Your husband cheated..did you get even? how?

United States
March 12, 2008 10:37pm CST
I am reminded of a painful time in my life when the man I love cheated on me. These memories were sparked after watching the NY gov. fiasco. When my ex-husband cheated on me, i was humiliated and had to get even...not by cheating too but by giving him the same humiliation he gave me. I tell my story below... In 1990 I met my high school sweetheart. We were married right out of high school. We had a difficult teenage life in that we had our daughter when we were 17. Despite being teenage parents, we were fortunate to both have families that helped us through those difficult years. At 21 we opened our own business. Things were going quite well and it seemed as though we were on our way to riches and a modest life. We had a second child at age 24 and things were going very well. the money was rolling in, and then BAM! life started changing. Our seemingly good relationship was not quite so good....then I discovered that he was cheating. There were signs but I either was trying not to see them or just flat out in denial. Nonetheless, I finally busted him. I was humiliated! Everyone in town knew he was cheating except me. How could he, i remember asking over and over. I was just devastated. The day I busted him was the first day of my new job as a Manager for a large company. I was moving into a new office and had a great new salary. But on the eve of that very 8am start, I had just found receipts for hotels, expensive jewelry, and more I wont go into detail about. I was not about to allow this man to get the best of me. I sucked it up, reapplied my make up and trailed my miserable butt into that office and worked as though nothing had happened. At the end of the day, I prepared myself for what I was about to face. The man who i had devoted my entire life to had betrayed me and I wouldnt stand for another day of it. I had a 30 minute drive home and made a decision on the way. He WAS OUT! The 11 years that we had spent together were done. I stopped at a Wal-Mart on the way home and bought new locks, a poster board, a big fat sharpie, and a bottle of wine lol. I called my brother to come to my house and had him change the locks on all of the doors. I packed my husband's clothes...all of them...and loaded them in the car. I went to his mother's house and dumped half of his clothes there at her house and told her what he did. Then I went back home....other half of clothes still in the car...and waited for him to come home. He came home and begged me to let him in...I didnt. He eventually left. I woke up early the next morning and drove to our shop. We owned a mechanics shop and it was located right off the highway. He had one of those yellow signs that lights up and points to the building. There were 2 buildings on either side of our building and those businesses opened rather early..7 am & 8 am. My husband was not an early bird and didnt open the shop until 10 am. I was a scorned woman and I wanted to humiliate him the way he did me. I got the poster board out of the car and the sharpie and wrote...CHEATERS NEVER WIN YOU F****** ADULTERER!... and posted the sign on the yellow arrow pointing thing. It was very visible from the highway and frontage road. I then got his uniform and attached it right next to the sign so everyone would know who the sign was for. then i took the half of his clothes that i kept in the car out and scattered them throughout the entire parking lot of our shop....on top of cars...on the street...i wanted him to have to scurry to pick things up.The man from the business next door came over and apologized to me and said that i was a good woman and it was a shame. i told him just promise me you wont call him. he didnt. i drove to work that day and felt soooooooo goood. i remember going to my boss and telling him what happened the day before and what i did that morning. i knew that my husband was going to call and i went to my office and waited. he did...just after 10 lol...and i remember the gratification I got from hearing him so angry on the other line. "why did you do this", "my customers have seen this", "the guys are making fun of me"...blah blah blah! i said GOOD! lol then hung up. It felt so good to know that even for a moment he was a bit humiliated too. hehehehe
2 people like this
6 responses
@mark17779 (667)
13 Mar 08
Im sorry but that is so childish. If a partner cheats then obviously there is problems in the relationship making both parties guilty as these problems have got to a stage where 1 feels the need to cheat. fare enough the one that actually cheats has done the wrong thing but its not allways about " getting even ". Just think of your poor kids who wont be having their daddy about no more. Talking should allways be the 1st thing.
