Only a fat person would understand
By winterose
@winterose (39887)
Canada
March 19, 2008 4:58pm CST
Why do normal weight people constantly find the need to tell a fat person to watch their weight, diet, remind them about how unhealthy it is?
Guess what we know that,
and guess what you are not the first person to tell us,
there were proper 200 people before you
guess what we may not even know some of these people,
like when you are walking down the street and calls out hey fatty, or you should lose weight
we don't know these people, and what business is it of theirs anyhow?
some people intend to be rude, and we clearly know that, some people will call as down right disgusting, call us names like fat pig etc,
why do they hate us so? What have we ever done to them other than not look the way they would like us to?
Do they not think we have feelings and have as much a right to live the life we want as they do,
I am not a smoker, but I do not go around to smoker to preach about how they have to stop smoking or call them names, I assume they have heard all before, we are a kindred spirit in many ways those their issues are a bit different than ours there is a common denominator in that it is a health risk and it is socially unacceptable. But since I know how annoying it is I do not bring in up unless they do.
And thus here comes the point of my rant.
Many people think offering unsolicited advise is helpful, well it is not, it can be downright hurtful.
As I said we know we are overweight we have eyes we can see.
We know we are overweight, the quality of our lives are very much jeopardized,
we can't wear the clothes we would like to
we can't do a myriad of activities that normal weight people can,
we may even become so disabled that we can't walk,
we may even die of a heart attack, we know.
Why a fat person does not lose weight could be for any number of reasons,
they tried so many times before and now they have given up,
some may actually be happy with their weight though not the status quo,
some have medical issues that keep the weight on,
some are too depressed to do anything about it,
Some people feel helpless and don't know what to do to the point that they actually hate themselves.
some overeat because of stress and anxiety or other emotional reasons, but we all know we are overweight we don't need a reminder, we see ourselves every single day in the mirror. And you know that mirrors do not lie.
I cannot reiterate enough, we know, we know!
What would be helpful is when we come to you and ask for help, you help us in whatever way you can. That to us is love, understanding and support; and it is solicited not unsolicited, we can to you personally to ask you personally because we respect and value your opinion.
It could be because you are family, or good friend, an email buddy, or we posted an opinion discussion but the bottom line is we wanted your advise and that is when we appreciate whatever advise you can offer.
Please bear that in mind when you see the next fat person on the street,
or fat person says wear can I buy clothes, don't answer you know you should lose weight that was not the question they asked.
I could give you hundreds of scenarios but I think I made my point clear and I do not want to bore you with them. I believe you might understand us a little more now.
17 people like this
37 responses
@the_ruler (1442)
• Turkey
19 Mar 08
I can understand that really well. Additionally, I had the same problem when I was younger. As you can guess, children can be much more rude and mean againist people who are not looking like them.
Those days were the worst days of my life because I had very few people who wanted to talk with me. And as you mentioned the people somtimes used to call me as "fatty" "bear - like" and I was just a very emotional (I am still one) person who can't carry those stuff easily and couldn't deal with that at all. That caused me to lose my social life entirely, for many years. I gave up playing with my friends, I gave up everything and it all started to change later, when I was about 18 or 19 years old. That means 9 years of desperation between rude and mean children, and I spent my precious childhood with those stuff.
Additionally, in another discussion you created, I really did never want to say anything mean to you. I read your answer today and felt very sorry for it and thought about myself if I really mistyped something that could be misunderstood. As another person has mentioned my feelings with a comment under that response. I just wanted to share , at least wanted to support. Even if I didn't achieved, it was what I wanted to.
And, about the people you mention in the issue above, as I have said I have experienced such things and know how "mean" the people can be. OK, maybe mine was a temporary situation those days but at least I got that bad taste of people for a little. Even if it was little, it cost a lot to me. I am not sure if it is really about education but I just can't understand how a person can be that "bad" to another, without any reason.
4 people like this
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
20 Mar 08
hon thank you don't feel bad I am a big girl, lol, and I know you mean well and acknowledged that in this article, there are two kinds of people those that are rude and want to hurt those than mean well, but I was talking about fat people in general, and I just wanted to shed light on the subject,
there are fat people that hate themselves not me,but there are, and there are fat people who are very happy with how they are and wouldn't have it any other way, and I listed all the other possibilities that I could think of as well.
