I just discovered he is addicted to gambling.....

India
March 17, 2008 5:25am CST
Me and my husband married for 3 yrs and have one child, also dated for 5 yrs before marriage.....and i just discovered he is addicted to gambling....Yeah!i never found out in all these yrs. I am a stay at home mom right now, and he gives me all the required amount to run the family and pretty good extra expense. We share our thoughts and discuss everything, i didnt find any thing abnormal, but recently he said that he wanted few bucks,from my account for the purchase of something. Well i did belive, but after there was no purchase i started asking him till the truth came out. H ehas been gambling for almost over an year now, and he says its harmless. He doesnt invest (thats wat he calls) more amount of money in gambling and far as all the house expense and savings are covered up, its okay...But i do not approve it any how i mean now less later on more....when i asked how about quitting it he says just a few days more...thast not a healthy sign...wat do you think? how shud i stop him 4rm doing it?
1 person likes this
12 responses
@aowaow (1517)
• Indonesia
17 Mar 08
You better stop him. To quarrel in front is better rather than have to wait for deep regret at last. Asking small sum of money in front is every gambler's habit. When they are "hot", they will ask for more. And in no chance, the emotion will come in when you reject for his demand. And some will use forces. You will need to warn him, if you loan from a shark, then we are finished, no more relationship, no more second chance. You need to stay firm because this is terrible if you never been there. I had many times seen some of my friend who their hubbies are gamblers, at last fall in shark loans and kept looking for them, they can't take it anymore and broken up the relationship. No gambler ever keep promise on his word, you better start to warn him. No further money after this. Gambling is not allowed in my dictionary, not a chance. Remember one rule: Never help for his shark loan. Never!
1 person likes this
• India
18 Mar 08
Yeah even I agree on the one, never help for his shark loan...i did once coz i do not know...but no not now...never, just wanting him to realise hez gotta quit real soon.thanx 4 ur response
• United States
18 Mar 08
Open your eyes and keep watching coz one day trouble will be coming over to your home. he's not really doing the right thing. a good father with a son or daughter gets a real job. my thing is go out and start looking for a job. I too I'm a mom and have date my boyfriend for almost 9 years. he basically check my home work make sure i get good scores on my test. and I have to work and care for my son and every one els at home work and school is full time for me. I think that you will end up in trouble if you don't get your self a job. you can use the extra money he's giving save it up and start a small dollar store o something to back up your self. in my home my 165 years old is going to start working next year and I work my boyfriend works. though he give me money I often don't need it because he just wants me to have it. He's the one paying the bills some times i have nothing to do than bank up my account . He won't let me pay my own bills, still I go to work every day. I have to trick him over the water bills . if I get the mail first then I tell him the bills won't be here until later when i have paid for it online then give him the paper. I truly admire my boyfriend . shopping is like he wanna do it for us. one day i let him shop for me and i though he would mess up but he was really good. so see here I'm showing you that you're in danger. try saving all the extra money he is giving you save it up in a different account as back up. I have something like that for my kids. every month I save for each of them because i have not much to do right now my oldest son has 67thousand in his name and the girl has 20thousand because that's where my money goes . i don't let them use it at all i just save it up. He knows about the account but I have not let him save any money in there I told him to start up one if he want to do that.
• India
18 Mar 08
Hey thanx 4 ur response, i wud definetel open up an account and save it up for my son too, and definetely only accesseed by me...yeah i am carefully monitoring him, but he is even more cleveer than any 1 else i know, ....so i gotta b more tactful...
• United States
18 Mar 08
good idea try it coz you will have enough if any thing goes wrong. I hope and wish you the best. don't be discourage at all .
@kishusia (1069)
• India
18 Mar 08
Five years dating and three years married,you must have been hypnotized by his charm. Now, when cat is out of he bag, you need to discourage him from gambling. It is a not good thing. It brings only problems in the long run. It is destructive. Talk to him. Keep on talking to him. No complaints, no accusations. Simple talk like a friend.
• India
18 Mar 08
Yeah its definetely destructive, i am talking to him, and now things are not so out of control, but he thinks its just a pass time and no serious harm, i gotta talk him into thinking its real dangerous...hanx 4 ur response
@bagumbayan (2707)
• Philippines
18 Mar 08
Is he working? If he does, maybe you know his working hours, and try to see him off. Go to his work place and try to accompany wherever he goes. Talk to him and tell him the effect of gambling. If he has friend that you also are friends with, ask their help if you feel there's a need. If he has his family still try to talk to his parents if still talking to him will not give results. But the best is try talking to him but dont nag.
• India
18 Mar 08
Yeah he is working, but there are no particular working hrs 4 his job, no fixed hrs, so its kind of difficult, but i catch up with his friend and look into the details if its done or not...and yeah when it starts getting dark, i keep bugging him to come home fast so we can just go out somewhere...well i just hope things turn out good...
