Sometimes you just hate to see them coming

United States
March 17, 2008 11:29am CST
I can't stand it when someone comes over and acts like they live in my home. For example I just had a relative come over and take it upon themselves to write birthdays all over my calendar. Or perhaps I've got a bulletin board with bills to be paid or personal notes and they start reading through them. Then there comes the "oh and while I'm here, can I use your computer?" Or how about just opening the refrigerator and helping yourself? Or take it upon themselves to tell my son what to do or change the channel to what they want to watch even though someone else is watching it? Is it just me, or does this kind of thing happen to you? Now I don't say anything and perhaps I should, but I'm not one to be impolite or want someone to not feel welcome, but don't you think that perhaps there is some boundary crossing here? Or am I just being too persnickety?
3 people like this
14 responses
@p1kef1sh (45645)
17 Mar 08
Relative or not they are a guest in your home. They have no right to do anything other than what you would regard as a normal courtesy. They can ask for a drink and you may tell them to help themselves, but that is different from just going to the fridge and looking to see what's there. you cannot be upset if they ask, but if they don't , that is just unacceptable. To me, it's like going through a lady's handbag - you just don't do it. The problem with relatives though, is being able to tell them off without causing offence.
3 people like this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
17 Mar 08
My problem with relatives is that they feel it's still ok to come back and do the same thing even if you do offend them! *sigh*
2 people like this
@p1kef1sh (45645)
17 Mar 08
Not much hope there then. You could always move and not tell them!
3 people like this
• United States
17 Mar 08
Yeah, its deciding whether the offense is bad enough to start World War III. LOL.
2 people like this
@Ldyjarhead (10161)
• United States
17 Mar 08
Oh, this is just too much. They actually write on your calendar? I'm sorry, but I'd be saying something. The home isn't their's, they don't pay the bills, so why should they come in and expect to be a boss? Now I've told family/friends to make themselves at home and feel free to get a drink in the fridge or whatever, but I would have a problem with someone just coming in and doing all that on their own. That's beyond rude. If you hold your tongue (and don't lock your door when you see them coming), you're a much stronger person than I.
3 people like this
• United States
17 Mar 08
Unfortunately, sometimes those little things that irritate you, you have to let go in order to preserve relationships. But it sure is hard.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (143119)
• Garden Grove, California
17 Mar 08
I have had friends come in and look through everything in my bathroom and I am left wondering what they would say if they caught me doing that in their bathroom. why do people want to snoop through ones medicine cabinet anyway?
• United States
17 Mar 08
Yes I think your visitor was out of line. I had some visitors once that opened up drawers, cabinets, I mean everything. They were relatives but still it was unnerving. Especially when at their home everything is under lock and key. Oh well *shrugs*
3 people like this
• United States
17 Mar 08
This is a relative, so I don't feel like I can say too much, but it sure does irk me from time to time. Like I said in my subject line, its to the point you hate to see them coming.
2 people like this
@Hatley (143119)
• Garden Grove, California
17 Mar 08
My mom used to get under my skin and I loved her dearly but she evidently thought my housekeeping was not good enough so she would start to rearrange my cupboards and got mad at me when I told her to stop because I had them the way that I wanted them and it was my house.Then I hugged her and told her I loved her but I still felt that it was not her place to undo my work.
@KKKBsmom (1094)
• United States
17 Mar 08
Oh how I know what you mean. You just don't walk into someones house and start doing things like it is yours. I am great ful... NO one comes over... I don't know if that is really or good or bad! LOL I plan to have my birth mom stay this year for a couple days... I hope. And I don't know if I would really care if she did that our not. I have only know her two years. But I feel like it has been forever!
3 people like this
• United States
17 Mar 08
Thats nice that you have regained touch with your birth mother. I'm sure when she comes to visit you will have plenty to talk about and won't mind her being comfortable in your home.
2 people like this
• United States
17 Mar 08
When they wrote on the calender I would have said something. When they turned the tv they would have had to leave. There is a way to be comfortable. But when your making me uncomfortable. I have to ask your to leave my home. My fridge handle is always on my mind. I would hate to have that happen to me. I would be concerned they did not wash their hands first. So You just need to speak up. That is th only way to nip it. Don't worry about being rude The person already covered that for you.
3 people like this
• United States
17 Mar 08
I don't like to start an argument though. Especially when its someone that will continue to be in our lives no matter what.
2 people like this
@maddysmommy (16243)
• United States
17 Mar 08
Aww man I would be most annoyed KB if relatives of mine did that. That is just not on and very disrespectful. It's no doubt crossing the line and depending on how long thet were going to stay there, I would probably let them use my laptop for a short period of time, let them have something to eat and also get them to fix something for ALL of us LOL, and then tell them that this is the channel we are watching at the moment and to leave it at that. You know when I know people are coming around for a visit, I put all my bills, notices, personal stuff, laptop and sorts in my bedroom and lock it. And if they ask for something in particular I just tell them I don't have it or my husband has it LOL
2 people like this
• United States
17 Mar 08
This is something that only happens occassionally, and they don't stay more than a few hours, but its still annoying, especially when they aren't particularly grateful for being there in the first place.
