is it safe to say about our past to our partner?

India
March 25, 2008 7:22am CST
In a perfect relationship, you would not keep any secrets from your partner.And you would never had to worry if he/she keeping anything from you because his/her life too would be an open book. But we live in the real world, where even the healthiest couple some times hide things from each other. To most of us,the secret to end all secrets( and many datings)is an affair - and no one will quibble with the devastating consequences of infidelity. Yet even, small deceptions can rock a relationship and it can be hard to draw the line between what's harmless and what is not. In my opinion, everything about our past has to be hidden to keep the relationship rolling.What do you say?
6 people like this
22 responses
@gabrielle47 (1221)
• Philippines
26 Mar 08
Hi Lucksath. I believe there is no such thing as a perfect relationship. And for me, all things should be known by each partner about his/her past. IN this way, it is up to your partner to accept you and your past as yoru past is already a part of you. If he/she really loves you then he/she should accept all that you are and yoru past. All secrets are meant to be revealed in the light. Its also one way of building your trust with each other and I believe that trust is very important in a relationship and most or many relationships fail because of broken trust. I would not take it or have a quiet consience if I have somethign hidden from my partner and would hunt me. Would yoru consience take the guilt in keeping somethign from your partner? I cant.
@Darkwing (21588)
25 Mar 08
I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to beg to disagree here. If you need to tell your partner about the past, because you want to be honest, and not keep secrets, then they will probably understand. What happened in the past should have no consequence to your current partner, if they really love you, and I, for one, have to be open and honest in any relationship. If, however, you have an affair during your current relationship, then you'll keep it secret, I'm sure. But, just having the affair will have broken your partner's trust in you and you might as well part, because once the trust is gone, the relationship is ruined. Brightest Blessings.
@crzy_ant (19)
• Philippines
25 Mar 08
It's truly your choice if you would want to be open about your past in your current relationship. it's a good thing to be honest and open about yourself to the person you are with right now. but on the contrary, if you think it will not be necessary to tell about your past, then there's nothing wrong of keeping it. remember that it is still your choice, but of course, that choice should be for the better.
1 person likes this
• United States
25 Mar 08
My husband knows pretty much everything about my past just like I do about him. It's not something we sat down or came out and and said ok this and this happened or blah blah no as we would be talking about something or driving we would share our past experiences. He knows about what I have been through. I think it is important in a relationship especially someone that you plan to spend the rest of your life with. This is how my husband and I are but it don't work for all couples. We are very secure in our marriage and I can even tease him about other girls that may look at him or try to flirt with him because I know where his heart is and our love is.
1 person likes this
@ciades (1624)
• Philippines
25 Mar 08
For me, Well theres nothing wrong to tell your partner about your bad past. It's up to him if he will stay or not basis of what he know. Atleast, He knew. Sometimes the more you keep it the more even your partner will know about it surprisely. And thats what commonly happened as of now. That will be more complicated. And not all partners have the same perception about the complicated past. There are some who can accept and there are some who cannot. Well, its your own decision if you will share it or hide it. Just prepare yourself for the consequences in both different situation.
1 person likes this
@chiyosan (29460)
• Philippines
25 Mar 08
I think it is okay to tell him things about your past, it is for him to understand you and to accept you as you are. You can never hide anything for too long and it will eventually come out in the open too - perhaps if we have slip of the tongue. If he doesnt ask, i guess you should take it as a sign that it doesnt matter for him about your past and that you can just move on and have the realtionship with him. Why bother tell him if he doesnt want to know?
1 person likes this
@chrysz (1603)
• Philippines
25 Mar 08
There are things better left unsaid but when asked, you'd better tell your partner honestly to make sure he will not use it against you. One email I received warn women not to tell everything to a guy they love because they might use it against them someday. I find this true to some because I believe that men are more nosy and backfighters than most women I know. Their cruelty is more intense than a woman scorned.
1 person likes this
• India
25 Mar 08
Yeah even i agree with you, the past has to be hidden, not xactly hidden, but y even dig it out. But if the partner wants to know about your past and has an open view about it then everything goes as far as it doesnt hurt him. There r still some things you never gotta tell the person ur in relationship with. Me and my husband know about each others past lives and I am totally okay with it, so is he, but sometimes i can find certain things connected to my past that he is considering in the present, which i wish he never knew.
