Just need a friend right now

@guss2000 (2234)
United States
April 7, 2008 2:02am CST
I have no idea if I mentioned it before on here, but I'm in the process of a divorce. Until today, things have gone smoothly. I had been living in my ex's house and my boyfriend was living there with me, basically supporting my ex hubby and paying all of the bills. Ex hubby has had very little income in six months, and for a while he went to truck driving school, but soon after getting his CDL got fired. Anyway, me and my boyfriend decided it was time to move out of my ex's house because really--- what boyfriend do you know will pay for their girlfriends ex husbands?? Seriously... My life for the last 6 months has been a Jerry Springer episode, but the situation "worked" for us. It wasn't traditional, but it worked. Anyway, there was no end in site for my ex finding a job and he started acting pretty snotty to us, and we REALLY needed our own place. In this past week we moved out. Today I needed to go back for just a few more things, and he got his parents there basically calling me names and cussing at me and it ended pretty harshly. I guess now that WE moved, his parents are having to fork HIS bills because he'd rather play his world of warcraft game then get a job. I'm grateful that I'm out of there and in a much nicer place, and I'm so glad we don't have to support him any longer. I'm just sad that it all ended like it did... not civil at all-- and if his parents hadn't showed up, I think all would have been fine. THey were just really rude. I've ALWAYS been close to them-- even MORESO then my ex husband is, and for them to say the things they said to me, it was just awful. For what could have been a clean divorce will now be awful since they are acting like complete jerks. My husband asked ME for the seperation 6 months ago, and now they are blaming my NOW boyfriend for destroying our marriage?? He wasn't even in the picture then. It's just so stupid and I'm so sick of thinking about it all day. To all married couples out there, please go hug your wife or your husband. I spent hours and hours wanting love and devotion from my husband but he was (and still is) into his computer games and that is his MAIN priority in life. Take time to spend with your spouse/children and please don't take them for granted.
4 people like this
13 responses
• United States
7 Apr 08
It will all work out my friend....things happen for a reason.....this is the start of a new beginning for you...treat it that way :)
1 person likes this
@guss2000 (2234)
• United States
7 Apr 08
Thank you :) I really thought that a "stranger's" perspective would make me understand WHY his parents treated me so bad--- and maybe I WAS the bad guy--- but so far from everyone, it looks like i have done the right thing. I just wished they hadn't done what they did and said the things they said.
• United States
7 Apr 08
You didn't do anything wrong and you have to do for you. His parents probably treated you that way because they know what a failure he is and they think everyone should accept it and ignore it......but you have too much going for you I think to live that way. Life is too short......you need to live it
1 person likes this
@guss2000 (2234)
• United States
7 Apr 08
WOW... for being a stranger you have basically said the same things my CLOSE friends and family have said! That his parents tried to 'compensate' for him being crappy and that life is too short-- that I need to be happy-- not only for me but for my son. It all sucks, but I'm feeling a bit better, espeically since a stranger, a TRUE outsider, has kinda confirmed what my gut told me.
@stephcjh (32327)
• United States
7 Apr 08
I'm sorry that you had to go through that. Some men never grow up and they will let their "mom", escpecially take up for them all of the time. I'm glad you got out of there and moved on with your life. You will be alot better off. I always show love and respect to my daughter and my husband and they show me in return. I wouldn't have it any other way either. I have been used and treated like crap by men too many times already!
1 person likes this
@guss2000 (2234)
• United States
7 Apr 08
SO MANY marriages end in divorce and even though 6 months ago when he asked ME for the seperation and divorce, I never thought it would happen... I really thought we would work it out---but I was only fooling myself. He will NEVER grow up. I thought having a baby and making him a dad would change him, but it didn't. He hasn't done hardly NOTHING with my son. Never has played with him or anything. Never has fed him changed him, or rocked him to sleep EVER and my son will be 2 in June. My boyfriend has only been in the picture for about 6 months and he has rocked my son to sleep atleast 100 times so far! I'm so glad that it's almost all over.
1 person likes this
@stephcjh (32327)
• United States
7 Apr 08
I know what you mean. I was never married to my daughter's real father but he used me for a one night stand left me. I knew him since we were in the 6th grade. He has nothing to do with our daughter and she is 16 years old. He barely knows her name because he could care less. He never calls her, writes, her, sends her a card, buys her stuff or anything in 16 years, but he gets to claim her on his taxes every other year. that burns me up! He only pays $50 a week in child support also. My husband has been in her life since she was 9 months old and he has been a great father to her, thank God. He has fed her, bathed her, changed her bottom and you name it. He is now helping me to try to teach her to drive. Her dad will not let my husband adopt her even though he doesn't want her. He just wants the tax money every other year. She lives with me 365 days out of every year for 16 years and he has done nothing!
