Loaned friend money

United States
March 27, 2008 2:24pm CST
I know people always say never loan friends money, but she has been my best friend for about 5 years. She was out of work and pregnant and has Lupus. She and her boyfriend were about to lose their house, and needed money for groceries as well. I lent her $1000 to pay for her mortgage last November. In December and January she gave me $100 each month, thus totaling $200 but still owing $800. They are still struggling for money, and I know if they had it they would give it, but I do need that money as well. When I loaned it to her I was making good money, but my hours got cut back and my living situation has changed a bit where I, too, am struggling. Even if she were to pay me only $30-40 a month instead of the full $100 which was agreed upon, that would be better than nothing. I don't want to pressure her or stress her out, so how is a nice way to put this? It's not something that's tearing our friendship apart, but I do need that money back. She is always telling me how much they are financially struggling, and I hope she's not saying that so I won't ask her to repay the loan... What would you say if you were in my situation?
5 people like this
19 responses
@mrpippo (756)
• United States
27 Mar 08
That goes with a discussion i just answered to ,like i said to them i live by the DTA rule ,it means DONT TRUST ANYONE,hope u get your money back, but dont count on it...
2 people like this
• Philippines
28 Mar 08
If I was in that situation I will oblige her to give me even a few dollars a month if they can't give you the whole amount. Sometimes there are days we struggle but we should also learn to understand others struggles as well. Be positive and hope you both will get through it all.
1 person likes this
• China
28 Mar 08
In my opinion, you'd better to jude whether she has the ability to give you a few dollars a moth. If she can't afford it, you should speak nothing.
1 person likes this
• India
31 Mar 08
i know people who can really play tricks on you by asking for money and never giving it.I would do so to those who have helped me in the past.Be the first to ask ,not tke first to give.That way you can earn trust.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84124)
• Shingle Springs, California
31 Mar 08
If she had never paid you back anything I'd be more worried. If she's really a friend she will understand that you are hurting. Have the talk with her and see what you can work out. Hopefully she will find a way to come through!
1 person likes this
@subha12 (18463)
• India
31 Mar 08
it is a very difficult situation. after few incidents i have stopped lending money to friends. I had a friend who used to ask for money every now and then.i also used to lend him. after some time it seems i have to remind him again and again to get my money back.
1 person likes this
@Polly1 (12650)
• United States
28 Mar 08
Thats a tuff situation. Tell her you want her to read something, have her read this discussion, at least what you wrote. I haven't read the other responses so I don't know what they say. It seems everyone is struggling for money, robbing peter to pay paul. I have people who owe me money too. Some disappear and then some just avoid you. You can tell your friend that you have to talk to her and don't know how to say it, but you need her to start paying you back, you are having it tough too. Good luck.
1 person likes this
@beekay (422)
• India
28 Mar 08
It's quite a difficult situation as both you and your friend are in trouble. Well as you have nearly 5 year old friendship, you need to understand ewach others situation., Just compare your situation with that of yours friend. If She is in a better position then yours, then ask her to pay 30-40usd per month if not 100usd. But if you feel her condition is worse then yours, the i think you need to give her some more time and if possible, adjust some money from someone else for some times.
1 person likes this
@minnie_98214 (10574)
• United States
28 Mar 08
My feelings are dont borrow the money unless you dont care if you get it back. If its a good friend who needs help id say sure cause if shed take it id just give her the money so if she cant pay me back no big deal. If you want to get the money back id suggest just telling her I know moneys tight so if you cant afford 100 a month just pay what you can afford each month and that would be ok.
1 person likes this
@34momma (13918)
• United States
28 Mar 08
i am one of those people that agree it is a bad idea to lend friends or anyone for that matter money without a signed document of repayment. my grandmother use to say to me all the time, "don't lend out more then you are willing to give away." and that stuck to me and that is the code i live by. If i can afford to give you money i will. if not then everyone involved will have to sign a paper stating how much was lent out and when it needs to be returned!
