Do you live with someone who is on a moral high horse and needs knocked off?

United States
March 20, 2008 1:02pm CST
Ok my question is do you live with someone who's morals are so high that there is no way for anyone to succede in reaching them around that person? Do they have black and white areas only for the people around them and shades of gray for themselves only? What is it like to live with these people? Would you continue a relationship with that person? Do you tihnk that this would cause a strain on the relationship?
2 people like this
10 responses
• United States
20 Mar 08
This is a hard one for me to answer. My S/O does have some pretty intense ways of viewing people as a whole and he is even worse with the people he finds "special" enough to be a part of his life. He used to tell me I was the most amazing woman he had ever met that he was not blood related to. He always used to refer to me as his better half. You can imagine what that did for my ego! But anymore it seems like I am constantly struggling to make it atop a pedestal I never asked to be put on but feel to be worthy of his time and affections I need to make it there or he isn't going to love me anymore if I fall short of this goal he keeps placing just outside of my reach. Maybe he is just trying to make me better myself. I happened to think I was pretty alright to begin with. So he can stay on his moral high horse. I just hope he will still love me if I am never quite able to join him there.
• United States
20 Mar 08
This is hard for me to answer because I have dealt with to many people who love to put that pedestal just out of your grasp. Any relationship where you feel like if you someone isn't going to love you becuase you can't reach the goal that they expect of you is not someone who loves you for you. A person who truly loves you will love you for your faults and weaknesses not try and change you to be their vision of what you should be. Now that being said they might try and help you to be a better person and they can do that without changing the base of what and who you are. If he does not love you for who and what you are no matter the faults then he is a dang fool. He needs to see that you're a great person and mother and that you are who you are because of the adversity in your life. He might have moral high standards for himself and he if he impresses then to much on you he might push you away and be a very lonely person. I hope that you guys can work out a balance.
• United States
20 Mar 08
You make very good points. I wonder what my S/O would say if he saw this.
• United States
20 Mar 08
I wonder too. Well, let us wonder no longer..... I have high standards in certin areas. I made that clear from the very beginning. There are things which are black & white. I will not and can not change my view of that simply to meet what others want. As for holding others to those standards...I don't hold nayone to any standard that I do not hold myself to. But, I fully expect that most of the time, most people will not meet those standards. I don't always myself. I sue those times to learn how to handle things better the next time around. I don't lower the standards. I place you on a pedastool because you deserve to be there. You deserve to be viewed above and beyond the other people in my life because you mean more to me. Do I expect you to slip from it on occassion? Of course. I slip myself at times. Do you have to struggle to ensure I love you? No. As for feeling worthy of my time and attention.....that sword cuts both ways. The only time I can get your time and attention is to post something online. Isn't it sad that you make me feel like the only way I can have a "flirtatious" connection with you is if we are sitting across the room each on a computer? But, I have decided I am not going to use an online forum to hash out our personal issues any longer. I have gotten sucked into and I smart enough to get out now. If you really wanted to discuss things with me, you knew how to do that. But you didn't. I guess if I go ahead and turn on the internet back at my storage unit I would actually have a chance of hearing from you.
@skinnychick (6937)
• United States
22 Mar 08
I used to and now I don't. Does that tell you anything about relationship strain?? LOL I have no patience for this being a live and let live kind of girl. Morality is funny when it is set in the hypocrisy that I'm used to. No strain just the end of a relationship and maybe he can find a nice "moral" girl! :)
• United States
22 Mar 08
Here here!!!!
• United States
22 Mar 08
and Buh-bye too! :)
• United States
22 Mar 08
lol!!!:)
@skysuccess (8882)
• Singapore
21 Mar 08
I cannot say much about how high this other person seems to be, but I think you should believe in yourself. For each one of us do have our own moral standards and principle. As for staying together, I think communication will be the key for the relationship to be mutual. Don't be put off or left out by their views and high principalities. Remember, that you have one of your very own and you are entitled to it.
