Not you. You're ugly

@p1kef1sh (45640)
March 28, 2008 9:37am CST
Is what the doorman told my daughter as she queued outside a club last night. Fortunately her friends decided not to go in because of what the guy said and accompanied her elsewhere. But in the cold dawn of the day she is devastated. Her mother and I have of course told her that it's all nonsense and her friends all tell her that she is pretty. But it is not a nice thing to happen. What advice would you give. Has such a thing ever happened to you? She's 19.
31 people like this
53 responses
@maddysmommy (16235)
• United States
28 Mar 08
Yeah, I hope she gave him the finger for saying that. Obviously he is a pompus @ss and I would of told him where to go LOL. Tell her some people can be very cruel and not to take it to heart. If she loves who she is, then nothing else matters. I know it's not a nice thing to have happen as it's like being told your fat. I just hope she is able to get over it quickly and not dwell on it as it might become more of an issue later.
@maddysmommy (16235)
• United States
29 Mar 08
I'm glad she is fine now :)
1 person likes this
@wickedangel (1636)
• Dominican Republic
28 Mar 08
Why are men so darn heartless (not all of them of course!). I think the power has just gone to his head (if he had more than one brain cell that is...) Just tell her that he can't be that intelligent as all he can do in life is stand in a doorway getting his kicks out of making other people miserable. He is probably one of those doormen who love to throw people out of the venue, and do it the hard way! I would tell her not go back there even if it is the 'newest in place, where you have to be seen. I had a similar experience when I was younger and it is absolutely devastating. Really there is nothing much that you can say to overcome the pain of this sort of remark by a stranger. Oh God bless her and give her as much encouragement as you can.
4 people like this
@p1kef1sh (45640)
29 Mar 08
There have been many hugs and she's OK now. But I am hopping mad. Thank you for your support.
1 person likes this
• Dominican Republic
30 Mar 08
My pleasure, I hate to see someone upset over these silly remarks. It is so unnecessary to make someone feel so small and unhappy. Glad to hear that she is recovering from the shock and that she is getting lots of love and attention. We all need that once in a while.
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Mar 08
I've seen plenty of "ugly" girls (no serious, a dogs behind looked better than these women) get into some of the "classiest" night clubs not based on their looks but based on their attire. Well in their cases, lack there of. Being your daughter and as pure as the driven snow I'm sure she wasn't sporting her cleavage or wearing hot pants that looked like they were painted on. Thus making her "less attractive" then another female who was wearing less clothing. I have been turned down from getting into a night club once in my life. I was 21. Being me, I had some pretty true but not necessarily nice things to say to the door man and I am sure I saw his face distort to hold in a few tears while me and the group of 4 women I was with giggled the whole way back to our cars. I've seen pictures of your girls. Both of them are gorgeous. The opinion of one underpaid, couldn't get laid in a monkeywhorehouse with a bag of bananas, door man, shouldn't get her down.
3 people like this
@p1kef1sh (45640)
29 Mar 08
I think that you need to pop over and go clubbing with her. Your sass and attitude would definitely do her a power of good!! I must remember to tell her about that final sentence of yours. Real poetry! LOL.
2 people like this
• United States
30 Mar 08
Yes it was real poetry and what I said loud enough for all of my friends with me and the first 10 people in line behind me waiting to get in. I still think I made him cry. Truth hurts ;) If I ever find myself in your neck of the woods I will be happy to go clubbing with your girls. But I refuse to be held accountable if pictures of them dancing on bars surface on facebook after our night out
1 person likes this
@p1kef1sh (45640)
30 Mar 08
Which reminds me. I thought that you were gong to send me a friends request.
1 person likes this
@skinnychick (6907)
• United States
28 Mar 08
Obviously, that is not a place that she should be going to. It was nice that her friends left and they went elsewhere. Did they let her friends in? That is pretty rude and nasty. I guess they didn't want their business. That's the club's loss. I wonder if the owner condones losing money. I have never had that happen but then again I haven't been to an actual night club in years.
3 people like this
@p1kef1sh (45640)
29 Mar 08
Apparently he walked down the queue telling people whether they were going to get in or not. The two girls in front of her were waved in, but when they heard my daughter rejected they left again. She was with a large group of friends an they all left with her.
