how can i help my son?

@aretha (2540)
United States
March 29, 2008 6:02am CST
ok my 7 year old is kind of shy and keeps to him self for the most part and he is a litle over weight. when he started school he loved it then we had to move and ended up in a city school. he had the worst time there,he had a couple of kids pick on him nonstop and they had ripped his shirt and would hurt him to the point they left marks. i had it out with the school and told him if the school wouldn't do anything then he was going to have to. my husband and i told him to kick this kids butt,he didn't want to cuz he didn't want to get in trouble but finally he did start giving it right back to this kid. it did get better and we told the school we told him too. he didn't get in trouble but i was so mad that the school would never do anything. where are the teather that they never seen any of this? hes in first grade! well in decamber we moved back home and he is now in a different school again being the new kid and their is a couple kids that are giving him a really hard time. they have a rule that you can't come in from recess and tell on someone and the aids outside keep telling him if they do it again to come tell but thats it they never do anything. last week my son came home and had a big cut on his knee and a big whole in his brand new jeans because this kid pushed him down and when he tried to tell the teather she said nope no telling now. well thursday he can home and stunk like hand sanitizer and was really upset. he said that one kid kept kicking him so he kicked him back and then the kid started spraying hand sanitizer all over him. i was so mad! i had had enough,why was this first grader allowed to have hand sanitizer and where are these teathers? so i wrote the teather a note and told her about it all and that i didn't know just what was going on but it needed to be looked into. i was very nice in my note and i had told her about it before on the phone but it seems to be geting worse. when he came home last night he was very very upset and said that she did read the note and that the kid did say he had sprayed that stuff all over him. the kid lost 5 minutes of his recess. thats it! they where making pancakes in class yesterday and had a special syrup for them well the kid was picking on my son again and my son put his fist up and said leave me alone. well she sent my son to the office and he had to sit at a desk in the hall for everyone to see that he had been in trouble. then to top it off when he went to class they were geting ready to make the pancakes and he got to help and then when they were done he wasn't allowed to have one. everyone in the class got one and he had to sit and watch. i am so upset by this,i know kids are mean but what is wrong with these teathers? he was heart broken that he couldn't have a pancake with the homemade syrup. i am going to make him some this morning and his grandma told him she would get him some of that special syrup. but is it me am i just babying him to much? would you feel like me? what can i do to help him be more out going and no stand out so much?
6 responses
• United States
30 Mar 08
Wow I am so sorry that your son is having to go through this kind of treatment. I have no idea how to help in this situation. My kids were picked on to but not to the extent that your is. Small towns are really hard to deal with sometimes, especially if the kid that is the bully belongs to one of the more prominent people in town. I think until your son stands up for himself or you threaten to sue this will continue. I moved a lot and know how it feels to be picked on and have no friends. I was older though and when I had finally had enough I fought back. Lucky for me it didn't go to fist but I shoved the guy back and put my fist up and the guy walked off. After that everyone that had picked on me left me alone. I was just to the point either I was getting whipped or I was going to whip but I could not take it any more. In my case it worked but that was many years ago. Things have changed and your son is way younger that I was. I can not believe a teacher would treat a kid the way she did yours out of spite. If she did that is all kinds of wrong. I really wish I could give you some great advice but I have no idea what to tell you. I wish you the best. Let us know if it gets any better.
1 person likes this
@aretha (2540)
• United States
30 Mar 08
i moved a lot too and had to play the role of don't mess with me,it did work. i just hate telling him to fight and i hate sending him when he don't want to go because of it. i was just thinking if he was more social and didn't keep to him self as much it might help. i know it won't end with the note and i am still very upset about the pancake bit,yes he did put his fist up and maybe he shouldn't have done it but he was punished for it when he went to the office and had to sit in the bad set in front of everyone. i do think she was upset cuz i wrote the note and that is why she did it. i thought that if i wrote the note she would at least keep her eyes open not take it out on my son. i guess i was wrong,now he don't want to go to school monday because this kid told him he was going to get more people to help him. its first grade not high school. if in the case something does go on the school can expect to see me the next morning. i just can't understand how this can happen and no teathers see it going on.
• United States
31 Mar 08
Well it is Monday and I hope things have went better for you and your son. I saw on another post here that the school has a bully guide. Just curious to what it says you can do about it. If you could share a few of the finer points.
