Would you let your 17 year old...

@foxyfire33 (10009)
United States
March 26, 2008 12:01pm CST
move in with her boyfriend because of a silly fight with her sister? I know I wouldn't but here's the situation. My stepson's girlfriend basically moved in here last night. Apparently she had a fight with her sister because the sister was putting down my stepson and the rest of the family...you know, we aren't good enough for her, she deserves better type stuff. So she called my stepson all upset and saying she was leaving even if she had to walk. Well he left here as quick as he could (she lives an hour from here) and sure enough found her walking down the road miles from her house. I'll leave out all the drama after that but basically her mother gave her permission to move in here...she didn't ask us if that was alright but as usually I guess our opinion doesn't matter. Her mom was just like "yeah whatever" about the whole thing. And today when they talked on the phone I heard her (the girlfriend) tell her mom that they are saving all their money for a car and a place to live of their own and everything is just great. Well it's NOT great. Now we're going to be supporting 2 teenagers...and lets face it, probably a grandchild in the near future. We don't even have enough money left over to save for a place of our own. There is no room left in this place for more people. They aren't nearly as mature as they pretend to be and are clueless about the real world. We're in a totally different school district and she's only a junior so we have to see if our school will take her or if she'll have to get her GED too. I'm just frustrated and venting but really I just want to know what kind of mother lets her teenage daughter move out over something as stupid as a sibling fight? Or am I being to hard on the mom and this is really about immature teenagers that think they can stomp their foot and get what they want? I don't know...I'm just stressed about the "what next?" aspect of everything.
8 people like this
17 responses
@Modestah (11192)
• United States
26 Mar 08
um, no! nip that in the bud! she can not heal her familial problems by running away from them and the family will not think better of your family by this situation. Meanwhile the kids are thrown into the pangs of temptation - playing house. This is not a good situation at all. Not for your s.s. not for the girl, not for you or your inlaws and not for the girls family. surely she has some girlfriend that she can go to for a few days while things settle down. if she does end up staying with you you had best get something in writing from her parents - or you may be looking at harboring a runaway or worse charges.
2 people like this
@foxyfire33 (10009)
• United States
26 Mar 08
Ahh yes, the playing house thing. I have discussed this on many occassions with his mother. They have already been doing that every weekend for months and his mom and I are the only ones uncomfortable with it. His dad and grandparents (this is their house) won't put a stop to it, her parents and aunt and uncle who she's lived with half her life also WANT her here on weekends. This girl was pretty much cut loose when she turned 16 and her family doesn't seem to really care what she does as long they don't have to be responsible.
1 person likes this
@Modestah (11192)
• United States
26 Mar 08
if your son turns 18 first there could be statutory rape charges, is he aware of this? if the parents are as low as they sound from this discussion it might be something to informed about.
1 person likes this
@carmelanirel (20979)
• United States
26 Mar 08
No I would not..I know from being a teenagers myself and having raised three of my own, that dreams seem so real to them that they think everything will be fine, but it usually turns into a disaster.. Like you said, now you have another teenager and the possibility of her getting pregnant, is really isn't a good idea..Doesn't she have a friend she can stay with? I would find someone who can talk to this girl and realize that it would be a mistake..
@foxyfire33 (10009)
• United States
31 Mar 08
I talked to her the other night and she said she wants to go back home but not until her brother and sister leave (the ones that said the bad things). I tried to get her to see their side of it but teenagers know it all so that didn't get me anywhere. I asked about friends and she insisted that there's only one that would ever let her stay there but that it wasn't an option right now because that friend lives on the same street as her family....
1 person likes this
• United States
31 Mar 08
Yeah, I know how teenagers are, but can't she at least talk to her friend, maybe she can help..
• United States
26 Mar 08
Well I have had this happen my younger sister had her bf move in with me and no it wasn't easy and I was upset but I couldn't stand the fact that he would be on the streets or who knows where. I would probably make her get her GED and see if there is any programs to help her or him get a car. A lot of times churches will do that. I would make them open a bank account and put all of their money in there. I would also see if maybe you guys can even get a car to make payments on then that would help them get to work and home, and start saving for a new place. They might have to settle for something like just a studio apt. If she is looking for an at home job there are so many companies now just im me and I will give you the links. Juanita_espinosa on yahoo or juanita26775 on aol. It is real work and you don't have to pay anything to start. Just have customer service skills.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Mar 08
That is sad that they are like that with her. I would just try to cut some expenses if at all possible. Just for now. Remember it is just a temporary thing and actually they can still get a place under the age 18 you will just have to look around your state or area and see. I know a lot of friends that have gotten places of their own when they were under 18.
