Do You Notice the Difference…How You Address Your Mylot ‘Friends’ and Others!?

@kamran12 (5556)
Pakistan
March 21, 2008 9:59pm CST
I have noticed that there is a slight difference in how I address my mylot friends and users who are not on my friends list. The first thought that came to my mind was that I am discriminating against some users, even though unintentionally. Then I thought how do we normally address people in offline life? There IS a difference there too. So, where we are formal with other people, we are warm, smiling and open when we greet our friends. That thought gave me a little relief!:-) What about you? Do you ‘discriminate’? Is it really discrimination? Or is it acceptable and natural? Have you even noticed it? If you hadn’t notice it before and now you do, will you change? Thanks! PS: I’ll try not to ‘discriminate’!:-)
8 people like this
12 responses
• Regina, Saskatchewan
22 Mar 08
You are not discriminating at all kamran. It is natural when addressing someone we don't know, to be a little more formal, or circumspect because we don't know how that person is going to react and we want to make a good impression. This is always the first step to making new friends. Once we become more familiar with them and their attitudes towards us, it's much easier to relax a bit and let our hair down so to speak because we know that we are accepted and won't be unfairly judged. I know exactly what you mean, and have noticed the same thing myself. What is too funny is when I'm talking to someone in my offline life and I find myself wanting to say L O L at the end of a sentance! LOL
2 people like this
@kamran12 (5556)
• Pakistan
22 Mar 08
Hello sparkofinsanity!:-) You have a very good point about being formal to strangers because of the fact that we don't know how they will react or judge us and also that we want to make a good impression.! Hehehehe! don't tell me, Have you ever said that!! LOL! Or you just stopped short of saying it? Thanks for sharing!:-)
2 people like this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
22 Mar 08
I've done it a couple of times and gotten the queerest looks. My hubby threatened to take my computer away when I said it to him, because he was so upset that I talked to him like I was some kind of mental midget as he perceives everyone online to be! So I'm really careful now. LOL
2 people like this
@kamran12 (5556)
• Pakistan
22 Mar 08
Well online is a different world, you husband may be right
2 people like this
• United States
23 Mar 08
i treat every one in the same way really because i think that every one is important
@kamran12 (5556)
• Pakistan
23 Mar 08
Hello SONIA12MAN!:-) That's very nice, thanks for sharing!:-)
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Mar 08
you are welcome smile
1 person likes this
@cdparazo (5769)
• Philippines
24 Mar 08
I pride myself of being fair. But being a mere human, I am prawn too to discriminate especially with my friends. It is only natural for me to be much nicer, relaxed and expansive when with friends and to be reserve and curtailed when with mere acquaintances or strangers.
@kamran12 (5556)
• Pakistan
24 Mar 08
You are so very right, cdparazo, I do think that it's natural to be more open and relaxed with friends than with others. It's the same thing in offline life so fair enough online too. Thanks for sharing!:-)
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Mar 08
I treat everyone the same, with respect.I tend to ask my friends more personal questions but that's the only difference.If I know you are married or engaged or have a boyfriend/girlfriend, I will ask about them.That is the only difference.
2 people like this
@kamran12 (5556)
• Pakistan
22 Mar 08
Hello sarahruthbeth22!:-) You are very respectful, sarah. I don't make a difference when paying my respect either. what I noticed is how I address them and greet them. Thanks for sharing!:-)
2 people like this
@polachicago (19143)
• United States
22 Mar 08
This is not about discrimination. Building friendship takes time. It is like in my favorite book “The Little Prince” "One only understands the things that one tames," said the fox. "Men have no more time to understand anything. They buy things all ready made at the shops. But there is no shop anywhere where one can buy friendship, and so men have no friends any more. If you want a friend, tame me . . ." "What must I do, to tame you?" asked the little prince. "You must be very patient," replied the fox. "First you will sit down at a little distance from me--like that--in the grass. I shall look at you out of the corner of my eye, and you will say nothing. Words are the source of misunderstandings. But you will sit a little closer to me, every day . . ." We don't see each other, but we can understand each other better every day. I know many people on Mylot for over one year....and yes, I treat them better and there is nothing wrong with it... Great point my friend... HUGS
@kamran12 (5556)
• Pakistan
22 Mar 08
Hello polachicago!:-) Thank you for sharing that piece from your favorite book! I don't personally think either that it's discrimination especially when one is giving due attention to all. I think it's natural. And, if it's discrimination, it's without distinction, perhaps. Thanks for sharing!:-)
1 person likes this
@munhozmib (3730)
• Sao Paulo, Brazil
7 Apr 08
Hello, Kamran! I have also noticed this. Sometimes, I'll just say: "Hello, my friend"! At other times, I won't say a name after the Hello. I try to treat always in the same way, knowing that we are all humans behind computers. Everyone gets the same respect from me. However, in real life you can call your friends by other names and they won't mind. The same is different with strangers. You can't call a stranger by whatever you want, you need to respect them. I don't think it is discrimination. With every person, you can have a certain freedom. Sometimes, you talk to the people the way you want because they are your friends, they ALLOW you to talk to them how you want! With strangers, you can't just say what you want because the person did not give you her ALLOWance to call her by the name you want. Not discriminating... Just respecting. Respectfully, Munhozmib.
