get married or living together?

Indonesia
March 29, 2008 9:46pm CST
Which one do you prefer, getting married or living together? If you are American, I think you will say that living together is important step for both of you to know better to each other. But if you are Asian -- with traditional value that respect good behaviour -- you will always say no to living together without formal commitment as spouses. In this context, some questions arise....among other thing is, by living together, will american ladies not feel bad because she gave everything she had for a man to whom she lives together? If during this time, they are at last seeing no harmony so that they cant continue their relationship, will american ladies allow her men to go freely without consequences? In asia, if a woman is known ever live together with a man who is not her hubby, then she will be considered as a wild woman who does not respect the norm of social ethics.
1 person likes this
7 responses
• United States
31 Mar 08
My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 years. We have both been married before so we are just living toghether. Why fix it if it aint broke, and he would say. lol but I would like the ring.
1 person likes this
• Indonesia
31 Mar 08
hello, sweetcake.....how sweet r u, lol? anyway your reply make me wonder about your marriage life.You were not happy? And then you think living 2gether could make you happy? So was your new partner, was he not happy with his marriage? How could both of you expect a happier life then. Most women and men are all agree that marriage is the right gate toward a happy family, so that is why most of them here still believe in marriage. Nevertheless I hope sweetcake and partner could get a good lesson how to establish a strong commitment based on true love and holy-intentions.
• United States
31 Mar 08
I was only married a short time, my husband hit me so I left. My boyfriend was married for 12 years, he said it was really over after the first 2. So no neither one of us had a happy first marriage. So this works for us for now, maybe someday we will be married. We're happy and thats all that matters.
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@babostwick (2037)
• United States
30 Mar 08
I would prefer marriage personally. I don't hate living together. I would rather be married. I am American but I'd rather be married to the woman I love. It shows that to me you are willing to be a couple. I don't judge those who do that. Living together can help yes by getting to know each other and possibly seeing what it would be like to be a couple.
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• Indonesia
30 Mar 08
Be focused then, babostwick. Which one would you like to choose, getting married or living together? You said you are pro-marriage, but at the same time you are pro-choice. Get focused then, lady,or you will go nowhere...
1 person likes this
• United States
30 Mar 08
I'm a guy actually and saying that I would prefer personally to be married overall. I just don't rush out to judge anyone that has that route. Living together isn't my 1st choice in this that's all.
• United States
30 Mar 08
I would go with marriage. I used to think it was important to live together first (which is why I lived with my ex husband for 8 years before I married him) in order to see if the two people could actually live together as husband and wife. Like I said, I married my ex after living together for 8 years. We divorced 2 years into the marriage because he turned highly abusive. So, even if you live with someone first, they can still turn on you once you're married. Now, I would say to be moral and go with marriage.
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• Indonesia
30 Mar 08
chellekellam, I am glad to read your respons. I think your point of view reflect the stance of people of mayority.Most respected ladies worldwide see marriage-lives as the entrace toward happy lives. Most of them feel too tired to live the lives without right direction.You will feel secure, and peacefull to have a family , a place to raise your kids. No family no future.
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@cmofi123 (344)
• United States
31 Mar 08
tradition and respect are in back of my mind. marriage should go first, unfortunately i'm growing in a society where marriage is just a scam, were a piece of paper doesn't guaranteed anything, because when either person want to walk out of marriage what are you going to do? trow the piece of paper in their face and say, you can't leave me. second people married for money, immigration status or to be financially secure. now it's not like the old days, when it was an honor to married someone, although now we think better, just because we get knock up, doesn't mean that we have to get married, right? i live in a happy home, with my hubby and child and i'm not married. we are very happy (we do plan to get married in the future) we live together and we are seeing if things will work out for the best.
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@miller1978 (1104)
• United States
30 Mar 08
I'm on the other side of this one and will go with living together. It's just a piece of paper that says you are married and I have been there done that already. I didn't live with the one I was married to before hand and it ended badly. Now I am currently living with my boyfriend with no plans to marry as neither one of us want to do that. We will not be having children together because I already have the children I want and he doesn't want any of his own. It's not only Americans who do this but everyone has their views, their choices, and their country that they have to appease. I believe everyone has a right to choice and hope I don't get flogged to much for my comment. Thanks for the discussion.
• Indonesia
30 Mar 08
It's ok, miller...you have your own way in ur live. Be a pro-choice, I think is not bad. If you feel that living together (samenleven) is the right thing to do, than both of you should be ready to face consequences that implicted from such relationship.
• United States
31 Mar 08
bonansa2008 "both of you should be ready to face consequences that implicted from such relationship" I believe in the freedom of speech and the freedom of choice. I answered in my opinion which is what you wanted from the people here on myLot. P.S. it's IMPLICATED. Please check your spelling before hitting the button. Thanks and have a nice day.
@busta1baby (1239)
• United States
22 Apr 08
i choose both...i want to spend the rest of my life with my bf ..i love him so much and i am so luckey to have him i really am
• India
31 Mar 08
Definetly marriage...its just the thing that feels right, i dont believe in living 2 gether. I mean just imagine the happiness whwne your bf proposes to you with that ring , making you feel like you r the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with. That just amazing, marriage is it, and if some how things dont work out, at least you have something to get if not love in a marriage.....