Grown Men Living At Home

HaHa...my s/o is 42 and we all live with his parents. After giving birth to 3 of his children, I got tired of living in a separate house so I moved in here since he wouldn't leave....yeah I know, I should have realized it meant something else but at the time I though keeping our family together was important. He sits around while his mom and I do all the work and still finds time to complain if we don't get everything done that he wants done. He lived here for 5 1/2 years before I moved in so this is what he's used to and will probably never change. And when I move out I'm sure he'll stay here continuing to be miserable.

My son lived with us during his first years of college. He's in his own apartment now and I think it's really for the best - he has to do all his own housekeeping, bill paying and cooking etc etc. It's okay to have the kids back to help them get on their feet financially and whatever their age when they need a place to stay - in my opinion. Some kids will be financially responsible and help out when living at home and I actually don't see a problem with them living at home as long as it's amenable to the parents. Other kids get waited on too much, don't save and get lazy - time to get their butts out of the house. whit

Well you may laugh at this but if living at home means staying with the parents, then here in India it is the norm rather than the exception to stay with your parents and take care of them till they die. We call it the joint family i.e. a family within a family. The sons get married and stay with the parents alongwith their wives and children. Its breaking now with more and more women working and therefore not liking to live under their MILs. Even I have spent more than 10yrs of my married life with my in-laws and its only a few months since I have started living independently. So I am not in a position to say whether your MIL was right or wrong. Its actually a totally different culture and way of life. PS: Someone here has said about not leaving old parents to rot. People don’t understand that staying independent does not mean that one doesn’t love the parents or doesn’t care for their well-being. Its only that in India (maybe in other developing nations too) the govt takes no direct responsibility of its senior citizens apart from maybe 1% higher interest rates or lower train/air fares, so the onus of daily care falls invariably on the children and the parents too expect this from them.

Well it is not strange in India to live at home at any age. People used to take over their father's business and lived with their parents even after they got married. Now since sons go out for jobs the parents move with them. We don't leave old parents alone to rot.

I know one man who does still live with his mother. He is older too. He is also gay. He takes care of his mom part of the time, I believe. She has a huge house and he keeps it up and takes care of all the cars. He's a really nice guy. Doesn't really seem to have those problems. He was in the military and used to live in Texas, so he has not lived with his mom his entire adult life. Just came back a few years ago.

Well... I just watched Psycho this afternoon... Hummm, scary! (Sorry, just kidding!) It works for some people. I dated a guy once that still lived with his mom and it worked well for them.

I hope he gains more independence, as people never know when life makes a drastic change. Many years ago, my husband was in an accident and on crutches for a long time. He was just the opposite of your husband, as he did everything himself. We had a rocky time in our marriage with everyone telling me what to do and expecting it done quickly. We had a baby who depended on me first and now I had gained a second child (my husband), who wanted everything now not when I could get there. My brother came for a visit and straightened out my husband quickly. I don't know what he said, but my husband started thanking me and stopped treating me like a door mat. Good luck and hope your husband treats you perfectly. There is always something most of us would like to change about our spouse, but its not always an easy solution.

The stereotype of adult men still living at home is there for good reason. Momma's boys DO exist, and I for one, do NOT want to be involved with one. I agree, it sounds as though your husband's mother enabled his behaviours for too long. She likely did it out of love, and did not think about how it could affect him in the long term. Some mothers just really like to coddle their kids, and don't want to let them go, for fear that they may get hurt in the real world, or whatever. Maybe just because they really enjoy looking after them. But that doesn't do them any favours in the long run, not at all. A parent's job is to teach their child(ren) to be independent, not to be their servant.

Right or Wrong I can not say But sad for a grown man to live with mom for that long of a time. I do not agree with. But I have a friend that is 44 still lives at home with his mom, he has never been married or had children. I feel for him because he is a great guy, he works... But he expects his mother to do to much for him. She is 78 there is no need in that and I tell him that all the time. He needs to learn to do his own clothes, cook for himself. GOOD LUCK with your hubby

I believe you are correct in your judgements and sometimes we feel guilty when we have to see our love ones other than perfect.I have a brother now 43 living with my elderly parents and is totally disrespectful to them.He has never lived on his own and was diagnosed with schitzophrenia earlier in life.It may be more common than we realize.