My ex b/f is staying at my apartment to recuperate from bi pass surgery....

Very old picture of us when we were in love....lol - david and me
United States
March 29, 2008 8:30am CST
I have such mixed emotions about this whole thing. Of course I offered for a lot of reasons but I think mainly it's because I still have feelings for the man. After a 5 year relationship he dumped me because he needed his "space"...we didn't talk for over a year but slowly did start again online. We've barely been friends for 2 years and last week he springs his triple bi pass (which ended up being quadruple!)surgery on me. He had the surgery this past Tuesday and is recovering quite well and I thank those of you who put him in your prayers. Anyway, he lives in a room on the third floor of a house with a lot of stairs and a long walk to his shared bathroom. I live in a first floor apartment with my bathroom only steps from the bedroom, am home practically 24/7 and live across the street from a commons with trees, grass and benches that he can go out and sit on when the weather is nice. My horoscope sign is Cancer and anyone who knows the astrology signs knows I live to take care of people so this is just the thing for me right? I'm worried about so many things by having him here....mainly that something will happen to him since I've done a lot of reading on bi pass surgery and almost anything can happen after it. Then I'm worried about our relationship. We don't really have one except right now we seem to be friends and I think that's what I'm going to have to accept from him and live with although there was a time when we were so in love (and I still am ). So, my dear friends with unbiased opinions....what do you think? Am I getting myself into trouble here? I'm helping him because he needs the help and has no place else to go that would be good for him and I want to be the one who he turns to....
4 people like this
11 responses
@winterose (39922)
• Canada
29 Mar 08
are you helping him because he is was your boyfriend? would you help him if you didn't even know him, or only new of him as a casual friend or neighbour? and why are you helping him at all, there are nursing homes, family etc. If this is putting a strain on you you have to think of yourself first, he obviously does, first when he left you for his space, and now because he needs help.
1 person likes this
• United States
29 Mar 08
I would offer my help to anyone in his situation and have but most people have more options than he does. Because of his age (56) they wouldn't let him go into a nursing home because he's doing great and getting around and they need the beds for older people who need it so much more. None of his family lives on a first floor or is home as much as I am. It just turns out that I'm the perfect solution and it's no burden on me....it's going to be helping me as much as him in a lot of ways.
1 person likes this
@winterose (39922)
• Canada
29 Mar 08
okay hon, so you have solved your own issue you know why you are doing it and it feels right to you and that is all that matters.
@sedel1027 (17855)
• United States
29 Mar 08
I think it is nice that you are helping him out. Many people in his situation would have had no where to go at all. Things do happen for a reason. Maybe you two were really meant to be together.
1 person likes this
• United States
29 Mar 08
I always told him we were meant to be together and I think he's spent a lot of time thinking about just that this past week. I'm not trying to be nice or looking for a pat on the back....I enjoy taking care of people and here he is needing help! Well....here I am!!
• Bahamas
29 Mar 08
I think that deep down you still want to be with him.And by helping him you'r taking that step {more power to you}.But please dont expect to much from him,take it slow. Whatever happens it's good that you opened your heart and home to him who knows where this can lead it's good to know that people like you are around. Wishing you all the best.
1 person likes this
• United States
29 Mar 08
I seriously didn't expect him to take me up on my offer since he's such a "hard headed" guy. Until the hospital called this morning to talk to me about it I thought for sure he would change his mind. I don't really expect anything from him but will enjoy his company while he is here.
@overhere (516)
• United States
29 Mar 08
Keep your head, heart and eyes open and you shouldn't go far wrong. So long as at no point you feel he is using you then I think what you are doing is admirable. So long as you don't kid yourself it may lead somewhere else you never know even just being friends with people we care a lot about can be good for us. Just make sure you are the one setting the ground rules Good Luck and enjoy the company whilst it is around and for everything else what will be will be,
1 person likes this
• United States
29 Mar 08
I know this man very well and he would not use me or hurt me intentionally. When we broke up there were circumstances that I did understand but of course others that I didn't but I think we've both overcome all of that. I'm not kidding myself about this leading anywhere. I'm happy to have his friendship and very happy to help take care of him...I was always there for him before and I'm not going to change now.
@vijaygame (758)
• India
29 Mar 08
Listen to your heart. Dont think about the world.
1 person likes this
• United States
29 Mar 08
I've learned that sometimes it's not always the smartest thing to listen to your heart. Sometimes the brain is much smarter.
@subha12 (18453)
• India
31 Mar 08
i think actually there are many things going in your head. first of all you still have feelings for him. so now his obvious problems of staying at his home are worrying you. in your subconscious mind you like to take care of him, so you are keeping him at your home.I also think you still care for him and so taking good care. I am not very clear about what he feels right now. may be he can also re-develop feelings for you.
• Philippines
30 Mar 08
I truly salute you for such kindness and unfailing love that you have for the man. You know, when we look back from our past you realized then that the moment that we truly lived is when the moment when we done things in the Spirit of love, and that's what exactly I see on your part by helping him out to gain back his strength and good health by your side and most of all with your help. God bless!
@KrauseHome (34982)
• United States
30 Mar 08
Well, I am sure he is Glad you are there for him in this time of need. Just continue to be there for him, and offer some sort of support but remember unless it is meant to be to be cautious as well so no one will end up getting hurt in the meantime. If you are a Praying person you Best option could be to Pray about it, and let God have his way. If he is meant to be yours it will happen, and if not you still will hopefully have a Friend you can lean on. Just remember it all comes to those who wait, and you will know when the time is right which is the Best thing to do. I will be Praying for his recovery.
@Stiletto (4584)
29 Mar 08
I think what you're doing is great as far as helping out a friend is concerned. However, the fact that you're still in love with him is a bit worrying. Having him stay with you could be a recipe for heartbreak in the long run. There again of course things may all turn out well in the end - he may still feel the same way about you. As long as you try to keep your wits about you and don't pin your hopes on something happening between the two of you again it should be ok - although that's possibly easier said than done.
• Canada
29 Mar 08
wow thats a recipe for disaster. having him there alone and still feelings can make things awkard and werid, but adding in the surgery and not being 100% stable and having anything that can happen (pray that it doesnt, and glad to hear he is doing good) its good that you are helping him but TRY and make sure that your feelings dont get in tha way of things and impare your situation
• China
29 Mar 08
hi, ctrymuziklvr, i agree with winterose's comments. you should ask yourself that if he is a stranger, will you still be help for him? The answer is YES! Right? If so, I think you need not to think more about this. You should help hime, because he needs the help and you are a kind-hearted person! I admire you so much! Just do it,as it is right! And I am sure whatever happen do will be good thing! You are so kind and deserved to get something good in turn.