2 people like this
• United States
30 Mar 08
I'm really glad that she has such nice friends!
2 people like this
• Canada
28 Mar 08
I would try to tell her that what other people think of her does not matter, and that what really matters is how she sees herself. If she is confident then it will not amtter if someone thinks she is less than beautiful or not. I would not tell her that the bouncer is jealous of her beauty because I am pretty sure he does not want to look like her. He is probably confident with being a big guy. Also, it is his job to promote the club with beautiful girls. He would not turn away a girl he considered to be hot because he was intimidated by her beauty. I am not syaing your daughter is not beautiful, I can not be the judge of that as I have never seen her, but perhaps her beauty was not what this particular club was looking for. She got in somewhere else so she must be fairly pretty if she got in somewhere else right away. If it were my daughter I would not try to make the pain go away, I would try to instil self confidence in her and not bash the bouncer. Don't try to make her feel better by saying he was jealous of her. Make her see how what other people think of her don't matter as long as she sees herself as beautiful.
28 Mar 08
What was said can be construed as abuse. The man is a cretin and a moron, she should ignore what he said completely
3 people like this
@p1kef1sh (45640)
29 Mar 08
I agree entirely. Thank you
2 people like this
@gemini_rose (16194)
28 Mar 08
Sometimes the doormen at these places are downright cruel and horrible, he had no right to do that and if it ever happens to my daughter then the doorman best watch out. I have never had it happen to me, but at 19, comments like that stick and cut deep and so no matter what anyone says she is going to remember it. All you can all do is keep reassuring her that it is a throwaway remark and that it is not worth bothering about, and that she is lovely and that the doorman is just an a***e and thats being polite. I would be tempted to see if I could make a complaint to the club it works at too, might not do any good but you never know.
3 people like this
@p1kef1sh (45640)
29 Mar 08
Thank you. She is hurt, no doubt about it. But with the resilience of youth has bounced back. She has never had a problem there before.
2 people like this
@lucy02 (5017)
• United States
28 Mar 08
That's terrible! Why would anyone go to a place like that? I'm glad they left. I would call the manager and give him a piece of my mind. It wouldn't matter what she looked like anyway. I've heard about these "exclusive clubs" and I don't know why anyone would want to be a part of that. They wouldn't go over well around here cause someone probably would have been killed or at least knocked out. If it makes the people that get in feel better about themselves then they are idiots too.
3 people like this
@p1kef1sh (45640)
29 Mar 08
It was awful for her - and us. The club itself isn't that special and she has been in many times before. Just avery stupid doorman. He lost the club well over £200 ($400) that night.
2 people like this
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
28 Mar 08
The sad thing about harsh words like that is that they stick. Regardless of all anyone tells her otherwise...it will play on her mind. I could get a zillion compliments on an outfit but just one derogatory remark...one person to say that it makes me look fat....it just wipes out all the good remarks. I will be in front of the mirror checking out the flub.
3 people like this
@p1kef1sh (45640)
29 Mar 08
You are absolutely right. She has been to this club many times before with no problems. But this twerp really upset her. Grrr.
2 people like this
@Swaana (1208)
• India
28 Mar 08
My goodness, how come your daughter came back without slapping the doorman. Had it been me I would have given him a good thrashing. Tell her some people dont have eyes on the front.
3 people like this
@p1kef1sh (45640)
29 Mar 08
He was horrible. Apparently he has always let her in before. What was different this time is anyone's guess.
2 people like this
@CanadaGal (4304)
• Canada
28 Mar 08
I've never experienced such rude behaviour at a club, nor do I know of any friends who have. But I have heard of such a thing happening. I think it's disgusting, and low. And wtf gives that doorman the right to decide who is good looking enough to enter? Pathetic! The only advice I would give would be to boycott that establishment, and encourage friends to do the same. Here in Canada, I would alert the media of the situation. The fact you're in England, I'm not sure that's such a good idea. UK media is known for their cruel and unusual punishment, and there'd be the a-holes out there that would take the doorman's side, just for the publicity.
