Everyone wants something, I am not made of money

Australia
March 25, 2008 7:06am CST
My husband, me and my little boy saved for 5 years to go on a holiday to Europe (we live in Australia and most of our family is back in Europe) so we set aside money for tickets, spending money, presents and new things for us. Anyway one by one people are starting to send us e-mails or calling us to buy them things. My cousin wants a brand name digital video camera, my brother in law wants a laptop and so on. I have told them that I cant afford to buy them than they say oh you buy them and we will pay you back (like hell they will). I am not going to buy expencive presents for them and I told them so because I simply cant afford to do that. But it is very anoying having to explain it and it looks like they cant wait for us to get there for the presents. Have you been in similar situation?
3 people like this
15 responses
@SViswan (12051)
• India
25 Mar 08
We used to have similar situations when we were in the Middle East (that's where I grew up)...and every holiday, we would get calls as to what a relative wanted from there. Besides, the money to buy the particular gift...we would also have to pay more money for the extra luggage. My parents would use the kids' luggage allowance too...and promise to buy us new clothes when we got to India (it was cheaper there). Some people have repayed us for the 'gifts' they requested....especially if it is something slightly expensive. But the worst is when the gift they ask for doesn't really cost much....but when a couple of them ask for similar gifts...it does cost us. Each of them thinks that it's a small amount but it did cost us money!! And anyone coming from the Middle East was a huge affair then...and the first thing the kids wanted was for us to open our bags....well, I would do it too when I was in India and my uncles visited.....but I wasn't as excited as the other kids who had never seen any of the things that come out of those 'magical' suitcases! I've never heard my father explain that he couldn't afford to get them somethng....but I think he just stopped getting his own gifts and waited for their request to get them what they wanted. But our relatives took care of our immovable assets in India...so it was one good turn for another...that's how we saw it.
1 person likes this
@SViswan (12051)
• India
29 Mar 08
If I were you, I'd tell them openly that I can't afford to buy what they want...and I'd be glad to get it for them if they send you the money before you go to meet them. You are not going to take a loan to get them expensive gifts...and you are really sorry but if they really need it, please send the money EARLY. I'm sure then they'll say it's not really important and it's okay. You've put across your point and no one's insulted or feels bad.
• Australia
25 Mar 08
I understand the kids that is fine by me anyway things for the kids dont cost much. If I was to buy what they are asking (just the 2 things) it would cist me about $2500 AU that is what my plane ticket is and I can bet my life on it I will not see a single dollar of that money from them.
1 person likes this
@gemini_rose (16264)
25 Mar 08
That is really naughty of them to do that, and I mean its not like they are little things either!! Fair enough if they were just asking for little souveniers but they are asking for things that are really dear, no you keep telling them no, I would. When you go away you should not be expected to buy presents, when we go away, sometimes I get stressed over buying things for people because I have so many to buy for, and it can end up costing a fortune. I am lucky though in that mine do not expect anything and so I normally just buy little bits and pieces for my mum and my sister in laws children and my nan.
1 person likes this
• Australia
25 Mar 08
99% of the people dont expect anything and I still take things to them they are not huge presents I got clothes and barbies and hot wheel cars that sort of things for the kids. Australiana for the oldies and we will spend lots more on the close family. But to me it is almost an insult when they ask and then I cant buy it because I cant afford it it makes me feel guilty to a point.
1 person likes this
@academic2 (7000)
• Uganda
25 Mar 08
Just dont over stretchyourself beyond the limits-you said it right-you dont have a tree in your compound whose leaves are dollar bills, so your brother in law and his litanies of laptops had better start working for money Period!
1 person likes this
• Australia
25 Mar 08
We have a huge family my mother is one of 6 kids, my mother in law 1 of 9 kids my father in law 1 of 7 kids so that is a lot of people to start with then you have cousins and their families. I dont mind buying things at all we set a budget of $10 per person or $50 per family and I am fine with that it is not a lot but when you see that I am buying for about 100 people it adds up. But to buy expencive things would mean I wont have any money left for me. As you said they should start buying things from their money.
1 person likes this
@rinaaus (1201)
• Australia
25 Mar 08
Gud day Aussie! I live in Australia too. I have been in your situation, so I can understand your feeling. Just ignore what they said and what they want. If you can not afford, no need to buy expensive stuffs for them. You still think to buy them a gift, I think it is so good of you. You have a right to buy whatever you like for them as gift, and they have a right to receive it or not. Doesn't matter! That's what I did to some of my relatives.
1 person likes this
• Australia
25 Mar 08
I had to smile when I read the e-mail about the laptop as we were just talking with my husband few days ago and my husband said I will buy my brother a memory stick (as he is a profesor) and here we go he wants a computer instead. If I could I would have spend more but I simply cant or I could but they wont be able to see me as I would spend all my money.