@Jody20 (887)
• Netherlands
28 Mar 08
I know how you feel i'm in the same situation as you are at this moment. I still don't know how to ask her when she's going to pay me back.
• China
28 Mar 08
1st, be honest, tell her about your situation, tell her $30per month is ok. but do not push her too much. She has nothing to do if her just have no so many money. you are friends! 2nd, stop thinking these $800, put your time and energy to earn money, or save money. I know it's hard, but not harder than squeeze $30 from your strugging best friend. $1 per day, you can earn it! Hope both of you can pull through.
@sid556 (31018)
• United States
28 Mar 08
This doesn't sound to me as if she is trying to get out of paying you back. It sounds as if she feels bad that things did not go as planned. I can see how this could lead to cause hard feelings between the two of you which is why they say never lend friends money. If it were me, I'd tell her how you are feeling and also your situation. If she values your friendship, she will put you as a priority to pay back...even if a little at a time. By the same token you may have to understand that even tho she wants to ...she may not be able to do what she promised. this is where it gets sticky. Without writing off the loan...how much does this friendship mean to you? Are you able to understand and get beyond the situation and realize that she is not doing this to get out of paying but that she really really can't?
1 person likes this
@mariah_5 (97)
28 Mar 08
[b][/b] I was in the same situation a couple of years back and I was little hesitant to ask the money back, infact its almost a year now, they have stopped paying me any agreed instalments.but this experience taught me a lot.Never lend any money to your friends if you do not have the capacity to deal with it right.I am not being rude here, I have experienced it.We can really understand if the person is under deep financial trouble,but they try to evade, even in a better situation this is what hurts me. Hence I have decided to keep friends and money apart unless there is a grave situation and the person is really honest.And coming back to your issue, be straightforward and explain everything clearly and politely.Its your turn to tell her, how financially you are struggling.A good friend is not only who knows to take, but undestands you better too.
1 person likes this
@summta (65)
• China
28 Mar 08
My hubby ever lended money about $1000 to one of his friends,but several years were past,we want to buy our house,but lack of some money.At that time my hubby want to ask his friend to pay back the money to us,but finally failed because my hubby don't know how to break silence with the problem.
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Mar 08
Some advice provided to me by a close friend..."Never loan more than you can afford to lose." I previously allowed a 20 year+ friend to stay in a house we own for many months after she stopped paying rent. Needless to say, we aren't near as close as we once were. More than likely, if she borrowed from you she probably will or can from someone else. Feel bad for you though. Many times these things have to be chalked up to experience.
1 person likes this
@mummymo (23709)
28 Mar 08
Sweety I wouldn't say never lend money but I would say never lend them more than you can afford to lose! Have you tried telling her how tight things are for you right now? I would explain that and tell her that you know they cannot afford to stick to the agreement but it would help you a lot if they could pay something each month! After you have tried to help her so much I am sure she will understand! xxx
1 person likes this
@Chey1970 (1193)
• United States
27 Mar 08
Well, this is a 'touchy' one. I can understand completely how you are feeling, and I would be torn up about what to do too. The only thing I could suggest to you is, that maybe being such good friends she will understand that you are in need of some money too. Maybe you can discuss it friend to friend and get her to realize the situation you are presently in. And not as someone who lent her money and you are wanting it back in a lump sum. I wish you the best of luck on the matter.
1 person likes this
@cmofi123 (344)
• United States
27 Mar 08
I will be honest with her, let her know that you are struggling too and that you need at least $30.00 a month. As friends for 5 years, you should have a bond, were you will be able to understand each other. The best thing is the truth. Since she knows what it feels like to be an bad economic situation she should understand, an as you pull some strings to let her borrow money, she should be able to pull strings too.
1 person likes this
@kykidd (6824)
• United States
27 Mar 08
When she says she is struggling financially, maybe you could just agree and say you know exactly what she means. If she realizes how much of a spot you are in, then perhaps she will bring it up so that you don't have to.
1 person likes this