@mummymo (23707)
28 Mar 08
Aww the poor darling and what an evil , horrible, nasty doorman! I work in a pub (although I haven't been able to work for the last year) and my boss used to be a doorman and then in charge of hundreds of doormen in Glasgow and he would NEVER have said such a thing to anyone waiting to get in - in fact he would probably have fired anyone who said something like that! Tell your daughter not to listen to him - he is obviously one of those who lets a little power go straight to his head and takes great delight in upsetting and picking on people when he thinks he can get away with it with! I would actually report him to the management! If it were me I would definitely have told him a few truths and then made a complaint! i am sure your daughter is beautiful inside and out! I am very angry on her behalf! xxx
3 people like this
@pumpkinjam (5801)
• United Kingdom
28 Mar 08
I want to think of something to say but all I can think of is "grrr". What kind of evil horrible nasty pointless worthless person would say that to someone? And even if your daughter was ugly (which I am very sure she is not) why the hell should that be a reason to turn someone away from a club. I can tell you if all ugly people were turned away from clubs around here, they would have very little business. I bet whoever said it has broken a few mirrors. It's not a good reason to refuse someone entry to a place and it's not a very nice thing to say to anyone but a 19 year old girl. What were they thinking? I'm glad her friends went with her elsewhere. They are obviously good friends. I have been told I am ugly. It hasn't happened for a long time but I remember how much it hurt, especially when I almost started to believe it. As long as your daughter knows that important people know she is beautiful (ie. you, her mum, her friends, etc.) then she should just ignore people who are that horrible. I would also suggest that she makes a point of letting as many people as possible know what happened, I hope she never goes to that place again and if Karma works, the place will not be there for much longer - or at least whoever said that to your daughter. As I say, I am sure your daughter is not ugly, but even if I thought someone was ugly, I wouldn't tell them (unless they were being horrible to someone else of course.) I just don't want to shut up now. This sort of thing really makes me mad. I have the confidence now to know that I am absolutely perfect . All I can advise really is to make sure you tell your daughter how beautiful she is. Don't go and kill the person who said it. I know you want to, that's what Dad's do but that would be bad. Just make sure your daughter knows that she is better than whoever said that to her. They were possibly jealous (I remember a few people at school saying I was ugly and they weren't exactly oil paintings themselves but I have beautiful green eyes, perfect eyelashes and I don't need make-up like they did!) I know I've been a little big-headed here but I am just trying to help.
@p1kef1sh (45640)
29 Mar 08
We've had lots of hugs etc and she's fine now. But deep down I have no doubt that she hurts. Her friends are great and about 10 of them left the club queue with her. That was quite a lot of money for the club to lose. I m posting her phioto on my profile page for a short time and people can make up their own minds. I am sure that whoever said such a thing to you must have been several pennies short of the full shilling! You sound beyond beautiful to me.
2 people like this
• United Kingdom
30 Mar 08
I have just taken a good look at your daughter's picture. I can't see it too well because of either the quality of the picture or of my computer (probably the latter!) but she is certainly not ugly, I can see that quite clearly. She's a pretty girl and she also looks like she gleams with personality. What a fantastic combination.
1 person likes this
@p1kef1sh (45640)
30 Mar 08
Thank you. She has both in my view. Not that I am biased!
2 people like this
@martinha (631)
• Portugal
28 Mar 08
Doormen at discos feel powerful because they are usually the ones that decide who is going to enter there or not. As they know it they think they can treat people like trash. It's stupid if people pay attention to this. She shouldn't give importance to what he said, he obviously doesn't know how to deal with costumers and just wanted to make fun of her. The problem is that she was affected but she must understand he was just a stupid guy with no education. Unfortunately this type of situation happens a lot nowadays, they choose who enters and people apparently can do nothing about it.
2 people like this
@ladym33 (11008)
• United States
28 Mar 08
I think that is horrible what he did. You should call the club owner and complain about his insulting behavior. If the club manager is not apologetic you should tell everyone you know about how they treat peopole there. They can only treat people like that if people continue to go there. If they start to lose business perhaps they will stop their rude entrance policies an learn how to treat people nicer.
2 people like this
@p1kef1sh (45640)
29 Mar 08
Thank you. She is more cheerful now.
