Sharing my pains here on myot....

@Zelmarq (11503)
Cebu City, Philippines
March 11, 2008 12:41am CST
I have a new way of coping with pain and with anything to with adjusting with our daily stresses in life. Of course we have friends and people aroud us but there are things that we cant share to them coz they will never undertstand. I have the freedom to share it with mylotters coz these are the people who though may not really persoanlly know me but they have their time and their ideas to share and its one also a nice way of interacting here. The past four weeks, i have been way under the normal emotions, lately they have been flooding back and forth and some i have identified and some I refuse to let go. I have ben through EGR but i have not settled eveything there, though I have expressed almost all but theres one childhood experience that i was not able to let go yet. I was not ready to cafe such a great emotional breakdown during that time of the activity so I have decided to just keep it in one corner of my heart. And now its revealing itself in silence and haunting me for the last couple of days. Bringing back that memory and and the feel of hate and revenge and grief came coming so strong. I hate the feeling and I want to stop it from coming back but the more i try the more it haunts me everyday.I thought I have forgiven the person but and what he has done to me. Only a friend knows about it and my mother does not know anything about it. Im just thankful that God said to me today that God said to me today that If you are experiencing difficult times, make your choices based on clear direction from God. Don't allow a feeling of desperation to steer you in the wrong direction. Desperate choices are seldom the best choices. I have refuge in His word and His word healing me, helping me to get over this emotional crisis im in today. ANd i have brothers and sisters in Christ who can help and who can be my support system.
4 people like this
9 responses
@roniroxas (10576)
• Philippines
11 Mar 08
me and my four children run away from my ex husband. if you will ask me if i had forgiven him already the answer is a BIG NO. maybe some will comment that i should forgive and forget but i know time will heal all wounds but that time has not yet here. everytime i see something that would bring back painful memories the hate feeling i feel for him always arises. i just tell my friends that you really dont know the feeling to be in my shoes on those years so you cant judge me just because i can not forgive him. i hate the feeling to that i hate someone, but i always pray that i soon find the heart to forgive him. God is good and he is always guiding me and maybe i can only forgive him if i see my children with good lives as they mature. its been seven years already since the last time i saw him. some of our common friends told me that he is married to a japanese and now living in japan. true or not.... i really dont know and dont care
2 people like this
@Zelmarq (11503)
• Cebu City, Philippines
11 Mar 08
Its good that theres a desire in your heart to forgive him, the more you resent him the more you hurt yourself. Love heals and its the best healer. Have a nice day and thank you.
1 person likes this
@roniroxas (10576)
• Philippines
12 Mar 08
there is a desire to forgive but i dont know when. i cant say that i agree with you when you say love heals and the best healer for i no longer feel love for him but regrets and pains. but i just hope that time will heal all the wounds.
1 person likes this
@carmelanirel (20979)
• United States
11 Mar 08
It is a process, forgiveness is. I too had some horrible nightmarish things happen to me as a child and it took many years to forgive and go on. Just keep giving it over to the L♥rd, because if anyone understands He does, He knows your hurt and pain and He will take it away.. Blessings and prayers to you..:)
@Zelmarq (11503)
• Cebu City, Philippines
11 Mar 08
Yes he is the only person who can turn things right and the only one I can trust with all the pains that I am going through right now. Thank you my friend.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
11 Mar 08
Sometimes, it is much easier to share what you have in mind with complete strangers. But there are also times when you really need someone that knows you for a long time to give you a good sound advise. I would like to think that people here at myLot are nice people and really are supportive.
2 people like this
@Zelmarq (11503)
• Cebu City, Philippines
11 Mar 08
Yes, I need a trusted person to share this emotional bondage with and this afternoon I am going to talk with my Bible study leader about it. She has comforted me and shared JOb 23:8-10 8 "But if I go to the east, he is not there; if I go to the west, I do not find him. 9 When he is at work in the north, I do not see him; when he turns to the south, I catch no glimpse of him. 10 But he knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold. Just as gold is tested in fire, I will be as shining as gold after this event in my life. I know He is working and causing me to turn to Him alone and put my trust in HIm.
1 person likes this
@williamjisir (22905)
• China
11 Mar 08
Hello dear Zelmarq. Thanks very much for believing us, your friends. Yeah, I agree that mylot is a very good place for us to not only share with each other's happiness, but also a good place for us to share our bitter pains with each other. We are here to help each other, to give advice to each other and we share with each other what we do not want to share with those who work or live with us. We keep it a secret to them, but open to mylotters here. Yeah, I have to say that it is better to our bitter experience let out to relieve or ease our bitterness to make us feel more relaxed in our daily life and work. We always need to have some ways to have us ease our pain and share our happiness. Mylot is the best place for such.
@Zelmarq (11503)
• Cebu City, Philippines
11 Mar 08
Thank you also for helping me and encouraging me when I felt down and out and so emotional the way I am now. Its one of the ways I cope with the stresses of life. These represses memories had a way of revealing themselves and I want to deal with it now than hold it back the way I kept it for many years now.