2 people like this
@lilaclady (28207)
• Australia
19 Mar 08
I used to have the reverse problem, I was so skinny when I was young i had so many people say to me.."gee your skinny", I was so self consious of my weight, i actually had a woman tell me that I was so skinny i would never be able to carry a baby, I ended up going to a doctor and he told me that was a stupid thing for anyone to say, I was so parnoid about my weight i went on a get fat diet which today i am a little sorry for, but i don't think people realize how hurtful they can be...
@AJ1952Chats (2332)
• Anderson, Indiana
20 Mar 08
Funny, but I was just thinking the same thing a little bit ago.
There are the well-meaning people out there who think that it's their duty to inform us of what we already know. They mean well, so I can't be too hard on them.
What I don't like is where people treat us as if we're something they just scraped off their shoes--in fact, going out of their ways to treat us this way such as catcalls, etc.
There seems to be a fear of the different among some people. They only feel safe when somebody fits within certain guidelines when it comes to appearance, etc.
Now, I'm not talking about people wearing clothes that give negative messages such as the white sheets worn by the KKK, but I just mean people who look different in things such as body size, style of clothing when manner of dress is acceptable (that is, nothing offensive about what's being worm but just not the latest fashion or something), nose size, whether there's a prominent handicap, etc.
It's as if some are so bothered by the differences that they'll set themselves apart from them by making fun of them.
And being overweight isn't always due to overeating, just as you pointed out. It's often due to things that can't be helped such as gland problems, etc.
Therefore, to make fun of fat people would be the same as making fun of people in wheelchairs, with Down Syndrome, etc.
I could speak volumes on this subject--but I think you've already pretty much said it all and have saved me the work!
3 people like this
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
21 Mar 08
very good additional points to add to the discussion, I am very pleased how this discussion is turning out.
@fizzytom (752)
• Maribor, Slovenia
20 Mar 08
Hi!
While I think it's terrible that people who are complete strangers would shout things like that at you, I have to take issue with one thing you said.
You asked "...what business is it of their's anyhow?"
When I am on a plane (especially a trans-Atlantic flight or other long haul flight) I don't spill over into the seat of the person sitting next to me, not only taking up the space they paid for but making them feel uncomfortable and embarrassed. The overweight person next to me is doing that. I wouldn't say to them "Excuse me but because you are so fat you're taking up the precious little space I've been allocated on this aircraft" - although I'm thinking it.
That's just one example of how somebody else's weight can affect others.
@AJ1952Chats (2332)
• Anderson, Indiana
20 Mar 08
This is why I have no problem with what some airlines are doing: charging more to overweight people for extra seat space.
I don't feel that this is discrimination.
I remember being in first grade, and a couple of heavy-set neighborhood girls and I rode the same bus.
They were in high school at the time and asked me to join them.
They were very sweet and pretty girls--at least one of them had ended up being elected as Homecoming Queen during her high school career--but they definitely were fat.
At the time, I wasn't even overweight, but I had no problem with their being fat as I knew some very nice fat people--among them one of my uncles, a cousin, and a favorite waitress. Also, our bus driver and Santa Claus were at least a little on the chubby side, and I loved both of them, too.
In fact, I thought that they were very pretty girls.
So I took a place between them on the bus seat.
I think I might have been starting to come down with something anyway, and, after seating myself between them, I started wishing that I hadn't taken them up on their invitation.
They were in an extra good mood about something that day and were chattering away and leaning towards each other talking. They were trying to include me in their conversation and were probably wondering why I had suddenly become so quiet.
The reason that I had was because I was trying to keep from throwing up due to the way their fat bodies squeezed against me.
I didn't want to hurt their feelings by saying that I had to move, so I just kept quiet and tried not to cry, throw up, or show any other signs that I wasn't comfortable.
Although I didn't realize back then that there was a stigma attached to being overweight (and, back then, there wasn't the stigma that there is today, and we had some very popular overweight kids at school), I didn't want them to feel bad because something about them was making them uncomfortable.
