Jealous Creatures?

@tessah (6621)
United States
April 9, 2008 9:45am CST
someone made a post on another discussion about women being jealous creatures by nature. i beleive this to be false. jealousy stems from insecurities.. and can infect either male or female of the species. me? im not an insecure person, in my life or in my marriage, thus jealousy plays no part in my world. what about you? do you get jealous and insecure in your relationships? if so.. why?
5 people like this
11 responses
@rhettaa (214)
• United States
10 Apr 08
I agree for the most part, but I think that women do tend to be more jealous of other women than men are of other men, because we are taught to be that way by our peers and by society. You may be right that it goes back to insecurity, but in some cases I think it derives from a overdeveloped sense of entitlement.
1 person likes this
@tessah (6621)
• United States
10 Apr 08
hmm interesting theory.. "overdeveloped sense of entitlement" plese clarify what exactly that means?
2 people like this
@rhettaa (214)
• United States
11 Apr 08
I think that some girls who are popular and pretty in their early school years or whose parents treat them as though they were princesses develop the idea that they deserve extra attention or extra care and when they do not get it, they feel cheated and that whoever is getting the attention, care, or whatever has stolen it from them. Therefore, they are jealous. I'm not saying that this is true of every pretty or popular girl. But I think it happens to a lot of them, usually in those very early formative years.
• Regina, Saskatchewan
10 Apr 08
Nope, not me. I'm perfect. Women are jealous of me. It's always been that way.*sigh*
1 person likes this
@tessah (6621)
• United States
10 Apr 08
self esteem is a good thing!!! ;sm000tch!;
3 people like this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
10 Apr 08
Oh I like it being called self esteem. My mother calls it conceit! LOL
1 person likes this
@CanadaGal (4304)
• Canada
9 Apr 08
I have a lot of jealousy issues, and you're right, they DO stem from my own insecurities. I have been burned so many times, over and over again, from my ex husband, and it did quite a number on my self esteem. So many times he cheated, and lied about it, and I believed what he told me because I so desperately wanted to believe him. Even simple things like him saying he was going out with his buddy guy friend for a coffee. I really don't know if that's what happened half of the time. I caught him doing so many things when he said he was going to be doing something else, and I found so much proof of his affairs in emails and phone records, etc. And yet he would continue to deny he was doing any wrong. He totally "gaslighted" me, and I was at the point where I believed him that I was going crazy. There are certain situations that I've found myself in, that seem to trigger those feelings I had from when I was with my ex (whom I call nuckfuts). I have to make the conscious decision to believe what I am being told, because I have no reason to NOT believe what I am being told (unlike with nuckfuts). And it is a struggle most of the time. I don't share my insecurities with the men I've been triggered by, because it's my issue, not theirs (but they do know of my past with nuckfuts, and often they went through similar issues with an ex too). So those are my main reasons for having jealous tendencies. However, since I also happen to be a Scorpio, I tend to blame my sign as well. It helps me to deal with the situation more rationally (in my mind anyways).
@tessah (6621)
• United States
9 Apr 08
thanx for this post canada, im sure it took a bit from you to relive parts of yer past, and i respect you for doing that. in all actuality, it isnt so much the people around you that yer unsure of trusting.. but more yerself and yer own judgements. you trusted the nuckfutter, and were wrong.. thusly, youre scared of being wrong again by making the move to trust another and being hurt again. and its very understandable, but really, you werent wrong. youre SPOSED to trust the one yer with, YOU did everything right by doing this. he was the one at fault for betraying that and for taking a peice of you thats very hard to recover once its been damaged. the longer you continue in it, you continue to let him damage you, to take that part of you again and again, even though yer not together anymore. honestly.. hasnt he taken and hurt you enough already?