1 person likes this
@aretha (2540)
• United States
31 Mar 08
oh it say to do just what the school isn't doing. i don't yet want to blame the princapil because i am not sure if he knows just what is going on but i can say if my son comes home today upset then he will know. the bully buster says: It is the goal of everyone involved in the School District to demonstrate our intolerance for any activity or offense that endangers the safety of the students and/or staff. It is our intention to make every reasonable effort within the capability of the district to proved an environment that is safe and secure for the students, staff and public. its says more then once that he should tell a teather/aid or an adult of the school or a parent. witch he has tried to tell them and can't. it says that the person being bullied should be angry but should not do anything back to the person bullying. and gives a list of the people you can tell. it also gives a workset that i can print out that has fill in the blanks to how he feels about it and that says it will help him alot. it gives steps to mediation guide for the person being bullied. then it gives a list of what to does if someone is bullying you. 1)walk away 2)yell stop it 3)yell leave me alone 4)say whatever and walk away there are about 10 of these and it kills me do they really think its gonna work? but for the most part it is telling him to do what we have done. TELL SOMEONE IN THE SCHOOL! its just a bunch of crap to me,means nothing.
@winterose (39913)
• Canada
30 Mar 08
although I find it strange that kids in every school he attends is bothering him, (maybe he is doing something to peeved them off, now before you get all over me remember you are not there to see exactly what happened in every single situation you are going by what your son said or what the teacher said etc, but you did not witness any of this for yourself) although I find it strange I know that your child should not be touched that is assault and against the law. My son was young and always being picked on too, come to find out he fought back with his mouth and that irritated the bullies even more and they pounded him. He would come home telling me this kid was picking on him and that kid all the time, I called the school several times and nothing happened. then one day he came home with a bully mouth, and that was it, I went to the principal, by passed the stupid teacher altogether, but the principal practically sneared at me and took a flippant attitude, because these kids were in grade 6 and my son was only in grade 3 he couldn't identify them, he didn't know there names, so the principal said he couldn't do anything about it, well I did something about it, I wrote the school board complained about the principal told them what happened and what he answered and I told him if they did not get to the bottom of things and find the bullies and deal with it, I was calling in the police for assault the youth squad to investigate amazing how they suddenly found the kids and suspended them for 3 days each with a warning if they did it again they would be kicked out of school
1 person likes this
@aretha (2540)
• United States
30 Mar 08
i found it strange too and thats why i told the teather in my note that i didn't know what was going on. i do how ever think it has to do with my son being a loner and that makes him a target. in his last school his teather hated to see him go she said he was so good he wasn't loud and mean and that he always listen to what he was told. his teather now told me he is like a snail and do socilize much. i know my son is not perfect by no means but i do think that him being this way it makes him a target. i went through the same thing in school because i was very shy and not much of a social bug. so i am thinking if he was more social and didn't keep to him self so much it might help. but your right i only know what my son is saying and in till someone tells me other wise i need to take his word for it. that is why i wrote the teather a nice note and didn't march my fat butt in to the school mad. when he was in the last school it only went as far as the principal but i also told my son to fight back and the kids did back off. i mean it got so bad in his last school that i had to fight with him just to go to school and its starting to get that way here. that also makes me think that its not so much him because if it was why would he be so wooried about going to school. right now he don't want to go to school monday cuz this kid told him he was gonna get more kids to help him. i just want the teathers and aids to keep watch on my son and this other kid to see just what is going on. i am glad that you got things takin care of with your son and hope i don't need to go as far about this. thanks for your response
1 person likes this
@winterose (39913)
• Canada
30 Mar 08
your son is just a baby, and already he is afraid to be in school not a good thing, insist if one more child lays a hand on him you will get the authorities involved if he is afraid of school already imagine how his future in school is going to be and his future in life, don't let go of this this is serious stuff.
1 person likes this
@aretha (2540)
• United States
31 Mar 08
oh i am not going to let it go. he was worried about going to school today because of this kid telling him that he would get more friends to help him. i told him if they even look at you wrong you go to a teather or aid and try to tell them if they will not listen or do something then to walk away and go to the office. i told him if anyone gives him a problem about it then to tell them to call mom and mom will take care of it. he was feeling better knowing i was behind him on this and that i will take care of it so i hope i can have this fixed real soon. or should i say the school better have this takin care of real soon.
