What are some things that turn you off? I mean in the beginning

United States
March 16, 2008 11:55am CST
Of a new relationship? I am very independent in all I do. I find that I have been single for too long. I have the sweetest guy in my life. But I am turned off by some things. I am sure I am also going over board on this. I know he and I can make it. For one he understands me so far. He is very calming all the time. He also knows I don't like to kiss and he is very gentile. Wow! what a wonderful start for me. I just have somethings bothering me. I am wondering if I should let him go. I love how he treats me and how he talks and treat my daughter. It's the little things that bother me. I am just looking for what bothers you guys. This way I can see if I am the only one. I know I am a paranoid person and it could just be me. If I were to let him go It would hurt me more than I realize. Thanks for all the help from everyone.
6 people like this
22 responses
• Regina, Saskatchewan
16 Mar 08
There comes a time in our lives when we just have to stop sweating the small stuff and let those little things go. Unless you've got major alarm bells ringing in your head at certain things, I'd say, just try to have a little more faith in your relationship and a lot less worry over the little things. There are probably things about you that bother him too. No two people are so compatible that absolutely everything is perfect all the time. You're not living an eHarmony commercial you know. lol
• United States
16 Mar 08
I am truly going to have another post soon. I am going to ask him what about me he does not like. Other than my paranoid state. I would love to know the rest. Thanks so much this is very true.
1 person likes this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
16 Mar 08
I hope it works out for you gifts. You are much too sweet to be so insecure about yourself. Good luck.
• United States
17 Mar 08
I asked him tonight what it is that he does not like about me. I was so happy as I knew it all along. He was wondering why I bust out laughing. I told him about me knowing the answer before I asked. Oh and that I want to have the gastric by pass.
@KKKBsmom (1094)
• United States
17 Mar 08
You know.. like y ou said... you have been single to long. You know what you want and you are not givin a little... just my opinion... don't know the WHOLE story! Any person/guy is going to have those little things that we as women just can not understand. We are use to the way we do things and that is just it. Take a hard look at everything. He just might be the right guy!
• United States
18 Mar 08
He asks me for money all the time. I know he needs to go to job sites. So I give it to him. I also explain to him I am a single mother with no help. He will turn right around and ask for more money. He is sweet,gentle,and all the other great things. he is the only person I have ever slept in the bed with and could touch me. But I am not a freaking bank?
@KKKBsmom (1094)
• United States
19 Mar 08
You know... he might be feeling you knowing you are cofortable with him and using you... just flat out tell him you don't have it... start not giving... you may see him going...
@carmelanirel (21108)
• United States
17 Mar 08
One way to know is will these little things that bother you,become big issues in the future..No one is perfect and everyone has some kind of flaw, but what you need to do is check yourself, are you willing to overlook these flaws and not let them overwhelm you in your relationship..
• United States
18 Mar 08
No I can't do this. The main problem is him asking me for money. He has no problem doing it. When I give him money he is never too shy to ask for more. He needed to get to the work sites and that was fine. But I plan to not give him any more money. That is the only way to tell if he wants me for me or what he can get.
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Mar 08
Yes, that would be a test..If he stays with you even when you won't give him money, then that is great, but if not, better to know now than later..
• United States
16 Mar 08
If you explain more I would know what you mean by "little things". If they truly are little things they can be let go of and you can enjoy the relationship. Other than that, just ask your self how you feel when you are around him. Also, ask yourself if you are physically attracted to him? Also, is he the type of person who is willing to work out relationship conflicts, including those in the bedroom. If so, there is a great chance you have a meaningful relationship. Probably far more meaningful than most. Just watch out for control issues though, which often can develop in a guy who seems so nice at first.
