Would it be wrong of me not to introduce my family to him?

United States
March 15, 2008 12:27am CST
I find a person dating me should meet my family. I am not all that fond of this. He is the sweetest man around. I have brought him to meet my sister. As well as him meeting my daughter. I can't go any further than that. My family is very destructive and rude. I am already scared to let him know of my own problems. Bipolor disorder. Which his is already aware I am paranoid. This he is so good about as well. But I find letting him meet my other family. may very well chase the man away. I plan to move across town in September. Then he can be over my house more. I don't think I'll ever take him to my moms house. Yes it's just that bad over there.
12 people like this
39 responses
@asgtswife04 (2482)
• United States
15 Mar 08
if you are serious about this man then he needs to know about your problems and yes, he needs to meet your family. you can't live a lie with this man if he's someone you really care about. if he feels the same way then he will be there for you to support and help you through your bipolar disorder. if he is scared off by it, then he didn't care enough. God bless
2 people like this
• United States
15 Mar 08
true and I am the one scared right now. I guess I can find the time to tell him this much. But not until I am going to meet his daughter. But your 100% right it will be bad to hide it. He knows something is wrong but not what.
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Mar 08
i know that it can be scary to have to open up and let him in on what is going on, but the longer you wait the harder it's gonna be to tell him. i'm sure that everything will work out the way it's supposed to. just pray about the right time to tell him and have faith that he will be supportive and understanding through this. God bless
@jpso138 (7844)
• Philippines
15 Mar 08
If he really loves you then he would understand the situation. But the important thing there is timing. You should leave it for a while and when the right times comes, let them meet. Eventually, they will be meeting later on. But as I have said, timing is important. As of now, it might not be good to do that. Best of luck to you. I am sure you will find the right timing later on.
@vera5d (4007)
• United States
15 Mar 08
I was always reluctlant to let a guy meet the family, too...when I was single with my young son & dating I never let a guy "get too close" just in case it didn't work out...it wasn't until I dated a guy for at least 5-6 months before I let him meet the family...by then I figure the relationship should either go somewhere or not...if you really care about the guy you should let him know what's going on with him...if he is as sweet as you say he will not be chased away...I thought for sure my hubby would RUN after seeing what it was like to have a crabby 2 year old & meeting my scary family but he did not. It is only fair to yourself and the other person to be honest with the other person...that way they know what they are getting into before it gets too deep and they can understand better...just my two cents, hopefully you will be guided in the right decision, whatever it may be for you & the relationship. good luck!
• United States
15 Mar 08
Every time he picks me up to go to his house. he asks if I have my meds. That is one reason why I know he will not mind. But he is very laid back and calm and it's frightening telling someone your not wrapped tight. I will hold off from telling him about the bipolor for right now.
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (98101)
• United States
16 Mar 08
Hey, giftsandbags, it may be that he is attracted to people who are not wound tight. I think every girl my son ever dated was bipolar. My daughter in law is bipolar, and at least one of her kids is. Of course his momma(me) finds many of her best friends also are bi polar. Frequently bi polar people are very talented and inspiring. I can see why he likes you.
• United States
16 Mar 08
Thanks for the sweet message. I am finding it to be true as well about me. I just think I may just leave it all alone. I have to think things through.
@suspenseful (40316)
• Canada
18 Mar 08
I would be very careful. You have to know whether you and he are planning to get married. Since he has already met your sister, you do not have to rush in to seeing your family since they are bad as you say that way. I would tell him about your bipolar disorder since he would want to know about those pills and medications you have to take. I think you will have to take it slow, and look for hints as how he accepts people who are a little less than nice. If he starts talking about rude people in a way that says he wishes they were nice, and not in condemning them, that would be the best time to introduce him to your family. Oh if you and your friend are shopping and happen to run into your parents at the same shopping center, that would make it easier, sort of like running into each other, accidentally on purpose. Oh did you tell your sister not to say anything about your boyfriend, because they probably already know.
• United States
18 Mar 08
My mother knows about him from me telling her. My front door faces her bedroom window. She see when he comes and goes with me and without. The thing is she has only seen him from looking out the window. She has never been introduced to him. She even saw when my sister was at his car the other night. I would introduce him to my mother. If she lived alone but that is not the case. As for the meds he knows I am paranoid and take seroqel. That is not a problem for him. He asks me every time I sleep over if I have my pills. I just don't want to scare the man off with the bipolar stuff.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
18 Mar 08
Hi!I'm planning to get married a few years from now and I also wouldn't like to introduce my guys parents to my future children because they've been so rude and mean to me.I understand why you don't want to introduce your family to your guy.There's nothing wrong with that.It's better that way than to introduce him then later he won't come back to you anymore.I also feel the same way.I've been forced to split up with my boyfriend because of his parents but we both love each other so I just endure the pain of being ignored and insulted.Well,I treat his parents as if they don't exist too so that they could feel my pain whenever they do that to me.
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Mar 08
Now that is a sad situation to read about. I will have to agree at this time. I am not going to go any further with this. I am glad you learned to tuff it out.
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Mar 08
If he really cares about you and is already excepting everything else then i think you should let him meet the rest of your family because if your future is with this man then he will be meeting them sooner or later. I think sooner is better then later. And he decides that it's that bad over there and walks away from you because of your family then he is not worth your time.
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Mar 08
1 person likes this
@chiyosan (29383)
• Philippines
15 Mar 08
You should at least give him a back ground of what your family is like to you and it is for him to decide whether he will stay with you and accpet your family or not. it is best to be honest. after all you are to live with him and not your family. so if you can get along with him perfectly well, i dont think your family would be the top reason for him wanting to leave you.