• United States
13 Mar 08
Obviously you dont know much about divorced families. Just because a couple is seperated does not mean that they stop being involved in the children's lives. The reason I divorced him was exactly because of my kids. Do I want my daughters to grow up believing that it is ok for a man to cheat on them..just "talk" about it and let it go..HELL NO!! I want my daughters to be independent, self sufficient, and respected by the one they choose to spend a lifetime with. I want them to grow up knowing that a marriage is a partnership with shared values and most importantly..VOWS!! vows that mean something rather than are forgotten because of a little trist...that didnt mean anything. If it didnt mean anything then why do it..because the vows we took did mean something. I am remarried today, have been for a few years and my husband is wonderful...to me...and especially to my children. Their father is still involved in their lives...he didnt stop loving them because he and I couldnt work things out. that isnt how it works. You can call it childish..I dont. I was very adult about it. We did talk about it, I just didnt need to hear what he had to say. Why subject myself to his pity because he made a mistake. He knew my position on adultery. I said it many times..."if you want our marriage to end..cheat..and it will be over". he obviously wanted it to be over. I am a woman of strong morals...hard to believe I am democrat lol...and I have strong convictions about how a man and woman should act in a marriage. Adultery is not and should not be tolerated in my marriage! I have a wonderful marriage built on trust, respect, friendship, and honor. My husband and I nurture these characteristics into "our" children. He treats them just as they were his and my kids would tell you he has been more of a father to them than their biological one. Divorce isn't always bad for the children but staying in a marriage that is full of lies, betrayal, and bitterness is very bad for the children and I am thankful mine arent subjected to any of it.
2 people like this
• United States
14 Mar 08
actually they are not my friends anymore. I dont talk to the ones who knew that didnt tell me and I have even confronted them and asked why. I did get the lame story of "we didnt want to hurt you"...yeah yeah yeah. I dont talk to any of those friends any longer. I dont need anyone to be my friend who will try to shelter me rather than stand up for me. you obviously didnt read my postings to know that we were having trouble for over a year and a half. the better or worse was being dealt with. you can't have one person trying to save a marriage and the other trying to live another life and be happy. it doesnt work. I am very happy today. I dont fear for a second that my husband will cheat on me. I trust him and he trusts me. maybe you have a problem dealing with doubt and lack of trust but I dont. those feelings of doubt and lack of trust come from INSECURITY!! I dont have that. I am very secure in who I am and who I chose for my spouse. Unlike many people who get out of a relationship, I actually took time to heal me before moving onto another relationship. I know exactly who I am and what I want from my partner. I took the time to find the right one as opposed to one that will leave me with all the feelings I have had before. I am SMARTER now than I was then. If I was going to live a life of worrying about weather or not my husband would cheat then there is no point in getting married again. You have to learn to trust and take the risk. You can assume that because one man cheated they all will because this is not true. If a man is a cheater then that is different because he probably will cheat again. NOT ALL MEN ARE CHEATERS! I know this and it would be wrong to automatically assume he will cheat because he is a man. When i began dating again, I looked for a man with the same strong convictions I have. My husband hates cheaters, in fact, he cant stand them and doesnt condone that behavior at all. His parents will celebrate 50 years in April. All of his brothers and sisters have been married for 20+ years. These are good things to identify likelihood of committment because this is what he has been exposed to his whole life. You marry for life and you treat your wife with respect and loyalty. You must either be a cheater who deals with doubt and lack of trust or you have been cheated on and cant get over it. I am glad that I dont have that problem
1 person likes this
• United States
14 Mar 08
no need to get defensive...you live your life and I will keep living mine...happy and secure with my emotions.
2 people like this
@barehugs (8992)
• Canada
13 Mar 08
I am reminded of Hillary and how she kept her cool,( When everybody thought she couldn't) and if she succeeds in her try for the Presidency, it will be because she had her Loving Husbands help. Jealousy is not a good emotion! I know how difficult it is to curb this powerful feeling, but its not the wisest thing to turn it loose on a spouse, (even though your going to say HE deserved it!) There are many options to jealously. I shouldn't talk because I've been married for 52 years to the same woman. Why didn't you give him another chance? Everybody should be entitled to one mistake. Bill got another chance, (and succeeded) Because Hillary was bright enough to see the Light at the end of the Tunnel!
• United States
13 Mar 08
I was not jealous. The definition of jealousy is resentful or painful desire for another;envy, covetousness, desire. I didnt care about who the girl was or how I compared to her. Our relationship was rocky for at least a year and a half. I had urged him to go to counseling with me so that we could try to overcome the issues we were having. I loved him very much. I wanted to spend my entire life with him. I was eager to show the world that marriage was not a bad thing and 50% divorce rate could be changed, but marriage is a partnership...a unity...a committment of trust, love, honor, and fidelity. I kept my vows, he didnt. Why should I have given him another chance? he made many mistakes that I turned the other cheek to...infedility is not one of them. I know myself better than anyone and I cannot get passed the fact that my husband was having relations with someone other than me. the trust factor is huge!! what good would life be stressing over the question "why is he late..he must be..." the mind is a powerful thing and once trust is violated it is easy to have a cloud of doubt in every thought. i dont want that life and i know that he didnt either. every other woman in the world can excuse or dismiss the act of cheating but I choose to stand up for me and say HELL NO!