But I was glad when Jesse pulled up to their house and let them off. He let me off three houses north, and I went into the house and didn't feel well for the rest of the night.
Sorry about your experience on planes.
When I sit next to people, I try not to crowd them and hope that I succeed.
@AJ1952Chats (2332)
• Anderson, Indiana
20 Mar 08
Correction:
I wrote "I didn't want them to feel bad because something about them was making them uncomfortable."
but meant to say "I didn't want them to feel bad because something about them was making me uncomfortable."
2 people like this
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
21 Mar 08
I think in that case you should take the issue up with the airlines,
fat people may be on medication that make them fat, they may have thyroid issues,
they do not take issue with you, they do not take issue with a child that is whinny and crying, they don't blame the parent perhaps that child, is sick, afraid, or tired.
I see that you are young you are most likely in great health and that is a wonderful thing but maybe at 60 you may be unhealthy for any reason, I believe you would love that people show you compassion not impatience or irritation.
@UBiquitous (195)
• Pakistan
19 Mar 08
hello winterose:)
how are you ? seems you are a bit depressed ,umm all i can say is that please be calm down :) noone hates you and your health . just be what you are and be happy with it.
well,this is the common problem with every fat person i guess,i am fat too but not ot that extent that people start teasing and making pranks on me to that extent :) i mean i just dont take it al on my mind,though i can understand you feelings :)
All i can say is that just dont give a damn on those people,people's work is to say,just dont consider what they are saying,are they your realtives?? are they your friends ? well friendz do say sometimes a lot times to you.when they matter noone to you then why you bother to consider their comments ?
I mean just dont listen to them,and even if you got to hear something just take all this from your mind by saying,their work is to taunt and put on pranks on people and that's what they can do.
Actually those people have got fatter minds i guess :),you can answer them by saying "i can reduce my physical fattness what will you poor people will do of your mental fattnes" ?? they will be speechless trust me.
When somone comments on me i just dont consider them ,I AM WHAT I AM AND I AM FREE.this is my world too who has got right to say me anything right ?
Those barking people will be saying this may be they dont have anything else to do with,they will be sayin all this to their mums and sisters too.
I have also passed from these situations and i know very well how it feels when many things you cant do you are helpess just becuse you are fat.
But you know you cant help it out,because 50% of the fat people are not just because they eat but there are thousands of other reasons too behind that for which they cant do anything.
but this can lead you towards frustation,inferiority complex and many more,so be happy,otherwise you will be mentally disturbed and then you wont be able to do anything in life ,this is an open advice to everyone :)
Take out the positive things about fattness,like we can do many things that a slim person cant do :)
But keeping one thing in mind,fattness itself is a very dangerous disease it leads towards many diseases ,so if one can reduce weight without any problems then he shoudl do that so .But if you cant help it out then be happy dunt worry.
I hope that to some extent you are satisfied now,see i can see that curve on your face .:)lol
Take care !
3 people like this
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
19 Mar 08
thank you for your long post,
no I am not depressed this post is an information and education piece,
I am a writer and a counsellor and I write about important issues, and believe me if you were morbidly obese you would understand, but you do not because you have not walked in that person's shoes.
I have written all kinds of pieces on all kinds of topics, for education purposes.
I think this one was important because fat people do get rude comments it is not a figment of our imaginations, and we do get well wishes who do not understand that there words are not helpful in some cases,
I am not talking about personally I am talking about a big segment of the population
and this is to educate the ones that are rude or think they are doing good when it may not be perceived that way,
as they saying goes those that have ears let them hear.
and if they choose not too then that is there choice as well.
3 people like this
@UBiquitous (195)
• Pakistan
20 Mar 08
hello again !
Its good to know that you write for these kind a issues,i would love to hear more from you.
Well,everyone has its own way of taking things,i said you i have been sufering from same trauma as well,it aint a thing like i havent been in one's shoes,i know how it feels actually.
but my point was only if you cant help stoping them then why not dealing with yourself.??
you cannot change a thousands of people and their taunts and comments,but you can make up your mind that much strong to listen them.
If you cant then make yourself in such a way that noone dares to taunt on you.
The choice is all urs.