• United States
22 Mar 08
Thank you for your response and suggestions. I do think that if you are in a relationship with someone whose morals are so high that it is causing friction the relationship may be doomed....
• Singapore
22 Mar 08
I tend to look at it differently. I do not think a person can be so dogmatic and self centered to the point of no return. Not that I do not believe such people exist but it is that the reason behind for their behaviour. I felt that you partner may be hiding behind this high moral front that he is putting up. There could be some areas in his life he is failing and/or failed, as such he is trying to make up for his failure by amplifying these high moral standards on those around him and himself. There is another factor and that is there is someone around him egging him on. Someone close who has no sense of direction and always looking up to him. In all fairness, if you are still concern about your r/s with him - then I feel that you should have a word with him. Sit down and talk how you feel about his dogmatic views and his self centred conduct. Just don't feel drowned as I have said before that you have your own opinions and you are entitled to exercise them, over and above his. Take care.
• United States
22 Mar 08
actually this wasn't about my partner. LOL!! Just an observation that I have had throughout my life with people that I have known and dated or have been related to. LOL!!!!I have seen extreme cases where there is no hope. LOL!!!
@mummymo (23709)
20 Mar 08
Luckily no I don't - I used to though when I was married to my ex and it makes life unbearable! I would never live with anyone like that again - they are so hypocritical and just plain irritating! xxxx
• United States
20 Mar 08
I couldn't agree with you more on that . LOL!! What I hate is the double standard policy which they inact from time to time..
1 person likes this
@mbs730 (2155)
• Canada
22 Mar 08
Oh gosh you would just go around in circles with people like that, you try to show them how they are being wrong and they are too high on themselves that they are just too blind to even want to notice!! I could write stories and take up the whole mylot space about what I have encountered lol, but I'm sure you are taking my word for it! Won't bore anyone with it, too dramatic haha
• United States
22 Mar 08
I honestly know what you mean I could put story upon story. I just think that these people will never realize how hurtful they are.
• Regina, Saskatchewan
20 Mar 08
People who have high standards are to be commended. As long as they don't expect the world to bow down in worship to them or to live up to those standards themselves. People perched atop moral high horses are setting themselves up for failure whether they realize it or not. The world delights in bringing down those who live above and beyond the natural order of things, even if it's only in their own minds. I live with one. That's why I'm waiting for early widowhood. I need the insurance money. LOL
• United States
20 Mar 08
When those people fall it's going to be a long way done and depending on how depends on if they survive it.
1 person likes this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
20 Mar 08
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall, All the Kings horses and all the Kings men Couldn't put Humpty together again! Who'd want to? lol
• United States
20 Mar 08
I'll agree with that one LOL!!!
1 person likes this
@peedielyn (1211)
• United States
21 Mar 08
I thought about my step-mother on this one. She and my dad married over 17 years ago and to this day, I am a loser. I say this because of the conflicts that I deal with everyday of my life. I will say that I am about 120lbs, tiny, and 4'11". Im built pretty good I would say--genetics played a part. I am decent looking. My "mom" says that I am a player in society, meaning I will never amount to anything because I am just like all the other "skinny" people in the world, and she is just so glad that she is not like that. This all pointed out after watching a show on Paris Hilton, Britney, and the anorexic model on tv. I say whatever, it's not my fault that I look this way. My bad dude, really. Fast forward to a Maury show done on kids who are fat. I love fat people so don't be offended. I actually date guys that are 6'7 and 380 easy. She makes her comments about how bad the parents are for letting their kids get that big, and they need to call Jenny Craig, and fat people need to be shot, or at least institutionalised. Now, here's the funny part--she is actually 150 lbs solid muscle and about 5'2. She's what I call athletically thin. Her three kids are overweight. Her oldest daughter is 574lbs. Yes I said five-hundred seventy four pounds at 5'5". Her second daughter is pushing 250lbs, at 5'5 and her son is 5'10 and over 300 lbs. Now, where did I go wrong here. She is a walking moralistic contradiction to herself. It's kinda funny. I am living at home with my parents at this time, because dad wanted me to come home after my divorce. I try to stay away as much as possible. I hate hearing about my weight, and how I fit in teenager clothes and I'm 30. It's not my fault. On another note, I occasionally let a cuss word slip. She will yell at me--with good reason, but when she's mad she will make a sailor cry and justify it by "God always forgives me". This woman is odd. The realtionship has been strained since they got married. Her daughter(the biggest one) got pregnant at 15 and by the time she was 18 had four kids. That was great--she's a g-ma now, is what mom said. I saved myself until I was 19 and got pregnant--graduated from school and starting college, and I am not a bad mother...hmmm...where's the logic. I can't tell you how bad I wish I could win the lottery so I could just get the heck out of here. She has made me miserable with the comments all these years--i hate it. So, just for the heavy people out there--I love you regardless of your size, but the next time you hear a comment about weight, please remember, little people deal with the same issues--good topic thank you!!