• United States
16 Mar 08
I have no control issues here. He knows I am the ruler of my life. I set that down from the gate. The man is just awesome and I know it's just me. So I will put this one here as well. I go to his house often to spend the night. He knows just what I like to drink. He lives in a room not an apt. He has a kitchen he does not use. This is because of the roaches. I gave him a can of this wonderful stuff. That rids them and very good at that. Now I see no more roaches in the house period. I can't even get him to put my soda in the freezer. My stuff sits on top of his dresser all night. He keeps saying he will start to use the kitchen soon. The kitchen is a shared wall away from his room. That is bothering me big time. Another one is I know what he drinks and snacks on. I buy these things and when going to his house. we have them to enjoy. He is always shocked to see I bought something for him. another thing is I gave him a bottle of body wash from bath and body works. I did not hear a thanks at all. I know it could be just me but that was another of my bothers. Then I go to his house and he never has anything for me to drink or eat. I have to always bring it or stop and buy it along the way. I never ask to go to the store without cash in my pocket. He also never ever said no to the money and bought me even a drink. Now I feel your going to say I am wrong for this. I can't see it that way. When he needed money to go to a job $25.00 is what i gave him. he needed money to wash his clothes I gave that to him as well. Now he needs to go up state for a job. I told him I don't have it. I hope that is not going to be a problem.
• United States
17 Mar 08
I am going to have to get my head together. I told him tonight that I am just as broke as him. And that I have to care for my daughter. I can see me helping him till he gets his paycheck Friday. I won't do it after this because he should be getting steady work. I know he has to go far so I gave him $25.00 tonight. I also told him I don't have money to spend on a man. he was very understanding as well. If this becomes a problem I have to bid him good by.
• United States
19 Mar 08
I love my husband with all my heart, he is my best friend. AND while we don't have any major complaints about each other, there are little things that annoy both of us. I noticed these things right from the get go but weighed the good with the bad and realized that they things that are turning me off are so petty compared to all the great things that turn me on. :) GOOD LUCK.
• United States
19 Mar 08
I am find that with all the post here. They have helped me to realize just what a good man he is. If he can stop asking me for money. I will be able to remain with him.
• United States
18 Mar 08
You just have to take things slow.. You didn't mention here what the little things were but the relationship is new and should be taken with caution. women are emotional creatures and sometimes have a tendancy of falling for the guy before they fall for us, however I do wish you the best and anything worth having is worth fighting for.
• United States
18 Mar 08
Thanks sister love for this. being you know what the problems are this really does help. He just called me to tell me he is alive. That is such a sweet man. LOL He knows I worry when I don't hear from him.
@winterose (39931)
• Canada
17 Mar 08
okay look at it this way, there will always be little things because no guy is you, and no go with be like you or do things exactly like you, so if that is a problem then you will be alone for the rest of your life. if there are big things that bother you about him yes let him go but ignore the little things
• United States
18 Mar 08
I just told him a few days ago. That I would be alone for the rest of my life.
• Philippines
17 Mar 08
I have been single for 4 years before I met my current boyfriend, and at the start it was all good and it was blissful, that someone is taking care of me for a change, because like you, I've always been independent and have learned to do things on my own. Now, it irritates me that he wants to help me all the time, even if I tell him I can do it, and that I'd let him know if I needed any help, but he still insists on trying to carry me over his shoulder and it bothers me a lot. I don't want to let him go because I do love him. It's hard.
• United States
18 Mar 08
I would not mind if he tried to help me. It's the other way around. He feels I can support him and my daughter. I can't and If I could I would not want too.
@wickedangel (1639)
• Dominican Republic
17 Mar 08
Seeing as you posted this some time ago I had a look at the responses you got and I liked them. I agree with those who were saying that if the guy is good to you and your daughter and your daughter likes him too, then I wouldn't want to get rid of him. We all have our foibles and the people around us - family, friends, lovers etc., all have to accept our good points as well as our bad and querky points. He sounds great. Don't be too paranoid... enjoy the man! :)
• United States
18 Mar 08
I have removed some of the problems. By talking to him about them. I thank you for reading them response first. I was saved from having to repeat myself here.