1 person likes this
@pumpkinjam (5767)
• United Kingdom
15 Mar 08
If your family are so bad then I can understand why you don't want him to meet them. I think if it's only the early stages of a relationship then it is not necessary. He has understood about your own illness and if you tell him about your family then he should understand that too. Only tell him when you trust him enough and then he and you can decide together if he should meet the rest of your family.
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Mar 08
Thanks so much. I will do this. I will not find the need to introduce my family to him. thanks for understanding
2 people like this
• Philippines
15 Mar 08
Not necessarily, if you think it is not yet the right time for him to be introduced with your family due to the aforementioned reasons you have stated above, then you're doing right. If you really love him then you should not be scared. These are only trials of how brave you are to face these challenges. I just hope you would be able to settle this matter. Best of luck! :-)
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Mar 08
No I am not in love as of yet. So this step could wait a year or two. LOL Thanks
1 person likes this
@zenmachado (1619)
• United States
15 Mar 08
I think its a delicate situation so it must be taken with great caution. This type of situation is difficult for others to properly understand so it required a bountiful amount of patience on your part. But in the end.. you will have to concede.. its just finding the right way to make the introduction to such a personal illness.
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Mar 08
This is very helpful zen, thanks so much
1 person likes this
@moneyandgc (3430)
• United States
16 Mar 08
I don't think you have to let him meet anyone you are not comfortable with until you are ready! I read in one of the comments that you are not yet in love with him. So, why rush it? Take your take and see where everything leads to. I wouldn't worry about it.
1 person likes this
@wisedragon (2330)
• Philippines
15 Mar 08
Introducing or meeting the family will give anyone anxiety and discomfort. I feel the same way. However, it is a must if your relationship is serious and you plan to marry this person because then they will be his future family as well. You can take your time, but eventually you will have to face the reality. Keep in mind that no family is perfect. Each one has his own dysfunctional qualitites. For all you know his family could be worse than yours. And even if your family is really that terrible, he can't blame you because we can't really choose our families.
• United States
17 Mar 08
As long as you are honest about your feelings about your family it should be okay. I mean if you tell him that you don't want him to meet the rest of the family because of them Not him it should be okay. And if you are going to spend more time with him then he should know that you are bipolar.Good luck.Take care.
• United States
17 Mar 08
We talked tonight about my family and my paranoia. All went well and I am fine. I just have to break the bipolar to him.
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Mar 08
Great.He sounds like good people. I just have a feeling he can handle the bipolar thing.Take it slow but you should tell him. Take care.
@crazylady (470)
• United States
17 Mar 08
I guess it depends on if you plan to go to family functions. If you and him are gonna be something special he needs to know the bad with the good, and if he is as wonderful as you say he will still be around to listen to you vent about your family.
• United States
17 Mar 08
I had a talk with him tonight. That went very well and he was fine. he was wondering if I would mind him sleeping over. Then i found it was time to just talk. He understands my family and knows he will be open to my home once I move.
@kbourgerie (8774)
• United States
16 Mar 08
I understand your misgivings, but first honesty really IS the best policy. Your bipolar disorder will surface at some time or another. Its not something that can just be overlooked and if he genuinely cares about you he will learn to support you both through this and matters that have to do with your family. I don't think I know too many people who don't have a relative or two that cause them concern. However, its not as if he would be moving in with them and you can't let your family or your bipolar disorder get in the way of having healthy relationships with people.
• United States
16 Mar 08
I feel the bipolar I can tell him about soon. Not right now though. The family I am not feeling the need to introduce them. My sadness is my mother be looking right out the window when we leave. She is always the first to meet someone. I talk to her about him all the time. If she did not have them tow living with her. I would have taken him to her already. :)
@sedel1027 (17855)
• United States
16 Mar 08
No! Keep him away from your family. They don't need to meet him yet. As far as your problem, you really should be up front.
• United States
16 Mar 08
Your a true gem for me. Yes he is going to stay at bay. This if for more than one reason. I will tell him about me real soon.
@KKKBsmom (1093)
• United States
16 Mar 08
I think with time you will be able to relax and tell him.... I think no relationship is perfect but you need to have trust and open ness... At some point just tell him of your family. Tell him why you are scared and have not introed him yet! Sounds like your daughter and him hit it off real well!
• United States
16 Mar 08
Oh I was so proud of my daughter. She was so nice to him. But the real shocker was she fell for him instantly. he is a lovable guy as well. I find that when I can't sleep I just look at him and feel so special. It just think I will leave it as it is for now. He knows my daughter and that is what counts.
@ElicBxn (60810)
• United States
16 Mar 08
I would at least explain to him why you don't want to introduce him to your family.
• United States
16 Mar 08
this man is so shy I don't think it matters. It's me that feels bad being I live across from my mother. She see when I get in his car and when I get out of it. I can't wait to move away from this block.
@lucky_witch (2711)
• Philippines
16 Mar 08
Well, if you believe that its no good... then you could delay introducing him to your family. BUt as you know, time will come that you will have to introduce him to your family. Just find the right timing to do that. About your condition... i think it is better if he knows about it. In that way he could help you and understand you better. If he loves you then he will take care of you and wont leave you.
• United States
16 Mar 08
Thanks very much. I will try to find a way to tell him. Right now I don't see that happening.
• China
16 Mar 08
i think the man who really love you can accept your family member as he accepts you with an open heart,and of course,you don't need to introduce your family to him before he really gets familiar to you and realize your merit.meanwhile,you can arrange certain proper talk with a psychologist to overcome your own problem
• United States
16 Mar 08
Nicely said and I agree thanks so much