1 person likes this
@blueangel51 (94)
• United States
20 Mar 08
Winterose,
I don't like people calling a big person fat or otherwise, its very rude, there are reasons why there are big people in the whole world, I used to be over 250 pounds and some people might not think thats big but I was called names in school many years ago and it hurt my feeling, so I went on a crash diet for one week I did lose weight but not much and it really hurts when you have a best friend say you are fat or big or whatever,
anyways I have tyroids problems and it made me losse weight and I have no control over it the doctor said it will make you lose or gain and peole don't know your health problems, I am down to 125 lbs and everyone said eat gain weight I do eat beleive even one meal aday and thats enough for me.
I feel big or small our hearts pump the same way and our blood runs the same way and we are all human and it hurts when I hear about theses problems people have, its awful and I also think they are jealose
of big people I thng big people are friendly and happier and easy to talk to, I also think if you are happy th way you are that is all that matters to me. people can be so mean. and I am not one of them. hope we can be close friends, maybe someday.
3 people like this
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
20 Mar 08
blueangel from what hatley is saying he or she is agreeing with you, I do not see where he or she said you had a rude mouth, it was a general comment about the people that do, but nobody in particular
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
20 Mar 08
blueangel 51 I hear you and sympathize as I am now struggling to lose from 209 and its not because I am lazy or stupid or do not care I gained from 160 to 200 from taking avandia to control my blood sugar. mylegs swelled my heart raced and when I landed in the hospital with a broken shoulder I told them take me off Avandia I weighed two forty five that day all from that medication so have lost some but need to lose another fifty to really have good diabetic control. so when somebody tries to tell me I need to lose weight I want to scream you think I am blind or stupid or lazy if you do not know my circumstances then do not open your rude mouth.
1 person likes this
@buenavida (9985)
• Sweden
20 Mar 08
I found an interesting expression which describes a person with overweight: More to Love[i][/i]
At least that was a positive view..
I am trying to become a little less to love..he..he[i][/i] and have learned a lot by using the advice we get from the weight loss program from gnld.com, GR2 - you find more information in my profile. This program is also a great help to keep the sugar levels right and could be very good for those who have diabetes.
The most important is that we learn to like ourselves. That would be a great step forward, and if someone comments us in a negative way, we can always change it to something positive..
I am trying to become a little less to love..he..he[i][/i] and have learned a lot by using the advice we get from the weight loss program from gnld.com, GR2 - you find more information in my profile. This program is also a great help to keep the sugar levels right and could be very good for those who have diabetes.
The most important is that we learn to like ourselves. That would be a great step forward, and if someone comments us in a negative way, we can always change it to something positive..3 people like this
@mbs730 (2147)
• Canada
20 Mar 08
I totally understand. I have been obese and still battling my weight but not to the point right now where I am getting rude remarks from people and I hope to never get back there again. But its horrible, why do people have to judge??? Its not their business. I also noticed something else, back in 2005 I joined Jenny Craig and dropped 55 out of 75 lbs. Back then I got sarcastic whistles from men when I was 75 lbs overweight but when I dropped the 55 lbs I all of a sudden found that people in general were nicer. Like for instance if I walked into department stores, the ladies handing out perfume samples would come up to me and that never happened when I was extremely overweight. Sadly I gained the weight back due to depression and not being able to cope with life's punches but losing it again and have lost over 20 lbs so far. Like I said I am not getting the nasty comments or gestures from others anymore, but when I go into a department store, those perfume ladies don't come up to me either. Maybe they notice I am busy with the kids, who knows. I don't know. But I am just glad I am not heavy enough for anyone to notice anymore... but I still have a long way to go. But I don't want to go off here, I agree, people should NOT be superficial but they are with EVERYTHING! I am trying to take the weight off not just for appearance reasons but I need to get a grip on my emotional eating which I am in the process of doing AND for health reasons.. my father has type 2 diabetes and I don't want it! And I commend those who have extra weight and are happy with it, thats good... they are confident enough not to live up to the expectations of others. Ever hear of Joy Nash? She is an activist and has some good videos and in fact I have one of her's in my MySpace page.
@subha12 (18441)
• India
20 Mar 08
i think no one should ever behave like this who are fat or whatever may be. they should know there may be various reasons behind this.why to call by such names. it makes people sad.i understand all and never behave so or laugh at people for their physical appearance.
