i've just turned 28 and i'm still single!!

@nikkiwith (1074)
Australia
March 14, 2008 5:17am CST
Don't get me wrong, i know you have to be happy within YOURSELF before you can be happy WITH someone. I am not really happy with myself and where i'm at today, but i plan to change that, which i am doing step by step.......but i am starting to wonder why i haven't got a partner. I've just recently met 2 guys. 1 of them is really kind, thoughtful, helpful, polite, a complete gentlemen, but the chemistry is not there, and i don't know if it's because i am still attracted to only a s s holes who treat me badly or if it's because i am not attracted to his scent (body odor), his mannerisms, and the way he talks. He has a hot body and he looks like a model!! But there's nothing there for me. The other guy i met has a hot body, eyes to die for and a cute face, but he isn't chasing me, he doesn't say flattering and kind things like the 1st guy, he just doesn't seem very interested......AND I AM ATTRACTED TO HIM!!! WHY????!!! Is it natures law; to want the ones who don't want us, and to push away the ones who do want us?????
13 people like this
34 responses
• Malaysia
20 Mar 08
hi there, hm....don't be emo kay, ur beautiful, and being a single is not a big deal, but what important is to have friends and family with us, good day!
1 person likes this
• India
14 Mar 08
Relationships should grow spontaneously.I think one need not try to make it. However it is important to make favorable circumstances to build a good relationship.It is just like watering a plant. And you are too young to be much concerned and see it as a problem.I am sure you will find someone of your taste if you are patient and a little bit cautious.Good Luck!
@nikkiwith (1074)
• Australia
14 Mar 08
i hope so, but it seems that the guys i want don't want me and the ones i don't want chase me!!
• United States
14 Mar 08
Trust your self stay positive and use the power of your mind. Don't count your mistakes don't undertook your self.
• India
15 Mar 08
well , as I said rarlier, patience will pay off.Also one has to be a little relaxed .I mean we should not try too hard to get things our way.Be confident and active in your field of interest.True love will surely knock at your door. Best luck!
• Philippines
14 Mar 08
There's nothing wrong with being single. I was single for 4 years before I finally had a boyfriend. I dated different guys, but never really had a relationship before I met my current boyfriend. I guess, in those 4 years, I was able to learn to love myself more and be happy. Your time will come.
@nikkiwith (1074)
• Australia
14 Mar 08
i've never been single that long. I think i've taken after my mother; we can't be without a man in our life.....but since my last bf i have learned a few lessons and i'm beginning to get to know who i am.....but i still would love to meet a thoughtful, caring and HOT guy who will sweep me off my feet!!
• Philippines
14 Mar 08
Before I became single in four years, I, too, had boyfriends one after another. So that 4 years was very much needed for me to really get to know myself. Of course, everyone wants HOT. Haha!
• United States
14 Mar 08
you aren't happy with yourself? Why not, your beautiful, I see nothing on the outside to be unhappy with
@nikkiwith (1074)
• Australia
14 Mar 08
because i'm not happy with where i am in life. I'm not where i want to be and the clock is ticking...
• China
14 Mar 08
come to china !
• Canada
31 Mar 08
Would you rather be twenty-eight and still single, or sixty-two and divorced three times, because you rushed? My mother once told me that the best way to find omeone is to love yourself, and then to stop looking. Don't rush it, just wait for it to hap
@nikkiwith (1074)
• Australia
1 Apr 08
that is so true....thank you
14 Mar 08
I think you're not willing to settle for second best, which is why you're still single. I sense that you know you're good, so I don't think thats it. There's a difference between not being happy with your physical appearance, and not being happy with your place in life. So I don't believe that's it. Girls tend to find attraction with the "bad boy" or "rebel" types. Girls are attracted to confidence and see that in the nonchalant behaviour of most men. Similar to some girls that are attracted to guys in jail. Don't laugh !! It does happen.
@nikkiwith (1074)
• Australia
19 Mar 08
WOW you are soooooo right!!!!!
@nomoso (652)
• India
14 Mar 08
hey i am single too and i am 22....may be we both are so similar in situation..hey you have a great body and why people don't chase you ..may be you have impress them more..even teach me in how impressing gals..
@nikkiwith (1074)
• Australia
19 Mar 08
guys do chase me but the guys i want are the ones who don't chase me, lol :-p
@ESKARENA1 (18299)
14 Mar 08
best to be single and happy than tied down and resenting. One thing i have found with really good looking guys is they tend to be either painfully arrogent or gay. The sad bit of course is that these are just the guys some of us are attracted to. I think the law is if you really want someone you will chase after them irrespective blessed be
@nikkiwith (1074)
• Australia
14 Mar 08
i agree, but the ones who chase after me i don't want!!!! and the ones i want don't chase me!!!!