1 person likes this
@uath13 (8192)
• United States
25 Mar 08
Actually NO, my family knows better. That's just rude.
1 person likes this
@cher913 (25782)
• Canada
25 Mar 08
my mom has realitives in romania and they (for some odd reason) think that north america is the place where the streets are paved with gold and where everyone lives in a mansion...needless to say, that is not true and to that end my mom stopped writing because they were always asking her to send them stuff too.
1 person likes this
• Australia
25 Mar 08
Do you mean to tell me that it is not true? The roads are not paved in gold? wow we even have diamonts and oil pump free of charge cant you see how rich Australia is maybe you should tell them to come over and see how you live. I would do that honestly but I am afraid they would want us to sponsor them and provide acomodation (free of charge) and food and ... oh well you know the whole deal.
1 person likes this
@plumwish07 (4057)
• Indonesia
25 Mar 08
i know those kind of situation. its also happened with me. i was long time that don't visit my hometown and when i want to visit my hometown, i should prepare many things as like many gifts to everyone in my hometown. it seems that since i live in big city, i have made so much money so i should bring many gift for everyone in my hometown althoughi just only want to be there and release my longing feeling to my family i also don't know what to do cause when i decided to visit my hometown without bring any gift, they seem not welcoming in warmly
• Indonesia
25 Mar 08
actually realize this fact really made me sad, and don't want to have any fake carring from them. however, they are my main family and relatives, this made me feel really sad. and when i leave my hometown, it seems that i should give each of them some amount of money. i really don't understand how could this behaviour generated?
• Indonesia
10 Apr 08
appreciate from my self that you awarded to my response in your discussion
• Australia
25 Mar 08
Do you really need them after all? If they only welcome you with warmth and genuin pleasure then why bother. As this is the first time we are going back (as a family) in almost 5 years we decided to buy gifts next time there wont be any gifts.
@Lindalinda (4111)
• Canada
26 Mar 08
Check on the internet and find out how much those items cost in the European country you are going to. Then tell your relatives the price and ask for the money up front. Remember also you have to bring all that stuff through customs. So before you go find out the limit per person that you can bring back. I also think you are very generous to spend so much money on gifts per family. You have worked hard, saved long and should enjoy your holiday. When I go to Europe I no longer buy any presents for relatives. I used to bring little gifts, a CD, a certain skin cream, some chocolates etc. No one ever thanked me for these little items. I had the feeling it was not good enough. But you know all those little gifts add up to a lot of money. So now I don't bring back any gifts for anyone. I hope you will have a wonderful holiday. Be good to yourself.
• Australia
26 Mar 08
The camera is out of question as it would be almost the same to buy it here and over there when you buy all the things and costums and all. The computer is a different story I know that they are much more expencive over there but we told him if he has the money we will get it only because thats my husbands brother.
@subha12 (18441)
• India
26 Mar 08
I think when you visit from a distance place, relatives atleast think you would get something for them But asking for things like this is not at all acceptable that i guess. tell them clearly that you can't afford and also they need to send some money if they want those. i think its bad.
• Australia
26 Mar 08
There is no question of geting presents for everyone I have never said I wont do it. We have $1000 budget for gifts. The thing is I cant afford to buy $2500 worth of electrical goods upfront.
@BlackBay (584)
• Canada
25 Mar 08
My husband has a brother who thinks he's entitled to his siblings things or money and is always asking give me or buy me....and every time his told to go p*** up a rope...one day he'll get it.But the nerve to even ask for gifts like that are very, very selfish,IMO. I would be telling everyone how long it took to save money for a trip to see them and if they can't appreciate that I would go somewhere else for the holiday and send them a picture.
@BlackBay (584)
• Canada
26 Mar 08
Oh! Well then I would just let them know that Family is more important than the gifts they are asking for. I know it can be hard for family when you live so far apart. I grew up not really knowing any of my family either.....you see pictures or hear stories but it's not the same as growing up with them. I hope you have a Wonderful Trip!!!
• Australia
26 Mar 08
Thank you for your warm wishes
• Australia
26 Mar 08
The main reason we are going is because everyone is geting old my grandmother is 86 my mother in law is 67 so I want them to see my son (as he was only 7 months when he last saw them) he dosnt even know them and I want that to change. It is the few people that are making things difficult for us and I dont need that.