@subha12 (18453)
• India
18 Mar 08
whatever form of gambling is harmful. it is my opinion. he may be providing all the expenses and extra few bucks.Now he has started asking for money from yoyur account. i am not frightning you, but situation may come when he demand more money and its out of control.try to talk to him and stop it.
• India
18 Mar 08
Yeah 4 sure situation has started to get deep, i hope things work out, thanx 4 ur response
• China
18 Mar 08
This is a difficult period.My sister had the same experince.Her husband had indulged in gambling,because he had a job which is relatively free,so that he had more leisure time.My sister had persuaded him not to do it,and quarrelled with him.But she didnt still prevent him from gambling.At that time,her child was two years old,she had to think for her child's future,so she put her majority of revenue away in my mother there. When he was in debt,all family knew that,we all strongly advised him.He began to try to stop gambling.Afterward he changed another job that paid lower than before.Now he has little leisure time and had stop gambling.
• India
18 Mar 08
Oh i m glad ur sister's position is good now...but th ejob he has now is a one which has huge income, that cannot be done by a normal job basis, well it doesnt have more free time either, its just okay, enough time to come bk and spend time with us...i wud chk on that...thanx 4 ur response
@chiyosan (29383)
• Philippines
18 Mar 08
wow! well i guess he started gambling just over a year ago, and yes, he was quite good at hiding it from you cause he was able to provide you everything you need for the longest time - so you had no idea. i guess he was winning then. and now that he needs to pay something for the losses he incurred in gambling. i guess you should force him to pay everything he owe and quit. it will have a negative effect on your family. everything you worked so hard for maybe lost down the drain. please talk with him carefully and wholeheartedly.
• India
18 Mar 08
Yeah thast xactly wat he says i was winning, i always win, just 4 a few times....but i just dont wanna take any thing any more connected with gambling, let it b win or lose...yeah i hope it wont have anegative effect on my family..thanx 4 ur response
@wisedragon (2330)
• Philippines
18 Mar 08
One year? He's just getting started. He has yet to prove that he can control himself. Therefore you need to put your foot down and put an end to this. Otherwise you could end up buried in debt later on.
• India
18 Mar 08
yeah he just started, so im trying my best to make him stop...thanx 4 ur response
• United States
17 Mar 08
I really dont think you can stop him if he doesnt want to stop. I would advise you to contact a lawyer and secure what you do have so you don't lose everything. Then you need to think if it is worth it to stay with him, what are you willing to lose? I hope you dont lose anything and I hope things work out for you two.
• India
18 Mar 08
Yeah i ahve to secure what i have, i ll do it right away, but may b i ll first change the account, and well except 4 his gambling, hez not a bad person... so i just wanna try, till things are fi9....thanx 4 ur response
@gemini_rose (16193)
17 Mar 08
Unfortunately no gambling is ever harmless, and like any addiction it is not long before the addiction controls you rather than the other way around. I would start and put an emergency fund away that he has no idea of, do not tell him just put money into it whenever you can. The account that your hubby knows about, try to keep it empty or just keep tiny amounts in it and so then when he asks you you can show him that you do not have much in there. You will not be able to stop him and if you keep going on at him he may just hide it from you and stop telling you, he will only stop when he is ready, to him it is not a problem and just a bit of fun. Hopefully he will stop it himself before he gets into any trouble. Just keep an extra eye out on things like the post make sure he is not taking credit cards or things out, many people do not have a clue that a loved one is heavily gambling until it is too late and they will hide all the evidence like bills and things. I hope he does not get any worse and that it is just something harmless, take care.
• India
18 Mar 08
yaeh i agree its not harmless, he just asked me, so that means hez started to fall deep...yeah i will open a new account and just empty this one, but its not gonna b easy, he'll sure question me....thanx 4 ur response
@jimbomuso (950)
17 Mar 08
hi keep on watch ! firstly there is no way of you making him stop, he has to want to stop.It sounds like he's not an extreme gambler, but I dont know some people can happily gamble without problems, but the warning signs would be,gambling every day with money that is for something else, his responsabilities are ignorned,his intrest at home isn't there anymore. I'd suggest you talk to him and find out exactly how much,when,where and try to be open to what he has to say.if you think it is becoming a problem, explain how you feel and how it is affecting you.Dont give ultimatums or force him to stop.Get as much info as you can like Gamblers Anonymous.I hope that helps :)
• India
17 Mar 08
He doesnt want to stop, thats the probs..he says thats harmless...may b hez not a xtreme gambler, but he asked me money, now thats not good either...well i am trying to take things slowly on him....k i ll try and get more info and lets c how things can work out...thanx 4 ur response...
@ayou82 (3460)
• Philippines
18 Mar 08
He needs guidance you have to open up and tell him that Gambling is not good.. he will surely lost a fortune in no time.