housewife or working wife (Men's point-of-view accepted/needed/respected)

@ruthinian (2311)
United States
March 12, 2008 10:28am CST
I have been a stay-at-home wife for 8 months now. Being a teacher for 11 years (and an Executive Assistant for 5 years prior to my teaching profession) I can feel the pressure of staying at home and just doing nothing but chores. I have never been domesticated in my entire life. And I have never realized that doing housework is more stressful than a real job. Well there are advantages and disadvantages. And I know now because I have been both. And I can't wait to work. What are you... a home-maker or a career woman? MEN... YOU ARE NOT EXCEPTED TO RESPOND TO THIS POST. So which do you prepare for your wife/future wife... a homemaker or a career woman, why? Check my blog on this too. Thanks. http://ruthinian.wordpress.com/2008/03/12/feeling-the-pressure/
4 people like this
37 responses
• United States
13 Mar 08
i can honestly agree with you. i have been off work for 2 wks and its driving me nuts and i finally applied for a stylist position at a local salon and i have never been so happy and relieved. this way i can work and be at home with my children.
1 person likes this
@ruthinian (2311)
• United States
13 Mar 08
Good for you. I think I can do that, for now. I know how to cut and style hair. I enrolled in hair-styling school before I come here to US. thanks.
• United States
12 Mar 08
I am also a stay at home mom but just lucky that my employer doesn't want me quitting my job and opted for me to telecommute. I have been working at home for the last 5 years and taking care of my 2 daughters. It is quite hard but I love being a stay at home mom because I am there during the formative years of my children. When they will start school, I will return to the corporate world. Financially, if we are able to make it, I would not mind being a housewife. I am content with it. But nowadays, I think it is good if husband and wife will be working because of our economic situation, prices are skyrocketing.
1 person likes this
@ruthinian (2311)
• United States
13 Mar 08
Good for you. You are taking advantage of both worlds. Thanks.
• United States
12 Mar 08
My wife worked as a Teaching Assistant for 10 years before deciding to be a stay-at-home mother once our kids were being born. I know she has a lot of pressures on her and she does a great job being a mother, wife, caregiver, chauffeur, cook, cleaner, ironer, dishwasher, homework leader, and so forth. At the same time she wants a bigger house, new bedroom suite, and many other luxuries. Therfore, I am stressed out to the max trying to provide. My strong opinion is that nowadays, most families need both spouses working 1 or 2 jobs just to make ends meet. Thanks!
@ruthinian (2311)
• United States
13 Mar 08
Of course, it's a tough time. The economy is not stable and bills are piling up. It is really good to have two people working to make both ends meet.
• Philippines
12 Mar 08
I understand how you feel right now, I've been there. I am not married yet though, but I used to be busy with my On-the-job training then got a job and in all those years I merely get to sit down at the house and have fun with my family. I was busy with work, now that I stay at home everyday, sometimes I do feel the pressure, but since I got myself busy again with medical transcription course, which I am taking through home study program, I seldom get bored now. Then came myLot, I'm having fun with. Maybe you need some time off the daily chores and maybe consider learning new things.
1 person likes this
@ruthinian (2311)
• United States
12 Mar 08
myLot really saves the day. LOL. I am still in the process of adjustment for one thing. Just got my green card and still have no car and a driver's license that is why I can't work for now. It's just that being able to work for 16 years straight then "boom"... out of work! It drives me crazy. myLot keeps my sanity intact. LOL.
@joyce959 (1563)
• Philippines
12 Mar 08
I am a working housewife for more than 26 years now. It is really hard to be a working housewife/mom. But my priority is my family, my kids when they were still small. I was always late, halfday in work and had been given memo for my poor attendance. There was a point that I just wanted to stay at home. But then, I've realized that its boring to stay at home all the time. If I could have all the money, I want to stop or retire from work and have a tour of other countries to enjoy and relax.
@ruthinian (2311)
• United States
12 Mar 08
Of course, I know some women work because they have no other choice. But given the choice they will take the most important want and that is always the family. But of course, given this situation, women are alwasy willing to make sacrifices. Thanks.
