Would you risk your life to give birth to a child?

United States
March 28, 2008 2:08pm CST
My oldest daughter is going to be 41 years old in April and I'm beginning to think she's not the "sharpest knife in the tray" if you know what I mean. She has a 13 year old son who lives with his abusive dad and my soon to be 15 year old granddaughter who has Downes Syndrome lives with her. She's been in a wonderful relationship with an awesome man for over a year and they are talking about getting married soon which thrills me to death BUT....both times she was pregnant she almost died from losing too much blood. The second time when she had my granddaughter she admitted that it was a horrible experience because they had a hard time bringing her out of the anesthesia. So, now she's saying she wants to have another child because of course she would like to have a NORMAL daughter. I'm to the point where I don't need any more drama in my life and she's never listened to me anyway so I'm not saying anything to her. I AM hoping to talk to her b/f to make sure he understands that childbirth doesn't come easy for her and will be even worse given her age. What would you do if you were in her shoes? Would you go for it and try to have another child? Would you think about your life first or just what you would like to have?
3 people like this
11 responses
• United States
28 Mar 08
It's so hard to say what you'd do in a situation that you've never been in before BUT since you asked for our opinions, I will try to consider what your daughter is going through. Would I risk my own life to give birth? If I wasn't already pregnant and I knew these risks were very high, no I wouldn't put myself in that position. I would think of the children that I already have and the fact that they still need their mother. So, would I think about my own life first? No, I wouldn't because my children come first. If the risks were that high, I would of already had my tubes tied. This was so hard for me to answer because I just found out that I am pregnant with my 3rd child. :-)
1 person likes this
• United States
29 Mar 08
Congratulations on your 3rd child . I always look for opinions of mylot members because they can give unbiased opinions since they are not close to the problem. There have been times when someone has brought up something I didn't even think about. You know what they say "two heads are better than one" only in this case it's more like 40 heads
@whywiki (6071)
• Canada
28 Mar 08
I wouldn't risk my life to give birth. I have no kids and have no plans for one either. The very thought of giving birth frightens me. I think that being her age and the chance that she may die she should think long and hard before she gets pregnant. I think she owes it to her children she has now to be there for them. I hope she has second and third thoughts about this. I hope this man really does care about her as much as he says he does and will take the precautions not to get her pregnant. Good luck, it seems you really have your plate full.
1 person likes this
• United States
29 Mar 08
I'm hoping to talk to her b/f this weekend and mention the whole thing to him. I asked her if she did and she said no and it's ok for me to so I'm happy about that at least.
@Bluepatch (2482)
• Trinidad And Tobago
8 Jul 08
I am not a woman but I would like to say yes to this. It reads in the Good Book that ' greater love no man ( or woman ) hath than to lay down their life for a friend ' and that means it is a great act to give up your life for somebody, including a child or your child. This is in fact a hero's activity and one any mother should be proud of. Be kind to your granddaughter, she cannot help her love. My own mother was exactly the same.
• China
30 Mar 08
Hello: If it is me,then I will give up the idea of children,it should be good and my love for my wife,ler her happiness,good treasure her. I certainly will not let their loved by those in the crimes,this is my personal opinion.
• United States
29 Mar 08
This is a hard one. I gave birth to 4 children and i was lucky to have no problems. She should be thankful for the ones she has and think of what would happen to them if she was to die.I think she is being selfish to think about it. I know we are all going to die but it's the ones we leave behind that have to deal with the hurt.
• United States
29 Mar 08
i am in that situation now and i am going to do it.
29 Mar 08
Well, I ma sure that your daughter appreciates your concerns, but being a mother myself, i would hope that you could understand the joy and feeling of a child. just stop and think about how you felt, when she was born. I do understand the terrifying thought of losing one life to gain another. I myself was very close to losing my life just so my daughter could be brought into this world. I think maybe something to try, would be talking to her about; how to appreciate the quality instead of quantity. In very king words and coaching from a mother, I think she also needs to see that she should really concentrate on the children she has, and make sure she is giving all she can to those two. As bringing another child into this world, is an amazing feeling, she should give all her love and the love she wants to give to another, to her children she has now. This is propably very hard for you to cope and hear the things she wants to do in her life....but be the mother you know you are and love her to peices and guide her along, we can only hope that she makes the right choices. take care
@sid556 (31023)
• United States
29 Mar 08
I'm not your daughter so hard to say but I do know that if I were her and at her age, I would not deliberatly go out and get pregnant. Down syndrome is more common the older the mother gets. Since she already has a daughter afflicted, she'd be taking a huge risk. The daughter she already has needs her and needs all the attention she can give her. It would be careless and thoughtless and selfish to even consider taking such a risk at this stage in her life. I actually would have had my tubes tyed to make sure no accidents happened. If I found myself pregnant unexpectedly, I'm not sure. I would have to take into consideration the daughter i already had that is needing me so much before risking my life. I would actually have to be in that situation before knowing exactly what i'd do.
• India
29 Mar 08
no chance im a boy...!
@maximax8 (27055)
29 Mar 08
If a lady has a few children each of her births will be different unless there is something in common with all of them like premature labor. Down Syndrome babies are most common in the over 35 age group however my friend had a little boy with this when she was 33. She went on to have another baby son without any disability. She has met a lady that had Down Syndrome baby at aged 19. If it was risky for me to give birth I would avoid getting pregnant. I don't believe in abortion so I would carry a pregnancy on to birth. I would hope for a quick and easy birth. Good luck to your daughter.
29 Mar 08
When I was pregnantw ith my twins I told my husband that their lives had to be put before mine if such a choice needed to be made. Of course this situation did not happen and I gave birth naturally to two very healthy boys. However, once they came along I came to thinking how hard their life would be had I not been around to bring them up. It is lovely bringing children into the world but you do need to be able to look after them. I am much more careful about taking risks now and look after myself much better as I know that I need to be fit and healthy to be able to care for my children. Therefore in answer to your question, I woudl not risk my life to give birth to a child but before I had any children I definately would have done (We had tried for a long time and I had fertility treatment in the end - I felt my life was not complete without children). I would certainly have a chat to her b/f if I was you. At least you will know that you have tried to help even if they do not take any notice of what you have said.