@dandan07 (1908)
• China
21 Dec 08
eh, maybe it is a problem, but not a very big problem. Now I am 24 have no love experince, and my family members care about it. They think if I do not find a boyfriends now, maybe there is no chance to find one, for I have to further my study in the college, and will get my degree in the next four years. So if I put thing at that time, I am much older than 28.
@bellaofchaos (11550)
• United States
19 Mar 08
ok I'm going to bypass the I'm not happy with the myself thing because alot of people are not happy with themselves and have relationships. But I have a friend who is the greatest guy in the world he has is cons but his pros way out weigh the cons. he doesn't see the potential or the worth of himself at all. I have always considered whoever he ends up with the luckiest person .. Because I know that once he finds the one he wants to be with then he there for life. I know him. But right now he is being very stupid in my book .. Sometime ago like 4yrs ago he was head over heels in love with this chick. I met her wasn't impressed he could do better. but She was seeing someone and told him is she wasn't with her guy she'd be with him. well she ended up leaving the guy and when he got up the courage to ask her out she said she didn't want to be in a relationship at that point in time .. she needed her time. ok understandable. well about a week later my friend finds out that she started dating someone from another town about an hour away from where we live and that since her mom didn't approve of the guy she was moving in with him. To make matters worse she kept blowing off my friend. So he's upset slightly but decides he still want's to be friends with her. Well she continues to dodge him or when she doesn't makes plans with him and doesn't follow through eventually they don't talk for about 1 1/2 years. just about 3 months ago she steps back into his life with another boyfriend. Mind you he still cares and is upset that for the last 1 1/2 yrs she really has been avoinding him. So they decide to all get together and go to a concert or some crap and then a little bit later she ended up braking up with the guy .. My friend was dropping everything and everyone to be there for her. I told him that to be careful that she hurt him before and to be cautious and he looks at me and says I know but we have been talking and I really think that me and her both want the same things and that I have a chance with her. I said nothing but in my mind if you don't like someone to date at first you probably never will. I was there the last time to pick up the pieces and help him get put back together and I'll be there again. LOL!!! But I just think that we as people have a vision of what perfect love is for us when we are young and naive and if it doesn't fit all the picture we tend to push it aside. I on the other hand have grown wise and realize that there are certain qualities that I would rather have in someone that the superficial things and I think it takes time and some of us aren't ready yet to give up on the dream of perfect unfortunately alot of people are going to be dissappointed when they find out what they thought they truly wanted wasn't what they really wanted. LOL!!!
• Indonesia
18 Mar 08
I think your time has not come yet.. be patient =) I believe u'll meet someone that you love and he loves you too..
@MsEddie86 (236)
• United States
17 Mar 08
i understand how u feel and i truly thing its human nature for us females to act that way we want the cold hearted ones and keep the warm hearted ones as friends the ones we confide in. but i honestly think if we block out the flaws that the warm hearted ones have we can think of them in the dating relationship way, what do u think, i also think that we as women have gotten spoiled in a sense when it comes to guys chasing after us and we think if we run after guys that they will say were sweating them and in some cases they will say that and some cases they wont i've been in a small situation like yours in the past and i eventually left the bad boys alone and went for the sensitive one and i actually made out better with him because he was sensitive to my needs and vce versa and i enjoyed that relationship while it lasted and once i got into the relationship with him the bad boy started coming around but by then it was too late i find that everytime your about to start a relationship with someone that all the guys start coming out of the wood works i hate that alot what do you thin share your other thoughts on this subject pls
@suspenseful (40316)
• Canada
17 Mar 08
I used to be where you were, wanting the bad guys and the good guys were boring. You have to give yourself a whole new set of rules. It may be that it is not the bad image, but the looks of the bad guys that you like. What you have to find is a good guy who has the physical characteristics of the bad guy. Not all of us are attracted to blond blue eyed neat haired type. I was not. My ideal guy had dark brown or black hair, brown or almost brown eyes, and was either beige or olive complexioned. You could try Eharmony or one of the better dating services and get over your lack of self=control. Maybe you think you do not deserve a nice handsome guy who will worship the ground you walk on, but you do.