1 person likes this
@clowdine (1402)
• Philippines
12 Mar 08
As a woman, I have tried working outside both as a teacher for 3 years and a call center agent for another 3 years. I've also had other employment experience but short lived ones. With all those years of working combined, I know it's still too short but I think I have had enough. Right now, I enjoy staying at home with my husband all the time because he too just works at home. He is a dentist and his clinic is just next to our house. Aiming to be somebody in the corporate world or in the academe was a thing in the past to me. As for now, I just enjoy my stay here in our house 24/7. My husband and I plan to go to US or Canada in the future so that means I will be obliged to work again and I'll just wait for that time to come.
1 person likes this
@ruthinian (2311)
• United States
12 Mar 08
Good for you. But for me I need to work to help my husband pay our bills. Can't wait for the spring or summer because I will be working soon.
@adnanezzi (243)
• India
12 Mar 08
hi there i think it all comes upon the income of your husband. if u sre financially sound then chill at home otherwise toil hard to make the ends meet
1 person likes this
@ruthinian (2311)
• United States
12 Mar 08
I believe so too. I need to work because I need to help my husband pay our bills. It's just that I still dont have my driver's license and car. And I just got my green card.
@heart143 (1204)
• Philippines
13 Mar 08
I know how you feel and I have undergone the situations you have now. I'm very active in corporate world for 15 years, with a very nice salary and high position to boast of, until I decided to gave it up when I decided to settle down. Quitting this world is probably one of the most difficult decisions I've made. Sometimes, we have to face the consequences of our choices. I can say money is not the real issue in my case because my husband can support for all our needs. I tried to open another career by trying to engage in homebased business but the quality of the time I spend for my family suffers. Because of that, I have to give-up the business and concentrate on my family. At first, it was really very hard. I really missed that busy and complicated world, my 9-6 routine. When my baby arrived, things were changed. I no longer have extra time to think and engage in any other activity except the baby, the house and the family. It was then that I realized that being a full-time housewife is a very tough job. But as our child grows, you get the hang of it and your life goes back to normal. I still do get offers from companies willing to take my services, but as for the moment, I still want to enjoy the moment with my child. It's been three years since she was born and I can feel that soon, she will be on her own. Come next school year she will be going to school. I can now feel the excitement of bringing her to school and helping her with her assignments. Though I still have the thoughts of going back to work, I think it's gonna be when my child is old enough to be on her own. But as for the moment, my role is to be a good mom, a loving housewife and a perfect homemaker.
@ruthinian (2311)
• United States
13 Mar 08
Good job. You made the best decision you think is important to you and your family. I know that it was such a struggle and the adjustment period is equally frustrating. But then, at the end of the day, you still can sleep well and ready to face another day full of hopes. take care.
@heart143 (1204)
• Philippines
13 Mar 08
Yeah, thanks a lot. Hope you get the best job suited for you soon. God bless...
@kalav56 (11502)
• India
13 Mar 08
I am fifty one years old and thirty years back , when it was not a regular practice for all women to do post graduation , I finished my MA in Literature. My parents believed in educating girls so that it would give them more confidence and it would also come handy in need. That apart we were trained to be only homemakers/housewives . I was happy and devoted all my time to my only son till he came to the fifth standard. But even before this , soon after he was born I found a good teacher and learnt classical music from scrap. When I was learning music[I had reached the advanced stage pretty fast due to the God given ear I had for music. So, at this stage students started approaching me to teach them . This was the first activity I took up. Apart from this I took an active interest in the Capital market[with the expert guidance of my chartered accountant husband who had started his independent practice after leaving his job] and started investing.It was a support to his activities. MY music group went on and next I started teaching English. This grew as a very big activity that I started getting students from all over the city, and I had different groups of students passing on the good word of mouth. In fact I was so successful that I was invited as a chief guest in my former college , in appreciation of my service to society. This is my life time achievement as a freelancer. Now I have relocated to Mumbai. I have found some writing activity in the net, and my investing goes on. I have no regrets for not taking up regular employment..I could dedicate all my time to my son in his formative years and he performed wonderfully well. He is a rank holder in a professional exam where the pass rate is 6% and is also a management grad from the most prestigious institute. I may not have earned the best money possible but earned a lot of goodwill, recognition and fame. These cannot be quantified. So, to your question--I am a selfemployed homemaker. , I feel that you can engage your time productively in some activity at home. The remuneration may not be as good as going out for a job. But this certainly has great advantages.There will be no compromise on the homefront and we can still be independent.