2 people like this
@CanadaGal (4304)
• Canada
9 Apr 08
I understand what you're saying, but I don't know how to naturally assume all is well. I tend to assume the worst immediately, and that is when I talk myself into reality, which is likely what I was told to begin with. I don't lie to people about what I'm doing or where I'm going, and my friends don't lie to me about those same things. So logically (scorpio logic again ;) ), why should I expect the men I'm dating to lie to me as well, right? I don't think I let out any signs of emotion about my triggers, and I THINK that's a good thing. I don't keep it all inside... I do talk about it with friends, and will post about it on some discussion boards from time to time. I have also done some deep breathing exercises where I consciously blow out negativity. I find that even more healing than talking it out sometimes. Do you have any other suggestions for me?
@tessah (6621)
• United States
10 Apr 08
i think youve got the right idea already as with all things, if we allow it, time does indeed heal all. and the more those around you dont betray you, the more youll feel more comfortable and not first impulse expect the worse. ;hugs just because;
2 people like this
@II2aTee (2559)
• United States
9 Apr 08
That is a very sexist statement. I think humans in general are jealous creatures by nature. How many wars were started out of jealousy? Or pride? This kind of thing really ruffles my feathers. You cant say one group of people is all this or that. Nothing in this world is so absolute and universal.
@tessah (6621)
• United States
9 Apr 08
i agree.. which is why i started this discussion in the first place lol
1 person likes this
@II2aTee (2559)
• United States
9 Apr 08
And to answer your question, no I really dont get jealous or insecure.. but it took a long time to get to that point. Every relationship i have ever had, the guy cheated on me. I was begining to think I was cursed. I am lucky now to have someone who doesnt even look at other guys. It's almost weird. We see a hot guy on the street and I admit my eyes might linger a bit longer than they should, but then I look over at Brian and he is walking along completely oblivious to the eye candy. It's like he dosent even notice anyone but me. Im pretty lucky in that, and I have been trying really hard to return the favor... but guys walking around shirtless certainly isnt helping me any.
@tessah (6621)
• United States
9 Apr 08
;chuckles; Tee, there is no crime in simply appreciating another humanbeings beauty.. think of it like yer observing a work of art (which technically, you are) the same way you wouldnt go over to a painting or sculpture in a gallery and start licking it or putting yer hands all over it.. you dont go off puttin the moves on those shirtless hawties that happen cross yer path. yer not doing anything wrong there
• United States
9 Apr 08
Jealousy has no gender, race, or creed. Its a reaction to events that a person has either experienced first hand or witnessed through others. I think it can also be an effect of always getting your way, or being "spoiled". I tend to be pretty insecure, but not really jealous, does that make sense? I've never thought very highly of myself, therefore never really thought I deserved to be any one's top priority. If I got cheated on, I assumed it was my own fault. If I got hurt, I assumed I caused or allowed it in some way. I am working on this weakness, and grow a little bit each day. In my current relationship, I have had to fight off jealousy. Partly because, in the beginning I was given reason to, but partly because it's the first time in my life I don't want to loose it. Part of the jealousy has to do with past relationships, and part of it is due to the beginning of this one. But another part is left to my insecurities, thinking in the back of my head he will eventually find someone better than me. I DO NOT however, react or act upon this jealousy. I kick it in the butt when it rears its ugly head. I look at my loving fiancee and all he has sacrificed to be with me. I look at the attention he gives me and all the times he has protected me. And I remind myself how much he adores me. Then I go to him!
@tessah (6621)
• United States
9 Apr 08
that has got to be the most honest ive seen someone be in a very long time. not many will even admit they have a problem, much less be able to analyze the reasons why the way you have. it seems you have a very good lock on yerself and how and why you tick the way you do
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Apr 08
I'm the only one in control of me, so its my job to know me, and understand me. I'm the only one that can improve me and I'm the only one that can hurt me. Hmmm, maybe I should write a poem??? But you're right, I'm honest, blatantly at times, but it helps to keep me "real." And I'll take your comment as a compliment, so thank you!