1 person likes this
@guss2000 (2234)
• United States
7 Apr 08
That sounds very similar to what my mom went thru with ME as a kid. My dad wanted to claim me on taxes, and she told him NO because SHE was the one caring for me year round and his cheesy month each month really didn't help at all-- and I think she only got like 100.00 a month, if that.
• India
7 Apr 08
Well ... He's a moron.. ur Husband and no offence. his parents are much bigger morons.. for the shear reason that they are supporting their son for his mistakes.. You need not worry about such kind of people.. they just turned their turrets on you cos they moved in with him and have to pay his bills now.. forget about him and start over again.. Thats the best advice you can get.. Don't worry about the trial and all.. you have to go through that stuff and once u are done with it you will feel relieved.. for now all you can do is pray for a better life. and live it good with ur new life partner..
1 person likes this
• India
7 Apr 08
oops I forgot to mention.. you can take me as a friend as well.. just a message away..
1 person likes this
@guss2000 (2234)
• United States
11 Apr 08
Thank you. I'm feeling a little better about things, but still a little angry about how his parents switched sides. Oh well, It was my mistake for trusting them.
@madlees (1381)
• India
7 Apr 08
Dear Dear Guss, What you said is right. Noone should be taken for granted. It is really difficult if ione is treated like a doormat, used only when it is needed and otherwise not looked at all. It is very painful for the concerned person. A longtime back I have had a quarrel with my husband for the same purpose. He was a workoholic then. I used to wait for him with my kids , but as soon as he returned home he used to sit in front of the TV with a newspaper in his hands. He wouldn't take care of the kids at all. once I broke down. Adter that he slowly changed for the better and about twenty years have passed since then. You were unlucky in getting a good husband, atleast be grateful to the present one for his understanding ang thoughtful needs. All the best to your relationship. Enjoyyyy....atleast now that you are out of that place, once for all.
1 person likes this
@guss2000 (2234)
• United States
7 Apr 08
Thank you. Even though today went the way it did... and I was so much in tears I'm now sitting here relieved that it is for the most part over and I'm out. Yeah, I'm still going to have to go thru court and face all of it all again and be made to look like a awful person, but I have proof that he sat on his butt and did nothing but pc for years! We were married for 7 this year, and ALL of those years it was always the computer before me. How much can one person take before enough is enough? I need more then just a game playing man... my SON needs more than that too! Now we have it, and I guess he is sorry he lost his MAID! I'm really mad that his parents were acting the way there were though. They always told me "dont take his crap"... and now I'm not and suddenly I'm the fool.
@madlees (1381)
• India
7 Apr 08
They will react like this only Guss, Can't you guess? their son was being fed literally by his wife's bf . How can the parents take it? they can just show the anger against you. That's all. Because they were ashamed of their son and his behaviour but he is their son anyway right,they can take only his side and not your side. so don't bother about them. Be happy and enjoy your life the way you wanted all these time.
2 people like this
@moneyandgc (3430)
• United States
8 Apr 08
I hope you stand up for yourself when people try to make it seem like you are the bad guy. I made the mistake of just letting everything pass for a long time. I let my ex play the poor victim. It has only been fairly recently that any of our history has been made known because I was tired of being the bad guy. "The one who left." My ex and I get along now, but it was a little shaky in the beginning. We have been divorced over 5 years now.
1 person likes this
@guss2000 (2234)
• United States
9 Apr 08
It's so weird having to defend myself from someone that I thought (and that I wanted) to love me. All of that trying I did to make it work, all the time lossed, and he is the one that asked me for the exit sign. Now, 6 months into the seperation and me moving on and away, he is making ME be the bad guy for his lack of trying. I just want to cry, it is all so stressful.
@youdontsay (3503)
• United States
7 Apr 08
Guss, by now you are probably feeling some better. I hope so. Invest in being grateful to be out of the mess that is your husband's. You aren't his parent and don't have to "raise" him. Doesn't sound like his parents are doing much to raise him either by enabling him to stay dependent on them. But that is now their problem. You just focus on growing your own new life. Letting go may be challenging, but it is what sets you free! You have friends here. Check in anytime.
1 person likes this
@guss2000 (2234)
• United States
7 Apr 08
Thanks so much. Who would have thought a 32 year old man needs to be raised STILL. I've tried to raise him for the past 8 years, and I haven't gotten anywhere with it.
• India
7 Apr 08
Hi,Extremely sorry for the situation.From the discussion it seems some misunderstanding between U & UR Ex. For keeping the relation good mutual understanding is necessary.The behaviour & attitude towards UR partner reciprocate in same way as U have approached to UR partner.Before blaming the others U must pinpoint UR mistake & rectify the same. But there are some people who are dominatingg,argumentive and always blaming others.U can't satisfy them by offering UR heart&Soul.So without enterning into any advocacy I can say U must go ahead. Regarding friendship U can trust me.I am always wth U.Infact whole mylot.com team with U.