28 Mar 08
Hi if i was in your daughters place i would rather ignore the door mans words coz God made me beautiful in his sight, & i am unique no one can be like me, in the whole world, so why must i get it into my mind, to me , i am pretty to my friends, pretty to God, pretty to my friends & that is what counts not the one the man told, for he is no one to me, tell you r daughter that she is yours & no one has anything to do with her life, & she is made different, to be pretty to many in Gods sight, so do not worry about the sily things that people says, she is she & will be she no matter what others think she is, tell her to be bold & to take things the other way out, not to think of the nonsence that people think she is... blessed day
@p1kef1sh (45640)
29 Mar 08
Thank you. I think that she's a beauty and so do her friends.
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
29 Mar 08
I have not had this happen luckily You Daughter is no doubt very upset about it and to be honest I hope she makes it public that she was treated this way it is cruel and Evil Personally I would start by writing to the Manager of the Club and point out to him that this is classed as Discrimination and see what reply you get and then I would act on the reply I do hope that your Daughter is feeling a bit better now I really do
1 person likes this
@AmbiePam (50146)
• United States
29 Mar 08
Good point. If she and her friends wrote letters, that guy might get reprimanded or even fired. And I didn't think of it, but that IS discrimination.
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
29 Mar 08
She is a lovely Girl I think the Guy must need glasses But do mention it to her I am glad though that she is happier now and tell her she is not ugly at all she is a very pretty Girl
@p1kef1sh (45640)
29 Mar 08
Thank you. I will.
@dorypanda (1584)
31 Mar 08
I see you've already had plenty of good advice. I'd say make a formal complaint to the management of the establishment. That makes me so very cross, I'm sure your daughter is a beautiful young lady and I do hope she knows it. If anyone had said that to me or my middle sister they'd have immediately been slapped quite hard round the face. (not that we believe in violence of course).
1 person likes this
@p1kef1sh (45640)
31 Mar 08
I think that now it is her word against his (despite 10 or so of her friends witnessing the incident). She has been back to the club to a party, but the guy wasn't there. I like the idea of a non violent smack in the face. Thank you.
2 people like this
@dorypanda (1584)
31 Mar 08
hopefully, he's been sacked then. Well, you can give a non-violent smack in the face if you're wearing one of them foam hands. ;)
1 person likes this
@p1kef1sh (45640)
31 Mar 08
You can. But slip a horseshoe in it first!
1 person likes this
@wolfie34 (26793)
• United Kingdom
28 Mar 08
Judging by a lot of doormen you see I'd say most of them are pretty ugly! I am glad that her friends backed her up, they are true friends, unfortunately I have always been told I am ugly and to be honest it gets no easier, it is a horrible, vicious and vindictive thing to say and that doorman should be ashamed of himself, ignorant piece of shite. I hope your daughter gets over it, trouble is when her own parents tell her she's not ugly she won't believe it, like me if friends tell me I'm not ugly and I feel I am then I won't believe them, it's a vicious circle.
• United Kingdom
29 Mar 08
That's so true, Wolfie. I have seen a few "I work at night because of this face" looking doormen! I don't think I have ever been turned away from a club for being ugly but I am sure I have been picked out for searches and denied access because I was actually wearing clothes unlike the wh0res who frequent those places. Ps. I don't think you are ugly. You are a lovely person inside anyway which is what matters most. I would describe you as a rugged protective softy! I may be wrong but that's what I can figure out from your picture and some of your discussions!
1 person likes this
@wolfie34 (26793)
• United Kingdom
29 Mar 08
Thank you my friend that means a lot and yes seeing some girls wearing virtually nothing is actually ugly to me! They show themselves up for what they really are!
1 person likes this
@Aingealicia (1906)
• United States
31 Mar 08
I had to think on this one. My daughter is at that precious age of 13 and is larger than most girls in her school. I told her when she was so upset, those people have issues with in themselves and that beauty is only skin deep. I know that does not solve the problem but it does help. Perhaps if you mention some of the most beautiful people in the world are truly ugly inside. So see she is truly beautiful inside. Good luck on that. Ainge
1 person likes this
@p1kef1sh (45640)
31 Mar 08
Children can be such bullies can't they. Some of them grow up to be doormen! She is much happier now thank you. Her friends have been marvelous and rallied round her.
1 person likes this
• United States
31 Mar 08
I think a lot of them grow up to be doormen. Hehe. At least your daughter will not be a doormat. I am glad she is doing better and her friends supported her. Ainge
1 person likes this