@tessah (6621)
• United States
9 Apr 08
oh take it as a compliment, it was very much meant as one
1 person likes this
@novataylor (6572)
• United States
9 Apr 08
I agree, I don't think that jealousy has a gender. I think it's an equal opportunity misery. And it is a miserable thing, it's awful. My grandma told me when I was getting married for the first time to not allow any jealousy in my marriage, for it would surely kill it. It did her own. And I've been jealous before, and hated it! I've still got one of those jealous bones in my body, but it rarely raises its ugly little head,thank goodness. I've grown so much more secure within myself over the years, it just doesn't play a part anymore. And my husband has never been jealous, which is a godsend, 'cause I'm an outrageous flirt, online, offline, in my dreams, anywhere and everywhere, with men, with women, with everyone. So a lot of heartache has been saved! We never would have lasted if he had been jealous. And if someone does suffer from it, it's a very, very hard thing to get over, which is part of why I call it a misery. It takes more work than most people would be willing to do, I think. So I'm so glad that my own has receded into the far background of my life and I don't expect that I will be seeing it again any time soon.
@tessah (6621)
• United States
9 Apr 08
very lucky indeed. its miserable to try to live with someone that is constantly second guessing yer affections for them because they cant or refuse to trust you. one thing alot of people do in relationshops is make the current person they are wth pay for the crimes and actions of others they have kown. so and so did this to me, so i expect it from you as well, and that does ruin a relationship very quickly.
2 people like this
• United States
9 Apr 08
I will partially agree. I agree that alot of people both men and women are jealous because they are insecure. Maybe they have never been able to really bond or trust anyone in a relationship. However I think some people are jealous, just because of their personality. They were born to be jealous, in another words.
@tessah (6621)
• United States
9 Apr 08
i have to disagree strongly. no one is born to feel insecure, theyre created that way. either by their parents, or by being betrayed by someone in their lives. if you know without doubts , ie are secure in your relationship.. jealousies dont happen.
2 people like this
@Mamagee (392)
• Malaysia
11 Apr 08
Jealous?... Oh..no.. I don't care with who and what other people do. For what? It not my business. Not every women have the same charactor. There's no jealousy in my life. Deep in my heart, I don't need to.
• Canada
11 Apr 08
I agree. I don't think that women are jealous by nature any more than men are. It indeed stems from insecurities and if you are a person who wants to have a healthy marriage/relationship, you need to work out your insecurities and move on from them. It doesn't matter what happened on our past, the person you're with now had NOTHING to do with it. My husband and I have complete trust in each other and there's no jealousy anywhere. I was married before to a VERY abusive man who I know cheated on me. Even then, I wasn't jealous. I wanted to know who she/they were so I could tell them/her that he was a lying snake who would treat them shabbily too, but hey, he was all theirs if they really wanted him. He probably lied to them to get what he wanted anyway. A very wise man once said"love like you've never been hurt". It's very true. My hubby and I were a couple before we got back in touch and got married and it ended badly. If we hadn't been able to cut the past loose, we wouldn't be happily married today. I love my man with ALL my heart. So, I think if you're secure in yourself, there won't be jealousy in the relationship.
• United States
11 Apr 08
There is a reason for this stereotype, and it's very simple. Women will speak their mind about jealousy. They will discuss it, rationalize it, and protect themselves from future harm by confronting it right off the bat. Men, through years of arrogance and social pressure, repress nearly all emotions. This includes jealousy. It is not that we don't experience it, it's just most of us will put it on a shelf to ferment until it poisons our minds and makes us explode over something completely different. Why? Because we're MANLY men. Pfft! No emotion is gender specific, it's the expression of it based on social acceptance that becomes gender based.
@punlonnjack (1309)
• United States
9 Apr 08
my response is "dont give me reason to be jealous" i hardly ever get jealous but if i do its because my husband will give me a reason to feel insecure.he is very respectful and always honest with me so this is usually not an issue.