1 person likes this
24 Jul 09
People stay with their mates for different reasons after the fire is out. I stay with mine only because it is convenient right now, but when it isn't convenient any longer, I am out of here. It was that way with Hillary. She chose to stay with him for appearances, not that he was forgiven. I will never forget my husband choosing to spend an evening with someone else. Our marriage ended right then. All trust was gone. Even now when he leaves the house, the thought enters my mind, is he.......? I may not be able to hold out much longer because the mistrust weighs to heavy on me but my day will come. Being with a a woman 52 years says to me that you are committed to her. That is the way it should be. She is a blessed woman.K
• United States
13 Mar 08
Good for you. I caught my first husband cheating when I went to pay a surprise visit to him at the very exclusive nightclub his band was performing at. This was was in a very posh old hotel on the main street in Wiesbaden Germany. The band member all had rooms in the hotel as I was already suspicious of his relationship with the girl singer I told the desk clerk I was his cousin and just wanted to leave my bags and freshen up in his room before I went to the club. The very nice desk-clerk gave me the key to the room and my suspicions were correct all the girls belongs were in the double room. I got busy and threw all of her clothes out the window which faced onto the main street. The old building was very ornate with gargoyles and all kind of stone carvings now decorated with bras, panties and all her very expensive stage outfits flapping in the wind. Only a few of them actually fell to the pavement. It caused quite a commotion as it was too high and no-one could remove them.. I then went to the club and boy was my husband surprised. The female was shocked as she knew who I was. As a parting shot I ordered a drink for the singer and made a very loud toast to the "musical (w)hore". Of course my husband dumped her and she lost her job (he was the bandleader) but to me that was the beginning of the end I never trusted him again and divorce followed a few years later.
• United States
13 Mar 08
yeah the trust factor is hard to overcome. I love what you did lol! I am gettin a mental image of the gargoyle with a bra over its head lol!!
• United States
19 Mar 08
Thank you for BR
@chiyosan (29388)
• Philippines
13 Mar 08
he he he that was really nice idea! i might not be capable of doing such a thing... i just have one question... so after that.. you never really got back together? i know he is your ex husband now.. but did he tried to reconcile with you after all that has happened? anyway... my dad cheated on us.. i was too young then to have thought of something to do for my mom. but my mom was a very nice lady she never did anything like that, that would have humiliated my dad... too bad.. i guess. hehe maybe i won't hope that my future husband cheats on me so i will never come to think of ways to get even.
• United States
13 Mar 08
oh yes, he did not want a divorce. he was shocked that I just ended everything so abruptly. I filed for a divorce just days after this happened. he was stunned. my mother cheated on my father for years and my father never stopped loving her. I decided that I would never subject my kids to that life or myself for that matter. when they cheat once, it is just a matter of time before they do it again. there may be some out there who dont...but very few!! he tried to get me to change my mind and give him another chance...all of a sudden marriage counseling didnt seem like such a bad idea to him. well he should have done that before I busted him. it was just too late. it was not easy. this was my high school sweetheart. my first love...my only love, if you get my drift. i was scared and i didnt want to be a divorce statistic. It was a difficult decision for me to make but I did and I dont regret it for a second.
@subha12 (18462)
• India
13 Mar 08
Oh My God! How he behaved like that with his sweetheart? I think there are many instances of it.there are so many people who cheat the person they once loved so much. its really complex human psychology.
• United States
13 Mar 08
many years have passed but he finally admitted that he was wrong and that he was thinking clearly. the good thing is that my life has continued on an upward climb and his...well...didnt. About a year ago he sent me a letter...couldnt tell me face to face...explaining what I mean to him today and what I have always meant to him. the most important thing in that letter is that he finally stopped blaming me. I dont understand why when men get caught cheating they blame the wife. if you would have done this, or if you would have done that...WHATEVER!! I am glad that I was smarter than that and didnt accept that it was me who was at fault for his indiscretion.
• India
13 Mar 08
Wow that was a pretty brave thing to do...i mean you felt happy after that...so you shud .....im glad geeting even this way is far more better then getting ourselves into a act which he did.....And im happy 4 you that you have found love in ur life again....
• United States
13 Mar 08
yeah, i would never stoop to his level...i am too smart for that. I did have to make him feel what i did, but what i did only affected him for a few hours. what he did to me affected me for years!! i am glad that I found love again and that I am able to trust again. relationships were difficult until i met my honey. he helped me remember what happy really is.