@guss2000 (2234)
• United States
7 Apr 08
Yeah, I'm amazed of the support system from mylot here just in this post. I feel a lot better!
@asgtswife04 (2482)
• United States
7 Apr 08
hey guss2000, I haven't ever read any of your discussions, but it seems to me like maybe your husband still loves you and his parents are just taking it very hard because you finally moved out and you two were so close. Seperation and divorce is always hard, no matter how easy it seems to be. Is the only reason you two are getting divorced is over the video games? Did the two of you try marriage counseling or anything before deciding on seperating? I would say that everyone is just hurt that you went out and found someone else so quickly. I am not judging you or saying what you did was wrong, but marriage is such a sacred bond between husband, wife, and God. Do you think that there is anything still there with your husband or is it completely over? I would love to give you some words of wisdom or words of encouragement, but i really think that the way i would go would be the wrong way...so i say this, i do hug and love my husband and children very much and never take any of them for granted. My husband serves in the Army and has been gone for almost a year and I still love him more and more every day. Marriage takes work and you have to keep it alive or it will fail. I hope that things work out for you and i do wish you the very best. i'm glad that the two of you got another place and aren't paying his bills anymore. It takes a very strong and considerate man to do what your boyfriend did. God bless
@guss2000 (2234)
• United States
7 Apr 08
Thank you, I do know that he does not love me anymore. he wanted me to be seperated/divorced from him. After yeras of me trying, and him wanting the divorce, there is no point on me to try to change him any longer. He plays his video games ALWAYS, takes about 2 baths a month (yeah so gross!) pays no attention to me or our son. My son was a preemie in the hospital for 6 months and he came to see about 12 times. Then he was real sick last year in there for five weeks, and he only talked to ME twice on the phone and came to see me and the baby only once! There is more then just the video games... but in the last 2 years his video game account shows he played 6064 hours since January 2, 2005 on the xfire gaming site. That's nuts!
• China
7 Apr 08
Hello my friend! I think the most important thing is that you gpt away from this bad man. You have a new life with your fresh boyfriend.That is enough.Please don't think abou tthe past,live for your good future. Make a warm and happy new family. Cherish everything happy you own now. God bless you and your family now.
1 person likes this
@guss2000 (2234)
• United States
7 Apr 08
Thank you so much. My dad told me the same thing this morning. I made him come to my old house to help me get the last of my things because my boyfriend and my soon to be ex-father in law were yelling at each other. My son was crying, I was crying... and they were just being so nasty. They KNOW how their son is... they have known it for years. They were saying I 'planned" all of this to happen--- how did I plan it? HE sat on the pc all of the time playing games unemployed... how much can one person take? It just makes me want to cry when I think about the stuff they said... but I keep trying to stay positive.
• Canada
7 Apr 08
I just spent 3 and a half hours sitting and talking to my boyfriend. We dated before for about 6 months but broke up while he was away working. After all the crap I've put up with with my ex it does feel damn nice to have someone to talk to and hold on to just for a cuddle. I had a ex boyfriend who stole my 12 thousand dollar car. The court only ordered him to pay 3 grand of it. I know what kind of emotions your dealing with! Good to know you got out of there and have a nicer place with your current boyfriend.
@guss2000 (2234)
• United States
7 Apr 08
I am so happy to be done and finally had the Guts to get out and go. My boyfriend (who really was just a friend from the start) helped me get it all out. I've actually know him for 6 years, and been married to my husband for 7 so he knows and has seen everything I have been thru. He listened to me cry about my marriage for YEARS! I think that is why we became so close. Had my husband been there for me, things would have been different-- -but he wanted his games instead.
@SHAMRACK (8532)
• India
7 Apr 08
Dear friend, If you are looking for a friend I am ready and willing to be trustworthy and good friend. When I look the personal life of yours I do feel really regretted for you. Even though children will more effected if divorce is effected. I hope a better side could help you out of this. A good friend who can understand and give better suggestions is more than anything but a husband too can be a good friend. May be it is not yet the time to divorce unless we talk the matter to settle it down peacefully and go ahead a happy life and if it has been extreme as friend I am always willing.
1 person likes this
@guss2000 (2234)
• United States
7 Apr 08
I was willing to stay married and tried so hard to make it work for YEARS even before my son. He never tried and a relationship is a 2 man deal. He is obviously wanting a relationship with his pc games and not me. When we were together his parents always told me "not to take his crap".... and now that I have decided to move...suddenly I"M the bad guy.
@yangmay (27)
• China
7 Apr 08
one way is to escape ,the other is to recreate,both of which need bravery.
1 person likes this
@s2a2n2 (1732)
• India
7 Apr 08
interesting and make yourself be free and happy. Thats what i would like to suggest
1 person likes this