@Modestah (11179)
• United States
20 Mar 08
fantastic! and I am sure any number of overweight people could have written those words and meant them... somehow people think that we are ignorant as to our condition.
they assume we can change just by wanting to, or getting off of our "fat lazy donkeys"
well, my fault is right there for everyone to see - their faults are hidden perhaps, but perhaps much worse and scandalous than an oversized girth.
3 people like this
@rockydam83 (846)
• Italy
20 Mar 08
This is really an imprtant issue as in such ways we even dont know and we hurt soomany pplz around us.I think most of them didnt mean to insult someone but there are some pplz who do say in terms of insult so we need to educate tem tht this isnt the a good thought. As is myslef i have never ever pointed out anyone in such issues. we have a cultural poet here in our history who say tht u can demolish everthing like any building any road any materailistic thing but dont ever break someone's heart because God lives in hearts of peoples and pepols beilive on God by heart so if u r gonna break someone's heart tht means u r gonna demolish God home soo becareaful and i am always try to avoid this act plzzz u alll also try to live ur life and let others live as they want.
3 people like this
@joyceshookery (2057)
• United States
20 Mar 08
I hope this discussion reaches some people who will gain some understanding.
As an overweight woman, I am very aware of the stigma and discrimination I feel. I am still a human being with a likable character.
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
20 Mar 08
I should not have written the word rant, that is what is throwing people off and thinking I am angry I see that now, no, this is just an information piece, I am a writer and I write about all kinds of psychological issues.
2 people like this
@MsEddie86 (234)
• United States
19 Mar 08
yes i do understand except i'm the opposite of your scenarios i am very skinny i have a weight gainin issue its very hard for me to gain weight and i hate hearing your skinny you should eat this and u should eat that. i am happy with the way i look even though i may look anorexic thats my business. so i understand where u are coming from totally and those comments do hurt especially when they come from my sister. but i think thats all i need to write for now i'm gettin teary eyed i will respond more later when my emotions calm down. thanks for reading what i have already typed though. i would love to get a response from you on this subject though
3 people like this
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
20 Mar 08
you are the opposite to me but we are human and our feelings are the same, sometimes people should just stop to think what they are saying and what the effects will be before they say them.
if you like copy what I wrote, insert skinny and give it to your sister.
2 people like this
@ElusiveButterfly (45940)
• United States
20 Mar 08
Who knows why there are people who will always offer up a word of advise. Until they have walked a mile in the shoes of those they advise, they should keep their mouths shut.
@GardenGerty (157545)
• United States
20 Mar 08
Yes, you have clearly made your point, and I hope others could hear your sad tired voice, as I could. It was not so much a rant, as a plea for reason, and humanity. I am large. People would argue that I am not fat, but I weigh at least fifty pounds more than is helpful. I could weigh seventy pounds less, and still weigh more than the weight charts say I should. I want to live a long life, I am tired of being tired, but I cannot find the energy to try, to do what needs doing. I am me.
2 people like this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
20 Mar 08
garden gerty I have been there and done that also and it does tire you out. I am also large and need to lost fifty pounds for sake of my diabetes and it is so hard. They say get out and walk and I am going i have a bad foot in a brace and the callus on my foot is rubbing on the shoe that is why I am not walking. yes go to the people who made the shoe oh yeah it took them three tries to custom make the darned things and i am going to trust them again? well I am going to go to my podiatrist instead. good luck for both of us.
2 people like this
@stephcjh (38473)
• United States
19 Mar 08
I never judge overweight people because alot of them have health problems that caused it to begin with. My little sister has been overweight all of her life and has been called many names. she has tried to lose weight but it never works for her. It does affect her health and she knows it. No one needs to tell her. She can obviously figure it out and see it herself.
3 people like this
@ellie333 (21016)
•
20 Mar 08
Beauty comes from within and if you have ever seen the film Shallow Hal you would understand where I am coming from. I have found in the past that people that make derogorty (sorry if misspelt comments about others usually have far more insurities than the people they are poking fun at. Sad but true. Ellie :D
3 people like this
