I think he might leave me....

United States
April 9, 2008 10:32am CST
So, I am not sure, and I have no one to talk to about this, so I throw it out to all of you, thinking, maybe someone here will listen... My husband and I married when he was 17 and I was 19. We have been married for 12 years and have 5 kids together. Recently things have gotten strained. He won't talk to me for days at a time. I have been chalking it up to stress (he is now a full time college student) and finances. This morning he got upset about something stupid and he said "I've been thinking about leaving you". What!?! So, any ideas on what I can do? I really don't want our marriage to end as I know that we do love each other. I just don't know what to do.....
3 people like this
21 responses
• Australia
9 Apr 08
Wow, sorry! I think you definitely both need to sit down and have a conversation. Communication is the key to any relationship and without it a relationship doesn't work. So, you need to sit down with him and discuss what has been going on and how you both feel about things and discuss what can be done to make things better for all involved. I would suggest being open to changes that you can make as well because he may be stressed with being a student and teh strain of trying to help to support you and your teh 5 kids you have together. I couldn't imagine surviving in this expensive world with 5 kids. I think big families are great though, I think that's awesome! However, just let him know how much you love him and that you are willing to make changes to make life a little easier on all who is involved. I think if you do all that was mentioned, good wil come out of it. I wish you nothing but success and happiness :-)
• United States
9 Apr 08
Thanks so much for your help. You are right, we definitely need to communicate better. Maybe I can get him to sit down and talk to me about what is bugging him. I mean I can't deal with something if I don't know the issues...
1 person likes this
• Australia
9 Apr 08
Exactly! I hope it goes well for you :-)
@cher913 (25890)
• Canada
9 Apr 08
well at this point counselling may be your only bet (if he is willing) i seperated from my hubby for about 6 months and got back together, but he has to want to..i did and we went to counselling and it worked out... also, think of the kids, its the hardest on them!!
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Apr 08
I am going to see if I can find a good councelor. I think my hubby would be willing to try...
1 person likes this
@Darkwing (21588)
10 Apr 08
Wow... that must have come as a shock to you, coming out of the blue the way it did. When you're over the initial shock, I think you ought to get him to sit down with you, and ask him why he's been thinking about leaving. Find out if it's something about you, or the financial difficulties in keeping the family together. It's probably a strain with five kids to cater for, and his education might be suffering. He may also be feeling tired, having to think about his family all the time, and having to concentrate on his college work at the same time. However, you've been together for a long time, and have five lovely kids to show for your love for one another, so I'm sure he doesn't really want to throw that all away. There must be a solution, which you have to work out together. You need to both be completely honest with one another, and keep your heads during discussion. Talking is the best way though, and finding ideas as to how to solve the problems. Brightest Blessings and good luck with this. I hope I've been of some help.
@Breath (1297)
• United States
9 Apr 08
I have been through what you are going through.No easy answers to be found.I know it is very scary and when kids are involved it gets worse on the scary end.I am not in your marriage to know all the up and downs but sometimes when you marry so young certain people start thinking about what they might have missed out on.Then you add 5 kids and money trouble it can stress anyone out.I feel bad for you and hope things work out.Only advice I can give is just try to get away from the kids and talk one on one.I hope he still wants to listen to you and cares enough to give you respect by hearing you out.Alot of people get stressed and just look for the easy way out.I do not think there is a easy way out of marriage.Just be stronge for your self and those kids.In the end the kids always get hurt the worst.Sometimes you just half to put the fear aside and be a rock for the kids.I will keep you in my thoughts.Just try to talk and get to the bottom of it.If it doesn't work out it was meant not to work out.Have faith and try to be strong.Hugs....
1 person likes this
@Gesusdid (1681)
• United States
9 Apr 08
seems to me theres nothing to get stressed over , what was it that made him make that comment , i dont think that he'll leave his five kids just like that if so than he's a fool to do so , sit down with him , wether he wants to or not ...and outta the blue comment like that there could be someone else in the picture , its possible , just straight talk to him , and if he still doesnt want to talk , than do some snooping behind him check email setc etc whatever you need to do to find out whatever made him say that , good luck to you
1 person likes this
• Philippines
11 Apr 08
The reality is that you two got a problem to fix and there is one thing to solve that --- talk. Open the line of communication, be patient and hear what he has to say inasmuch as you want to be heard. Just let him know that things are really not that comfortable anymore and that you will really be at peace if he will tell you what is really bothering him. Also prepare yourself for something unexpected. We might never know what will happen right? open yourself to other options and to possible outcomes the talk. But im sure you guys can work that out, you've been together for quite a long time now, plus you have kids, Im sure he'll not do anything stupid that can screw up your family. God bless.
