choosing between parent's happiness and children's security

India
March 13, 2008 11:32pm CST
Should a couple continue with a loveless marriage for the sake of children?Well it is a fact that there are so many families which are held together by the concern of the parents for children. And it is a fact that children born in broken marriages undergo a lot of trauma.At the same time the parents live in constant conflicts and tension.Is there a way out in such a situation (which is very common) ? What do you think?
4 responses
@chiyosan (29388)
• Philippines
14 Mar 08
No. I think when parents start to have disagreements all the time, the way to work it out is through themselves. i remember when marriage and family life was discussed in our religion classes... our teacher would say that if he and his wife would quarrel, they won't go to their friends and to their parents most especially. it will add tension and his friends would side with him, her friends side with her.. and same goes for their parents and the problem will only be bigger with all the second hand inputs from people around them. so they will have their own quiet moment and will talk again to each other when things cool down. they never let their children see they are fighting, not even raise voice to each other in front of them. so i guess that is how they worked out their relationship. but going back to your discussion.. hehe when things start to fall apart... not one of the parents must remain and pretend nothing is wrong, that the boat has not holes in it... cause you will eventually fill your boat with water and both helpless sink. children will understand if they are talked with about the family situation. i know cause i have been explained about such a problem before at the age of 11. and my younger brother 8. bad mouthing your partner won't help too. your children may be filled with anger.. if not rage for his /her own parent.
• India
15 Mar 08
I agree with you.However the problem is usually not a simple one. Well meaning(not ill meaning) friends amd relatives can share their views and there is no problem as long as they dont direcly involve in the problem and become part of it. You have made certain valuable points. Thank you for sharing. ranji
• India
14 Mar 08
absolutely,any couple should continue in marriage for the sake of children.Clash is obvious between any two person not only in married couple.Marriage is an institution which includes not only couple but parents and children.We were taught that human is a social animal.So that we cannot be happy by broken family.New relations also include clashes.How many families we make and brake?At last we have to learn edjustment and positiveness.So why not we take that step in initial stage? Human should think positive about things.One should opt giving nature rather than keep on expecting.We should practice giving.A simple expression,a kind word,a warm touch,will do wonders,make our lives worthwhile.This is our happy responsibility to give secured and lovefilled life to our children. There are parents who ignore children and their emotions.There are people who are impossibly selfish and cruel. If we ignore children by broken marriage imagine how those tender hearts will face worlds hardface? So learn to love,positiveness,givingness,and kind nature.This is what I think.
• India
14 Mar 08
It is really refreshing to see the problem viewed in such an angle.I would have a moderate view. Thank you for sharing your view.
@bubblyapple (2655)
• Philippines
14 Mar 08
i don't believe that parents should continue staying together for the sake of children, because if a couple will just quarrel and quarrel or will not talk to each other in front of children it will just give trauma to the children. i think its better for a couple to be separated but friends to give peaceful environment to the children. parents should explain to the children the situation of their family, the reason why they are separating, the advantage of separating than staying together as family. Also husband and wife should not give bad comments on each when talking to their children just to get their favor on you.
• India
14 Mar 08
Thank you for adding some very good points.These are valueable practical points.
@megumiart (3782)
• United States
14 Mar 08
I don't think it's necessary to force a marriage to continue just for the children. Divorces can cause bad things for the kids [I know first hand, my parent divorced when I was 11 and my sis was 4], but if both parent are very clear, and communicate to their children in a healthy way, divorce can go much more "smoothly." The parents should also both be very involved with their kids lives.
• India
14 Mar 08
Very valid comment.Especially coming from somebody who has gone through so much. Thank you for sharing your views.