@peedielyn (1211)
• United States
21 Mar 08
I made a typo but I will clarify on that one. When I got pregnant at 19 is when I got critisized about being a bad mother--just because I got pregnant. PERIOD. I am not her blood child so I deal with the moralistic crap everyday. Just thought I would clarify things. it says "I saved myself until I was 19 and got pregnant--graduated from school and starting college, and I am not a bad mother" that was supposed to be I am NOW a bad mother. her reasoning had something to do with me being so young...hmmmm....who's the idiot here? thanks guys!
• United States
22 Mar 08
My step dad was like that at times always on me about things and my real mom was the same also I was in 9th grade a size 6 and I was told that I was fat. LOL!! I have been through what you have and you know what I moved out the week after I turned 18 and graduated from high school with honers. I had two full time jobs at the time. LOL!!! I was also the built in babysitter and I was purchasing all my clothes from the time I was in ninth grade on myself while my mom spent my child support of curtains and furniture and things that we didn't need. I can sympathize with what you went through. Have a nice daya nd thankyou for responding to my discussion.
@tjades (3594)
• Jamaica
21 Mar 08
Yep. Myself..........Ah ah ah. I am really not spotless (not at all), but I do think I get on my own nerves sometimes.........and my those of my sisters, and my brother and my mom.....but what the heck they get on my nerves too. I wonder if that person you live with feels trapped inside that moral mind sometimes? (lol)
• United States
22 Mar 08
I have regular morals so my SO doesn't have to feel trapped in them LOL!! We are all human and thus fallable. so I do not expect him to be perfect heck I know I'm not perfect by far.
@mbs730 (2155)
• Canada
21 Mar 08
Oh yes I can go on and on about certain people like that. I wouldn't say they necessarily only have "high morals" but are incredibly narcissistic! They need a dose of reality and need to be put into their place but with people like that its very difficult to do!
• United States
21 Mar 08
I agree that these people need to be brought into reality but your absolutely right that they are almost impossible to show because they refuse to think that they have a problem. LOL!!!
• United States
20 Mar 08
i cant say i ever have but if there was one of them in my house they wouldnt be here for long i would make sure of that i have friends with high morals but i would never let them live with me my heart goes out to any1 who has to deal with that
• United States
20 Mar 08
Thank you for your response. I have lived with one at one time and threaten to knock him off his high horse right before I moved out ... LOL!!!
@Mickie30 (2636)
20 Mar 08
Not anymore but, my dad has never ever told me he is proud of me. He was extremely dissapointed when I gave up nursing and told me I'd regret it for the rest of my life. I can never be good enough for my dad he will never be pleased or proud of me, but I am not bothered cause I still love him and accept he has a problem he is the same with my brother.
• United States
20 Mar 08
Yeah I understand that .. Here is a question would you date or marry someone who was like that towards you?