What Will You Do When The Mirror of Love Is Cracked?
March 13, 2008 10:31pm CST
Something very unpleasant happened last weekend, I found my boyfriend connected his ex by accident. He told me that he was invited to a party without knowing she was there, they two talked a lot, including me, then the following two days they sent messages. And I'd alredy sensed the tone by the light of nature these three days even he didn't tell me. Actually, he admitted that he wouldn't say a word about that. We both have histories. There was nothing we couldn't share, I used to think so. I wouldn't be hurt by her behavior (she said: I'm still in love with you.") but I did by his dishonesty and secretiveness. If I didn't found that, what would happen? This question kept lingering in my head. I broke up with him for a couple of hours then we got back. But all the suspicion, jealousy, sadness won't go. I asked him to tell her that I'd already known and leave us alone. Even he will do that, I still can't trust him like before that means I will keep an eye on him whenever he's indoor or outdoor. And it is totally more than I can bear to be such a horrible person. This mirror is just cracked and I don't know how to handle it.Remove it? Remake it? Refresh it? Everything between us is changed. Now I feel so unbelievable just like Emily who was hurt so bad by Ross's "I'll take thee Rachel" at the wedding. Maybe I'm overreacted. And I'm getting sick of myself. Time cures everything, but I just can't wait. How can I run out of the cage I put myself into? What will you do if such a thing happen to you? Help me!
16 Mar 08
I think if you still would want your r/s to work out and progress to the next level, then I think you will need to help him to help yourself here. First of all, you do realize that each of you have a past and these pasts will include people along the way. Today, he is faced with his ex, and you are uncomfortable about it - despite the fact that there is merely some conversation going on between the both of them. As a result, there is some flirtations going on, which is by nature a natural process. So if your b/f has sounded out that it is over between her then I think you should give the benefit of doubt and trust him. Help him to overcome being distracted and let him know that you cared and loved him to the extent that you are jealous. Admitting one's feeling is one way to let the other party know what is on your mind especially when you are behaving awkwardly. Put yourself in his situation, where one day you happened to meet up with your ex, at a function. What would you do to assure your b/f that there is nothing between your ex and you? What would you like your b/f to do to make you feel comfortable talking out about it w/o any misunderstanding that there is still something going on?? I think sometimes your need to anticipate and change roles to see how you can make things work. Just be objective and open minded.
16 Mar 08
I do appreciate your kindness. That really helped me a lot. I've always acted as an idelist in any relationships. Sometimes it hurts others and drives myself crazy. I denied at first when he said that I just couldn't accept someone else in his heart. But soon I realized that was the whole point to explain my hurt feelings and oversensitiveness. Every time when I got into the confusion and tesion after my ex's bugging, he was so supportive and considerate to help me out of there. How could I judge him hastefully? How could I ignore all the days we spent and all the efforts he did? We've discussed, argued, fought, then we arrived an agreement. Whatever, the most difficult chapter is closed. And I'm not so scared about what risk I should take like ever before. We've been growing up from this.
17 Mar 08
I am glad that the unpleasant episode has closed and just would like to add that the next time before you let your emotions get the better of you, take a deep breath and think before you utter a word. You see, in life there is this thing called "Choices". So please choose the best way to address the issue and the best words and tone to deliver. We are not here to win a war but to help support and love each other as long as we all shall live.
14 Mar 08
i think its a tough call. first of all when you both had history, you just can't blame him. but when he is in relationship with you, its ok that he has met her accidentally. but what was the point of continuing with her? also see you are not over anxious.
14 Mar 08
Thanks. Before this happened, I'm totally OK with they both go out sometimes if he tell me in advance. My ex and I had a-10-year relationship. He kept begging me back in the last 7 months. It is really hard to take all the memory (esp. the good ones)from me. But I still insisted on not seeing him or answering his call. It's unfair to ask someone to toe the mark just like yourself. But I can't stop thinking about that. Plus, she was married while they were dating. Now she's still not single.