@maddysmommy (16233)
• United States
26 Mar 08
Nope, would not allow that. She can't just think she can stay with whomever she likes because of a fight? I would probably get on the phone to her mother to come and get her because it clearly shows she is just acting out. Or if not, take her back to her home and explain to her and your stepson that this is not going to happen. She is NOT your responsibility and needs to be told that and sent right back home. That's what I would do.
1 person likes this
@foxyfire33 (10009)
• United States
31 Mar 08
And I agree with you...but as usual, nobody listens to what I say. I could get more reaction from a brick wall around here.
@terri0824 (4991)
• United States
26 Mar 08
No I wouldn't but not knowing the whole situation either. By having two daughters ages 21 and 18. I know the drama they can create to make things look worse than they are to create a situation that besets them. Both of mine have had me stressed out over the last several weeks, I'm about to run away myself, if I only could!
1 person likes this
@foxyfire33 (10009)
• United States
31 Mar 08
HaHa I know the feeling! I've gotten a little more information since this all started and her dad was against her leaving but she argued the point until they were tired of hearing it. She's still here but there were a bunch of phone calls back and forth this morning so maybe that will change...it'd better, she's missed 4 days of school by being here.
• United States
26 Mar 08
Call me overprotective or whatever you want, but under NO circumstances would I let my daughter move out at 17! My daughter was 22 when she moved out and even then I fought it. LOL She wasn't done with college yet and I was worried that she might not be able to handle going to school and having her own place at the same time. She moved in with a girlfriend against my wishes. If it had been a guy, I think I would have tied her down or something. LOL
1 person likes this
@foxyfire33 (10009)
• United States
26 Mar 08
My oldest is 12 and I just can not imagine letting her be on her own in 5 years! I guess some parents are just ready to get their kids out as soon as possible regardless of the circumstances.
1 person likes this
@tessah (6621)
• United States
31 Mar 08
why is it the sole responsibility of the girls parents? why is it that girls should be sheltered more than boys? i wouldnt let either gender just move in with each other. you have in fact allowed this girl to move in.. soo youre allowing yer stepson to live with his girlfriend too.. and under yer roof. so really, whats the difference?
@foxyfire33 (10009)
• United States
31 Mar 08
Wait a minute...you don't know us or our situation so you have no right to judge me. This isn't about girls being more protected than boys. This is not my house so I don't get to decide what happens here. I said no when my stepson wanted to move in with her, everyone else said no also and he listened and stayed her. I have been saying that the girlfriend could not live here but NO ONE will listen to me and tell the teenagers that. So that's the difference.
@tessah (6621)
• United States
31 Mar 08
there was no "judgements" i made a comment and posed a question to a subject you brought into a public forum where you ASKED for input. so sorry mine wasnt the pat on the noggin sympathies you were looking for.
@mansha (6301)
• India
27 Mar 08
seventeen is too young to move out and try and make a life out for yourself. Your son also is not that mature to take on such a responsibilty. I got married when I was twenty and till date regret that decision. You must grow up before you make such a commitment. At seventeen its mostly a puppy love and nothing else. I think you better start setting some grond rules with this one and may be seprate bedrooms should be the first one. Whta of at nineteen they fall out of loe and have a child between them.Its a real serious stuff. The way you have described the girl and her parents I think they are beneath you sorry but I had to write this. I am wondering if tomorrow she has a fight with your son and again starts walking who is going to rescuse her. It was so irresponsible of her. She is a kid and I think needs some sound talk regarding the whole thing.
@foxyfire33 (10009)
• United States
31 Mar 08
Separate bedrooms is not an option and I don't get to make the rules. I know it's serious stuff but if they have a child and then break up it will be just like every other family that is split up. I see the immaturity but no one here will back me up on this.
1 person likes this
@mansha (6301)
• India
14 Apr 08
Yes I understand, I have always felt that you can give birth to your kids but can not wqrite their destiny for them, what has to happen will happen. I wish things could be different for you all.
@Sissygrl (10915)
• Canada
27 Mar 08
What next should be, if they are not in school, then they need to start bringing in some income. Make them pay rent. That will help with the maturing and money situation! My mom let me move out for less, but she was having her own problems and was very stressed about things in her life and couldn't emotionally handle my .. teenagerness. anyhow, i turned out okay :) I hope everything works out for you guys foxy.
@foxyfire33 (10009)
• United States
31 Mar 08
I think the mom does have a lot going on. I talked to the girlfriend the other night a little more...her one brother just got out of jail, one sister is going to jail, there's a lot of craziness. They have some income and i agree they need to start paying some bills.