@Thoroughrob (11771)
• United States
31 Mar 08
Absolutely not!! I would be at the school first thing in the morning! I would have a meeting with the principal. I would demand that they find out what is going on. They can punish my son for bad things he does, but not for defending himself or trying to get bullies to leave him alone. I would also want to know why he was allowed to make pancakes and had to sit and watch everyone else eat them. They would be doing some explaining and if my child is hurt and wants to tell someone that someone hurt him or bullied, they had better listen. I would not back down, if you don't stand up for your child, no one else will.
1 person likes this
@aretha (2540)
• United States
31 Mar 08
i am guessing the pancake bit was because i wrote the note and she was bugged by it. that still has me hot and that will be one of the things i ask about when i go in. i told my son if he had any problems today that i was going to be taking him in to school tomarrow. i also told them that if these kids bother him today and no one wants to listen then he needs to just walk away and go to the office and tell them to call me. he took the note in friday so i figured i would give it a day to see what happens and maybe this teather would have the weekend to think about it. the school in oklahoma found out i wasn't gonna back down so things did get better,now this school will find out the same thing. i just hope he learns to open up more and not be so shy because i really do think thats what is making him a target.
• United States
30 Mar 08
Kids get picked on. Not sure who kids pick who is going to get picked on but they do single people out. Most kids will stop out you kick their butt, telling the teacher and getting them in trouble will only make things worse. Did you hear about the mom that sued the bullies that were picking on her son? The school would not do anything so she took matters in her own hands. Wish I would have thought about that when I was in school.
@aretha (2540)
• United States
30 Mar 08
yeah i am thinking now that writing the note to the teather was a bad idea because i think it only upset her and then took it out on my son with the whole pancake thing. when he had this problem in his last school we did tell him to kick the kids butt and it did help but he was so afraid of geting in trouble. witch upsets me cuz i did not raise him that way and then i was telling him to be that way. i didn't hear about the mom that sued the bullies but in my sons last school the same kid that was picking on my son was picking on a frineds daughter to. she had looked in to it and they said she would have to sue the parents of this kid then she could sue the school for allowing it to go on. so she did tell the school that is what was going to happen if things didn't change in a week. things did change. i just don't want to take it that far. if the teathers and aids would just keep an eye on these kids to see what is going on then i think it could be fixed. thanks for your response.
1 person likes this
@bubblyapple (2655)
• Philippines
29 Mar 08
you know what i got a nephew who was like your son before, when he was in kindergarten, he was bullied by his classmate, very shy and has no self confidence, the mother which is my cousin didn't know what to do, so she asked help to my sister that so happen to a pre-school teacher, so my sister suggested to transfer his son to a smaller school where her child can be given much attention by teachers and to have a new environment to overcome his trauma. My sister also suggested to enroll her son to non-school related activities to built social skills and emotional intelligence. So my cousin did it, transfered to small school and enrolled her son to local basketball clinic. And my cousin was very surprised that her son was showing developments, he started to get along with his classmates, he showed confidence bit by bit and now the boy is in second grade, he is fully recovered, he can now socialize not only with his co-kids but also with adults. Actually he got an award this school year as the most friendlies boy in his class. i guess aretha, you should try to consider following the steps my cousins did, its very helpful for a kid to have a non-school activity to develop his emotional intelligence, or better yet seek a professional help. Good luck!
@aretha (2540)
• United States
29 Mar 08
thank you for your response i have really been thinking about professional help cuz this is just braking my heart. i would love to put him in a different school but they all cost a lot of money and are at least an hour away. i had thought of home schooling him before we moved but thought that things would be different here and i don't want to pull him away from others i think he needs the other kids. as far as non school activities i am not sure we have any. i will have to look into it. we live in a small country town and pretty much everyone knows everyone but have never heard of anything like it. i will have to check on that i will try anything i don't want this to countinue. thanks a bunch
@sidonna (64)
• Jamaica
31 Mar 08
a mothers love is more precious than gold. you are not being a baby you are a woman who carried child for 9 months. you are also a mother who has mother instincts. you love your child and worries about his safety. but you must remember you are not going to be around all the time. you must let him be the kid he was made to be. your job is to guide him and give him good advice and the right advice. and as for the teacher when she's not doing her job then go to some one who will make her do her job. like the principle.