1 person likes this
@SheliaLee (2736)
• United States
26 Mar 08
I've never been in this situation but I had an aunt (she has passed away now) whose family used to do her that same way. They knew she received money from her husband's retirement (who had also passed away) and they thought she was made of money. They were constantly wanting her to buy things for them. Unfortunately she did most of the time. I don't know what advice to give you except just to tell them no that you can't do it. I know that would have to be a tough situation to be in. I wish you the best of luck. Shelia
• Australia
26 Mar 08
In my husbands family he has 2 aunts that have never been maried and dont have kids and worked till very old. They treat them like a bank only they never return the money :)
@ruby222 (4847)
25 Mar 08
Its so darn annoying when you feel that everyone wants their pound of flesh...when mykide were away at university..they though i had money coming out of my ears!!! Mum..can you pay my gas bill...mum can ypu pay this...oh it just went on and on...and after a while i felt like screaming!!! Life is hard enough sometimes without external pressure being thrust upon you. Sometimes just keeping yourself afloat is sufficient!!! Plus half of the younger generation have more now than ive evver had in my entire life.!!! Oh lol i sound like a real moaning minnie!!!
• Australia
25 Mar 08
You are right but hey my darling brother in law is 31 you will think he knows better than that. Everyone else sais no dont buy us anything all we want is to see you and this one sends his wish list along with a approved stamp from santa and the tooth feiry. lol
@artemeis (4194)
• China
25 Mar 08
I am not sure about your relations here but at my end if they ask for something expensive they will usually pay me. I will be asked to check on the particular item's availability and price. If it is really a good bargain, they will then wire me the money and I will get it for them. Maybe you can ask them to wire you the money first if you are tight, and ill afford. After all, they are your relations and should be able to understand and reached. I could not think for a moment that relations will take each other for granted. (I don't know - don't mean to generalize here.) Hope that all will work out along this perspective.
• Australia
25 Mar 08
I know that over here things could be found that would be much cheaper than over there. But lets say they do that send the money and all that (say the camera is $1000) they will pay $ to send the money plus when we go there as we already have a camera and I am going to come back without the second camera I will have to pay duty on it. They might save some money but to me its not wort it. Plus when the rest of the family finds out everyone will want something big and I cant say no.
• Australia
26 Mar 08
I can asure you I will be taxed every time I go there I have all my "electrical" and more expencive things writen on my pasport and If when I live I dont have them with me I get taxed.
@artemeis (4194)
• China
25 Mar 08
I think we have different family backgrounds and yours is just a bit complex than I had expected. Nevertheless, you do have a valid point on not having a precedence. However, I do not think it is will be or is going to be a regular occurrence as these are quite expensive and bulky things. To throw money out so easily is simply not as easy as said. As for the 2 cameras I do not think it will be a problem as I do that a number of times and I do not get taxed. Not if you remove the box and carry it as one of your own. I carried 3 cameras one time and returned with 1 - no hassle at all. Again, I am not sure at your end's enforcement. I suppose it will be your call after all.
@MichaelJay (1100)
25 Mar 08
I have a 19 year old daughtr who sems to think that money grows on trees! Shye recently got her driver's license and is really annoyed that we (her parents) won't buy her a car! All my friends have had a car from their parents, she bleats. Well, she'll have to buy her own - she has money saved up and what we have we're gonna spend before it becomes her inheritance! Lif is tough, tell these scroungers to take a hike!
• Australia
25 Mar 08
Can you ask her where do we get one of those trees I might get few for my relatives. My cousin (he is 1 of 11 cousins that I have) was at it for weeks I will write and say no he would write with another plan at the end I said listen if I buy you a camera than I have to buy 10 more for every cousin as you are nothing more to me than they are. No word from him since then.
• Australia
25 Mar 08
ruby I will tell you how about my life a bit. My father lost an eye in a car crash and what vision he has with his other eye is very poor living him unable to work so he is on pention. My mother looks after him and works very hard part time so they will have enough and save for rainy days. When I realised that money does not grow on trees I was about 12. I stoped asking for expencive things that everyone else had. When I started geting money frpm the gov when I turned 16 I stoped asking for money from my parents. Yes I lived with them, I went to school and all. But the only time I would take money from them was a special occasion. I would buy clothes, go out and do what young people do with about $120 every forthnight. I am now 27 with a family of my own and still dont take anything from anyone nor do I expect anything from anyone.
@ruby222 (4847)
25 Mar 08
Ive just responded to a very similar thread...oh lord it makes you so mad...what makes them think that they are entitled to everything for nothing...or is it the wasy we brought them up?? We expected so little financially from our parents..they didnt have it to give anyway... We just had to get on with our lives as best as we could!!! My kids are all in their 30s now...and its started to bite...they realise how hard it is to maintain everyday living costs!! But lol ...the boots on the other foot a little now...as they have satrted to `treat` me!!!
• China
25 Mar 08
Need the money,in this world there is only money to improve our lives,Xiangganbanfa you need to make money!find a work!work,work,hard work!