@Ravenladyj (22992)
• United States
17 Mar 08
well if you've been single for a long time its really hard to adjust to having a new person in your life..I know that when I met my husband things were sort of touch and go for me internally..I'd been with my kids dad for 8 yrs then when I left him I was single and celibate for 2 yrs before meeting my hubby so I was VERY set in my ways....I still am 10 yrs later BUT I've learned to compromise and just work with it ya know or pick my battles on some occasions...What are some things that turn me off....LOL hell I dunno..I wouldnt say they are turn offs necessarily but definate pet peeves like the fact that we are two very different ppl..he comes from a solid background and a strict upbringing and I come from a messed up home and life on my own since the age of 13 so we see things in a very different light more often than not...My kids and I have very dry, naughty sense of humour and my husband..not so much LOL...He's a neat freak, I'm NOT....the list goes on and on... I think its a matter of not only being open and honest about things with each other but also working together and finding a decent middle ground ya know...Have you ever talked to your guy about the things that bother you?
• United States
18 Mar 08
Yes except the money part. I have expressed that I am not a bank or about to take care of a grown man. I am so glad that he is a eat freak. That is one thing we care enjoy about each other. I am a germ a fobe. That he can deal with as well.
@Modestah (11195)
• United States
17 Mar 08
Things that would bother me on meeting a person and deciding if an ongoing relationship would be forthcoming or not... Contrary religious beliefs than mine Vulgar and impure speech discourtesy to me or others around us (even if not to their face) gossip sloppiness talking with the mouth full eating with the mouth open most of the things that would be detectable to me are things regarding character I suppose.
• United States
18 Mar 08
I am happy to say none of these sound like him. If anything it would be me to have the bad mouth. He is very kind and polite to everyone. He thinks with a soft heart and speaks with a soft voice.
@Gesusdid (1683)
• United States
17 Mar 08
yeah in the start of a relationship , it really gets on my nerevs when the comparisons comes up of the Ex , like he used to do this , he never used to do that blah blah , or the lack of conversation when the other person calls YOU up like im expecting for you to put as much input in the conversation that im putting in too...your just there hearing me breathe? like i hate that why would you call your GF or BF up and not say as much as the other person ?
• United States
17 Mar 08
I have to agree this would be a turn off for me. I also find asking me to do things i don't want to sexually is another.
• United States
17 Mar 08
When it comes to a new relationship, I'm the type of person who can't stand certain things. Not that it's bad, it's just my own type. For one, I can't stand it when I'm upset and the other person is extremely hyperactive. It just makes me even more upset. For another, I can't stand it when the other person isn't romantic in the slightest. It tends to be bother me, because I like romance once in awhile. For another, it tends to bother me when my date didn't tell me that I looked nice or something like that. I know it sounds stupid, but I don't have very high self-esteem, so knowing that my partner finds me attractive allows me to relax around him. I suppose everybody has stuff that annoys them about others. The entire point is just that you have to get over it, though.
• United States
17 Mar 08
This just makes me like him so much more. He is so nice and always makes me feel sexy. he hates how I feel about my body and cover it up. He sucks his teeth lol. Then he just grabs me and rubs his hand all down my body. Telling me how sexy I am.
• Australia
17 Mar 08
Judging by the way you feel about him, there my a good connection already. So I guess perhaps you should talk it through, maybe its those little things that he doesn't realize he is doing, and doesn't realize how you feel about it either.
• United States
17 Mar 08
Yes it's true we talked tonight and I feel better. I do have no good reason to feel this way.
@MsEddie86 (236)
• United States
16 Mar 08
No your not being to paranoid or anything because i use to get bothered by so many things when i started dating again after me and my daughters father broke up. Now i actually find myself getting jealous about little things knowing that i shouldnt be at all.but i do think u should give him a little room to have flaws because u never know maybe some things u do may turn him off. I think you all should discuss some of things that each of u do that turns each other off maybe that will help you get over the things that turn you off.
• United States
17 Mar 08
I did ask him tonight what he hates about me. he said when I get scared and paranoid. I told him with his help I should rid that in no time.