1 person likes this
@charms88 (7545)
• Philippines
11 Mar 08
Awww Zelmarq, I know where you're coming from. Pain is always something we never like to experience. But its part of human nature. To feel the pain so we can grow wiser, sharpen our perception and be more in-control of our elements. I'm just so sorry that you need to go through this. But the only way for you to come to terms with your emotion is to let it flow on its course. The right time will come and you will be free of these painful memories. For now, cry, if you must. Don't try to keep everything inside of you. I'm glad you were able to find solace with mylot. I'm not really good with revealing my true emotions here. Never uttered nor share any of my personal life. Pray harder and I know God will guide you to the right path. =)
2 people like this
@Zelmarq (11503)
• Cebu City, Philippines
11 Mar 08
I have cried myself to sleep at night and I thought Im already running out of tears. These are the times in my life when I can lean on to God and cry out to Him and surrender all these pain I have inside me. I thought Iw as ok until I saw the person. Its already 25 years ago and I want to let go of this heavy baggage in my heart. I am finding comfort in God's word and Im just glad its the my solace and my refuge and my stregnth. Than you my friend.
1 person likes this
@daeckardt (6245)
• United States
11 Mar 08
I hope that things are not too difficult for you. I have had some bad times over the years and most of the time, I have talked to people around me who were able to help me see that things were not as bad as I had thought they were. There have been times that I wanted to die,but with the right kind of help (some from medical and some from religious), I was able to overcome the difficulties. If things get bad, just make sure you communicate with someone so that you know you are not alone. Once you get your thoughts out in the open, you are more likely to see that things are not as bad as you thought. I hope that things get better for you soon.
2 people like this
@Zelmarq (11503)
• Cebu City, Philippines
11 Mar 08
"Never Alone - Perhaps you have lost the one dearest to you. Maybe you have moved far away from family and friends. Let God fill your life with His presence in whatever way He chooses, and rejoice that He never forgets nor forsakes. Be assured that even though there may be an empty place in your home, there can be a fullness in your heart. You may feel lonely, but you need never feel alone." God gave me this assurance, I know im never alone, Im planning to share it to my Bible study leader and ask for her opiion with emotional crisis that Im in right now. Im just glad that the joy of God's salvation is in my heart and its the only thing that keeps me from falling.
1 person likes this
• China
12 Mar 08
dear mylotter:i'm sorry to hear that,these days i always feel painful,lonely,helpless,haphazard and even desperate,because the things get along as bad as i thought.i have stood on the edge of breakdown,sometimes i want to end up my life.in days,i can't find a way to release,but in deep night,i couldn't control my emotion and tears,i cried and yelled loudly in dreams yesterday.this morning,one of my classmates told me that she heared someone cry in the night,it's me i said.everything goes bad and worse,i lose my confidence,have no target,can't treat things with right attitude,now i fear doing my study.actually,i am afraid of facing with my tutor.no one can help me,i don't know whom i can talk to and who will understand me.i haven't experienced before.my difficult times is coming,but i have no ability to afford.let's conquer the hard times together,things will be fine.i believe we can make it.looking forward to......
1 person likes this
@Zelmarq (11503)
• Cebu City, Philippines
12 Mar 08
there are hard times in our lives and its a way that we can turn to God when things seem to heavy for us. Read His word and you will find comfort in it and it will give us stregnth and power to over come what ever it is that you are going through right now.
@sid556 (31006)
• United States
12 Mar 08
I think that whoever you are comfortable opening up to is good. I personally would be maybe more comfortable opening up here because of the wide variety of people who may have experienced what I have. The anonymity protects me from feeling embarrassed and yet I feel I get honest answers. If the answers are negative...at least I don't have to face the person. wimpy? ya maybe but it works. It is better than holding stuff in. I think on a place like this it is easier to be completely honest whereas with people you know you may be guarded with your thoughts and words becuz you may be afraid of their reaction therefore not be 100% honest hence...not getting always great advice.
1 person likes this
@Zelmarq (11503)
• Cebu City, Philippines
12 Mar 08
I have shared a portion of what is bothering me right now and it gives me relief even its not really the whole problem that I have shared. Thank you and have a nice day!
@Samanthavv (1387)
• United States
12 Mar 08
I'm not religious at all. It's just not my thing, but if it helps you cope with the blows life is throwing at you right now, then use it! Delve into your bible, get active at church, and keep yourself occupied. One of the worst things you can do under stress is nothing! If you do nothing, then you just sit there and fester and boil and worry and stress yourself out about everything! Maybe try picking up a hobby or a craft that you could do to help yourself cope. Or even better, volunteer somewhere, like at the food bank, the women's shelter, a school, or an animal shelter. I know that I always feel much better about myself and my situation when I know I helped other people as well. Just remember, you WILL pull through and things WILL get better.