1 person likes this
@ciades (1624)
• Philippines
27 Mar 08
IF im here mother, i will not let her to move in. it's not good and it's not descent to stay or to move at boyfriend house especially on that age. What ah!... The girl didn't understand what she did. Seems like she didn't cared about her boyfriend's family. It's parents responsibility and obligations to there child. How come she let her daughter to do such things like that.
@foxyfire33 (10009)
• United States
31 Mar 08
I don't understand it either. I know my daughter would not be allowed to behave like this.
@MGjhaud (21021)
• Philippines
27 Mar 08
If I were in your shoe, I would not let an underage live in my house. First of all, I already said it -- she's under age. Second of all, whatever happens to her she's your concern because you agree taking her into your house. Third of all, is she paying for her food and all that? I mean she's not yours.. There are circumstances if she's living with your son in one house, she might get pregnant. She's setting as a bad example to other kids around. Your neighbor will ask. You know, things like that.. I think it's better to get her back to her house. Whatever she's done, it's immoral to live with your boyfriend's house and to the mother of the girl, she's not really a mother-material huh..? She's not supposed to let her daughter or anybody from her children even a son, to live anywhere else especially if they're still under age.
@foxyfire33 (10009)
• United States
31 Mar 08
Well it's not my house and I have said all of those things to his father but he doesn't see the big deal. She's already been allowed to stay here on weekends so I'm surprised she hasn't gotten pregnant already. They want her to come back home but she's refusing to go now...
@SViswan (12071)
• India
27 Mar 08
I'd just say it's just some immature teenagers acting up. But yeah, what was the mother doing when the siblings were fighting? I remember being a teenager...and just being as stubborn as that...if someone (especially a sibling or parent) got me on the wrong side.....but I don't think I would be allowed to move in with anyone else...least of all another family (as far as my parents were concerned). Maybe you should sit them (your step son and his girlfriend) and explain the situation to them. Ask them how they intend to live because you can't support them. If needed (though both sets might not like to), you might need to rope in the girl's parents too. The mother probably thought if her daughter's going to act immature, you would knock some sense into her head. Have some middle ground...where no one's going to talk about their relationship....but they need to get back to their respective families.
@foxyfire33 (10009)
• United States
31 Mar 08
Ugh...I forgot I did try that conversation on Friday. He told me how much money he got paid this week and I brought up some bills that they should help with. I got the whole line about how they need to buy her a car first so they can get better jobs yadda yadda. His father is going to have to handle this if I can get him to.
@msfreeze (89)
• United States
27 Mar 08
no way that is way to much for you to take on and bottom line is her mother should have talked to you first. give her a couple of days to cool off then talk to her about going home.
@foxyfire33 (10009)
• United States
31 Mar 08
She's still here...I was hoping she just needed a few days to cool off. She is supposed to talk to her mother later, let's hope something changes.
@Fishmomma (11395)
• United States
26 Mar 08
In my state, the mother would be arrested for not taking care of her child. It happens many times and is sad to see a parent being a bad parent. If you let her move in, then she needs to have her own bed and sleep in that one while she is in your home and be informed that she must follow the rules or she can't live with you now. I would have her sign a contract, so she can see you have rules that must be followed. When will she be 18? I'm asking because contracts with a 17 year old teenager are different than an 18 year old teenager considered an adult.
@foxyfire33 (10009)
• United States
31 Mar 08
That's the thing...we don't even have room for her to have a bed of her own...and btw, this isn't my house so I'm not the one with the power to make any rules.
@gabs8513 (48712)
• United Kingdom
26 Mar 08
No I certainly would not and I would have the decency to phone the Parents of the other Party and discuss things Ask maybe if she/he can stay a few Days let things blow over and then send her back home and sort things from there I think you need to have a serious talk with Both Her Mother does not seem to care though which is sad and awful for the Girl as that must make her feel not wanted I hope you will get this sorted
@foxyfire33 (10009)
• United States
31 Mar 08
Once things settled down a little after the first day, it was just supposed to be for over the weekend. But last night came and went and she didn't go home. This morning phone calls went back and forth from here and her family. I think they want her home and she's refusing now. There will be a big long talk about this at the next opportunity!
• United States
31 Mar 08
Dear, To me the better question is why would you let her move in? I would have packed her right back in the car and taken her back to her Mother and said work it out. You are the one who won't be able to get her in school, will have to deal with all her drama, and as you say she will wind up preggers, then who will get the blame? Not her poor Mother who just couldn't believe you let her daughter stay there to begin with. It will be you and your already stressed family who take the blame. Not to mention there will be 2 teens with screwed up lives. Take her home and let her parents be parents.
• India
26 Mar 08
yeah,about that,keep kewl for just now see what the situation turnsinto and then decide keep it kewl for now