@Elixiress (3893)
10 Apr 08
I agree with what most other people have said, you need to talk it though. You need to find out why he wants to leave you, before you can think of what to do to stop him and get your relationship back on track.
@subha12 (18453)
• India
10 Apr 08
I think when you married, none was very matured. but now its ok. the age has come. is he very much worried about other things in life? may be other thoughts are affecting him. talk clearly with him so that the marriage is not broken.
@omar0913 (943)
• Legaspi, Philippines
10 Apr 08
Pls. don't be bothered by those words your husband had told you, for sure he will not leave you. But first examine your self, are you the one responsible for that stupid thing you say, or maybe you're chalking him, not to mention you are much older than him. All you need is to sit down and talk, if he insist on leaving you, let him, he will soon come back as he realized the fault he made of leaving you. As you said, he is in college, there might be a third party involved, but not to think of it, see your fault first before reviewing your husband attitudes towards you. If still by talking won't work, try to ask some help from your family or his family, from your friends or to any family counselors in your area, or rather post it here evrey time you failed or won his heart, You have friends here that are willing to help and give advices to your predicament, remember myLot has 125,505 population, and are willing to help, be positive and don't forget to adress your problem to GOD, HE will for sure answers back with great guidance just open up your heart and trust Jesus Christ, you will never be lost. To your success, cheers!
@johndur (3049)
• Pasig, Philippines
10 Apr 08
i think he is just stressed out...try to give him some good time and have a heart ot heart talk wi th ach other and talk about the probable solutions for your problems...im sure he was just missing being a single guy since he married at such a young age...you should give him space to play....
• China
10 Apr 08
Communication between you and your hubby is really needed. Counselling is another choice for you . These two methods will indeed help you and your hubby. I do hope you will soveled the problem. Wish you nothing but success and happy life.
• New Zealand
10 Apr 08
Wow hun you must be be feeling pretty gutted! I reckon the key to a good relation ship is good honest communication. You need to sit down and discuss what you think is wrong with your relationship and sort out what you both could do to improve it, definitely try a marriage counselor. After 12 years and 5 kids, it would be so sad if you split up:( all the best, hang in there! hugs
@wisedragon (2330)
• Philippines
10 Apr 08
Well, the statement "I've been thinking about leaving you" is pretty strong. He needs to explain why. If it's something that you've done or fail to do, then you can correct the problem. If it's just because of his "college studies" or financial problems then that's stupid. It's not fair for him to be blaming you for that.
@ciades (1624)
• Philippines
10 Apr 08
You should talk about it. Open a smooth conversation to him. I think something bothering to his mind.
@Madona1 (2097)
• Gibraltar
9 Apr 08
Hello there, it rings the bell! Hope you can fix this as soon as possible. You should ask your parents or someone to look after your 5 children and arrange a quiet but nice place to talk to your husband and find out what it is going on. In the mean time, please take it easy and talk to him calmly. Try to make the atmosphere and conversation as friendly as possible. All the best!
@SomeCowgirl (32270)
• United States
9 Apr 08
Wow! I am very sorry to hear that and I do hope that it does not happen. I would also chalk it up to just stress, but would also tread carefully and try to speak with him as often as you can about the situation at hand. Is there anything that you can do to ease his stress? I know you say he is a college student, is there anyway you can help him with his studies? Do you and him have alot of time alone? If not I would suggest possibly allowing the kids to stay with a friend or friends for the night while you and him have a night alone. Good luck in this matter, and I hope that it will work itself out soon.
@jenni7202 (1598)
• United States
9 Apr 08
Wow, that comes as a shocker out of the man you love, I bet. You should definitely sit him down, and see why he's thinking these things. Tell him that the solution isn't to leave, but to fix it. If he doesn't want to sit down and listen to you, or even try to fix it, I don't know what you can do. I hope everything is okay, and you can easily fix your situation.
@sedel1027 (17854)
• United States
9 Apr 08
I would sit down with him tonight and talk to him. Find out the reason why and if it is something you can work on.You need to communicate if you want this to work. Start setting aside time for just you and him, go on dates to breathe some life back into your relationship. Do you have a baby sitter?
@s2a2n2 (1732)
• India
9 Apr 08
oh! first of all sorry for your condition. You both need to sit down and talk about all the issues which are bothering each other. May be you go on tour and discuss what is being bothering him from being together
• Estonia
9 Apr 08
Maybe you two need time. Indeed conversation is the best way here to figure out your problems . Even IF he leaves you there is always a chance that he would come back .