Do you pay your family for babysitting? Why an I being criticize?

@cmofi123 (344)
United States
April 2, 2008 11:58am CST
My hubby and I work 5 days a week. My mom and dad take care of my son from early in the morning to 11;00pm. When my mom use to babysit my brother's child she never charge him or his wife, so I automatically think that I shouldn't pay her or my dad. Now, I don't pay her but every Saturday I take her and my dad out to eat to a restaurant or they come over to my house and I cook for them. When I go to Costco, I buy toilet paper, soap, food etc and I take it to them. Plus my baby takes his formula, gerber food, pampers, wipes and money just in case he runs out of something, there is money to buy it. My problem is, my brother is getting jealous because my mom wants to have the baby there all the time and she doesn't complain at all, in the other hand she no longer wants to take care of his kids. my mom saids, that they are big and now they eat more and she spends too much money on them. my brother always asks her if I pay her, of course I don't so he starts complaining. Should I start paying them to take care of my baby? My mom volunteer to take care of him (my hubby's mom also wants to take care of him)my mom nearly kick me out to work after a month of giving birth, because she wanted to be with the baby, (she had cancer and going through chemo, when I told her that I was pregnant and felt in love with the baby even before he was born) What do you think that I should do? All I want is to shut my brothers yap.
1 person likes this
12 responses
• Italy
3 Apr 08
i've been looking at your profile now i'm curious....is your son called giovanni and if so have you italian roots....if you have this might explain your brothers jealousy!!!!!!!!!!!
@cmofi123 (344)
• United States
3 Apr 08
no, i don't have italian roots (i'm not sure) but i do have spaniard roots, my grandpa was a son of two spaniards. for some reason i love italian food and their names plus my husband's last name sounds italian so they mix good. my brother's and i have different dad's. my dad and their dad completely different.
• Italy
3 Apr 08
i asked the question because i live in italy
• Italy
3 Apr 08
why don't you tell your brother exactly what you do?tell him that you don't pay a certain amount to your parents for babysitting but that you bring your parenys out to dinner that YOU not your parents pay for your baby's food ecc and if he dosen't get the message then just let him stew in his jealously!!!!!!!!!!
@cmofi123 (344)
• United States
3 Apr 08
i'm pretty sure that he get's the picture when he sees that my mom always come to lunch to my house on saturday's, but i bet that he is trying to put things into her head so she will start complaining about me. see here is the scene: my mom and i never got along before, we couldn't stand each other so i moved out of the house, he was always her favorite son. she became really ill, since 2002, when she needed a helping hand my dad and i were there no one else. when she went through cancer, i was there, when i told her that i was pregnant that became her joy and reason for living. now my mom and i are like peanut butter and jelly and my baby is like the bread always stuck with us. of course now he wants his mom back, because his wife's family won't take care of his kids either and with my mom out of the picture there is no way he can go to vegas now and pay for no babysitter.
• Italy
3 Apr 08
does your brother want his mother back or an unpaid babysitter?
• United States
7 Apr 08
I think you brother needs to grow up and start to take responsibility for himself and his family, and not worry about whether you are "getting away with something." I think he is jealous, and possiby feeling guilty about taking advantage of your parents. The next time he asks if you pay, you can honestly reply "Yes", since you supply all your baby's needs as well as household supplies and food for your parents. After all, bartering was the original form of payment in the world, long before there was currency. Also, you said your mother was undergoing cancer treatment while you were pregnant. It is totally unreasonable of your brother to expect her to be able to care for several older children on a regular basis. One baby is much easier to handle while she is in a weakened, depleted condition, which chemo does to you. You need to talk to your parents, then involve your brother in a family discussion of everyone's expectations. Good luck.
@cmofi123 (344)
• United States
8 Apr 08
My mom told him off this weekend, she went to buy some blankets for the baby and when they got home, my brother told her that, to buy the blankets she did had money but to buy him a hamburger she didn't. My mom exploded, she told him that I did gave her money and that she use to do the same with his kids but his wife always threw the stuff away so she stopped buying things for his kids. I wasn't there when that happened my dad told me the whole story.
@tinkerick (1256)
• United States
2 Apr 08
Does your brother provide all that you do? I think your brother is being jealous and childish. I understand where your mom is coming from. She's cherishing the new joy in her life, and you provide her with everything the baby needs. Bigger kids do eat more and take a bit more effort and money to care for. Your brother needs to take all that into consideration. It's unfair for him to compare your situations. They are not apples to apples.
@cmofi123 (344)
• United States
2 Apr 08
My brother has never provide anything, he just drops off the kids and takes off. We have always had to feed them out of our own pocket. He doesn't even take a gallon of water for them. When I was single, I always babysit the kids for free. My parents already started complaining, and like I said they don't take care of his kids anymore. But now my brother is picking on me.
@Latina84 (25)
• Puerto Rico
7 Apr 08
I think you should sit and talk with your brother it is never good to be angry with a family member and more when it is for something that has a solution. And your mom should tell him that if he wants her to take care of his kids he should live her money and explain him why.
@subha12 (18453)
• India
3 Apr 08
I think you are right in what you are doing. if she is happy in what she is doing, your brother must not speak it, she is not jealous.He is being jealous of you and the baby. its the love of your mom that she is doing this for her daughter and grandson.
• India
3 Apr 08
I think the best would be to ignore your brother as much as you can. The main people here are your parents and whether they want to take care of your child or not. As long as they do it willingly, you should fear nothing from your brother. He is naturally jealous coz your mom is ignoring his children and giving more attention to your baby. Instead if she could have kept all her grandchildren together and you alongwith your brother would have given money for some hired help, it would have been better. The children would have known all their cousins better, granny and grandpa could have been with all the grandchildren and you brother and sister would not have been jealous of each other. Give it a thought and don’t ever think that your mom should and does love your child more than your brother’s. she is after all his mom too and he has some right over her and some expectations from her too as her son.
@moneyandgc (3430)
• United States
3 Apr 08
You need to tell your brother to mind his own business. In a way you do pay your parents. You provide necessities for their household above and beyond what your son uses or needs. You also treat them out every weekend. It is not your problem whether or not your mom wants to watch his kids that are too much for her. He sounds as if he takes advantage.
• United States
3 Apr 08
I think the next time your brother asks your mom if you pay her, her response should be "she provides the food and if you do the same, I will watch your kids too".
• United States
2 Apr 08
Personally, I would confront the brother. I would ask him "Did you pay mom when she babysat for you? I know you did not, so why are you acting like a spoiled brat?" Seriously, it sounds like he is ticked off because your mom won't watch his kids like she used to. I understand why she doesn't, it is pretty hard to keep up with the kids when they are bigger. If your mom wants to be paid, I'm sure she would say so. It sounds like your brother is just ticked off.
@sedel1027 (17854)
• United States
2 Apr 08
I wouldn’t let your brother get to you. Even though you don’t pay your Mom, you do a lot for them and you provide everything for you child when she watches them. If you want to pay her, you should still continue to do the other things as well. Since your Mom is happy with the arrangement tell you brother to go blow his steam somewhere else.
@neelygal (1022)
• Bahamas
2 Apr 08
I think you should continue to do as you have been doing.It seems to me like you take care of your parents and help them out with necessary things so that is in my opinion close enough to payment.Dont worry about your brother,hes just jealous of the bond you parents are now sharing with your child instead of his.