1 person likes this
@kwenge (2493)
• Kenya
25 Mar 08
I think my only say is that let the past remain where it belongs i.e in the past. If it is neccesary and it might affect the both of you in the near or far future then its good to tell it as it is. For example if you had a baby when you were 13 years and you have grown together like brothers and sister, gosh then tell him about the baby and he might as well understand. But some secretes like you made love in a toilet in highschool or college should never be told. Some truth hurts so just weigh your words before telling the person you love. I have a secret that i will never tell even my mother. I will go with it to the grave. It is my heart. All the best in love.
@rsa101 (13336)
• Philippines
25 Mar 08
Well as for me I have managed to make my past open to her and she knows everything that transpired before we became us and so is she. For me its nice that we know each other from the past. Of course there are things generally not meant to be said but it should be kept at minimal. I think opening up and trusting is one step ahead being able to reach a certain level of love. I have nothing against opening up but that of course depends on something is most comfortable with you.
1 person likes this
@youless (91541)
• Guangzhou, China
26 Mar 08
I don't think it can be always safe. I still think that each other shall have their own little secrets. Even though they love each other deeply, but it doesn't mean that you have to tell him/her everything. If something that may upset him/her, why you have to tell him/her?
@youless (91541)
• Guangzhou, China
29 Mar 08
Thanks a lot to give me the best response
@chiyosan (29460)
• Philippines
22 Apr 08
it should be safe.. at some point. but you have to be careful what you disclose to your partner.. sometimes when things get rough between the tow of you, he may actually bring them up in the heat of argument!
@dpk262006 (56170)
• Delhi, India
22 Apr 08
I agree with you that it is not good to share our past with our partner. Because she was not there in our life, when the past happenings took place. And specially, when your past is not a healthy one, it would be better not to share it with your partner. Because I feel, there are very few partners, who are braod minded. If you tell anything in a good faith to your partner, and one day a fight takes place between you and your partner, your partner can use 'your past' to taunt and tease you and can let you down.
@busta1baby (1238)
• United States
22 Apr 08
my partner knows everything bout my past...i cried wen i told him all bout it as well..but id rather him know now then later
• United States
27 Mar 08
The way I feel about it is that if you are asked questions be honest about your past if the questions are never asked the why bother bring it up. I don't hide anything from my husband that he ask me about. We have no need in doing that. He is the type of man that thinks it is funny if I have to deal with a guy hitting on me as long as the person does not make me uncomfortable if that happens then he will step in. In alot of ways I am so glad that he is that way. I don't like having a person in my life that is always worried about will I stray. He knows I am going to be here forever as I know he will be and that is all I need.
• India
27 Mar 08
I do not agree with you. I dont think there is any need to reveal about our past to our partners. We should be faithful to our partners, but ofcourse it only begins when a relationship come into exist. As per my knowledge and awareness from many others experiences such revelation has ruined the lustre of relationships.
@mwala1287 (284)
• Canada
27 Mar 08
i do agree with you in the sence that in a perfect relationship no secrets should be kept from one another. And you are right, we live in the real world and society keeps changing, rapidly. I feel that small deceptions are the ones that cause the most damage in a relationship. something so small can turn into something so big. it is definately hard to draw the line between what is harmless and what is not. that is why i feel that we must listen to our hearts. our heart tells us what we feel we should tell, and what we shouldnt. if some reason your heart tells you not to tell your partner something, then remember, there must be a reason. i also think that your partner does have the right to know certain things about your past. the things that will effect him/ her should definately be on the list of things you do tell. a relationship will not work without trust and communication. i would like those who have read this to keep that in mind in the most non contridictory way possible way. and best of luck to all!
@Ravenladyj (22937)
• United States
26 Mar 08
In my opinion, everything about our past has to be hidden to keep the relationship rolling.What do you say? Why should anyone have to hide their history? to me personally that would only mean they are embarrassed about it or ashamed etc...I dont hide my past from my men whether its how many ppl Ive slept with or my addictions or the abuse I endured etc etc..I'm not ashamed of where I come from or who I am and if I'm with someone who can't accept me for ALL my parts then I dont want anyting to do with them...
@subha12 (18453)
• India
26 Mar 08
It depends. I think it is dependent on how flexible your current partner is. I know that according to human psychology, nobody in mind can get very good notion about partner's ex.Is it very much necessary?
• Philippines
26 Mar 08
In my current relationship, we both managed to tell our sappy stories by the start of the relationship. I do agree that there are some things that had to be kept under wraps, but, I think some details should just be left unsaid. Our relationship haven't had any issues of infidelity, we've been together for 19months. We make it a point that we communicate, even if we had to say the littlest bad feeling we have. It helps a lot.