2 people like this
@maddysmommy (16243)
• United States
17 Mar 08
That's family for you though LOL
2 people like this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
17 Mar 08
This is why I don't enjoy having people in my house. And let's not even go to where people will use anything for an ashtray, even though you've already asked them politely not to smoke. Or how about the ones that use your bathroom and don't flush? The list is endless. *sigh* My mother treats me as if I'm as senile as she is becoming. When she comes to my house, she is always writing things on my calendar. I though of moving it to behind my bedroom door, but that would put it out of sight and out of mind, and then I really would become senile. I solved the problem though. The last time she chicken scratched all over my calendar, I calmly got up and pulled a fresh one out of a drawer and replaced the one that had been defiled. Mom gave me such a look, but didn't say a word. She just wrote all over the new one. Well thank heavens for Christmas time and free calendars! I just reached for another and replaced the second one. After the fifth one she gave up and handed me her pen. LOL She's never done it since and my life is a lot more organized because I can actully read what I'VE written on it. LOL
2 people like this
• United States
17 Mar 08
Thats hilarious, but at least you made your point.
2 people like this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
17 Mar 08
Yep. But I still have to hide all the pens when she comes over. lol A couple of weeks ago I found she'd written a grocery list on the back of the bathroom door. All health foods wouldn't you know? I think she was trying to tell me something. LOL
1 person likes this
@Shaun72 (15968)
• Palatka, Florida
17 Mar 08
I would have to say excuse me but this is my house and you have no right to tell my son to change the channel on the tv or go through my bills or anything else. That would make me really angry. I'm not rude either but when I get enough of something I speak up.
2 people like this
• United States
17 Mar 08
I agree with you. Perhaps I should start putting my foot down.
1 person likes this
@Aussies2007 (5339)
• Australia
17 Mar 08
It is your home... it is up to you to set the rules. Most people will take and take and take... You have to draw the line and let them know where the line is. Being nice... friendly and polite... is not about issuing a licence to people to walk all over you.
• United States
17 Mar 08
Point very well made. Thank you.
1 person likes this
@mummymo (23709)
18 Mar 08
How did I miss this discussion sweety? I don't think you are being at all pernickity sweety in fact I think I would definitely have to say something to them, I like people to feel comfortable in my home, my friends help themselves from my fridge etc but that is because I have asked them to,many , many times - besides they are always putting things in there! lol I think you have been remarkably patient and polite whereas they haven't been so considerate! You don't have to be rude sweetheart just very nicely ask them not to read your personal things or would they mind turning the tv channel back to where it was as someone was watching it! Its worth a try surely! xxx
@praveenjena (1305)
• India
18 Mar 08
ya those unwanted guests are indeed a great nuisance. sometimes you really want to avoid them but you cannot. but still then they are a part of our own life and such things are bound to happen.and we should learn to live with them.
@ellie333 (21029)
18 Mar 08
Oh this sort of behaviour really annoys me. I have a couple of people that visit and they don't even hide the fact that they are reading your pinboard notes or calendar, it is rude, but the way they may look at it is ii it is private why put it on display, why because we need instant access ourselves to check schedules etc. I would actually say 'do you min not writing on my calendar, it is mine if I wanted these facts written on them I will write them on myself. Asking to use computer not a problem I even have a nieghbour come in and use mine sometimes as they are not online, but also to change the channel over without asking is impolite so you would not be impolite in saying something either. Open the fridge etc. I always tell visitors I will make first cup of tea after that they are to help themselves, as I am not a maid either. I always make them welcome, but it is my home and there must be boundaries as they are the guest. If someone takes it in there own mind to discipline my children I will say to them that they are my child and I am dealing with it. Ellie :D
@gemini_rose (16194)
17 Mar 08
I have never had anyone in my family do that, they would not dare! Even my parents would not dare to. That is just disrespectful to me, it is your house, your personal place you do not want people coming in taking over and acting like the house is theirs, and I do think you should say something, it is very cheeky, family or not! My sister in law has this problem with her in laws, they do exactly the same thing and she hates it, but she will not say anything either. I told her it is your house and they are guests, they should behave like guests and not like it is their second home!
@Hatley (143119)
• Garden Grove, California
17 Mar 08
No I do not think you are just being persnickety as I would not like people to do some of the things you just described in my home. I did not even like it when my mom would rearrange things in my kitchen as if I was still just six years old. And I really dislike someone thinking they can raid my refrigerator any time they want. One friend of my husbands would sometimes come in and take the milk carton out and drink from it and my husband was really mad at me because I screamed" now look what you did yuck you just cost me a half gallon of milk:" well the jerk did hand me the money to buy more milk and I accepted it. I do not drink from my milk carton and woe be to anyone else in my house who does, yuck.