@Pose123 (21667)
• Canada
17 Mar 08
Hi nikkiwith, Many girls today don't marry until the late twenties or even over thirty. I feel that is a good thing as they are more mature, at least in most cases. As for the right man, you will know when you find him, but don't expect him to be perfect, just perfect for you. Blessings.
• United States
16 Mar 08
I think you are headed in the right direction. Take time to learn about yourself, and opportunities will open for relationships,and life in general. You might be trying too hard to find a relationship. There's also the bad boy syndrome; the bad boy appears more appealing because he's elusive and you have to vie for his attention. That elusive attitude adds a mystique and challenge, which appeals to some women.... but he doesn't commit! Don't waste your time and energy just to boost his ego, there's not enough room in him to share. Then there's the nice guy. He doesn't appeal to you because he is too easy, there's no challenge, you don't have to work for his attention, he's there for you. A healthy relationship does not require working for attention, understanding, etc. One person does not complete the other, you go into the relationship as complete individuals and unite. Maybe it's time for you to sit back and develop a good friendship with yourself. Lastly, once you learn to appreciate yourself, and can embrace the beauty, love and respect for who you are... everything else will fall into place. As for "Nature"it works in harmony with us not against us. "We decide our destiny". Keep up the self improvement, that's where all your answers are!
@theprogamer (10539)
• United States
16 Mar 08
In recent weeks there have been discussions similar to yours. Nikki, here is one of those threads. http://www.mylot.com/w/discussions/1424025.aspx It highlights some opinions on why attractions happen the way they do. There are also links in the discussion which may point things out. Still, this has been a topic for quite a long time. I'd be lying if I didn't say that I had experience with this topic first hand. Anyways I'll summarize things I've learned and other observations in this matter. You may well want the person who is "hot" but distance due to both factors. For the former, its an aesthetic quality and a innate/laden biological reaction. For the latter, its due to the challenge he presents. He is not that interested in you, and you wonder why (its right there in the post). He is not saying what you want to hear or expect to hear, and you wonder why. he has mannerisms, speech that aren't like the other guy, and you wonder why. Its a story I've seen, read and heard numerous times. For the other guy who is a gentleman (or "nice guy"), I'm going to reiterate something I've learned in recent times from women. "Nice is boring". Very sad, but rather true. And from your words it can fit the situation here: "kind, thoughtful, helpful, polite". One could sarcastically picture "The Even Couple" with him and you as a couple... it plays out boring when thought about and women do think of things like this when seeing or interacting with guys, even if its only on a subconscious level. If anything, think of it(personality/"attraction") in this example. Lets say you meet several guys over the course of one night (or week or what have you). Each one acts similar to "nice guy": they are kind, thoughtful, and complement you. However, the last one you meet takes a far different approach: he is "rude", sophomoric, self-obsessed, he tells you you're blocking his view, he tells you to get lost. Typically people would remember that last person far more than the rest of the bunch due to the stark difference and the way the acted. People would wonder what went wrong, or if something is wrong with them, or if something was wrong with him. And there are those that would try to find out more. In terms of physical attraction, some of it is due to personal preferences and "types" as its called, but there are innate biological processes governing the choice too (seeking out taller, stronger, the more viable males in a physical sense). There are even times people choose worse people to have relationships due to placing too much in this variable. All the while they are well aware of the psychological and personality inadequacies of their partner.
@flowerchilde (12518)
• United States
16 Mar 08
..I married the nice guy who I didn't feel chemistry with! (After we went together for six years.) Let me tell ya, if our love life was any more exciting this ole house would burn right down! ..go figure! :)
@worldwise1 (14887)
• United States
16 Mar 08
You are still very young, nikkiwith, so I don't think you're ready to qualify as an Old Maid yet. My advice to you is to beware of the type who flatters you too much, they could be a wolf in sheep's clothing. On the other hand, the quiet one who is not so quick to flatter you might be shy about sharing his true feelings. Personally, I think the heart just knows when the right one comes along. I wouldn't be in a big rush if I were you. It will happen when you least expect it sometimes.
@gantwick (849)
• United States
16 Mar 08
I managed to escape marital bliss until I was 33. It took someone who recognized me as a diamond in the rough to land me. You still have time.
@teison2 (5924)
• Norway
16 Mar 08
I think it has to do with all those things maybe? A lot of things have to be right for a couple to be born. The chemistry needs to be right, in my opinion. I am not for arranged marriages. Then the two people both need to be interested in the other at the same time. And they both have to be ready to start a serious relationship hang in there! Good luck. I found my man at 29 - maybe you will too?