1 person likes this
@kamran12 (5556)
• Pakistan
8 Apr 08
Hello munhozmib!:-) That's certainly a very positive view to look at it. I, personally don't think either that it's discrimination per se. We have, as you say, different levels of closeness with people and it's not always allowed to be frank with strangers, they may even mind being frank. Thank you for sharing your views!:-)
1 person likes this
@munhozmib (3730)
• Sao Paulo, Brazil
13 Apr 08
It was a pleasure of mine to share my views with you.
• India
13 Apr 08
I would never discriminate to start with. what i usually do is read discussions answer them. if i do feel the person is intersting or does write discussions which are intersting i do request them on my friends list. as and whn i do get requests i do accept them. i really do not get into the depth of whether the person is white or black or which country age etc. i like discussing interesting issues. thats it.
@kamran12 (5556)
• Pakistan
13 Apr 08
Hello monishavakil!:-) It's good that you don't discriminate. I wondered if it is really a discrimination to address friends more frankly!? Though I never requested a friend just not to bother people into making an uneasy decision if they don't like to be on my friends list, but I did use to accept anyone and everyone. Now, I don't because of some reasons. Thanks for sharing!:-)
@cane2008 (34)
• United States
13 Apr 08
It is more about not knowing how to approach new people with you opinions without offending. it is hard to tell how people are saying what they are saying in typing as far as in real life i pretty much great all people the same with a warm smile because that one smile can change their attitude about the whole day.
1 person likes this
@kamran12 (5556)
• Pakistan
13 Apr 08
Hello cane2008!:-) Welcome to mylot. I hope you will enjoy your stay here!:-) You have a point there that we don't know how to approach new people without offending, though one can always be respectful! Yes, sometimes it's hard to understand and harder to see actually what they mean. You are very right that smile can change the whole attitude. Thanks for sharing!:-)
@lkbooi (16102)
• Malaysia
13 Apr 08
Hi kamran, I always treat everyone here the same. Sorry to say that I couldn’t remember all the friends in my friends list. I am very happy and also welcome everyone who likes to drop by my discussion. I am glad that they are willing to give their value opinions for my discussion. And I always treat everyone here as my friend. It doesn’t matter he is or not in my friends list. Happy posting and bye.
1 person likes this
@kamran12 (5556)
• Pakistan
13 Apr 08
Hello lkbooi!:-) It's good if you could maintain equality between people who are on your friends list and others. But, isn't it natural that we do feel close to friends than strangers? I do consider almost all mylotians as my friends, whether or not they are on my friends list and as far as treatment of respect is concerned, I do try treat all as equals. I value peoples' participations, opinions, views and sharing of their experiences. Thanks for sharing!:-)
• United States
8 Apr 08
Kamran, I guess I missed this one during one of my absences. No I do not see it at all discriminating. First you have have to build a sort of respect for a new responder, then there is a get to know each other period where you build an intimacy if you will. Take for instance when I see your name in one of my discussions I am filled with joy and clear friendship. so I feel at ease to address you differently then I would the person whose name I am seeing for the first time. However I try and show respect, the first thing I believe puts a person at ease is by addressing that person by name. It shows you are paying attention to who is talking to you. what ever friendships are formed from there, is left to fate.
1 person likes this
@kamran12 (5556)
• Pakistan
8 Apr 08
So, the wise finally managed to find her way to this discussion!:-) I fully agree about the steps involved in development of a friendly relationship, very true. I do think that addressing someone by name is more respectful and not being frank is, maybe, respectful too, actually, than discrimination. It is all that natural if one adresses his/her friends more frankly because we 'know' that it will not only not create any problem but we also find ourselves at ease. While a stranger may take it as offense if one tries to be frank with them. And you, my friend, are a delight too. It's always a pleasure to talk to you! thanks for sharing your views!:-)
@LittleMel (14059)
• Canada
8 Apr 08
No I don't feel like discriminating at all especially after what I went through with friends and so called friends. So since then I always make it clear who are my friends, who are my acquaintances and who are none of those. That way nobody can say anything different or claim they are my friends where as they are not. I do this offline and online, no exception.
1 person likes this
@kamran12 (5556)
• Pakistan
8 Apr 08
Hello LittleMel!:-) It's so good to see you again!:-) I am sorry about your experience with so called friends. You are very right that there is difference in friends, acquaintances and others and thus it is natural to deal them accordingly. Thanks for sharing!:-)
@wolfie34 (26881)
• United Kingdom
27 Mar 08
Fear not it's not discrimination my dear brother, it's a rapport we build up with them, for example I would never say to a newbie or someone who has answered my discussion with thank you sis, or thank you bruv or get too familiar with them, because they may think you are being too forward and may feel uncomfortable. People that know me well and I know them I can say thanks brother, or sister or sweetheart or sweetie because that becomes acceptable once you have built up the friendship with them, you get to know your friends more and how they like to be addressed.
@kamran12 (5556)
• Pakistan
29 Mar 08
Hello dear brother!:-) I do think that what holds us being too informal with other than friends is, at least in part, something that has to do our lack of knowledge of their reaction. And, o the other side, we like, quite naturally so, to endear people who are psychologically, emotionally, or spiritually closer to us. I do understand it to be a natural phenomenon but when it struck me for the first time I did think, wow! am I discriminating!!? LOL! Thanks you for sharing your views!:-)