• United States
16 Mar 08
I can understand your anxiety.I'm in similar situation as your boyfriend.You have been so used to providing for your daughter and yourself,so used to calling all the shots.Are you the one with all the money,is this guy living under your roof?Ask yourself some questions,do you like making out when you want,do you like the cuddles,the attention from him in public and privately,will he be there when you daughter moves out.If you think he can stay the distance okay,if he is only a sprinter for himself,get rid of him.
• United States
16 Mar 08
No we don't live together right now. He picks me up to stay with him. I like all of the above. I am not sure about wanting anyone with me when she leaves. I would not mind still living alone. I don't have much money at all. But what I have he does not. That is a problem as well. But he is working a day here and there. doing plastering and stuff.
@nickventere (1424)
• Zambia
16 Mar 08
Someone that is pushy and outrightly wants to demand more attention than necessary will definitely scare me out of a relationship. I prefer to take time and let the relationship chart the direction and dictate the pace at which we develop it.
• United States
16 Mar 08
I could see where that would be a problem for me as well. I do notice that he loves to have me over his house. I find it very comforting as well. Being my daughter is welcome to come with me. He is a sweetie with that Part.
@CanadaGal (4307)
• Canada
16 Mar 08
I stopped seeing a man a few months ago who was absolutely perfect for me. We had been dating for about 2 months. He was crazy about me, treated me like a queen, was always respectful, on time, doing and saying all the right things, etc. We got along great, and always had a good time when we were spending time together, be it out on a date or at my place watching a movie. But I had to let him go. For me, I kept on doubting how much I really liked him, and ultimately, I just didn't have that extra "spark" and attraction towards him. I ended it because after two months, it wasn't there, and I knew it wasn't going to happen for me. And I didn't want to string him along, and end up hurting him more in the end. There were little things that bothered me too. The biggest one being, oddly enough, that he was TOO nice. He was too passive for my liking, and not challenging enough on the conversation front. He wasn't stimulating me mentally... and that is a HUGE need of mine. He would have lots to say, when asked, but didn't seem to initiate many conversations. That bothered me a lot. Oh, and did I mention, he kissed like a suckerfish? lmao! What a turn off that was too!
• United States
16 Mar 08
Oh I am so fascinated with his conversations. He stimulates my thinking as well. I have learned to how to not get so scared from him. He drives extra careful whit me. Knowing I am super paranoid in the passenger seat. Sexually I have to drive the train. But that I am fine with at this point. I am not looking to break out the lesson planner. he is like a beginner and I love that. I am blessed that he has never opened his mouth to me. He has kissed me a few times. With a closed and tight mouth. it made me so happy as well. If he were to open his mouth. It would be over right then and there. He is even going to start cooking for me. knowing that I hate to cook. Thanks for this I needed it.
1 person likes this
@rockvixen (895)
• United States
16 Mar 08
Let me put it to you this way, there will always be little things we all don't like about the one we are with, but I'm sure there are things he dosen't like about you. It's natrual, every relationship has this. When I first met my husband I felt like you, there were things that botherd me, but you know what, I looked past those things, and you know why? Because he treated me and still treats me so well that I know I would not find another guy like him. Don't leave this guy of yours because of some things that bother you, learn to deal, that's what makes things interesting. Enjoy being with him, realize not many guys are going to be as loving and caring and understanding as the one you are with. Give your relationship a chance and you will be happier in the end.
• United States
16 Mar 08
I am so smiling right now. I have been bothered all night by this. I will try to look past it and stick it out. If you knew what one was you would think I were crazy. It's like I said the little things. By the way I gave him a bottle of bath and body works shower gel. I have not heard thank you as of yet. I bought him 2 shirts which he has not got yet. I do hope he says thank you when he gets them. This is just one of the little things.
@chrislotz (8207)
• Canada
11 Apr 08
No one is perfect including you. I think you just need to talk to him about the little things that are bothering you before you make a decission to call the relationship off. Maybe they are things that can be fixed. Maybe you will also find out there are a few little things about you that are bothering him too, and those things may be easily fixed too. So I say, give the guy a chance first and then see where things go.