@kalav56 (11502)
• India
13 Mar 08
But one thing, people who have a lot of desires that can be fulfilled with plenty of extra money cannot be happy as a stayathome freelancer living on a reasonably frugal[where you have plenty for your needs but not too much for some extra/vanities etc etc..] budget otherwise. Everything becomes case specific becaus ewe are all different kinds of individuals. I had limited desires and my personal vanities could be satisfied with my earnings in spite of spending some for general purposes. The household expenditure was broadly within the means of my husband .
@ruthinian (2311)
• United States
13 Mar 08
Good for you. I admire your perseverance and personal conviction on life. You are one tough lady, very decisive and firm with your decision. I made a lot of sacrifices for your family but then you were able to take advantage of your situation and turn the table around to your advantage. You just proved to me that women can really make things happen to them if they have the will and the determination to do things that matter to them. Thanks. I appreciate your response. Take care.
@jovimom (1576)
• United States
13 Mar 08
Well, I think being a stay-at-home mom makes life easier when it comes to the kids being out of school for spring break, summer break, other days off, getting out of school early,etc. I do feel guilty because my husband works full time, I feel like I'm not contributing money-wise. I worked at the Department of Revenue for over 10 years and lost my job in 12/06. I looked for work for awhile and we decided it would be better for me to stay at home. Goodness knows we've had our arguments since I've been at home though. After all is said and done, I would have to say I'm a homemaker. I don't enjoy doing household chores too much though,lol!
@jovimom (1576)
• United States
13 Mar 08
Sorry didn't mean to post twice, I didn't think it posted the 1st time. I think I worded things a little differently though and added a bit :)
@ruthinian (2311)
• United States
13 Mar 08
it's alright. Thanks for responding anyway. Take care.
1 person likes this
@klaudyou (501)
12 Mar 08
The best would be a balance of both...but to have a position on your question, I would say that I prefer a career woman. That's because I am still young and, still the most important thing for now is financial development...of course this is easier and the objectives are more realistic when in two...careers... Also I am stil at the age when it doesn't bother me much to eat in a restaurant or a fast-food...so there's no so much need of having someone home expecting me with warm meals on the table... But when "grown-up", I think stability is what matters more, and stability for a man is given by a woman who takes care of things back home (not exclusively, but usually). On the other hand, I don't see why responsabilities have to be different?
@ruthinian (2311)
• United States
12 Mar 08
Thanks. I can say that you are the modern man. Practical and sensible. Gone are the traditional husband/man who wanted to be treated like king. Kudos to you.
• United States
13 Mar 08
Its men like you who help women be accepted in the working world even if they have a husband and children. Its good to be open for your wife/future wife and let her choose to stay home or go out and make a living. Nothing wrong with a working woman :)
@Sheena_C (87)
• Canada
17 Apr 08
I tried to stay home with my son when he was first born. I lasted all of 8 months. I really respect stay at home Moms because I know I was not cut out for it. It is A LOT harder than people think. Don't get me wrong, I adore my son and love spending time with him, but I just couldn't stay home all day and not work. I need to have my own pay cheque coming in. I like the fact that I am providing just as much as my husband is. I may not make as much money as he does, but I am getting close, plus I still do all the house work and cooking, etc. so I think that makes me just as much an asset as his work. Being a Mommy is hard. Staying home with your kids all day is harder. We all love our children, but I just couldn't imagine spending 24/7 with them, I would pull my hair out, I need my break every day. As I said, some women are cut out for it, but I am definately not one of them. I give props to all the homemakers out there, you ladies are amazing. Good for you!
