even if they do, they think their love will overcome it. But when they marry and start living together and going through the same problems everyday, they will be blinded by the practical issue and love will fly out the window. It happens to lots of couples in love. And that is why when someone is saying that love marriage is better than arranged, I ask them to take a proper look and see. Not that such cases cannot be successful...they can but only with many people involved in working towards makind it successful. A marriage in an Indian society does not involve only the two people...but two families and lots of things have to be considered even if they are not living with the extended family.
@mimpi1911 (25454)
• India
11 Mar 08
Todays' youth is more wise and calculative and I really appreciate them for it. Having said this, I had never considered these. Love happens and I feel there is not scope for thinking as it is indeed blind!
@gops121 (53)
11 Mar 08
yups .. love is blind ..does not see this .. But i feel .. one has to get interested in somebody to start noticing the person and then yes fall in love.. we generally tend to notice people if they have some similarity to us or similarity to what we would want in a pertner ..... and yes after that if love strikes ..cool ... it is only after we strat caring and loving the person that we start ignoring the differences and things we would not like in our partner....
@chiyosan (29383)
• Philippines
11 Mar 08
i think when we fall in love, we do see these things but still do not think it is a problem to begin with, for with true love, everything is just secondary. these are but simpler things... you have not even mentioned religion, beliefs, cultures, and so on... many have made their love the weapon to conquer their differences.
• Australia
10 Mar 08
No, you dont consider this thing when you fall in love, but I do suggest from personal experience that you do consider this thing before starting a relationship. You cant prevent falling in love for someone (thats why its called falling), but you can prevent having a heartache or problem later on, by not starting a relationship that you think will never work. For myself, I have never met with anyone that is pure Veg so that has never been the problem. As for from different caste, in my country, the people are divided as someone original, or someone with a chinese blood, and Im the one with chinese blood, my parents do forbid me to go out with someone original... and its not only because of the racism, but also because of the difference in way of thinking, background, and more. Personally I have never been interested or start a relationship with someone original too. Anyways, since Im a girl, I also dont start a relationship when the guy is younger than me or shorter than me, because I know I just dont want to... and will cause problem later on in our relationship... So, therefore, falling in love doesnt take into consideration of this points, but when choosing to act on that love, or starting a relationship with that person, you do need to consider this point beforehand, if you want a serious relationship.