@ruthinian (2311)
• United States
17 Apr 08
I agree with you. Working mom works harder than stay-at-home mom. Because you have to do the chores too. Unlike men, they just work and served at home. But for women, they work in the office and when they get home they do chores too and serve their husband. Life is fair huh. But being a stay-at-home mom will drive me crazy too. I want my own paycheque too and help pay the bills. And I agree with you , not because a mom works it doesn't mean that she doesn't love her kids. The more she loves them because she thinks of thier future.
• India
17 Apr 08
Yeah i feel the sam eway, house work is more stressful than office work, and i love to 2 work, but in my circumstances, i just cant.
@ruthinian (2311)
• United States
17 Apr 08
I understand what you feel. I still can't work right now and I am so bored already. thanks for sharing.
@kalav56 (11502)
• India
13 Mar 08
Hi Thank you for inviting me as your friend and for the comment. You will also be able to find some good productive way of self employment sooner or later. Looking forward to more chatting.
@ruthinian (2311)
• United States
16 Apr 08
Hi, thanks for the response and sorry for this late reply. Yes, I am really exploring all posibilities to earn money online since this is the only tool I got here. Take care.
@beccarose (121)
• United States
13 Mar 08
I guess I'm different from alot of people, but I actually like staying at home, I like to clean and I would like to cook if I had more time to even learn it. Right now I'm working full time, while being pregnant, and its not easy, specially with the job that I have. Maybe if I had a less weight bearing job I wouldnt mind it as much but I would MUCH rather stay home than work. I was kind of raised like that so I guess thats where it comes from?
@ruthinian (2311)
• United States
16 Apr 08
Hi, thanks for the response and sorry for this late reply. I know for married women, family is always their priority. And to be able to take care of their family is their great joy too. I understand, but with our economy, we don't have much choice. take care.
@djmarion (4905)
• Philippines
13 Mar 08
i am not yet a wife so my response might be somewhat bias. but in my opinion being a wife should not hinder you into achieving self growth therefore you can also do the task you regularly do as a bachelor like having a job. besides, with the way life is getting harder and harder now and economy is continuously falling, women should find ways to help their husband manage their finances efficiently by helping him pay the bills, and you can only do that if you have your own job as a source of your funds.
@ruthinian (2311)
• United States
13 Mar 08
I agree with you. Making both ends meet is important to the family so someone has to make a sacrifice. thanks.
• India
13 Mar 08
hmm, well, I prefer to work and earn my own living. According to me, Living off a man is quite degrading. Most of the time, they act as if they are doing you a great favor. But, I agree that housework is a great deal of work, quite stressful, and has absolutely no pay, the one thing that matters the most!! Cheers,
@ruthinian (2311)
• United States
13 Mar 08
I agree with you. Thanks.
• United States
13 Mar 08
I want to be a homemaker until my baby is in school then I want to work as a photographer. Being a photographer would give me freedom to pick her up if shes sick or something at school. I could do something I love and make money while I'm at it! I think if your able to stay home with your babies while they're little thats great. If you can't or don't want to it shouldn't be held against you. Working moms love their babies just as much as stay at home moms.
@ruthinian (2311)
• United States
13 Mar 08
of course, it's good if you can do what you want and be a mom at the same time. thanks.
@xialinye (1403)
• China
13 Mar 08
of course it's her choice.i will respect what she choose to be.if she wants to be a housewife,i will try to make more money,do whatever i can do to support the family.i think my future wife should have her interests,hobbies.not just stay at home,doing some housework. working is better than staying at home,you know,we must have something to strive for,to care for.
@ruthinian (2311)
• United States
13 Mar 08
Of course, we know what we want and for our man to respect that is very important to us. But we can always make sacrifices if we need to.
• Indonesia
13 Mar 08
If I get married, I will let my wife decides which is better for her. I will support whatever her decision. I always think who know best about someone is herself. About my girlfriends, she likely will be a career woman. Let us see :-)
@ruthinian (2311)
• United States
13 Mar 08
It's good to know that there are men who respect women's decision. thanks.